Goodbye

[MelissP]

Look to this url for my reason
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/simon-and-garfunkel/124712.html

[Peter]

Hi Melissa,

I just got back from a short trip, and have read your recent posts with much interest. I am sorry to hear your "goodbye" as I appreciated your past posts. I spent several hours looking over your MRI's and trying to figure out what is happening with you. I do think that your expectations that we figure out what is going on with you, or that you might leave, is a somewhat unrealistically high expectation on your part. We are not doctors. Just speaking for myself, I know nothing about the interpretation of MRIs, and really appreciated that Neko2 provided a link to site that has reference male and female anatomies. I think that Neko2 provided you with some great support. Outside of others here who have had MRI's and are willing to discuss it, about the only thing that can possibly happen is that a doctor wanders into the site and takes an interest in your situation. But that is something that BLO has very little control over. You complain about a "silence". I am at somewhat of a loss to understand it. You have posted a couple of hundred posts and a received many thoughtful replies. It does not seem like silence to me.

Peter

[Morgan]

Hi Melissa

This place has made a big difference to me, and mostly that's a matter of confidence and acceptance.

I wish I could help you out. I don't know anything about interpreting MRIs, I wish I could help you with your confidence in yourself...

all the best

Morgan

[Dana Gold]

Dear Melissa,

I am not sure that your good-bye means that you are leaving BLO because we are silent and unmoving; or that you are going to kill yourself due to the same reason....or even that you would return to read the reactions of those who would respond to your post. I am sorry that your questions were not adequately answered by BLO or others and life's viscitudes have brought you to the point of giving up. Many people here at BLO have all been where you are and have been, Melissa, and some have trodden the very same path that you have. Unfortunately, in the realm of cyber-space, there is only so much that can realistically be done, especially when complicated medical matters are presented and answers are sought that cannot be found with the people addressed.
However, I also feel sorry that you are saying nothing other than "good-bye" and leaving a cryptic note in the form of a very sad song's lyrics......this is a shame and secrecy of a reverse kind and I hope some here at BLO do not feel guilty about not being to help you, and I hope that you:
1. can realize that we did listen and react as much as anyone could,
2. do not regard us as the "guilty party" for not providing you with what you expected.
And I hope you can see that life; even one wrought with problems is still worth living; if for no other reason than to just get up and be alive. Death or isolation cannot be so comforting to you that you greet it with open arms, while swatting away those who tried to offer you something, even when they knew they couldn't.
If I'm wrong about this assumption, please forgive me....maybe you should say good-bye to your doctors and seek the answers to your medical matters elsewhere....have you tried taking the films to a medical college or teaching university, and maybe seeing if some senior students of Radiology and Imaging can itell you what you seek and have not been able to find through the present med people.....I gather they might do it for free as a "learning experience"..........

Anyway, good-bye.

Dana

[Betsy]

With fear of saying the wrong thing...I feel that I need to concur with what has already been posted here. To the best of my knowledge, no one here has training in reading MRIs so I doubt anyone would feel comfortable offering an opinion on them beyond a comparative one, which Neko kindly provided.

I do know from experience, you have also made it difficult to be supportive. We've talked on the phone a bunch of times, yet I don't know your phone number because you refused to provide it. You call with the number kept private and frankly, I don't answer the phone at 1230am or 1am unless I am either expecting the call or know who it is ringing. Sometimes I am already in bed and don't even hear it but see someone called the night before and then there is no message.

Friendships and support from friends is a two way street Meliss. If you only seek a one way one (which is how it appears to me), I suggest hiring a professional therapist instead.

I do hope you find the answers you are seeking or at least find someone who agrees with your hunch. However, I don't think anyone here will be able to look at the MRIs you posted and give a qualified opinion and this site isn't for diagnosing medical issues. We would need a medical license for that to occur; rather, it is for support for all of those who wish to participate on whatever level they feel comfortable in.

Betsy

[melonaide]

I understand everyones posts but I was under the impression that melissa was not leaving because of no ones ability to interperate the images...however, that leaving many with nothing to say really may cause confusion on top of what melissa wants people to say...which is something that even though I suspect with an attempt at being empathetic...I still have no idea exactly what it is melissa would like for others to say.

My gut tells me there is something missing from the story and it creates an impossible situation that is hard to see untill that information is filled in.

