The Silent Cycle

[Andre]

I don’t know how many times I have talked about this in other forums, I just realised that I hadn’t done this here, or not that I remember and not in this detail.

In a discussion with a member here, she had asked what was going on and I realised that I was going into my cycle once more, I called it my monthly “friend”. This is an expression most people who identify as female know as the monthly cyclic period. After you have gasped your surprise in thinking how can a person born male without any surgeries have a monthly “friend” ?

Obviously, it’s not physical as I don’t have the equipment to have a physical cycle but what I do have is all the emotions that come with it. Think about it, I wasn’t built to have these cycles, or was I ? Definitely it is a trying time every month. It took me the better part of a couple of years to get some knowledge on how to deal with them. My wife has a bottle of PMS pills that knock me on my butt on a 1/4 , imagine a whole pill. It just doesn’t know where to go but it does calm me quite the bit. Over the years, a good calcium intake helped. Recently, a homeopathic remedy helped as well and I have never been calmer, ever. My heart rate even slowed down 10 points which is amazing, I had always been hyper much as a person with ADHD or ADD.

As an Klinefelter’s xxy person, one would come to think of the syndrome as a male’s condition. Many a debate has arisen in talking about how the xx might affect the xy and to tell you the truth, the jury is still out on that. Scientists also debate it and think they have all the answers but when it comes to that, I disagree. There are a lot of things Scientists’ don’t know and cannot know. If you find that hard to believe let’s take the simple equation H2O, we know that as water. Pretty simple actually, two parts Hydrogen to one part oxygen. Yet, no one has succeeded in making water from the scratch, it simply doesn’t work. I can tell you all the parts of a tree and it’s chemical makeup but try creating one, good luck with that. So, you can well imagine that everyone can know about the makeup of an xxy but know nothing at all on how it works.

When talking or chatting with other xxy’s like myself on this particular subject, most of them put their hands over their ears and do the “la-la-la” dance. What is wrong in knowing that we are part female ? I had come to accept that a while ago turning 40, the age of self awareness I call it. I had no choice but to accept it. Tests showed that I had the Estrogen level of a menopausal female with the Testosterone level of one as well. So, here I was stuck in something I had no way to deal with. “Was this the dark downs I had all this time ?” : I asked myself. I thought I was going nuts, that I was manic depressive. Not so, it seems.

This is a natural process for me and I suspect many more go through this not knowing what it is. It would explain a lot about how xxy’s have the rage and the anger flowing through their veins, they just can’t deal with it. Denial is paramount, much to our detriment. We were taught otherwise, all about a male body and it’s natural process and were closed to the female body’s natural process as something taboo, “women’s problems” as my Father once told me.

Well these “women’s problems” are mine and it’s not really a problem, only the mechanism to cope is. Being self aware led me to become familiar with others and then finding out that there are more people with conditions I hadn’t heard about let alone imagined. So, although different, I did find a kinship amongst all of them but not amongst those I call my own, not in the internal sense. I am positive that many xxy’s feel like I did and do now, silence is the enemy as we are not alone in coping with what nature gave us. We can cope, we can deal and we are still human beings who need each other for support and common findings.

This is real, we do go through this and I cannot be the only one. We are not a mistake, we are not a disorder, we are human dealing with aspects others would rather silence or “fix” us with chemicals that do more harm.

Break the silence.

Andre

[roguekiwixxy]

I don’t know how many times I have talked about this in other forums,


I don't have a 'monthly cycle', possibly you could see a doctor about your problems, they are the best qualified to deal with your needs.

[melonade]

My chance to be helpful.

As one now-absent member could tell you, the sense of smell is linked to the hypothalmus, which controls the pituitary's production of LH and FSH, which control the sex hormones in both females and males.

There is a well-known phenomena where women living together will often end up with synchronized menstrual cycles. The woman with the strongest cycle will end up taking control of everyone else's, based on scent.

It could also work on a hypogonadal male being influenced by his wife's scent? Do your silent cycles have any timing relationship to her's?

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=melonade;18108]My chance to be helpful.

As one now-absent member could tell you, the sense of smell is linked to the hypothalmus, which controls the pituitary's production of LH and FSH, which control the sex hormones in both females and males.

There is a well-known phenomena where women living together will often end up with synchronized menstrual cycles. The woman with the strongest cycle will end up taking control of everyone else's, based on scent.

