Parents and Children

[green1706]

What is the ideal relationship between parents and children? This relationship should be more severe, parents imposing their terms automatically, or should it be a friendship? In the latter case, if the child benefit from parents' indulgence and do something stupid? I know that the situation varies from case to case, but I speak in general. My husband and I get ready to be parents again, we want to adopt for the first time, and therefore we want more opinions. So, what do you think?


:whipg:

[spacegirl]

Hello green. You say you getting ready to be parents again, but this will be your first adoption. Should I deduce that you and your husband are not intersexed enough to prevent your having previous children? Are you intending to adopt an intersexed child?

[Kailana]

I am not a parent, but had once thought I would of made a great parent.

That did not happen. however I do think that a parents place is infact as a caregiver. Well I guess everyone says that. But what I mean is that kids need parents who are supportive, and caring most. Yes it is great when parents are a provider for the basic needs, but we also know how crappy some lives can be when parents are only a provider and not a carer.

So thoughts from a single adult with no kids. You just need to be there when your kids make mistakes and you need to have patience and be there to praise them as well.

Love, the blind love of a child, is an amazing gift all need to have to be a good parent. Kids will make mistakes, a caring parent will understand that. So when or if they do, its not the end of the world. Smile, when explaining whats right and wrong too kids. You know you dont need to scold critically or harshly to correct a childs behavior. Use words to explain and help a child understand when they do behave wrong.

Listen to your children, it is important they understand that they are being heard. Children are an amazing gift that I would of liked to have had. I have not had the opportunity of having kids, but I am pretty good taking care of nieces and nephews, friends kids too. lol I swear I think one of the few things that make life happy for me is actually watching some of the funny things kids can do.

You know those little moments, like when my Friends Jesse and Rachelle daughters cut there hair on thier own? Funny. While they get mad and upet it is one of those comical moments that I swear I wish I had a camera just to show thier daugters when they are older. My nieces seem to have this same interest in cutting thier own hair, not sure if that is a girl thing. But it is adorable to see.

sorry You know I think I as a parent would actually be a push over, so no idea how good of a parent I actually would be, perhaps too lenient, Still I think just trying can be enough when you are thier when your children need you.

Best wishes to you and your family.

[kristan]

This is a very interesting question for this forum. That you ask it is a very good start at thinking of becoming a parent. I, myself always wanted my kids to be self reliant, BUT, I was the first person to put a band-aid on a fingernail scratch. Is there a 'safe' medium in parenting? HAHA.....It's all relative to you and your own experiences. Adoption lends a lot of possibilities for you, for the simple reasons of genetics. My wife and I are considering adoption and/or sperm donation(I am infertile due to a vasectomy and HRT). You really can only do the best you can with each situation you are given at any time.

Use your own life experiences to give your children the best possible life experiences you can.

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=green1706;20734]What is the ideal relationship between parents and children?

>>> i depends on the age of the child. a benevolent despotism to start because children are just not knowlegable or mature enough to avoid life threatening situations. Take something as simple as crossing the road...

under the age of walking, you carry them... because crawling across is too dangerous... benevolent despot. :)

once they start walking, you carry them until they are GOOD at it. ;)

they walk well now. but will run in front of a car on impulse. so you forbid them to cross without holding your hand. so far, still despotism.

But now you begin TRAINING them to be independent, even though they are not yet ready to be. Is this friendship? not if its mandatory!

As the child gets older, you slowly loosen the reigns as they begin to demonstrate that they can handle what freedom you give them. this is STILL despotism though. You allow them freedom of speech. You listen to there concerns.... but your word is still law, and you are legally liable for them till they turn 18.

I think what you may have been asking is more in line with...

Do i enforce my will as an abuser? or attempt to as a friend?

Neither.

you teach your children young to respect your authority by physically restraining them if necessary (carrying a screaming/tantrum throwing-child out of the store is not abuse) so that by the time they are adolecents, they will obey you (mostly) because they begin to recognize that you were not a complete idiot for forbiding them to cross the road. It is especially helpful in this regard to have them baby-sit, though getting them a dog walking job works too.

BTW, if you teach them to drive a lawn tractor BEFORE the hormones kick in, they are less likely to treat driving as a novelty, and more like the responsibility it is.

happy parenting :)

[mohnblume]

... it's your child and you want it to be happy. This goal you will never reach, if it will get everything it wants. But you give your child the chance to make it possible, show and teach him/her what has to do be done for what is desired.

I just have spent five months in the US to look for two year old twins. When we arrived they could not walk, because they were asked too much of what they couldn't understand, and continuously carried and spoiled by their parents all the time. But after only one month they could walk down by themselves ... because they were hungry and wanted to eat down in the kitchen. They learned to speak, even German too ...

Well, you have to make them "hungry" to learn and show them how it can be fun. They may respect you, if they discover to be "successful". I still believe in giving any child a kind of "meadow", where they can enjoy their freedom, but they have also to understand the "fences". And that can be an order!

I had fun with the two! We still see each other ... on Skype! And it's fun too. For all of us