View Full Version : New here, and confused
Hello. I found Bodies Like Ours a few months ago, but have only now stopped lurking to post. I've come to a point in my life where I'm just so confused about my identity; I don't know what to do... I just need to talk to someone about this. I've read a lot of the posts on this forum, and I can really identify with the experiences of intersex people here. This post will probably be long and depressing. I apologize in advance for this.
I've feared I might be intersexed since I was nine-years-old and started to virilize/masculinize. I'm supposed to be female, so this was rather traumatizing and alarming. Needless to say, being a nine-year-old "girl" with a mustache and abundant underarm hair was not pleasant. I was teased mercilessly; it was a very emotionally painful time for me. I remember hearing about intersex conditions and being terrified that that was what I was. During this time I tried to hide my developing masculinity by assuming an overly "girly girl" demeanor. I took to removing my body hair, hoping that this would lead to acceptance. It didn't. My body became lanky and muscular, like a prepubescent boy. My voice deepened, but it didn't actually break. I continued to get more body hair in places females don't normally have hair. Five years after I entered this male-like puberty, I still had no breast development or a period, nor any sign of estrogen exposure at all really. However, as far as I can tell, my genitals are that of a normal female. Though I do have a narrow vaginal opening, large wrinkly labia minora, and my clitoris is not visible (but I do have sexual sensations, so it must exist). I have no access to medical records though, so really who knows what could have potentially been done to me as an infant? But my mom says that if I was born a hermaphrodite, she was never told about it.
When I was around twelve, I had a run-in with a doctor that has puzzled me to this day. I went (supposedly) for some sort of routine physical checkup. While there my genitals were inspected. At the time I just thought this was a normal part of the physical, and thought nothing of it. After discovering more about intersex conditions, I'm not so sure. I suppose I should have asked some of my more normal friends if they had to undergo their genitals being inspected too, but I was too embarrassed to bring the topic up. My sense of shame was only intensified by the doctor's comments to me and my mom about my appearance. After the doctor was done looking at my genitals, she noticed my access amount of body hair and no breast development, and suggested I take female hormones (estrogen) to feminize me. Coincidently, not too long after this incident, I started growing small breasts, after five years of puberty with absolutely no breast development whatsoever. I have always wondered if the doctor and my mom found a way to sneak me estrogen without me suspecting. Is this possible?
Anyway, at this time I started growing small breasts and got a little hip definition. A few years later, when I was 14 1/2, I started having periods. However, my periods were irregular and very painful. Today, my abdomen swells up, and I become nauseous to the point of having to vomit, which lasts for several hours. This leaves me fatigued and exhausted. Recently, my periods have become more irregular, and abdominal pain has increased, even lasting after the period is over. The pain spreads out from my genitals up to my abdominals and back along my anus. At times the pain has been so excruciating, I’ve had to hold back the screams. Despite the pain lasting for a long time, I hardly get any flow. I have tried talking to my doctor (same one I mentioned before) about these menstrual problems, but she just dismisses it.
Today, at sixteen years of age, I am more confused than ever. What little feminization I had a few years ago has mostly disappeared. I look like a teenage boy, so much in fact that I am often mistaken for one. I'm the average height of a boy my age, have the same amount of body and facial hair, the same lanky body-build, an adam's apple, a deep voice, masculine facial features... And I feel masculine. Basically I'm just your average looking fourteen-year-old boy, except that I'm legally a sixteen-year-old girl. I actually thought I might be a transgender or a transsexual for a while, but I don't really fit in with them. Most of them have normal bodies, after all. I don’t need a sex change because I can “pass” as a guy the way I am naturally. I can't identify with the ftm that binds their breasts, as I have hardly any breasts to bind. I can wear a shirt without a bra, and my breasts are hardly visible. I don't look like a female, don't feel like one... What am I? I would be interested in taking a chromosome test to see if I have an XY mosaic. Does anyone know how a sixteen-year-old (almost seventeen) could go about getting a chromosome test? I'm nervous about getting one because I'm underaged, and I don't want to draw the attention of the medical community and be forced to take estrogen in order to make me more feminine. That would be a nightmare for me, cause I don't feel like a girl (whatever that means… but it’s just the way I feel, whether it makes any sense or not). I'm interested in having my hormone levels checked too. I know I have a lot of testosterone in my body naturally.
