children's book intersex

[emisit06]

Hello everyone!
My name is Emily, and I am currently working on creating a children's book for kids growing up intersex. I am studying in the Netherlands at the moment and was hoping to give the book to some intersex advocacy organizations around here to hopefully use/put on their websites. I came on this forum to ask everyone for some advice/input/suggestions anything!

I'd like this book to focus on promoting positive self and body image, talk about different types of DSDs, and generally give open, accurate, and honest information about being intersex. I am writing this book for children around ages 6-11, so it will be fairly basic and simple to understand. I'd like to ask all of you out there in internet world....

what kind of messages did you hear as a child that were positive/supportive? what kind of messages would you have liked to have heard or think are important for intersex children to hear?

should I focus on one specific DSD? Broad general overview of intersex issues?

Talk about surgeries or not? I think its important to address if the child reading the book has had surgeries as an infant, so that they can understand what has happened, but what about children who have not had surgeries? Should I cover both sides of the issue?

Basically...any advice or suggestions would be very helpful. I am currently collaborating with some organizations/friends on this project but would like as much input from as many people as possible. If anyone wants any clarification on what exactly this project is going to look like, I can give more details, just ask :)
I would really appreciate any suggestions offered...I am also available through email if you'd like to speak further: eei06@<hidden>
And, I would be happy to email a digital copy of this book (when it is finished in May/June) for any help that is given!

-Emily

[Kailana]

first of all stop using the acronym DSD.

we are not a Disorder, nor are we affected by a Disorder of Sexual Development. So who ever it is you happen to be talking too stop using a word that some idiot doctors and shrinks came up with to medically label us as inferior or defective.

We have some amazing unique Body and Anatomical variations that happen to be Rare in our society.

Ok I am probably gonna email you in a bit.

anyways, first of all if your really thinking about making an intersex childrens awareness book, then concentrate most on mentioning that people come in all shapes and sizes kind of thing. I doubt people really are gonna want to share information about surgery to a kid. Thats a little too much.

But you might want to mention simpler things that might be common features, shorter height or whatever. stockyness or well the small things that make us look well a lil different. ie like comparying kids with glasses with those who don't wear them, kids with braces and what not.


honestly now there is another author who wrote a few teen romance LGBT novels, and I honestly got real sick of reading just how open and accepting the parents were of their intersexed child <----almost made me gag, cause I have never experienced acceptance by imediate family that the author of said books just didn't understand that some of us would be interested in actually reading even as adults. She basically gave this impression that because the intersexed teen was intersexed that her parents just accepted her and however she felt or well just blind acceptance and love that honestly would be an ideal for any parent to share or care about with thier children. Fact is many of us are not treated that way. We are outcast by our own family's because we were not normal little boys and girls. mistreated repeatedly by doctors again because we were not normal little boys and little girls and some of us just happen to know that we are still treated pretty damn bad because there are people who just do not understand what it means to not fit stereotypes of what it means to be normal, when the real fact is, we are normal and always have been.

[emisit06]

Hi Kailana
Sorry about the language. I've come across people who prefer that term because it doesn't suggest an identity, while others prefer intersex so I try to vary the language I'm using to try and encompass a lot of different feelings about the language used...I will just stick to intersex from now on. I'd like to be in touch through email, it sounds like you have some good input.

I read those teenage romance novels you're talking about -- I also felt they were a little over the top in the acceptance and "everything's so wonderful" story. Email me soon if you'd like and we can talk some more.

[miriam]

I am studying in the Netherlands at the moment and

Hello Emily,

I'm from the Netherlands. Where and what are you studying exactly? Maybe I can help you to get in touch with some other people in the Netherlands.

Groeten, Miriam

[Kailana]

was just thinking honestly that a intersex awareness or aceptance book would really be hard to sell to the main stream public.



great idea though but well, as I did mention that surgery information might not be so advisable to say or talk about. That would lead I think to too many questions being asked by kids of parents to understand what was meant.



I do think it would be helpfull for many young kids to read something though that they might understand to explain what intersex is. Most of us, though were not aware that we were or are intersexed. The younger generations though, well some of the young boys and girls do know, basically because there are parents who are hearing just how hard it is or was for those of us to find out as older teens and or adults what had been done to make us fit in.



