Hello from central Pa

[PostOpLesbian]

It will be 10 yrs dec 8th since i had surgery to correct my condition. Yes i understand many of you had this closer to your birth. My mom told me she took a testosterone type of drug to prevent miscarriage and well here i am. Life is much better but my siblings don't see me as i see myself so i have had to let them go. Today i live on a farm and help an elderly amish couple. I drive a horse and buggy. Yes the amish use phones and they gave me one for all the work i do so i use it to connect online. I do not try to be all femmy but i do what i like to do and what i am capable of doing. I am a very spiritual person and have been single since 1998 when another post op woman broke up with me after i had my surgery. I have a great horse and he loves me. However, there are times i wish i had a human. I never dated men and i hated my body so i never wanted another male body near me but i do seem to have an attraction for FTM's and some androgenous people. Its not about the body but most males it is so i steer clear of them. Anyway i ran as an obama delegate and well he won so i am kinda free these days to use some of my online time to reach out in new directions. Oh i love to work hard and have lost a lot of weight since moving here to the farm. In june i was a size 16 and now i am a size 6 again.. My thighs don't hurt or feel numb which is great and my horse has less to carry. Well thats my intro.
hugs Danielle

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=PostOpLesbian;18736] My mom told me she took a testosterone type of drug to prevent miscarriage

>>> she lied. neither testosterone, nor any androgen of ANY kind will have this effect... even in theory. It will prevent pregnancy and taken early enough, cause a spontaneous abortion. many of us were lied to, so this is not surprising. however, what is possible, is that she has CAH... and went off of whatever cortsol analogue she was taking for reasons unknown.
Yes, the androgens of untreated CAH can KILL a fetus... many CAH women i know (myself included) morn the thought that we concieved many more times than we were aware of... and that our late heavy periods were actually early miscarriages.

you don't say how old you are, but cortisol (and subsequently, its analogues) was not manufactured until the early '50's... so if you were born before then, the medicine was not even available to her then, to prevent what may have happened.

My own daughter was masculinized by my CAH body before i knew that CAH had killed my first child in utero.
thankfully, she was only a prader 1, so instead of cutting her they offered a caustic cream to "burn off the extra tissue". having been born a prader 2 and missing muchly what they had taken, i told the doctors to shove it. If my daughter judges herself to be too large for her liking... she can have the surgery as an adult.


i do wonder though, how it is possible that your masculine features were maintained all those childhood years without any testosterone of your own.

Part of the reason i could so confidently tell the doctors to shove it, was because i knew her tissues would shrink without T. to maintain them... and in fact they did. My own enlarged tissues also began shrinking once i began cort. analogue therapy... which stopped my body from producing the extra androgens that had maintained and increased my size over the years. <<<

[Kailana]

Hope you find the forum usefull, lots of knowledge and people around in and out. Take care

[Anis789]

Just to say Hi and welcome, horses are lovely its comming up to 10years since my intersex condtion started to take its toll on my emotional n psychological well-being, I hope you find BLO useful I sure did, and the two members above are lovely - I feel so mothered by you all - its like family x

As a side note sorry not to take over the thread but I am awaiting support the college suspended me as they feel I have a personality disorder they way i have mood swings n seem to follow a pattern of self distruction when befriending people espically women. Siad I been threatening n disturbing students well they laughed at intersex vieo called me a sheman n took piss out of my disability emotional psychological ill-health

take care all x

[The Female Eunuch]

Hello Post-op Lesbian, and welcome to BLO.

I have three questions, to help clarify your background:

1. which sex were you raised as?

2. do you know what your karyotype is? (eg. XX, XY)

3. do you remember having any genital surgery as a child?

(in case you're wondering, my answers to those questions are: 1. male. 2. XY. 3. yes, heaps)

cheers,
Caroline

[PostOpLesbian]