At this point in my life, I've given up trying to be normal. I am a freak, just like everyone has been telling me my whole life. I wear my hair short, dress in unisex and guy's clothes, and basically live my life as a male. People are afraid of me when they find out I'm legally female because I look so much like a guy, or at the very least androgynous. Often people express confusion over my gender; this has been happening basically my whole life. I would never wish this kind of life on my worst enemy. Some times I just want to die because I'm so confused, and it feels like I'll never resolve any of these problems. I've accepted my weird body, but I just want to know what's going on inside of me, so I can have some closure. I feel like my gender issues (both physical and mental) are consuming my life, and I just want to be able to find out what has caused this, so I can move on...
Thanks for listening to me rant. I hope this post wasn’t too terribly boring.
You posting brought tears to my eyes - it is something I could identify with.
First of all, at 16, nobody should be forcing you to do anything you don't want to do or anything you are unsure of. Depending which country you live in, there are likely protection laws for someone your age.
Don't be too hard on yourself! I don't like the word "Freak" - I prefer "Unique". Being IS is tough but it can also be a blessing in a weird sort of way - I think IS people are among the most compassionate people I have known and certainly have a deeper understanding of human sexuality than most "normals" could ever hope.
You said you don't "feel like a girl" but you didn't say what you thought you should be - a guy? Maybe you don't know? This is the time to explore the world and decide where you would like to fit in. It doesn't matter if it's as a guy or a girl or even androgynous as long as it is where you are comfortable and can be most happy.
Welcome to BLO Alien! Here many of us have voyaged between worlds.
Hi Alien.
A long time lurker, with no desire to post, I just had to register and respond to you.
Your message is really great! Booring or depressing it's not. I really mean that. It wasn't too long at all, and you expressed what you are going through really well.
So let us review. ;)
You are wise to know you need support.
You are smart to know where you can get it.
You have guts to follow through and go get what you need.
Clearly you are not someone who needs to apologize. :)
I understand why you did though.
It's hard dealing with teasing, from tools who tease you because they are also insecure and freaking out over their own developing sexuality, and the things said about you by insensitive adults, like some doctors and parents in your presence as if you were too dumb to notice or didn't rate more consideration, ...... well that doesn't help either.
Stuff like that would affect anyone's confidence! So you are not "defective" or something, and in fact far from it!
Really I can't help but notice, that despite everything, you came here and spoke honestly from your heart. You have to be really something. Anyone would be very lucky to have you as a friend in real life. I envy them.
I can easily relate to what you are going through, and there are many others who can also.
You are not alone. <--- NOTE
Well that is about all I am good for right now. I resisted the urge to apologize for that. No seriously I had to. :)
I don't want to talk about myself any more than I have, and I may not be back this way. I just had to talk to you though.
It is so nice to meet you. :)
I ALMOST FORGOT!
I know what you mean, when you said. "I know I am supposed to be girl", and I bet it has occurred to you that maybe you are not "supposed to be" anything. The important thing is it is YOUR life.
rahul200791
03-07-07, 07:39 AM
I am Rahul an intersex.I do not know exactly what type of intersex I am but I have accepted the reality that I am unique.I can't fit in the world of so called normal people.I am 20 not much older than you and can easily identify with you.There is only one difference between both of us that you were born as a female and now you feel more as a male but its just the opposite in my case.I look forward to sharing more feelings with you.
Anyway, at this time I started growing small breasts and got a little hip definition. A few years later, when I was 14 1/2, I started having periods. However, my periods were irregular and very painful. Today, my abdomen swells up, and I become nauseous to the point of having to vomit, which lasts for several hours. This leaves me fatigued and exhausted.
Recently, my periods have become more irregular, and abdominal pain has increased, even lasting after the period is over. The pain spreads out from my genitals up to my abdominals and back along my anus. At times the pain has been so excruciating, I’ve had to hold back the screams. Despite the pain lasting for a long time, I hardly get any flow. I have tried talking to my doctor (same one I mentioned before) about these menstrual problems, but she just dismisses it.
Today, at sixteen years of age, I am more confused than ever. What little feminization I had a few years ago has mostly disappeared. I look like a teenage boy, so much in fact that I am often mistaken for one. I'm the average height of a boy my age, have the same amount of body and facial hair, the same lanky body-build, an adam's apple, a deep voice, masculine facial features... And I feel masculine. Basically I'm just your average looking fourteen-year-old boy, except that I'm legally a sixteen-year-old girl.