>>> i've also discovered from personal experience that if i'm around women with hot flashes, i will begin having them myself... having been one to sychronize to another's cycle all my life, this came as no surprise when i realized what was happening...

no studies have been done (that i'm aware of) but i think it would be facinating :) <<<

It could also work on a hypogonadal male being influenced by his wife's scent? Do your silent cycles have any timing relationship to her's?

>>> there's also the possibility that estrogen dominance might be as much a problem for him as menopausal women... and that he may need to suppliment progesterone.
Yes, men make it too, you scoffers! and since they do, it stands to reason it has use in the human body besides the maintanence of a uterous... it does wonders for this peri-menopausal woman's skin and mental state... and it stands to reason that a hypogonadal man might not make as much as he needs. <<<

[OkieDokie]

In a discussion with a member here, she had asked what was going on and I realised that I was going into my cycle once more, I called it my monthly “friend”.
Can't relate, this XXY doesn't have a monthly cycle, but your experience of yourself is fascinating, tell me more...

[Andre]

It could also work on a hypogonadal male being influenced by his wife's scent? Do your silent cycles have any timing relationship to her's?

I had thought of that before and at one time I would have resoundingly said yes but now I keep my own calendar. So it may have started off that way however that is not the case any longer.

About the sense of smell, I can attest to that as when I am in deepest, that is, the saddest that I go out of my way to the nearest florist and just smell the good senses of flowers, almost immediately I begin to feel better and once more in control.

Yes, control, another good word. More like containing.

Andre

[Kailana]

and well probably true.

I had thought maria once mentioned men with andropause, maybe a year back. So I honestly just want to add, that I am sure many men, may go through a stage similar to what you are describing in there lives.

[Andre]

there's also the possibility that estrogen dominance might be as much a problem for him as menopausal women... and that he may need to suppliment progesterone.

Never thought of that. I had sort of toyed with the idea of Estrogen but the more I read and hear about, the more I think I'm inviting more trouble than it's worth. Progesterone, now that I would have to research before I make any decision on it.

Thanks for the tip, Maria.

Andre

[OkieDokie]

Andre, have you observed any connection to light cycles - seasonal affective?

[Andre]

Can't say I have, David. As I can mark the dates where that happens on the calendar, I would surmise that the light is not a factor.

It starts off with a euphoric feeling, that all can be conquered. Approximately two days later it's a feeling of dread, then the emotions kick in and I am lower than an ant's footy print. It's those times that either I write something that brings on those emotions more or I just simply don't post. Rage comes right after though I know what it is so I avoid people in general, well, as much as I can. Then I'm okay, like nothing ever happened.

This all goes down in a space of a week to a week and a half, given each mood swing approx one to three days. Like I said, Calcium helps ease that and the Homeopathic remedies certainly have helped quite the bit. Still feel it but not as strong.

[Andre]

I had thought maria once mentioned men with andropause, maybe a year back. So I honestly just want to add, that I am sure many men, may go through a stage similar to what you are describing in there lives.

I've had this all my mature life, so no, it's not Andropause, I've considered it later on but it has been too long since. My doc says it's menopause, best as she can describe it.

I thought for sure that other xxy's were going through this.

Andre

[melonade]

bi-polar disorder?

[Andre]

Hahaha,

Nice try.. Bi polarism is a lot different, more of a mental state and the change is quick, like in seconds.

Thanks for keeping at it, Melonade. There is no quick fix, this has been going on for the longest time.

[OkieDokie]

Andre, just curious, are you taking any hormones and if so which ones, and is there any correlation between dosing and cycling?

I have had periods of intense anxiety my whole life, and was untreated at that time, but never journalled so no idea what the cycle period was (if there was one). I tell other people to journal because it's so useful, but I can't be bothered to take my own advice hahahaha.

Now that I am on testo injects, there is direct correlation between mood and shots. And I am overdue right now, hope to get one tonight.

[OkieDokie]

Hahaha,

Nice try.. Bi polarism is a lot different, more of a mental state and the change is quick, like in seconds.

The period of a cycle in bipolar can be all over the map, from months to minutes. Highly variable from one to another. Intensity is also highly variable. I don't have time right now to dig up refs but you might read at least the wikipedia entry.

Off to my NA meeting... @<hidden>+

[Andre]

Over the last year, I have been on a very low dose of T as it enhanced the anger and rage, not to mention walking like a tripod. (I should have played baseball, always had a bat at the ready). So I lowered the dose and used the gel so that I could play with it. Finally, I stopped all together. Been dry now for 4 months (I think), no difference.

I know what you were talking about though, when I was on shots, the highs and lows came more in the fashion of between shots, and still the other cycle was still in effect, so, yeah, bad times. At that time I needed some relief and therefore I can to be a let's just say, not sober. Dry of that too for quite some time.