[melonaide]

Dear Melissa,

I am not sure that your good-bye means that you are leaving BLO because we are silent and unmoving; or that you are going to kill yourself due to the same reason....or even that you would return to read the reactions of those who would respond to your post. I am sorry that your questions were not adequately answered by BLO or others and life's viscitudes have brought you to the point of giving up. Many people here at BLO have all been where you are and have been, Melissa, and some have trodden the very same path that you have. Unfortunately, in the realm of cyber-space, there is only so much that can realistically be done, especially when complicated medical matters are presented and answers are sought that cannot be found with the people addressed.
However, I also feel sorry that you are saying nothing other than "good-bye" and leaving a cryptic note in the form of a very sad song's lyrics......this is a shame and secrecy of a reverse kind and I hope some here at BLO do not feel guilty about not being to help you, and I hope that you:
1. can realize that we did listen and react as much as anyone could,
2. do not regard us as the "guilty party" for not providing you with what you expected.
And I hope you can see that life; even one wrought with problems is still worth living; if for no other reason than to just get up and be alive. Death or isolation cannot be so comforting to you that you greet it with open arms, while swatting away those who tried to offer you something, even when they knew they couldn't.
If I'm wrong about this assumption, please forgive me....maybe you should say good-bye to your doctors and seek the answers to your medical matters elsewhere....have you tried taking the films to a medical college or teaching university, and maybe seeing if some senior students of Radiology and Imaging can itell you what you seek and have not been able to find through the present med people.....I gather they might do it for free as a "learning experience"..........

Anyway, good-bye.

Dana


I'm not trying to digress here and I always like reading your posts but solely as an interjection that I hope doesn't disrupt the thread......You mentioned death not being so inviting. I know this is going to sund insane and I do apoligize for this interjection, but are you familiar with the cold white light?

[Dana Gold]

are you familiar with the cold white light?

Well at first I thought sbout bioluminescence (I'm a "science nerd"), then about those few moments some people report as "near-death experiences", then a google search ended up with a heavy metal band by the name of Cold White Light whose (after a cursory look on my part)music reflects a death wish and fascination with doom/death....I've known some Goth people who were into death; and they had a group suicide years ago here in this area. I've been near suicidal a few times (once very seriously)...I know the "feeling", but I resisted the "vortex"...I've also worked in hospitals with suicidal patients (1972-1975)...ironic that I became "one" myself later on....I believe in re-incarnation and now understand that killing myself in this lifetime would accomplish only the continuation of the present miseries into my next..... because no positive causes were made to change my life condition and energy level of of hell (ultimate misery) into something a step beyond that.....anyway ...."what goes around comes around" applied on a life energy basis.......or simply "cause and effect"......besides, as sh*tty as life can be , it's still nice to be alive and enjoy the simple things in life.....and I've learned to see and enjoy the good things (as well as cope with the bad).......as much as the ranter and cynic I am....I like being alive and the "pockets" of good places with good folk....but then I guess I've just finally gotten lucky after decades of my living my life in a giant cr*pfest.

Dana

[melonaide]

Well at first I thought sbout bioluminescence (I'm a "science nerd"), then about those few moments some people report as "near-death experiences", then a google search ended up with a heavy metal band by the name of Cold White Light whose (after a cursory look on my part)music reflects a death wish and fascination with doom/death....I've known some Goth people who were into death; and they had a group suicide years ago here in this area. I've been near suicidal a few times (once very seriously)...I know the "feeling", but I resisted the "vortex"...I've also worked in hospitals with suicidal patients (1972-1975)...ironic that I became "one" myself later on....I believe in re-incarnation and now understand that killing myself in this lifetime would accomplish only the continuation of the present miseries into my next..... because no positive causes were made to change my life condition and energy level of of hell (ultimate misery) into something a step beyond that.....anyway ...."what goes around comes around" applied on a life energy basis.......or simply "cause and effect"......besides, as sh*tty as life can be , it's still nice to be alive and enjoy the simple things in life.....and I've learned to see and enjoy the good things (as well as cope with the bad).......as much as the ranter and cynic I am....I like being alive and the "pockets" of good places with good folk....but then I guess I've just finally gotten lucky after decades of my living my life in a giant cr*pfest.

Dana


wow...
You had alot of nice things to say there...lol!