Hi Alien,
I can't stop thinking about your situation, and honestly I had thought by now more people would have answered.
I don't know much about all of the medical aspects. Unlike most of the other IS people I have known, I just could not get into booking up on it.
I don't know if you are IS or not. I am not concerned about that right now however. One thing is certain though. You appear to have some sort of severe endocrine (hormone) thing going on. Your periods have gone from bad to worse, and your doctor should not just dismiss your report of this!
It sounds to me like your mother, (father? where is he?), and your doctor are not supportive, of how you feel, to say the least, and this is and should be about you, your needs and wants. It is YOUR body NOT theirs.
It is not uncommon for parents and doctors, to work together to keep us either inadequately or completely uniformed, about what is now and has happened to us in the past. I never got a straight answer from my parents, or any of the doctors THEY CHOOSE for me, and that is not a meaningless coincidence.
It was not until I found a doctor on my own, who is knowledgeable about IS conditions, that I finally got some meaningful answers and appropriate treatment.
Do you have anyone in your family who understands even a little? Anyone who expresses support for how you feel, and not just garbage about how your appearance is affecting them or the family etc?
It seems that how others feel about us, how society feels etc, is usually the primary concern of parents and the sort of doctors 'they choose' for us.
I don't know what the laws are like where you live. It may be possible for you to sidestep the parent centric medical care, you are stuck with now, without leaving home at 16.
You need to find out what all of your options are before making any kind of decision.
You have shown very clearly, that you are both intelligent and courageous, and so I know that you can do this Alien.
Just bear this in mind.
Not everyone is like the mean kids, uninterested teachers, neglectful parents and aloof insensitive doctors you have been surrounded with so far.
I hope my words have been of some help to you. I am no expert on anything, and I feel very inadequate in this situation, but you are worth my effort to at least try.
Where are the experts here today?
Hi Dianne, apple, and Rahul! Thank you for the replies :) Initially, I was afraid that no one would respond to my post, given its confusing nature, but I'm glad to see your wonderful replies, and they have been very helpful! Your words of support have really touched me. It's comforting to know that there are others in a similar situation, that we're not alone in this problem.
Depending which country you live in, there are likely protection laws for someone your age.
I live in the United States. Washington State, to be more specific. I suppose there are protection laws here, but I'm paranoid. Medical doctors seem to have so much power over everything, and some of their actions seem questionable at the least. Guess they aren't evil, but some of their beliefs seem warped. But they can't force a teenager to do anything, can they? :confused:
You said you don't "feel like a girl" but you didn't say what you thought you should be - a guy? Maybe you don't know? This is the time to explore the world and decide where you would like to fit in. It doesn't matter if it's as a guy or a girl or even androgynous as long as it is where you are comfortable and can be most happy.
Sometimes I feel like neither gender, just because of my unusual situation, it can be hard to identify with most people. Right now I'm forced to live as androgynous, but I don't know how much longer I can survive in this purgatory between the sexes. Frankly, it’s a pretty miserable existence. I feel like I could live a more normal life as a guy because my physicality appears to resemble a male more ( with the exception of the genitals, but I don't often walk around naked in public places ;) ), and I just can identify with the male experience more than with girls... I guess my thought process is that, since I don't feel like a girl, I must feel like a guy because what else is there to feel like? Since society only recognizes two genders, it's pretty confusing when you don't seem to fit into either. But you're right, Dianne; I do have time to figure it out...
A long time lurker, with no desire to post, I just had to register and respond to you. Nice to meet you too, apple. It's great that you stopped lurking, and are now posting. I lurked for a while before posting too. :devil_smi Your replies have been very encouraging and helpful. I hope you continue to post.
(father? where is he?)
hehe... I ask myself that question all the time. lol. My parents aren't together, and my father's not very involved in my life right now...
It was not until I found a doctor on my own, who is knowledgeable about IS conditions, that I finally got some meaningful answers and appropriate treatment.
I was wondering how I could find a good doctor? Afraid I'm a little clueless about the whole process of finding one, especially a doctor that knows about IS beyond just basic text-book stuff, and is willing to acknowledge it, instead of ignoring it or pressuring me into taking estrogen (which I don't want to take, as I'm not keen on unnatural bodily mutilation, unless there is some legitimate reason behind it).