Andre

[Andre]

The period of a cycle in bipolar can be all over the map, from months to minutes. Highly variable from one to another. Intensity is also highly variable. I don't have time right now to dig up refs but you might read at least the wikipedia entry.

I didn't know that. I am quite sure that it's got nothing to do with Bi polarism. I am certain my Doctor would have notified me of that, as well as my wife. I could still pitch it to the Doc, but in a regular cycle ? I have my doubts.

[Onnineko]

It starts off with a euphoric feeling, that all can be conquered. Approximately two days later it's a feeling of dread, then the emotions kick in and I am lower than an ant's footy print. It's those times that either I write something that brings on those emotions more or I just simply don't post. Rage comes right after though I know what it is so I avoid people in general, well, as much as I can. Then I'm okay, like nothing ever happened.

This all goes down in a space of a week to a week and a half, given each mood swing approx one to three days. Like I said, Calcium helps ease that and the Homeopathic remedies certainly have helped quite the bit. Still feel it but not as strong.

Fascinating ... :) You're experiencing a shift in your endocrine system, the only question is why. Now wouldn't it be interesting if the exposure of you to your wife is inducing your own endocrine system adjustments. Have you tried taking a private vacation for 2 weeks, 1 week early and the week of, to see if you get different results?

I would be more inclined to say, you have an endocrine imbalance of some kind, and should probably get some tests.. contact me, Andre, if you want to talk through that.

Onnineko

[melonade]

Dread, or fear, is considered a chemical emotion caused by epinephrine which is the body's fight or flight hormone. It is produced in the adrenals in response to ACTH signals from the pituitary.

Andre, why did you make a special effort to give out one of duckslammer's personal details when he has already indicated he is uncomfortable being on a public forum because he doesn't want to be out? That's so wrong.

[Andre]

Andre, why did you make a special effort to give out one of duckslammer's personal details when he has already indicated he is uncomfortable being on a public forum because he doesn't want to be out? That's so wrong.

That was a whoops, you are absolutely right. Duckslammer mentioned that to me last night and I hadn't caught it.

Sorry, that was a slip.

Can you change that, Peter ?

[OkieDokie]

Andre, why did you make a special effort to give out one of duckslammer's personal details when he has already indicated he is uncomfortable being on a public forum because he doesn't want to be out? That's so wrong.
Not a problem.

Andre and I know each other in other contexts, so this is like a continuation of another discussion in another place.

This business of being "out" is kinda funny. I have two friends whom I'd known were gay for years and years, but neither one was out so it just sorta hung in the air unspoken, like an elephant in the corner. I felt like I had to be careful what I said around them, especially in the masculine back slapping teasing things guys say to each other, because I didn't want to offend or step on sensitivities I assumed had to be there but which we couldn't talk about. When they finally did come out to me, it was such a relief.

Coming out about my XXYness was cause for some sadness though. I had a close friend I'd been corresponding with for a lot of years, someone I thought I knew well, with whom I'd had a lot of deep life discussions on both sides, his and mine. He lived in K-W, Ontario. I'd been to see him twice, and he'd come to Oklahoma once and stayed with me, and one time we met in the middle and camped out. He was my best buddy. Until I started learning about XXY and told him about it. He got all squamish and weird and simply stopped talking to me. I was really hurt. There are have been some in my own family who reacted the same way.

I'd like to see ignorance as an opportunity to educate, but some males are so hung up in their own idea of what it means to be a male that I get the old locker room rejection bullshit from people I really thought should have known better. *sigh*

As to me in this forum, anyone who already knows me will figure out who the duckslammer is pretty quickly by what I'm interested in and how I write. I've been active in the online XXY community, off and on, for over a decade. The rest would have to do some detective work, but it's not impossible. So I guess I don't really care. And ya know, where's the stigma in being XXY anyway? That's what I've been fighting against forever. There shouldn't be. And feeling it in myself is just a sign I need to do some more growing.

My name is David XXXXXXXXX, yup, that's my real name, ha ha, and you can call me David.

Sorry to hijack the thread.

We were talking about Andre's cycling moods, which in my inexpert but studied opinion, fit the profile for bipolar. Just out a concern for a friend, I wish he'd get himself evaluated. Depression is an awful thing, and when it's due to biploar, it's easily treated. No one should have to suffer with it.

