View Full Version : I wonder why CAIS is such a big trauma
Joskapista
10-22-09, 04:31 AM
I don't mean to harm anyone, I just don't get this. I understand if PAIS is a big problem as it means a true intersex body. But CAIS? They have normal female bodies except the lack of uterus and a shorter vagina. But dispite that, haveing CAIS seems to be better than being a normal women: they are free of the stress of menses, they have continuous estrogen supply unlike normal females cyclikal, they don't need to shave themselves, they don't have to worry about getting pergnant, and they tend to be more feminin than the normal girls.
This doesn't seems to be so bad!
spacegirl
10-22-09, 05:23 PM
Just curious, what does "Joskapista" mean? Searching for the word found it on a few hungarian web pages, but hungarian-english dictionaries don't seem to list it.
Joskapista
10-23-09, 07:05 AM
It doesn't mean anything special. It's one of the Hungarian variations of John Doe. It's basically the nicknames of Jozsef (Joska) and Istvan (Pista) put together.
spacegirl
10-23-09, 06:43 PM
It looks like the forum members with cais are not quickly replying to you. I could offer a partial response to your question, based on what ais women have written about their lives and what I understand about human nature. While they might approve of my answer, they might be angry simply because it's not my place to answer it, I don't have ais. Those who speak for others risk being thought pretentious.
I had testicles inside me but although doctors knew, they didn't tell me.
They removed one but left the other one 'by accident' and it turned cancerous.
I have to take oestrogen otherwise I'll get osteoporosis but getting the levels right was fairly traumatic.
I've always felt different to all my contemporaries because my body doesn't look like 'normal' women's. I certainly didn't FEEL more feminine in fact, even though I didn't know about the testicles, I felt neither male or female. I was a lot taller and bigger than everyone else.
And I'm not like a normal woman for the fundamental reason that from the age of 15 I've know I can't have children... it kind of made me wonder what the point of living was?
but to an extent you're right and everyone always tells you just how lucky you are that you don't have periods or period pain or body hair.... and I guess that must be true.
there are worse things... much worse
... if I were a bald woman I'm sure I'd feel so much better if people's response to my feeling down about it was
'but you can wear all these lovely wigs, what's the problem?'
.... or if I lost a finger they say
'well you've got your arm'.... and that's true.
... it is.... there are worse things!
all I can tell you is that it does make me feel upset and sad to know that my parents knew all about my condition but felt too ashamed and disgusted to tell me... (maybe someone who's parents didn't tell them they were adopted would find it hard to explain why that upsets them too, I don't know?).
but nobody said CAIS was worse.... or better than other conditions
but this site is supposed to be about support, not judgement and dismissal
So thanks for asking and I'm happy to tell you but I don't really need you to "get it" for me to know that I feel unhappy and confused and barren.... you see I'll still feel that way even if you never can understand but I'm sure you meant it in a nice way so please don't think I'm annoyed with you for asking, it's good to ask questions
:beer:
spacegirl
10-25-09, 01:23 PM
I certainly didn't FEEL more feminine in fact, even though I didn't know about the testicles, I felt neither male or female. I was a lot taller and bigger than everyone else.
Do you think some of that might just be from being tall? Many of the average height people never do very well at embracing the tall as an equal part of humankind. As though lifting their heads breaks their empathy.
(maybe someone who's parents didn't tell them they were adopted would find it hard to explain why that upsets them too, I don't know?).
That upset me, when I found out. Maybe I could explain my feelings because I've put a lot of thought into the subject, about what I would say.
... (maybe someone who's parents didn't tell them they were adopted would find it hard to explain why that upsets them too, I don't know?). ...
It is all about secrets and lies, things that make you feel "less than" when you find out.
I was about 5 when I found out I was adopted (not from my parents) and it didn't bother me.
I was about 15 when I figured out I was never going to have children and that DID bother me. I loved children and babies but after that I started keeping my distance.
I was 50-something when I found out I was Intersex and that REALLY bothered me! I was mad as hell because nobody told me when I was struggling to understand why I didn't "fit" in my teens.