Oh, and apple, I know you don't want to talk much about yourself, but if you wouldn't mind relating your own condition, I would be very interested in hearing more of your story :)
I am Rahul an intersex.I do not know exactly what type of intersex I am but I have accepted the reality that I am unique. I can't fit in the world of so called normal people. I am 20 not much older than you and can easily identify with you. There is only one difference between both of us that you were born as a female and now you feel more as a male but its just the opposite in my case. I look forward to sharing more feelings with you.
Yes, we do seem to have a lot in common, Rahul. I don't know what type of intersex I might be either, but I'm going to find out eventually. I would like to share more feelings with you, too. I get from your post that you were born as a male but feel more like a female? What were some of your experiences with this?
Okay, it took me a while to write this post. I kept thinking of new things to say before submitting...It's hard to post on this forum because the subject (intersex) is of such a personal nature. For a long time I was too embarrassed to start a thread here. I know that sounds stupid because the internet is anonymous, and everyone here has similar problems, but there is a lot of shame tied to any deviation from sex/gender/whatever norms, which makes it hard to talk about even on a forum like this one. And I don't even know if I am intersex. All I know is that I probably have a hormonal imbalance of some sort, which may be connected to an intersex issue, or it may be caused by a cancerous tumor or something (lol... not really funny, but I doubt I've had cancer for ten years without dieing), who knows at this point? That's why I want to get tested somehow. I just want to know, without a doubt, what is going on with my body. Evidence does point to an intersex condition, though. It would explain so much.
Again, thank you all for replying. You have been very helpful. I probably didn't get to say all I wanted to in expressing my gratitude toward you guys, but I hope I was able to say enough to get my point across. I feel that I am finally coming out of the shadows of denial and shame, and am now able to accept this strange body that I was given. Thank you for helping me to get to this place of acceptance.
I live in the United States. Washington State, to be more specific.
Good! I am not that familiar with U.S. social services but there should be a "child welfare" agency of some sort that can ensure you aren't pushed into anything you don't want.
Medical doctors seem to have so much power over everything
They do, but they can do NOTHING without consent and, at you age, that means YOUR consent! I didn't know about such things when I was 15 and when a doctor (and my Mom) were going to put me on testosterone, I said I would kill myself first - it worked, they didn't and I am still here :biggrin:
Guess they aren't evil, but some of their beliefs seem warped.
Yes, it is often called "God syndrome" - they think they know everything but about us they know almost NOTHING!
Sometimes I feel like neither gender, just because of my unusual situation, it can be hard to identify with most people.
I understand that - was there myself many years ago.
Right now I'm forced to live as androgynous, but I don't know how much longer I can survive in this purgatory between the sexes.
Indeed. When I faced that situation, I live a double life for almost 10 years and found I was much more comfortable in the role that was opposite to the one I was being pushed into (male). There wasn't much else I could do until I reached legal age (21) because my Mom was rabidly opposed and I was severely punished for any display of femininity. The times I was able to escape from home and live the way I felt comfortable were what kept me going. It also gave me the experience to know what I wanted to do when I came of age.
I guess my thought process is that, since I don't feel like a girl, I must feel like a guy because what else is there to feel like?
Pretty much how I felt as a teenager (only the opposite). I really couldn't be sure until I actually moved fully into "girl's life" and found how well it "fit" and how easy it was. I wasn't really aware of it at first. It was a couple of years later when I looked back and thought "Holy sh!#, how could I have NOT known??!!"
I hope you stay around Alien - there's good folks here!
Hi Alien!
I am glad you came back.
Hey. I need to ask you something. How did you become aware of intersex?
How did I become aware of the concept of intersex? Or how did I become aware of the term intersex? I learned about intersex people at age nine, when I asked my mom if there were people who were physically both male and female (or neither), and she explained the concept to me. I'm lucky that my mom is knowledgeable about almost everything :grin: A year or so after that I searched on the internet and found out the correct medical term was intersex, rather than hermaphrodite. A few years after that, I read this book about physical mutations, and there was a part about a French intersex person called Herculine Barbin (or whatever the name is), and I could identify with many of the symptoms mentioned. Over the past ten years, I've continued to acquire knowledge about intersex seemingly at random. I don't know what possessed me to have such a keen interest for the subject at such a young age, but suppose I felt a connection between my abnormal puberty and the descriptions of intersex. Did that answer your question, apple?
