just random thougts,of things of past,

[steve/lisa]

Hi again,Thank you all,Kailana,dianna,for your wonderful replies,I have'nt had this many speak to me at once in a very long time.I now see that I'm really not alone,at least in here and this does appear to be a safe place to be,maybe I can loosen up and calm down and relaxe just a little but, I must say i am the losyest speller and don't know how to make a proper sentence.
so please have patience as this is hard enough to do with worring about my english spelling.:lol: Over the yrs,i always wondered why i made girl friends but guy friends were different I asked one once why he always looked uncompferable,He did'nt know why just did,he said how come you can just walk up and talk to the girls like I do and a few min later your in the back seat with them.He then said it's like you speak their language,I did'nt answer other to say cause they like me?I really did'nt want to say because I think I think like one.(this was befor I knew)just alwas felt different,My aunts and uncles treated me alot different than my brothers my aunties did'nt like my brothers much but would always invite me in fo hot chocolot and cake or cookies and say things to me like sweetie come in,or honey my dear come have some,they'ed always say is'nt(and slip of the tongue)she so cute! well then i'd have to go outside and do some really boy thing and make sure they saw me doing it.My uncle on the other hand were very polite to me almost to a fault,But very stand offish,kinda like they did'nt know what to say or do,uncompfertable around me and i could always here them speaking to father (he was almost deaf) about me and he always said I will make a man out of him,yrs later when my father passed on he was in a coma,heart attack,he woke up about 30 hrs into his coma i never left his side,back then,He opened his blue eye's closed them then opened them again,looked at me and said steven please forgive me i should'a let your mother win the aurgument i should not have raised you this way she was right so son please forgive me for what I did.then he quitly closed his eye's and went back into the coma and died 6 hurs later,that was afew months after i was dionosed with the cancer already had 3 surgeries by then,and had been told some of what i was so i new somethings at that point.so when father said this i knew what in part he was refering to,all i could do at that moment in time was cry but i did'nt know if i was crying for him or me,Maybe both it was the first and last time father ever admitted he was wrong in anything he did,gotta go i thought i could speak of this without breaking down gotta go cry be back later tho love lisa. Thank you all so much,I think i can talk here,....

[Dianne]

Thanks for sharing that Lisa! It sure brought up some memories.

My Dad was the tolerant one and always tried to cut me some slack. He also suffered from a form of DSD - he was one of identical twins and his brother got the testes - so I think he was more aware of what it feels like to be "different". My Mom was simple-minded and when the doctor's said "Raise it as a boy." she took that as an immutable rule to be enforced as strictly as possible.

I was lucky in that there were a few people (extended family and close family friends) who knew about my oddity and provided avenues for me to escape "male-dome" and my Mom's oppression to some degree (winning them my Mom's wrath).

Lack of understanding and tolerance is a remarkably MAJOR problem in our society.

[Kailana]

hiya Dianne and Steve/Lisa.

I really wanted to say it was really nice of Steve/Lisa to share your last moments with your father with us. I found that small bit of knowledge to be encouraging. The part where your father said he was sorry, perhaps a bit late in comming; i hope though it does provide some sense of love from him. He knew he had made some wrong choices, and apologised for them. I know your going through alot right now, perhaps in time your mother will understand as well. That is kinda what i am hoping for with my own family.

Now then For Dianne, your extended family sounds alot like mine. They understand and support me, at least most of them. My little sister as well. It is my parents that are all in a knot. yes there the ones who are really making it difficult on me. Sometimes there supportive, will say things like they " wish they could help", "we love you and always will", "we just want you too be happy"- then they seem to change there minds- and say things like, "your making everything up", "Your aunts and uncles didnt tell you anything", "We never said anything like that", "We didn't show you your birthpicture", "Your father didnt give you your naming bracelet". Now Its been several years since i have scene my birth picture, and i havemissplaced my naming bracelet. But both have been been scene by my siblings. So they all know some of what i say is true. i mention alot of that as my mothers wrathe, seems to be quite fierce. So right now, my mother won't even talk to me, and my father who tries he really does try, but he can't stand seeing me in a dress or a skirt. Thats when he seems to go off and has told me not to tell people that we are related. I laughed quite hard at that last comment, then broke down after he left. Sometimes i think, it's difficult for a parent to admit they made a critically terrible mistake, They relied to much on what doctors told them to do, which has only made it harder for those of us, really hurting and trying to find answers.

i know i want to say more, Just not sure what i actually want to say. So i will leave it at that.

Best wishes everyone, God Bless.

[Melisma]

I thought this would be a good thread to share this, even thought it's not 100% the same. Just a fun bit of irony. I wasn't diagnosed until long after my father left the family. He never made it a secret to me or my sister that he would have preferred to have sons, and that he'd been disappointed to have only daughters. So, after I learned that I had a "male" chromosome pattern it gave me a little rush of schadenfreude to imagine that I'd been conceived as a male, but God had decided that a man who placed that much importance on his children's gender didn't deserve to have his wish fulfilled, changed his mind, and turned me into a girl. I know it's silly but it gives me a giggle.

[Kailana]

I would agree that it kinda does belong here, your thoughts just might have a ring of truth in them. I sometimes think God is a very creative entity, who has chosen to make some of us well different, perhaps, to show the world that we are suppose to be different. I hope there will come a day when everyone stops judging people for who they are, what they believe, how they express themselves, and who they love. I put love last, as i think Love is the most important aspect of being human.

Sometimes I think life would just be a whole lot easier if people, especially parents just accepted there children for who they are rather then for what they have been made into. Regardless of the various conditions that makes us different, we are still there children. So what if some of us don't fit what people expect us to be, each of us are unique in are own little way. From my personal experiences, i have found, that when i talk in front of groups of people or speak to people individually, that they are very supportive and understanding. Often they have questions, they have thought about but have never had someone share with them what it is actually like to be different(intersexed, or Transsexual)I identify as both. People are alot more open minded then most of us give them credit for. Occasional there is a bad apple in the bunch, but its kinda rare.