I think i have a regular males body, except since childhood i felt like a female mentally. I hated when i was separated from my 3 sisters from bathing because my mom said i was different. I hated puberty and it hurt to get rid of that feeling to mastubate. I fathered 2 sons. I had two siblings who were born with mixed genitalia and the catholic DR told my mom they died at birth. I was born in the mid 50's. The DR gave my mom something because she had had the twin hermaphrodite miscarriage a yr before i was born. My mom is 86 and doesn't have the greatest mind. However when she did she told me she took a testosterone drug to prevent miscarriage. Thats what she said and she was a biochemist. Oh well anyway i had surgery in 1998 and all is well. I am not here proclaiming to be intersex. Many call me transsexual. Myself i see that as a phase and its been over a long time. I have never had my chromosomes checked. Maybe my mom had this CAH as you say i am not sure what that is. I did have large hands and feet and penis. I took no testosterone as i grew up. I had rather large testes. I hated my body and many times i would fold my testes and penis back inside itself to make my body appear as a vagina. I would then use a rubber band to hold the hairs which would hold it in and make me feel better about myself. Yes i fathered two sons and well i hated doing that act and i rather just be oral with my ex's. I was married for 20 days and the other mother just wanted to get back at her mom by being sexually active. The other mother wanted a child. My sons are healthy as their moms tell me as i am not alowed to see one and the other limits my visits to once or twice a yr. I do not fight them due to feeling this is my problem and noth theirs. I as a woman wouldn't want to be forced into this situation so i do not force myself on them / my sons. I am basically a celibate and only seek true love which seems to elude me and i rather not have sex than to get hurt again. I happen to love myself and am attracted to others like myself be they male or female who love themselves but many of the other so called transsexuals seem to only want so called genetic males or females and well to me that means they think more of them and less of themselves as they limit themselves from dating others like themselves. Oh well thats some more of me and i have to get out now and feed the cows. I live on an amish farm and love my simple life.

[PostOpLesbian]

I guess i don't have a totally male body but i have the big hands and wide feet and i use to have a large penis and large testes. The rest of my body is kinda soft and femm. My chest frame is 34 and hips 41 and waist 29. I have hardly any body hair. My sexuality is based on a feeling of love. If the light doesn't go on upstairs it won't go on downstairs and i love it. I hated the free flowing testosterone from the testes. I use to have to do that dirty deed before going on a date so i could stay mentally connected to the person. I love the chain of command of the adrenals, cotercoisteroids and oxytosin, cowpers gland, hypothalmus etc etc where only a feeling a true love makes my body click and not the free flowing testosterone.

These days i haven't had those feelings in over 5 yrs due to not meeting anyone either online or in real life and so my body now only functions with this chain through dreams.

Anyway i wanted to reclarify a few points in my last post.

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=PostOpLesbian;18744] However when she did she told me she took a testosterone drug to prevent miscarriage. Thats what she said and she was a biochemist.

>>> Since i BELIEVE what your saying (that your mom is a biochemist, and therefore should KNOW better) it is more than safe to say she's lying. Even back then, they knew the effect of testosterone on a pregnancy. Its effect is anti-estrogenic. It will surpress ovarian function which is necessary to maintain a pregnancy. It works marvelously and safely as birth control and as an abortifacient... if you don't mind the side effects.

Why your mother lied is anyone's guess, i just know that she did. <<<

I am not here proclaiming to be intersex.

>>> then why are you here? <<<

[PostOpLesbian]

[QUOTE=PostOpLesbian;18744]

I am not here proclaiming to be intersex.

>>> then why are you here? <<<


I thought i read that this place was open for those who had siblings or friends or family etc who had intersex issues. Maybe i misread it. I will not come back. Forgive me.

[The Female Eunuch]

PostOpLesbian:

I don't think you should take Maria's question as an instruction to leave. I think you should take it as a sincere question to tease out information that was not clear from your posts, just like the 3 questions I asked you were.

cheers,
Caroline

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=PostOpLesbian;18749][QUOTE=fraulein_Maria;18748]


I thought i read that this place was open for those who had siblings or friends or family etc who had intersex issues.

>>> it is. :) its open to even more than that. <<<

Maybe i misread it.

>>> nope. :) <<<

I will not come back.

>>> why not? <<<

Forgive me.

>>> there's nothing to forgive. :)

[Anis789]

PostOpLesbian

Hey its okay please stay if you wish - your life sounds so lovely with the farm, chickens and I love horses too.

Listen, I came on this forum guns blazing uspet about some lass calling me a freak it took just til last couple of weeks ago for some people to think that Hey Anis is hear looking to support fellow intersexuals and learn about his undiagnoisable condition. Trust me I have been thought of as some 21 year old just looking to get laid as if, some new guy joined claming he is dating some intersex woman and he gets welcomed like he aint some pevert but I was/probabaly still are seen as some perv - even though my posts are as manic as I am and express my confusion frustartion in life.

Don't let what anyone says get you down - shit happens - life goes on - people on this forum matter more too me than what Endos Genetics Doctors say or think because we live intersex daily - all us here proabably been treated like shit by others and I feel I am becoming really deffensive about my intersex let anybody take piss out of me now, I will stand there and tell them what intersex is all about, intersex doesn't have to be all there is to me I fit into other things like being young, there is so much enphosis these days on sex and sexuality even the 'Normalies' get confused.

Thanks for your time, hope you'll stay around love Anis x