hi im new here and pretty confused

[zainabp]

hi there

im from cape town South Africa and i think:omg_smile i have AIS... reason for this being is the fact that medical attention is so expensive here im also shit scared and shy to pursue this quest for answers... ok here i go

im 31!! yeah i knw..kinda old already and still in the dark. im "female" married to a man...found out that i was born diffrent at the age of 22.(by different my mom only told me that i had testicular attached to my vagina at birth which they removed. underwent a few test at the age of 22.widened the vagina, was given a prescription to use birth control for the rest of my life...and off i went:confused: :confused:

i dont even know how to start this conversation as this is not something anybody in my family is talking about. my husband knows about me but also dont talk about it.

my cousin bought me a book a week ago and all this questions started flaming up again. the books name was MIDDLESEX...i hated the book. it was nothing i expected.

so yeah...i look like a woman..except my breast is really under developed and obviously i cant have children im very tall., i have the body of a woman... never menstruated...i think i like men(im married) was inlove with a guy for 7 years (not my husband)fantasizes about woman, it really arouses me but i dont think i ever been in love with one. i dont look at woman like that...i dont know. actually the first time i talk so openly about the fantasizing about woman...does that make me gay?

thats all for now... hope to hear from someone. mwah!!:kiss

[Peter]

Welcome to Bodies Like Ours. Only a doctor can give you a proper diagnosis of AIS, but from what you mention, there seems to be the strong possibility that you have an intersex condition. You say that you are scared of the search for answers. I can certainly understand that as your mom explained to you that you were born with both a vagina and testicular tissue, and nothing more was explained to you, that you could very well have a deep fear of bringing up these issues again with either your parents or doctors. You said that you read the book MIDDLESEX, and hated it. LOL. To me, that is a strong indication that you could very well be intersex, because so many intersex people hate the book, even as it is popular among non-intersex people. The book is Eugenides' fantasy of being intersex, which is profoundly different than the experience of many intersex people. There are AIS women on this forum, who can probably provide you with more detailed answers to your questions. I also recommend doing a web search on AIS support groups, and contacting an AIS support group for more information.

Peter

[zainabp]

Hi there. Thanks Peter for taking the time to reply on my thread. Yes, im scared and what makes it worse is the fact that i was brought up Orthodox Muslim. I'm suppose to be grateful and since im married all is suppose to be ok. but its not. I feel i need to know more and the psychological impact it has on me. I yearly go in to depression and it totally mess up my life and credibility in my work. In general im a very positive and self-confident individual and are proud of being different. I sometime feel to shout from the top of the roof of my status as an inter sexual.iI kinda feel proud to be one...is that strange?:confused2

I am in turn busy sorting out my medical aid so i can pursue this quest for answers. I will in turn make use of this page to get to know about other cases and feel part of a family.

ps...Oprah and that Jeffrey guy totally sucks!! They don't know anything!!! lol

[Peggy]

Hi Zainabp,

I have AIS too, although a slightly different form (grade 5 PAIS). I'd be glad to talk with you about it. There is an e-mail group for AIS women I can tell you more about. You could join through me, or you could contact them yourself through aissgusa (at sign) hotmail.com

That would be a good group for you to discuss learning to accept yourself as a woman with AIS. You can also get practical advice from other members about things like adoption of children.

I completely agree with you and Peter about the book Middlesex. I once wrote that if it has any value, it isa as entertaining fiction, just like that preposterous cartoon TV show for children, The Fintstones, but that reading Middlesex and thinking one is learning about real-life intersex persons is like watching The Fintstones and thinking that life was really like that for prehistoric humans a million years ago.

Friendly greetings to all,

Peggy


• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
"When art critics get together they talk about Form and Structure and Meaning.
When artists get together they talk about where you can buy cheap turpentine." - Pablo Picasso

[zainabp]

hi Peggy

that would be really great to talk to someone that would understand me. tell me...need i have to get a yahoo account to chat with you? or is my current email address not sufficient? i have 2 emails...one hotmail and one of my work?

let me know as i am looking forward to know more about ais. im also on skype with the same username.

thanks in advance

zainab:cfs_flowe

[Peggy]

Hi zainabp,

You wrote,

...need i have to get a yahoo account to chat with you? or is my current email address not sufficient?

I'm not sure. You could try sending me an IM to see whether it works.

Did you get the e-mail I sent you through this forum?

Friendly greetings to all,

Peggy

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
"When art critics get together they talk about Form and Structure and Meaning.
When artists get together they talk about where you can buy cheap turpentine." - Pablo Picasso

[Aseras]

Hi Zainabp

Welcome. I had a friend who had complete AIS growing up ( although I didn't know until we were grown ). I know a little about it.

AIS women usually develop quite well, unless they did have their testes/sex organs removed at a young age. The birth control could be a mask for that. It is too low of a dose to cause development, like true puberty. You would need 3-4 times the dose of estrogens. You could also be at risk for osteoporosis or other problems later if you have had them removed from the lack of hormones. If they are still present they are also at a small risk for certain types of cancer, but easily treated usually by simply having them removed when there is a problem.

Complete AIS is "easy" to identify, you would have little or no body hair, little or no pubic or armpit hair. You also would not have a cervix. Just inside of the vagina you should be able to feel your cervix, a small firm round like egg shape a couple inches in. AIS will not have a cervix or a uterus, hence no menstruation.

Now physical issues aside, you are who you are. Your sexuality is whatever you want it to be. You are human, of course you can be curious and explore. You are free to do whatever you want really.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

[zainabp]

hi Aseras

thanks for the reply. yes it sure sounds like my condition. i had testicles attached to my vagina when i was born. is that the testus you referring to. and yes they did remove it. im on HRT to make sure i dont suffer from osteoporosis when im older. at the age of 31 im shy to ask these questions and that is the main reason why i took so long to start asking them. i have no underarm hair and little pubic s.
thanks again.

[Kailana]

welcome to bodieslikeours. glad you managed to find your way here.

I will repeat what Peter mentioned. ie the only real way of knowing is with testing through doctors. Other then that though, sure sounds like AIS.

Are your parents still around? Are you able to talk to them more in greater detail? What are doctors like in your area? I'm only asking as I have little knowledge of medical care or treatment of intersexed people in Africa. I guess that if you do or are actually looking for answers perhaps would be best to first find a doctor you are comfortable talking too.

take care and good luck. oh and Ask relatives, sometimes they know allready just are afraid to talk about it.

[Mitch]

hi Aseras

thanks for the reply. yes it sure sounds like my condition. i had testicles attached to my vagina when i was born. is that the testus you referring to. and yes they did remove it. im on HRT to make sure i dont suffer from osteoporosis when im older. at the age of 31 im shy to ask these questions and that is the main reason why i took so long to start asking them. i have no underarm hair and little pubic s.
thanks again.
Hi Zainabp, I know what kind of boat you are in ! My name is Mitch. I lived the first 14 years as a female. Forced into that by my mother. I had 2 surgeries when I was 2 yrs old. I have lived as a man 44 yrs. I was not tested until age 45. A long time to go without answers. I wasn't interested in women until age 18/19.
I married a wonderfull woman at the age of 24 and this year we will celebrate our 34 wedding aniversery.
My body is weird I've had no treatments, medication or steroids. My mind and outlook on life is what I MADE of it. I will try to keep in touch, even with more details if you would like. Good luck and may Your GOD Bless. Mitch