[Peter]

Hi David,

Now, I have a better idea of what was going on. It was your logon name, and not the content of the messages that I reviewed that is the problem. If your want me to change you logon name, just let me know what you would like to change it to. We can then merge all your old posts to your new name. I am not encouraging everyone to do this, but I have done some research in the Internet, and it is possible to apparently find an old photograph of you, and the city where you live. These changes are easy to make. I recommend that you think up a new logon name if you want one. We can also kdiscuss adding a few "........" to old messages.

My full name is Peter Trinkl, which was really terrible for me as child. I was proud to be present when David Cameron received a local aware for his intersex activism as an XXY person. There were over a hundred people in the audience and not a trace of stigma. Now, I also have to do a little growing. The other day, I had an intersex book delivered to my office, Thea Hillman's new book "Intersex (for lack of a better word)". When it came up from the mailroom, I noticed that it had been opened for security reasons. I was overcome with feeling a need for a brown paper wrapper, but later when I talked that the people handling the mail, they were all very friendly. I am out to a few people at work and the crowd keeps growing.


Peter

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=Peter;18231] I was overcome with feeling a need for a brown paper wrapper, but later when I talked that the people handling the mail, they were all very friendly. I am out to a few people at work and the crowd keeps growing.

>>> i hope the day comes for you, like it has for me.....

when EVERYONE knows, and nobody gives a rats ass. :)

it reminds me of the time someone threatened to tell my dad about seeing me come out of a "ladies bar"...

i laughed and said... go ahead.

the silly boy called my "bluff"

he called, and my dad put him on speaker phone so i could hear...

"mr krasinski, did you know your daughter's a lesbian?"

'really? [dad laughs] so?'

"you mean you APPROVE of the life she's chosen?"

says dad,

'look, i don't know who the hell you are, or what the hell you want, but i hated the little bitch before you called... and i still hate her guts... so nothings changed... get a life!'

sometimes, the bastard makes me proud ;)

[CC]

Hello OkieDokie, I so love that name,is that a musical instrument by any chance :happy68:

As to me in this forum, anyone who already knows me will figure out who the duckslammer is now that we all know you,when you going to introduce the rest of the family :happy68: Hourglass Dulcimer,American Dulcimer,
Mountain Dulcimer,Teardrop Dulcimer,Plucked Dulcimer,Fretted Dulcimer
,Lap Dulcimer

In case you hadn't noticed,I was having one of my :happy68: moments

Sorry to hijack the thread.

Me too

[prince....ss?]

Gee even your own dad dislikes you...something to be proud of?

If that does not say something about a person nothing does. I guess that goes back to the story about how your father tried to force you to be a man...Do I have that right? I can search the posts but there is so much bla bla bla it will take a while to find. Why would a father force a CAH woman to be a man???

I'll go look for that post I don't think it was that long ago.

[Peter]

Hi Maria,

Thanks for sharing your great story. I am glad that the bastard makes you proud of him sometimes.


Peter

[Dianne]

[QUOTE=Peter;18231].... but i hated the little bitch before you called... and i still hate her guts... so nothings changed... get a life!'

That just makes me SO SAD Maria!

I wonder if your dad is related to my mom? They sound like they were from the same cookie cutter :confused3 Remarks like that used to cut me to the core but damned if I would let her see how much she hurt me.

***HUG***

[OkieDokie]

My father was a turd too. He was mucho macho, and I was, well, XXY (breasts, feminine body shape, no muscles to speak of, couldn't play sports due to bad coordination, constant fatigue, and etc other typical XXY problems). It didn't go over too well. Why can't parents accept their kids for what they are, instead of projecting "failure" all over them because nature didn't make them to the parent's expectations. Nevermind, that was a rhetorical question. I know perfectly well why they can't. Just wanted to gripe.

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=Peter;18242]Hi Maria,

Thanks for sharing your great story. I am glad that the bastard makes you proud of him sometimes.

>>> he does have his moments :) he used to call me a little whore growing up, bitch is his word for women he respects! :)

He was a fireman in NYC... NY's bravest, till a fire in forest hills injured him, and killed 3 of his "brothers". made all the papers at the time. NY daily news, newsday... others i'm sure, but those are the ones in the scrap book.

so proud of him then. loved that man. he taught me how to fight when all the kids picked on me... so confusing to be told only a few years later that ladies weren't supposed to do that, only whores did.
My wife had a devil of a time undoing the mysogyny he taught... so right she was that it was an expression of self-hatred.

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=Dianne;18255][QUOTE=fraulein_Maria;18233]

That just makes me SO SAD Maria!