How did I become aware of the concept of intersex? Or how did I become aware of the term intersex? I learned about intersex people at age nine, when I asked my mom if there were people who were physically both male and female (or neither), and she explained the concept to me. I'm lucky that my mom is knowledgeable about almost everything :grin: A year or so after that I searched on the internet and found out the correct medical term was intersex, rather than hermaphrodite. A few years after that, I read this book about physical mutations, and there was a part about a French intersex person called Herculine Barbin (or whatever the name is), and I could identify with many of the symptoms mentioned. Over the past ten years, I've continued to acquire knowledge about intersex seemingly at random. I don't know what possessed me to have such a keen interest for the subject at such a young age, but suppose I felt a connection between my abnormal puberty and the descriptions of intersex. Did that answer your question, apple?
Yes it does.
Kailana
03-09-07, 09:21 PM
Welcome to BLO, and my apologies as well. I don't spend as much time in here as i used too. Wanted to say that i am glad that you know what you feel like. Regardless of what your body says you are listen to your mind/heart or whatever you call it.
A freak you are not. That is something i believe many of us have had to suffer through. The concept of being normal, or should i say, not being normal is missplaced. Hmm, this is hard to express in words. We are all unique people, what others see as normal, only applies to there own self conception of what normal is. Regardless of what intersexed condition you may have, you are still normal. there are no freaks here. 100% pure human beings, a gift to the world perhaps just to show people that we are not all suppose to be the same. <-----I really hope that made sense.
Was that washington state? or DC? I am living down in Walla Walla, WA. And from my experience with local doctors in a small town. That there really isnt much hope here for answers. Seattle is alot better. My Endocrinologist is there. She is pretty killer good, understanding, compassionate, and one of the few Medical professionals i have had the pleasure of actually trusting.
Now then, as too your age, teens suck, everyone here can testify to that. To question what you are just makes it that much more difficult to find your way in the world. I would hope you have someone to talk too. A close friend, a favorite aunt or uncle, grandparent, someone. If your parents arent able to discuss this with you, try talking to a counselor, social worker. should things get bad, A crisis counsellor from DHS, or DSHS, might help. Department of Human Services. Generally there are Crisis Hotlines you can call. It may help talking to someone.
I won't say too much about whether you consider yours FtM, Intersexed in my opinion trumps what people see as transsexual. Although, i do consider myself as a intersexed transsexual person. Mostly, i suppose, because that is what people see, and in a way what they can comprehend.
Thank you for posting, I'll try to stop by again, to see how things are going. Answers often take along time in getting. Sometimes they are never recieved. There are alot of understanding people in the world, alot of jerks too.
Best wishes
Hi, Kailana. Thanks for replying :)
100% pure human beings, a gift to the world perhaps just to show people that we are not all suppose to be the same. <-----I really hope that made sense.
It made perfect sense, and that's a nice way to look at it. A lot of people seem to uphold these fantasy visions of binary sexes, genders, races, whatever in their minds, but this doesn't reflect reality. Not everything is black and white, male and female, easily definable and stereotypical. Maybe if they meet enough people like us, and realize we're still human like them, there will be more tolerance?
Was that washington state? or DC? I am living down in Walla Walla, WA. And from my experience with local doctors in a small town. That there really isnt much hope here for answers. Seattle is alot better. My Endocrinologist is there. She is pretty killer good, understanding, compassionate, and one of the few Medical professionals i have had the pleasure of actually trusting.
I live in Washington State. Luckily enough, I happen to live in Seattle :) Happy to hear the doctors are good here. Would you mind telling me the name of your endocrinologist? I'm going to a regular doctor this Monday to get my hormone levels and stuff checked, but I still need to find an endocrinologist of some sort. Don't really know of any. My mom thinks I should go to a pediatric endocrinologist, though. Do you think the physician will recommend someone? I'm pretty confused about the whole process :frown:
It may help talking to someone.
To be honest, it's helped me a lot to talk to people (like you) on this forum. I'm glad I found this place! :grouphug0
Hi, Kailana. Thanks for replying :)
It made perfect sense, and that's a nice way to look at it. A lot of people seem to uphold these fantasy visions of binary sexes, genders, races, whatever in their minds, but this doesn't reflect reality. Not everything is black and white, male and female, easily definable and stereotypical. Maybe if they meet enough people like us, and realize we're still human like them, there will be more tolerance?
