New here with questions

[wildflower]

I'm glad I stumbled across this website. I've been trying to do some research on the web, but didn't get much information. I've been dating this wonderful guy for about two months. He always referred to himself as different, I just never understood what he was talking about. Last week he confided in me that he was born intersex and at birth his parents chose his sex. He didn't find out until 10 years ago (he's 49 now). His parents never told him nor would they discuss it with him. When he told me he asked me if it freaked me out. I told him no, I love him for him and that is part of who he is. I guess my question is, I'd like to do more research on this, but I'm not sure what would be the best place for me to start. He sometimes gets real frustrated and angry at the doctor's and his parents when he talks about it. I want to support him anyway I can, but I know very little about this subject. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Glenn]

Welcome, wildflower!
You can always try the ISNA web site (http://www.isna.org/), or http://www.dsdguidelines.org/ for general information.
Several years ago, I wrote up a summary of various intersex conditions; it's at http://users.snip.net/%7Egbooker/is.zip

Glenn

[Kailana]

Thank you for stopping by, Your concern for your boyfriend is nice too see. Does your Boyfriend know what diagnosis/condition he has? This may be personnel, so i'd advise asking him in a private setting. If he know's, i'd then look for information on it at Emedicine.com its kinda easy to use. You can read articles on.

Although, all actuall final diagnosis's of what someone is, is not determined by what or how someone has been assigned by Doctor's or by choices made by parents. It's the peron, the individual that matters. There opinion is what matters. So, talk to your boyfriend. Listen to him. He is the only real person tha can truely tell you who he is, or how he feels. Be there, for him, support him. We really are wonderfull people to get to know. You just have to get past the angst, many of us have against Doctors, and sometimes our parents.

Take care, best wishes.

[wildflower]

Thank you so much for your feedback. Actually, I don't know what his diagnosis was, we didn't get that far and out of my own ignorace, I didn't know there was so many. I get confused with all the acronyms, I won't pretend I know what they all stand for. Like I said, I really need to do some research. You don't know (okay, maybe you do) how refeshing it is to be able to talk to someone about this. He asked me to swear never to tell anyone, but I want to be there for him and do anything I can to support him. He has issues when it comes to him being "mutilated" as a baby, and I'm just not sure how to answer that. Do most people feel that way when they find out? I'm assuming yes, I think I would. He feels his choice was taken away and he is being treated like a dirty little secret. All I know is that he is the best thing that's ever come into my life, I love him and will do all I can to support him. Thanks again, I'll be doing alot of research.
Best wishes and I'll let you know how it's going.

[Dianne]

Do most people feel that way when they find out? I'm assuming yes, I think I would. He feels his choice was taken away and he is being treated like a dirty little secret.

It would be hard to feel any other way, even if the "choice" turned out to be the right one. When doctors "pick" a sex for an Intersexed infant I believe the current statistics say that they pick wrong 60% of the time - that's not very good odds. For a large number who find themselves in a gender role that does not suit them (with the wrong "equipment"), that choice turns out to be pretty devistating. Once inappropriate surgical "alterations" are made, it makes revering the body even more difficult especially if inappropriate hormone treatment is done at puberty.

The secrecy is a whole other issue that can effect trust and not being told feels the same as being lied to.