At least if you KNOW, you can learn to deal with it. When you don't know, nothing makes sense.
feeling/looking different seems a lot more significant when you're younger I guess.
and it is difficult to see what life is like for other people... one often gets that grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side thing
may I ask you... do you have problems trusting what people tell you?
I find it hard to believe people and really paranoid most of the time it seems. (actually... LOL... I don't really think I am paranoid.... LOL)
:push:
I was mad as hell because nobody told me when I was struggling to understand why I didn't "fit" in my teens.
At least if you KNOW, you can learn to deal with it. When you don't know, nothing makes sense.
EXACTLY... yup that's it.... I felt like I didn't "fit"
and deep down I must have known I wasn't being told everything because I had developed this theory that I was an "accident" and they didn't want to tell me.... of course that could still be true :thinking:
spacegirl
10-25-09, 02:08 PM
feeling/looking different seems a lot more significant when you're younger I guess.
and it is difficult to see what life is like for other people... one often gets that grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side thing
may I ask you... do you have problems trusting what people tell you?
I find it hard to believe people and really paranoid most of the time it seems. (actually... LOL... I don't really think I am paranoid.... LOL)
:push:
My levels of trust can go either way. I never lie, and a large part of me (who I am at heart) seems to operate on the incorrect assumption that no one else does either. But that has gotten me burnt so many times that I've learned to force myself to put anything doubtful through a lot of analysis. But I still end up believing clever lies, still get burned though less often. I don't seem to have much middle ground.
The Female Eunuch
10-25-09, 02:45 PM
And I'm not like a normal woman for the fundamental reason that from the age of 15 I've know I can't have children... it kind of made me wonder what the point of living was?
JoS, do you think that not finding out until you were 15 made it harder? Did you grow up taking it for granted that you had a uterus and could have kids, then have to get used to the idea that that wasn't the case?
cheers,
Caroline
all I can tell you is that it does make me feel upset and sad to know that my parents knew all about my condition but felt too ashamed and disgusted to tell me...
I agree!
I don't really need you to "get it" for me to know that I feel unhappy and confused and barren.... you see I'll still feel that way even if you never can understand
And again, all I can say is 'I agree'!
Groeten, Miriam
do you think that not finding out until you were 15 made it harder?
I think so but of course hindsight is a wonderful thing
it just seems that around that sort of age you have so many other things going on (like important future determining exams in the UK, for one)
plus, like you suggest, you've already started to think about children and life plans (for want of a better phrase)
then you have to go and re-think everything
that was why I then became concerned for my sisters young daughter
but who knows... maybe it would have just caused a completely different set of problems???
maybe it all comes down to the individuals involved?
but surely there has to come a point where you should be "let in" on what those around you already know.... I mean finding out by accident sure does suck.
especially since no other person really cares about your health more than you do yourself.... it was pure chance/luck I didn't die of testicular cancer from my point of view!
(And thanks Miriam :wink: nice not to feel alone)
My levels of trust can go either way. I never lie, and a large part of me (who I am at heart) seems to operate on the incorrect assumption that no one else does either. But that has gotten me burnt so many times that I've learned to force myself to put anything doubtful through a lot of analysis. But I still end up believing clever lies, still get burned though less often. I don't seem to have much middle ground.
Me too, I am so altruistic. It has gotten me burned so many times. Just this past week someone really close to me ripped me off and used one of my credit cards and caused me a great deal of problems.
witchy_woman
10-26-09, 01:31 PM
Hello again everyone, glad to be back on the boards after a long silence.
Okay, so once agan i am torn by the feeling that maybe i shouldnt butt in on a subject that I only have empathy and opinion and no real first hand experience, but ready-or-not here i go as it were.
(again for a brief reminder for anyone who doesnt know me here, I am a bisexual, "standard" female individual, 19 years old with no intersex condition myself. I am here because my closest and dearest friend (and now roomate) along with several other people in my life ARE intersexed. I have been introduced to activism by many conversations over web and phone with Kailana. I am an extreemly sympathetic and empathetic person. That being said,)
It may seem like it would be okay, or acceptable, or nothing-to-cry-about to have CAIS, but from the way you described it i can see the flaw in that thought. deep down inside every person with a female nature (and most with a male nature) there is the innate drive to create. To pass down you genetics to a family so that when your gone your legacy is secured, there is something here to remember you, that you created, your children. Let me back up. One of my friends is going through something very tought right now. After losing an ovary to cancer at just 12, she had become pregnant and it was a tubular pregnancy, a situation which could damage or even destroy the falopian tube connected to her one good ovary. On top of that, she is IS, presumed CAH (which i am aware is a different condition but as with all IS the medical industry and the US government complicate everything.) So now she faces the fact that she may have just lost her last remaining hope of every fullfilling her instinctual drive to raise a family of her own blood on top of losing one of the last things that in her mind made her "female".
Now this may all sound very emotional and my not be very logical. it is emotional, but emotions play a strong part in everyones lives, especially those struggling with these sorts of challenges. Sure, you or i could say "its no big deal, at least your alive, you can adopt. Its still not the same to that person. My friend may come to accept that she can still have a family and will probably adopt, foster, or have a surrogate, but it doesnt make it any less painful to lose that part of her...or not have it to begin with. I dont know a woman one who had to have an emergancy historectomy at aln early age who would gladly have the periods and pain back just to have the opportunity and the choice to have kids.
You can tell yourself all day that your insecurity is unfounded, but its still your insecurity. its still your own pain. I think what im trying to say is the nature of any one persons pain is their own. from the outside it may seem unfounded, but to that individual its not.
There is also the fear of rejection because sadly some people only see the value of a female as something to make babies with. Not that any woman in their right mind wants to be with someone of that mindset, but fear of rejection can be a really really big demon in almost everyone's heart.
Not to mention any condition of any sort makes life more difficult. Either hiding everything about that condition or having to explain over an over what you really mean. Having to deal with medical complications from said condition, its all added stress no matter how you look at it.
Im rambling now, but im not trying to chew you out....trying to help explain in an understandable way i guess ^_^;; Thank you for asking though, its what i would say is a common question of sorts and maybe you and others can benifit from reading the answers here on this board.
Bright blessings,
Witchy Woman.
Do you know someone who is CAIS or intersex?
I'm just wondering what motivated you to ask this question... since you describe yourself as a "curious normal man"?
And does the discussion here add anything to your initial analysis?
:wave1:
Joskapista
10-26-09, 06:21 PM
Sorry for being absent for so long, I'll explain my reasons, and answer to everyone, but I had some work to do, and I was pretty tired by the evenings, and I'm tired tonight too, so this time I'll be brief.
So, why am I here?
I'm a student, and altrough my main field of study is chemistry, I have some biology courses too, as I'm also interested in that field. On one of these courses I learned about many intersex conditions, including AIS, wich I found kind of interesting. So in my free time I searched and read about it more, and evebtually found this forum. The reason of my original question was, that I know quite a few intersex conditions, and most of them ranges from pretty bad to even worse; and there is this one, wich for a spectator seemed not only kinda acceptable, but even enjoyable. (Of course now, after your answers I see it's not how it looks like.)
So much for now, I'll answer to the rest later.
Joskapista
10-28-09, 08:32 PM
Wichy womens explanation made most things clear to me.
It made my understanding harder, that I actually don't like children at all. They annoy me, and so I never wanted to have one, thus I didn't think it such a big deal not being able to have baby.
But it seems to me, that the biggest problem, the real problem here is not with the condition itself but the way it is treated! That some doctors like to play god, and think they know what's best to the patient better then the patient herself (or himself becouse this tendency of some doctors is general). There is a joke about this:
- What is the difference between a doctor and God?
- God doesn't think he is a doctor.
I think witholding information from a patient is the second worst thing a doctor can do after mistreating. And there is the other thing, this stupid practice of gonadectomy! Every source I read wrote this has to be done becouse of a SMALL risk of cancer. They treat it as if it werent an organ but a tumor, even though they know the best that those testicles have the important role of producing hormones. The only beneficators of this practice are the drug factories and pharmacies who produce and sell the estrogen for the HRT. I don't see how can someone go trough gonadectomy voluntarily: you don't have to be a doctor to see that removeing a healthy and functioning organ is a bad thing! They could still have it removed when it gets cancerous - if it gets cancerous at all!
Jos, now you might want to tell that I'm wrong, becouse they left one of your testes and it developed cancer. But they removed the other one while it was healthy and it is unlikely that both of them would develop cancer, so if they hadn't meddle with you inicially, you might still had one functioning testicle and didn't need HRT!
I gather people as young as 13 have developed tumours
the risk is always high with testes that remain internal as far as I know
and it's very difficult to monitor the testes until they are actually tumorous because the tests and scans aren't sensitive enough to pick up pre-cancerous cells... when the tumours develop they progress pretty rapidly so a lot of monitoring would be required.... would I have wanted to be subjected to that from the age of 13 instead??? dunno?
and they're not "healthy functioning" testes in the sense you would say for a normal male.... I think there's been some research into IVF possibilities from this tissue but even so it would not be a case of giving birth... but again there is on going research concerning artificial wombs and womb transplants but?????
Male levels of testosterone are produced but the cells cannot respond to it hence you develop to look like a female child externally
but for normal female like breast development and lower the risk of bone problems, I would still need some oestrogen supplementation.... I think??
They treat it as if it werent an organ but a tumor, even though they know the best that those testicles have the important role of producing hormones. The only beneficators of this practice are the drug factories and pharmacies who produce and sell the estrogen for the HRT.
You could have a good point there.... though I hope its not as calculated as that!
But ultimately, I just don't know.... I just have to go on what doctors have told me (and they're fallible and get it wrong) and from my interpretation of papers I've read.... which again, could be wrong
you only have to look on this site to see how easy it is to misunderstand what people write. then add to that projection of our "feelings" onto a subject so that we hear what we want to hear and miss what is actually being said
but hey... good joke :beer:
Joskapista
10-29-09, 06:22 PM
I gather people as young as 13 have developed tumours
the risk is always high with testes that remain internal as far as I know
and it's very difficult to monitor the testes until they are actually tumorous because the tests and scans aren't sensitive enough to pick up pre-cancerous cells... when the tumours develop they progress pretty rapidly so a lot of monitoring would be required.... would I have wanted to be subjected to that from the age of 13 instead??? dunno?
Hmm, I can only rely on what I read. Most of them wrote that there is a small chance of tumor, only one (I don't remember wich) wrote something like it can have a chance as high as 25%. That's pretty high compared to other cancer risks, but you still have 75% to live without problems. Some may wouldn't take the risk, but it seems to me that nobody tells these fellows that they have a choice to risk the cancer for the sake of preserving their own hormone supply - wich is always better than HRT.
I think I would take the risk if I were in that situation, but I'm not so I can be wrong. However there are examples of old CAIS women living happyly with intact testes.
and they're not "healthy functioning" testes in the sense you would say for a normal male.... I think there's been some research into IVF possibilities from this tissue but even so it would not be a case of giving birth... but again there is on going research concerning artificial wombs and womb transplants but?????
Male levels of testosterone are produced but the cells cannot respond to it hence you develop to look like a female child externally
but for normal female like breast development and lower the risk of bone problems, I would still need some oestrogen supplementation.... I think??
I meant they are functioning only in the sense that they produce tetosterone - some of wich then gets converted into estrogene! That's why puberty can take place spontanously if they are still present. So, altrough indirectly, but they are your estrogene supplier!
You could have a good point there.... though I hope its not as calculated as that!
Me too. Actually I don't think it's calculated, it probably just worked out like that.
But ultimately, I just don't know.... I just have to go on what doctors have told me (and they're fallible and get it wrong) and from my interpretation of papers I've read.... which again, could be wrong
Well, as I told before, I have to go on what I read too. Maybe I interpreted it differently - or read something different. And I might add that there were many misconceptions in the history of medications. The doctors applied blindly what they learned, without thinking about it until someone proved them wrong. For a not-so-old example just think about lobotomy.
but hey... good joke :beer:
Thanks.
Joskapista
10-29-09, 07:12 PM
And I might add that there were many misconceptions in the history of medications. The doctors applied blindly what they learned, without thinking about it until someone proved them wrong. For a not-so-old example just think about lobotomy.
Actually this is not their fault: They have much more things to do than haveing the time to think about it. Only if one researches in that field has he/she the chance to realise that the currently applied medication is not quite good. And they make a bad coception easier than other researchers becouse the outcome of a medication is not as clear as the outcome of an experiment.
fraulein_Maria
11-14-09, 03:11 PM
[QUOTE=Joskapista;21214] The reason of my original question was, that I know quite a few intersex conditions, and most of them ranges from pretty bad to even worse; and there is this one, wich for a spectator seemed not only kinda acceptable, but even enjoyable.
>>> just out of curiosity, if you can be "bare your soul" honest....
what conditions (in the eyes of a "normal male") rate pretty bad and those even worse?
to be quite honest, i like being CAH :) (when it isn't making me sick; which if i take my pills, and adjust my dose for stress well enough, SHOULDN'T happen ;)
its the mis/mal and lack of treatment of my body by doctors, the mis/mal and lack of respect from my parents, and the mis/mal and lack of dignity afforded me by society and my peers that sucks.... not the condition itself.
i'm quite thankful to not have been born with spina bifida or a host of other defects of the body and/or mind..... i deeply value my mind though i sometimes think my parents and society would prefer that i were born retarded. I deeply value some of the physical attributes that CAH made possible.....
I have a 4 and a half octave range from 2nd soprano to baratone and as an operatic tenor, am valued quite highly.... most choirs have a hard time finding us.
I have muscles that i did not even have to try to get. Though as i've gotten older, i do have to work to maintain them. That's not hard though, when you need to split wood to stay warm :)
unlike my "norm born" sisters, i'm rarely anemic. I've bled far less than them over-all, and "T" causes the body to make more red blood cells.
though sex can be painful (has been painful) with a little creativity, i can enjoy it more often than my "norm born" sisters. I've often thought that if a CAH gal could get the face of an AIS'er, she'd be every man's fantasy... though even with the face i've got, i've had no shortage of male attention... though thankfully its no longer necessary to beat them off with sticks... getting older does have its compensations. :)
I've often thought that if a CAH gal could get the face of an AIS'er, she'd be every man's fantasy...
That reminds me of a very old joke...
Marilyn Monroe suggests to Einstein: What do you say, professor, shouldn't
we make a little baby together: what a baby it would be - my looks and your
intelligence! Einstein: I'm afraid, dear lady, it might be the other way
around... :teeth_smi
Groeten, Miriam
I have to take oestrogen otherwise I'll get osteoporosis but getting the levels right was fairly traumatic.
>> Still struggling to find my level, Its hard to do when you make 300$ every two weeks as a college student who has to drive 200mile a week to go to classes, and find you can't afford to make your next doctors appointment so you run out of meds for half a month :mad:
I've always felt different to all my contemporaries because my body doesn't look like 'normal' women's. I certainly didn't FEEL more feminine in fact, even though I didn't know about the testicles, I felt neither male or female. I was a lot taller and bigger than everyone else.
>> Same here.. I am fairly tall, and broad shoulderd, plus im on the heavy side too
And I'm not like a normal woman for the fundamental reason that from the age of 15 I've know I can't have children... it kind of made me wonder what the point of living was?
>> I"m still dealing with that at this very moment... The only reason I found out I had Swyers was because I wanted to start trying to have kids.. I die a little inside every day that I have to work with parents and their kids and the little ones smile at me... :-( and I start to think "I can't wait till I have my own... Oh yea.. I can't.."
but to an extent you're right and everyone always tells you just how lucky you are that you don't have periods or period pain or body hair.... and I guess that must be true.
>> *&$^S them.. if I get one more ignorant witch who tells me that, I am going to smack her.. How dare you assume that I don't want to be just as normal as every other woman out there?
I Don't have CAIS or AIS at all.. But I do Understand How it feels
fraulein_Maria
11-14-09, 10:19 PM
[QUOTE=miriam;21536]That reminds me of a very old joke...
Marilyn Monroe suggests to Einstein: What do you say, professor, shouldn't
we make a little baby together: what a baby it would be - my looks and your
intelligence! Einstein: I'm afraid, dear lady, it might be the other way
around... :teeth_smi
Groeten, Miriam
>>> thanks Miriam, i needed a laugh :) I am now imagining the bod of an AIS'er with my face.....
welll....
I always wanted to be taller! :)
I Don't have CAIS or AIS at all.. But I do Understand How it feels
thanks for that :)
funny how that simple feeling that someone else out there "gets it" can make a whole world of difference
and I agree with Maria
thanks Miriam, i needed a laugh
but fraulein_Maria... you have a lovely face and it sounds like a strong, fit bod to go with it :star: .... I'd say you've got it all on that front
now we just need to fix those daft doctors and we're sorted :)
fraulein_Maria
11-17-09, 09:02 AM
[QUOTE=JOS;21558]thanks for that :)
funny how that simple feeling that someone else out there "gets it" can make a whole world of difference
and I agree with Maria
but fraulein_Maria... you have a lovely face
>>> Now who's blushing? ;) <<<
and it sounds like a strong,
>>> yup. <<<
fit bod to go with it
>>> welllll it was before i had a run in with a lory. But i'm glad to be walking again. keeping my weight below maximum density has become a challenge. I forget that i can't eat like the collegiate athlete i once was.... Back then i needed 2 helpings of everything to keep from LOSING weight. Now, i have to do push-aways :) <<<
now we just need to fix those daft doctors and we're sorted :)
>>> honestly, i think change is more likely to happen as those clowns die off. We just have to make sure the new one coming up LEARNS. I'm glad Peggy talks to the med students at Dartmouth. I may get a similar gig at some other teaching hospital. They won't know unless we tell them. While we are children, the only voice they heard is that of our parents..... its time they heard from us as all grown up.
imysworld
11-21-09, 03:41 PM
well i have CAIS and i have to use hrt i dont get my hornmose, its more of a physical scaring tbh but i dont see why you should say something like that, if you suffered with cais then you would understand just like i can never know what its like for someone with PAIS tbh that has really annoyed me!!!!!
In some ways it isn't even the condition itself
I didn't actually know the true diagnosis of AIS until adulthood (that's a whole other bag of upset).
for me it was a lot about carrying a deep secret around all by myself
with no one to tell, at 14-15-16yrs that's quite a big deal in itself
I guess, looking back, it was feeling all alone with no-one who I could talk to about it and nobody who could understand.
with this deep seated feeling that you mustn't tell anyone.... and to just cope
it's hard to over-come that feeling of being different to everyone else and feeling that they know it too... like being older than your years
someone who has never felt that, just won't ever get it
however much they want to, they'll always be able to look in a detached way
no need to waste energy being cross with them... they just aren't living it
sorry... not too coherent right now
hope you're well imysworld
One of my childhood frineds I had grown up with had AIS. She found out at 15 because she had never had her period and finally went and got checked out.
We moved away when I was 7 to florida I found out because my mom and her mom kept in touch regularly.
What I think is even more interesting is I think she took my original name since I was supposed to be a girl according to the doctors.
Funny how things work out, wish we had known each other later when I started to figure out what my problems were.
At least with CAIS you know what is mostly going on. I'm a complete mess inside. I have to sit in a MRI machine for 2 freaking hours! this Wednesday to find out more about how screwed up I am. It's not going to be fun. My last MRI was only 15 minutes and I hated it.
I have to sit in a MRI machine for 2 freaking hours! this Wednesday to find out more about how screwed up I am. It's not going to be fun.
Sorry to hear that, just remember that the rest of us are here and will be thinking of you.
Take care, Jon.
that is rough!
can you do anything to help you prepare... I'm thinking things to distract yourself, like making up silly poems or something.
I remember when I was waiting to have my op and I basically had to just sit wondering... getting more and more nervous about what they were going to find... I tried to mentally write some stories and songs that I could tell my neice and nephews.
sorry it's not much I know, but it's all I have.
will your girlfriend go with you, or do you prefer to go alone?
thinking of you
jos
It is stressing me out and I am more worried about what new things will arise. I almost feel as if every new test brings up more problems rather than answers. Just more boogey men for the doctors to harp about. While I like my new doctor, she immediately went for the "30%" cancer risk boogey man and trying to persuade me to keep a surgical option open. Which I will, but only as a last resort.
My gf will go but she has to sit in the waiting room. They dont let anyone in with the magnet. I really hate being alone. Hopefully this will give me some better answers.
fraulein_Maria
11-24-09, 11:19 AM
[QUOTE=Aseras;21746]It is stressing me out and I am more worried about what new things will arise. I almost feel as if every new test brings up more problems rather than answers.
>>> do keep us posted. we're rooting for you :) Me? your in my prayers. <<<
I have to sit in a MRI machine for 2 freaking hours! this Wednesday to find out more about how screwed up I am. It's not going to be fun. My last MRI was only 15 minutes and I hated it.
Maybe you could take some Bailey's (in a glass jar of course)! Half an hour with a bottle of Bailey's and I would care about the other hour and a half! HICCUP!
she immediately went for the "30%" cancer risk boogey man and trying to persuade me to keep a surgical option open. Which I will, but only as a last resort.
Good... because YOU are in control.
Sometimes they forget that and rush you into making decisions.
I really hate being alone.
I know what you mean... whenever I get a CT-scan (which is only a few minutes long) I always lie there thinking,
...will my hair get caught when the tunnel-bit whirs over me... have they all gone home... etc (I won't continue or it'll just give you more things to worry about too lol)
It won't help for a whole two hours, but I tend to stick my thumb nails into my fore-fingers and focus on breathing (yoga stylee two breaths in - two breaths out, then three then four etc.). I find it helps to stop me panicking (cos I get a bit claustrophobic).
I am more worried about what new things will arise
my fingers are crossed for you... but just take it one step at a time... you will cope and you ARE strong and smart.
presumably you'll have to wait for the results?... have you already got a follow app. up scheduled?
anyway... good luck for tomorrow
:grouphug0 :grouphug0
Maybe you could take some Bailey's (in a glass jar of course)! Half an hour with a bottle of Bailey's and I would care about the other hour and a half! HICCUP!
Well first I don't drink, Can't stand alcohol... or coffee ( so bailey's is def out ). I can't hardly even drink soda it is so sweet I have to sip it for hours. I only drink water mostly and juice here and there.
I'm weird I can't stand anything with a strong smell or taste Avocados, olives, celery, asparagus, way too strong. Mint or menthol anything literally burns me.( like nearly every toothpaste on the planet ). I can pick out smells and tastes easily, I can tell what was used to make things and I love reversing recipes to cook. I can tell what someone ate by their smell even. I KNOW when my gf snuck a cookie, what kind and all even if it was hours ago :)
Yeah I'm wierd...
Good... because YOU are in control.
Sometimes they forget that and rush you into making decisions.
well she was good and even though she seemed pushy about surgery she always came back to it's my decision blah blah but I think....
I know what you mean... whenever I get a CT-scan (which is only a few minutes long) I always lie there thinking,
...will my hair get caught when the tunnel-bit whirs over me... have they all gone home... etc (I won't continue or it'll just give you more things to worry about too lol)
CT are way easy and quick, but just way too much radiation IMHO. I have long hair too, didn't worry about it getting ripped off. Had my head buried in that cradle things just fine for my last CT.
It won't help for a whole two hours, but I tend to stick my thumb nails into my fore-fingers and focus on breathing (yoga stylee two breaths in - two breaths out, then three then four etc.). I find it helps to stop me panicking (cos I get a bit claustrophobic).
My last MRI is was so tight I could barely move if I wanted to. That was a brain mri so on top of all that they had my head strapped down inside the damn machine too and that really sucked. I wouldn't say I am claustrophobic, but after being in the crazy loud MRI tube for 15 mins I was way ready to get out. Plus when they injected the contrast they blew out my vein and it hurt like hell and I had a knot on my arm for 3 days afterwards.
my fingers are crossed for you... but just take it one step at a time... you will cope and you ARE strong and smart.
presumably you'll have to wait for the results?... have you already got a follow app. up scheduled?
anyway... good luck for tomorrow
:grouphug0 :grouphug0
Anyways this time it should go ok if I don't flip out. I hope. I did my appt, first thing at 7am.
I have a followup already on the 11th. I also get to get a mammogram on the 4th, that's going to be lots of fun I bet. I plan on getting a copy of the scan then.
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