Wow! It was just yesterday and you were so confused, so stressed out, and you had no idea what to think or where to turn, and look at you now!
That really is an amazing turn around in so short a time.
This place is magic!
I live in Washington State. Luckily enough, I happen to live in Seattle :)
That is lucky. Super!
Happy to hear the doctors are good here. Would you mind telling me the name of your endocrinologist? I'm going to a regular doctor this Monday to get my hormone levels and stuff checked, but I still need to find an endocrinologist of some sort. Don't really know of any.
I am so very glad to see this! It turns out that you really, all along, had some pretty good idea of what to do after all.
whew! That is a relief. It seems I got my heart strings all in bunch for no reason at all really.
My mom thinks I should go to a pediatric endocrinologist, though.
Wow. Fancy that. I wonder if she is subtly telling you something perhaps?
Do you think the physician will recommend someone? I'm pretty confused about the whole process :frown:
I bet that will resolve really quite swiftly though. You have shown that you are truly amazing. I know I wont worry anymore.
To be honest, it's helped me a lot to talk to people (like you) on this forum. I'm glad I found this place!
Oh that's great! It really is. I am so glad you two people, so alike and yet so completely seperately different people, found each other.
I am so very inspired, by the courageous honesty and integrity you have shown, and really it just gladdens my little heart. It really does.
I am so deeply touched inside. I could just weep! What I have seen here tonight, well it just makes everything I have gone through, seem like nothing in comparison.
Thank you so much for sharing your lives with us. No really. Thank you.
Calm down, apple. Yeesh, what is your problem? :o
Kailana
03-10-07, 11:55 PM
I don't know if it is appropriate to place her name/address on hear. I'd hate for some jerk to come along and use any information to cause trouble for her or her practice.
Send me a private message=click on my name at upper left and just say hi. send a pm on my information page Or allow for people to PM you on your information page. Or, Email me at
mishakaila@<hidden>
so i can give you her #, address, name and what not. She is an endocrinologist and is familiar with many IS conditions. I'll try to get to you as soon as possible, it may be helpful to have a point of contact to let your own doctor know of a possibility, of someone who is very understanding.
Her clinic, is at the Nordstrom medical tower/Swedish cancer center. If that helps any. I have more info, Phone #, Fax #, address, what floor, and a bit more. I happen to really like her, compared to all of the other doctors i have scene, she is an angel. It might also help you, be easier talking to a woman. I tend to have a history of dealing with Male doctors, who weren't very understanding, or very helpfull.
best wishes from a friend
Melisma
03-15-07, 05:01 PM
Hi Kiddo!
I’m a newbie here myself – this is only my second post. I’m so glad you found this forum!
Your story reminds me a lot of my own, with a few exceptions:
I didn’t start wondering until I was older than you, because a lot of the women in my family are tall and small-breasted with deep voices and highly irregular periods (my aunt was pregnant twice without knowing until the third trimester because she hadn’t had a period in years)
I never felt particularly male (although I can pass for one and have done so onstage)
I didn’t get the body hair until AFTER I went on the Pill!
It turned out I have Swyer’s Syndrome. The doctors missed it for so long because it’s not as well-known as other intersex conditions. A lot of them don’t think “intersex” unless the external genitals don’t appear to fit neatly into a “male” or “female” appearance. With Swyer’s, the vulva looks like nothing out of the ordinary, and the vagina, cervix, and uterus are small but present.
Waiting to see a doctor until you’re no longer dependent on your parents doesn’t sound to me like a great option, since you’re having those painful periods. I wish I could offer some constructive advice about talking to your mother, but I’d be a hypocrite since I still haven’t told mine. It just happened that I didn’t find out until I was old enough that I didn’t need her help with it.
Hi, Melisma. Thanks for posting.