Now I'm curious as to what you mean by bioluminescence and I'm going to look it up just as soon as I get done here. I was reffering the phenomenon that people get around a near death experience. How near you have to get is impossible to say but I had never heard the term cold white light untill about two years ago, maybe less.....and I heard it come out of my own mouth when I was feeling it. I know that most anyone who read this would think I was out of my mind but I promise you.....I have felt what is no less than a cold white light....it is cold but it lights up everyone of your nerves untill you feel warm....or rather without any sense of pain....it is a type of white you can feel.....the purest of sensations and regardless of what state of mind you are in at the time, even total agony, it gives you an indescribable peace that you simply do not want to seperate yourself from and everything else in the world seems black. I stayed this way for hours untill it got so strong that it scared me bad and I honestly felt that if I didn't snap out of it that I was not going to see anyone I knew for a long long time. There are things along with this that I would rather not talk about right at this momment because I'm not real sure how they would sound and they are somewhat personal and confusing. I do believe that the cold white light is the peace you find in death and I believe it is both spiritual and physical. I believe something is actually happening to your nerves....a chemical reaction, but something I have never felt anything as astounding and at the same time down right scary. I am no advocate of suicide but I have to admitt that I consider myself suicidal and I don't have all the answers to this but it has been a part of me for a long time.

The reason I bring this up is because it seems to me to be one thing that makes death inviting....more inviting than dealing with life and all I want to say is if anyone mentions this when they are sick or injurred or at their wits end or even just being themselves with a strange sensation....be alarmed.....because that is one thing I can think of that would make someone think twice. It is near impossible to describe. I'm in no hurry and I figure I'll get there in good time but when it's all around you...I honestly think it is a preparation for death in all forms.


ok.....I've creeped myself out now. :confused6

[Dana Gold]

Well, briefly, bioluminescence is the light produced by insects (fireflies etc) and some very deep-sea fish by utilization of a chemical reaction in their bodies with the compund called lucifierase.

Only time I had anything resembling a near-death experience was when I almost drowned in a swimming pool at the age of 15. But I didn't perceive any white light, rather a surreal detached vision of the pool with rapid flashes of memories going through my head, until someone rescued me from the pool bottom. I panicked at first, but further into the drowning, I settled into the surreal state I mentioned.....weird, weird. It took me several weeks until I went back to the pool, wherein I learned to swim.......nowadays I love the water...swimming pool, that is....I won't go near the ocean or lakes where there be "critters" :whatchuta

[melonaide]

Well, briefly, bioluminescence is the light produced by insects (fireflies etc) and some very deep-sea fish by utilization of a chemical reaction in their bodies with the compund called lucifierase.

Only time I had anything resembling a near-death experience was when I almost drowned in a swimming pool at the age of 15. But I didn't perceive any white light, rather a surreal detached vision of the pool with rapid flashes of memories going through my head, until someone rescued me from the pool bottom. I panicked at first, but further into the drowning, I settled into the surreal state I mentioned.....weird, weird. It took me several weeks until I went back to the pool, wherein I learned to swim.......nowadays I love the water...swimming pool, that is....I won't go near the ocean or lakes where there be "critters" :whatchuta


oh yeah, it seems like there is a shark bite every other week around here.....and I always found it strange that it's often girls.
Maybe this sounds crazy but I am begining to wonder if that old saying is true about sharks sensing blood and if these unfortunate girls may have been having their monthly visitor. I know that it being girls is not always the case but it makes me wonder because that's what I've always been told. I wonder if there is anything to it.


Hm...I guess Melissa really did decide to leave after all.

[Dana Gold]

Marine biology studies indicate that the shark has poor visual acuity, but a highly evolved and very sensitive olfactory mechanism....they can "smell" blood even in small volumes and go into a "feeding frenzy" when there's enough of it and them. Sharks have poor eyesight and cannot accurately distinguish a human in a wetsuit (that bears a vague resemblance to a seal) from a seal. If blood is present and there's some thrashing on the prey's part....they willl strike, especially of they're hungry. A female human experiencing that part of her cycle...or anyone with a bleeding cut....could very well be a factor in an attack.

But hey, this thread is now way off track and it appears that it's best to close it. Nice "chat" we've had though, inre white light and chompin' critters.

Dana