There are some amazing young boys and girls who are having a easier time understanding themselves because their parents are talking and explaining to them whats up with them. Really think this is where your book might help parents most. Might do better or be a better resource for parents to help them explain to their own children how being intersexed is a fairly common thing, having a childrens book handy to assist them while talking to their kids could be very usefull.



Just thinking that a title "Im ok too" or something simple like that would be appropriate. Would or could show those of us who are allready wondering about ourselves and why doctors are asking the questions they do. I still think writing this kind of help book, is going to be difficult. Also think their may be alot of potential for kids to use such a book to tease and mock other kids with.



Perhaps having a book that shares more about other conditions as well might be easier or better. you know adding information about well other things. like having a friend who only has 1 leg or arm ? a friend who is in a wheel chair, a kid who has a fake eye. You know what I mean. Having a book that well encompassed more then just intersex issues, other conditions too like Down Syndrome, Spina Bifada just so that kids could learn that there are many reasons for kids to be different and that no matter what all kids need to be treated alike.

mail me anytime, I do like thinking just this is a topic that is a little hard to think about. Kids can be pretty cruel do to just about any reason, being intersexed isn't a reason though, cuase honestly it has or makes little difference to us as kids. We were born with a fairly unique condition that just made us look a little different and how we were treated by doctors is what made many of us so well different. Its not that we are intersexed, cause thats actually fairly common, its the treatment we have recieved that seperates us from everyone else.

[The Female Eunuch]

great idea though but well, as I did mention that surgery information might not be so advisable to say or talk about. That would lead I think to too many questions being asked by kids of parents to understand what was meant.

The surgery was certainly an important part of my childhood, so my first instinct is to include it. But I can see it being a difficult thing to include, because it is controversial - I think a lot of it shouldn't have been done, and I think you don't want to push a pro-surgery or anti-surgery line in a children's book. I would be most comfortable with the idea of the book focusing on the surgery as something the child has a choice about, but if you write it like that you will run up against opposition from people who want the doctors to decide on behalf of the child.

I can see Kailana's point about teasing, but I don't know if the book would end up being distributed widely enough to get into the hands of kids who would use it in that way.

cheers,
Caroline

[emisit06]

Hi Caroline,
Thanks for your input.
I think for some children not mentioning surgery might cause more questions in their minds than at least just briefly mentioning that it is something they can choose later in life if they decide they want it. I definitely do not want to push any sort of pro or anti surgery messages, because it seems as if lots of children go through lots of different experiences in regards to this issue. Would you be willing to speak with me further in a few weeks about how exactly to phrase such a controversial topic?

Also, just to clarify for everyone, this book isn't going to be published mainstream. I will be giving it to intersex advocacy organizations in the Netherlands to use (it will be in Dutch, but I can translate it into English for anyone who would like to see a copy when it is finished). So for the most part, I agree that it wouldn't be spread widely enough for kids to use it in a teasing way.

[emisit06]

Hi Kailana,
Your ideas sound great. I was planning on doing some into that talks about lots of different kinds of kids (like you mentioned, kids with one arm, kids with glasses, braces, etc.). I also agree that this book will probably end up being more of an aid for parents, to help open up dialogue between the parent and child and let the child know that it is much more common than they may think. I can't seem to find your email address on this website, but would really love to speak with you in more depth than on this message forum. If you drop me an email, I can send over some ideas of pages I will be working on. My email is eei06@<hidden>
Hope to hear from you soon!

[The Female Eunuch]

I think for some children not mentioning surgery might cause more questions in their minds than at least just briefly mentioning that it is something they can choose later in life if they decide they want it. I definitely do not want to push any sort of pro or anti surgery messages, because it seems as if lots of children go through lots of different experiences in regards to this issue. Would you be willing to speak with me further in a few weeks about how exactly to phrase such a controversial topic?
\
yep, sure

[Allthelove]

Variations of the Human Reproductive System


I'm new to understanding the intersex community but I just wanted to say that I love how you put this. I didn't know whether to call it a condition, or DSD. I didn't like either of those because each human being is unique and the classification does not tell us anything. I still would like to see it called something else because there are so many different cases but I like yours by far the best! Kudos.