Very interesting post... Maybe Swyer’s Syndrome is hereditary in your family? In my case, no other females on either side of my family went through the puberty I experienced (to my knowledge anyway). My mom went through a very normal female puberty (got period at 12, average breast development, feminine body build, no adam's apple, no excess body hair, etc.). This was the case for most other females in my family as well. I felt like a freak even in my own family. I look more like my dad than any woman in my family... I have his same skinny, lanky, knobby body... :shock: The only woman member I seem to model after at all is my maternal aunt, but only in some elements (like menstrual problems and growth). Like me, she got her period late (at 16, later than me actually), has had such extreme menstrual problems that she had to have a hysterectomy, complains of excess body hair (though doesn't appear to have as much as I do, but her hair is blonde naturally, and she has it removed, so maybe I've just never seen the full extent of it) and we are both among the tallest females in the family. The similarities end there. We look nothing alike, as she is a very feminine appearing (with large breasts, womanly body shape, feminine facial features, etc.), attractive, statuesque, unmistakably a woman. Whereas I am... Well, you've read my first post :redface:
But I do wonder if my aunt has a similar thing going on, that just manifested itself in a less extreme manner, which may be hereditary.... She did recommend I see her gynecologist for the menstrual issues.
I have talked to my mom about getting tested for a hormonal imbalance, dysfunction of the reproductive organs, etc. She agrees that I have some sort of hormonal/menstrual problem. So, I went to the pediatrician a few days ago under the premise of "correcting a possible hormonal imbalance and abnormal menstruation". I took a blood test, and am waiting for the results now. If any abnormalities are found, she'll probably take me to an endocrinologist, but I'm worried about her pressuring me to take estrogen. Since I started talking about my hormonal problems, I feel like I've kind of opened a Pandora’s Box, because now I’m being pressured to take birth control pills by my mom. I've told her estrogen is the last thing I need because the little estrogen I have is causing me health problems ever since I got a period. Never had any health problems during the 7 years when it was just testosterone in my body... Eh, rambling, sorry. :embaresse
Hi Alien, THANK YOU for posting your (not at all boring) story. I bet everyone here can relate to at least parts of what you've been through, for what that's worth.
Part of what you describe with periods sounds like MRKH - can anyone out there shed light on that? I'm glad you got started with some blood work. Time to find out what's going on, even if that doesn't directly help you decide how to deal with it.
Whether you identify as male, female, both, neither, or just you, the world will cope. You need to do what works for your body, heart, and mind. Some people may find that confusing if it doesn't fit their binary view of the world, but you aren't responsible for their confusion!
Bravo for stepping forward, and seeking support and answers. :bounce:
Hey, Glenn :) Thanks for replying!
What exactly is MRKH? :confused3
Well, I finally got the results of my blood test. I actually had to call the doctor's office, then go in and demand that I be given the results, because (despite the lab technician saying the results would be automatically mailed to me) at the last minute they refused to let me see it for some reason... :sarcastic ... However, after much hassle, I went into the office myself and picked it up. As I suspected, my testosterone levels are elevated (duh...didn't really need a piece of paper to tell me that), and my estrogen levels are in the low range. Another odd thing is that my LH levels are high too. Isn't that supposed to be a bad thing? I've heard high LH levels can be a symptom of a disease like Polyastic Ovary Syndrome... blah, annoying how the doctor refuses to be of any help whatsoever. When I asked her if a hormonal imbalance could be the cause of my hirtuism, she replied, "No, hormones have nothing to do with hair. Some people are just like that." She actually said that. What the heck? Is that true, cause I've never heard that before... Silly me, I thought men have more hair than women because of higher levels of testosterone. Guess not :-o I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I know BS when I hear it. Just hope an endo will be better.
freshwater pearl
03-23-07, 09:37 PM
Just finished reading your story ... although I'm definitely not a doctor, maybe you have an imperforate hymen/microperforate hymen or MRKH syndrome (I think MRKH syndrome involves birth defects of the female reproductive tract)? A lot of women who have those conditions have severe abdominal pain with their periods and/or menstrual irregularities. I can't post links yet, but Children's Hospital Boston has a section on congenital anomalies of the vagina, which explains some of these disorders.
Did you get your DHEAS tested? If you have high DHEAS you might have congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), which is sometimes associated with body hair and virilization in women. (There are probably people here with CAH who can tell you more than I can.)
Good luck with treatment :)
Calm down, apple. Yeesh, what is your problem? :o
The acorn does not fall far from the .....
The acorn does not fall far from the .....
Tree? :lol: :doh:
MRKH often means the female reproductive parts are mostly present, but may be smaller than typical, or partially missing, like a very short uterus, or a vaginal opening that's partially (or rarely, completely) closed.
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