>>> LOL. that was him trying to be NICE! to me anyway. of course he took the opportunity to be mean to me, while he was doing his fatherly duty of telling a boy intent on blackmail to shove it... i've come to appreciate many of the right things he did for the wrong reasons...

he didn't feed, clothe, and house me out of the goodness of his heart...

but i didn't starve, didn't go naked, and wasn't homeless.

would i wish my up=bringing on some starving, naked, and homeless 3rd world child? no. but i could understand if one envied me. <<<

I wonder if your dad is related to my mom? They sound like they were from the same cookie cutter :confused3 Remarks like that used to cut me to the core but damned if I would let her see how much she hurt me.

>>> i was not as good at hiding my emotions... in fact, never was, perhaps never will be. does the anger really mask the pain from someone thoughtful enough to notice?
I cannot be afraid anymore of a face contorted with rage... haven't been for sometime now. when its the face of someone i love...
i am moved to tears... not of fear (except of rejection) but of sorrow for the pain they are hiding... that we, who are none of us mind readers inflict on one another.

he cannot hurt me anymore. i can only hurt myself with the memory of him. so i am doing my best to remember what little was good about him, now that i am safe. But i will accept your hugs, and give them back. :grouphug0

I'm just so thankful that i had other male role models growing up... far more positive ones... the benefit of having a HUGE family. my Godfather john giaccone... my uncle ronald (golden gloves) geoffrion (my mother's sister's had a thing for italian men ;) and my male cousins, most of them at least a decade older than me because my mom married so late. They adored me. i could do no wrong with them... But i didn't live with them. we only saw each other on holidays (thankfully, RC has LOTS of holidays ;) so there was only so much they could do.

my brothers but for one are all younger than me... one of them so much younger that i raised him while my mom was a work... that one had me wrapped around his finger, LOL.

sometimes i think that's why i'm a lesbian.... the incest taboo is just too overwhelming for me to over-come... men i love are all related to me somehow! :)

[Dianne]

... men i love are all related to me somehow! :)

Well I don't have that problem, thankfully. The only men I am really close to these days are flaming gay! I love them dearly but ...... not a chance! LOL!

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=Dianne;18304]Well I don't have that problem, thankfully. The only men I am really close to these days are flaming gay! I love them dearly but ...... not a chance! LOL!

>>> but that'as exactly my point!

they are brothers to you!

beloved brothers whose diapers you changed if they were younger, or who changed yours if they are older! :)

how can we possibly fall "in love" with them...and then find an attraction...

ewwwww! Ick!! gross! LOL :) but i love them! :)

[peaceandparty]

lol
nice thread!

[JOS]

It could also work on a hypogonadal male being influenced by his wife's scent? Do your silent cycles have any timing relationship to her's?

Cool idea... I wonder if I synchronize with my husbands natural cycles

or if being on HRT confuses the natural order of things and that messes up the naturally created "pecking order" with the other women I associate with.

very thought provoking!

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=JOS;18459]Cool idea... I wonder if I synchronize with my husbands natural cycles

>>> suppose it wouln't hurt to see if your in sync with his diurnal rhythym...

google that, to see what it is generally, then ask him about his specifically... <<<

or if being on HRT confuses the natural order of things and that messes up the naturally created "pecking order" with the other women I associate with.

>>> only if you live with them ;)

i already know that i will sync with any woman around me... not she with me. that includeds women with Y chromosomes. :) never took the time to notice if i also sync'ed with men though.

LOL, what if he is in sync with YOU, not you with he? ;) <<<

[peaceandparty]

Cool idea... I wonder if I synchronize with my husbands natural cycles

or if being on HRT confuses the natural order of things and that messes up the naturally created "pecking order" with the other women I associate with.

very thought provoking!

my cycles
my grilfriend ...the last one of 2 and half yrs
she said that i reacted always in many ways when she had her period
sometimes i was just really horny
sometimes she sensed her period was coming from my behaviours
sometimes it was terrible when i needed my injection when she had her period
a lot of things i have to report but i just cant think now
very good thread

most of my life....especially when on testosterone i explained to lots of people that i had my own period type thing!
i told people and will continue to tell people that its not just "women" getting periods....but thankfully i can say its a period without the blood......thankfully---i dont know how "women" deal with that stuff......uuuurrrrggghhhhh!!
:)

well this is a very interesting subject for me
because many years without knowing any one who i considered intersex(maybe many people i have met have been intersexed and i just didnt know)
i had no one to discuss these issues with except my family!
i realise many people dont even have their family to discuss these intimate details

very interesting dr.watson!:whipg: