View Full Version : Mistaken identity
I wanted to say that, although I can't answer for anyone else, I have read quite a lot of what has been said within the forum, mainly to see if I could put some sense to my situation and I came across something that I wanted to share.
Whilst looking rather feminine, (no facial hair, very little body hair, etc) I do infact, live my life as a male, mainly to fit in. (It's easier). I wear loose clothes to hide my small breasts and generally 'get away with it'.
However, I do pick up on things that my wife doesn't. I have been mistaken several times for a woman, even though I'm six foot tall. I have been called Miss by a woman in the local vets, (never wear a woolen hat!) I have been told that all the twin rooms in a hotel were taken and when I said 'That's ok, we'll have a double', we were stared at all night in the resturant, by staff and guests, like we were a couple of lesbians. I had kind of hoped, that by letting my hair go naturally grey, it might make me look older. Wrong!
Does everyone else have these problems, or is it rare?
spacegirl
11-06-09, 10:13 AM
Hi Notodd,
If so many people's first impressions of you is that you're a woman, how is it any easier living as a man? Especially when you've had enough gender issues that you'd like to be taking estrogen.
You wouldn't be the only one whose "before" wasn't really so much a difference from where'd they'd like to be. Your height doesn't matter so much, as long as what's between your head and your feet looks right.
I see what you mean, but I tried living as a woman when I was younger and found that I didn't look female enough and people stared even longer. At least as a man, clothing doesn't matter as much.
yes, what you say does ring true with me a bit
I am also six foot and subsequently used to find it quite hard to buy womens clothing... even jeans and T-shirts, which you'd think are fairly ubiquitous, can actually make quite a difference when they're cut for a manly shape versus a womanly one.
I have been mistaken (usually by little old ladies, bless) for a man but they did generally apologise when I spoke :razz:
But that's just people for you... people aren't generally that observant and easily jump to the wrong conclusion when approached with something they weren't expecting.
I remember a Derren Brown show where they switched people half way and most people didn't even notice... it's pretty funny how unobservant we all are
http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/entertainment/watch/v983726YKXrHaTn#
The problem is reaction... I'm quite sensitive to it... maybe someone else who didn't have the image sensitivity I have would have simply laughed it off as "dotty old woman... as if I look like a man"
But isn't it great that we're approaching a society where it's much more acceptable to dress for comfort and where it's not a capital offence to dress as one pleases.
.. I mean, it's uncomfortable when people stare but it used to be a lot worse.... I'm so greatful to those brave people (e.g. sufferagets) who made that possible for us.... and to those who STILL are braving the stares to gain acceptance
:partysmil
spacegirl
11-06-09, 04:52 PM
I see what you mean, but I tried living as a woman when I was younger and found that I didn't look female enough and people stared even longer. At least as a man, clothing doesn't matter as much.
ok.
So do you think it's because you've naturally become more female-looking over the course of time?
Or maybe that the world's expectations (regarding height) have changed? This last generation has been looking at lots of tall actresses and celebrities, some of them taller than you.
I guess what you both say is true. When I was in my early twenties, it was not the done thing to be seen to be different. What with Dame Edna on the TV, it was hard to become accepted as a transgendered person.
I was lucky at the time as I met some very understanding guys, (hippes(?)) who took an interest in my condition and did not scoff at what I said or did. I felt really comfortable with them and began to explore more about myself. It was probably that they were outcasts like me and a few of them had attempted suicide too. We had a great deal in common and I miss them still, even though we drifted apart. (That's why I like to discuss things here. I don't feel threatened or ridiculed).
I would like to point out, that whilst I am married, my wife of three and a half years is rather a 'Tom Boy' and although we don't have sex as such, we do get on like a house on fire and have plenty of cuddles. She is very understanding and both of us were drawn to each other through friendship. I haven't told her of my past and she hasn't asked.
I'm sorry that you've been treated like a man, I know just how hard it is, but it gets easier as you get older. I guess you toughen up.
I get mistaken for a woman many times, especially when my hair is long ( like now ). I get it a lot in drive through's too, kinda 50/50 there.
ok.
So do you think it's because you've naturally become more female-looking over the course of time?
I should show you a picture collage of how much I have changed while screwing with my hormones. I look like totally different person.
I know what you mean about drive throughs, depends where you are and what you're driving. In the States I'm usually in a car and I get looked at, in the UK I'm in an old Land Rover and I don't.
I should show you a picture collage of how much I have changed while screwing with my hormones. I look like totally different person.
I haven't messed around with hormones yet, but I came across a picture of myself when I was in my 30's............... Yikes!
Actually, I've just remembered something funny. When I had long hair, just below my shoulders, a girl I knew used hair crimpers on me, but didn't mention that if you washed it, it would return to normal. I had to get a bus home.............:omg_smile
spacegirl
11-07-09, 01:06 PM
Notodd,
I don't understand the relation between crimped hair washing out and taking the bus.
I have been mistaken (usually by little old ladies, bless) for a man but they did generally apologise when I spoke :razz:
Hey Jos, we've met in London and I can't imagine anyone would think you are a man.
Groeten, Miriam
fraulein_Maria
11-07-09, 04:01 PM
[QUOTE=miriam;21338]Hey Jos, we've met in London and I can't imagine anyone would think you are a man.
>>> she and i have never met. good egg that she is, she's posted real photo's of herself and i too have difficulty imagining that anyone would mistake her for a man.......
course, it helps when half your cousins are women over 6 feet tall. :) Perhaps you too Miriam? :)
anyway, NOT fair taking down your new pic so fast! *pout* i was just getting used to the idea of you with red hair! ;) you really do have skin that would make nearly any color look good.
i'd post more of my own pics if the camera were kinder to me. I'm NOT as fugly as it shows me, blast it all. I'm gonna be with family this coming holiday and hopefully there will be better shots this time.
cameras are evil usually. there's very few pics of me, im the photographer and im not vain so I never take pics of myself. my gf only has one eye, so not many pics of here, just memories of our adventures and of course the "kids", our 4 puppies, 3 hedgehogs, the rabbit and the snake. got quite a zoon going on now.
Notodd,
I don't understand the relation between crimped hair washing out and taking the bus.
I have ridiculously straight hair. frizzy or wavy hair though like my gf has goes poof in humid or very dry situations.
I haven't messed around with hormones yet, but I came across a picture of myself when I was in my 30's............... Yikes!
I didn't want to I didnt have a choice and I was to naive back then to know the problems it would cause now. I'm smarter now, I just need to figure out a real solution and now the doctors are all hinting at surgery and it is scaring the hell out of me.
I get mistaken for a woman many times, especially when my hair is long ( like now ). I get it a lot in drive through's too, kinda 50/50 there.
I got mammed today at checkers. Even face to face with a week's worth of "beard" ( which is more of a 5 o clock shadow these days now that it hardly grows anymore.) I just smiled. Doesnt really bother me.
fraulein_Maria
11-07-09, 04:50 PM
[QUOTE=Aseras;21350]I got mammed today at checkers.
>>> i get "sir"ed by strangers. as long as i get my change, i don't care. <<<
course, it helps when half your cousins are women over 6 feet tall. :) Perhaps you too Miriam? :)
A long time ago I was exactly 6 feet tall, but today I'm about 5' 11.5" :-(
Groeten, Miriam
good egg that she is, she's posted real photo's of herself
:happy68: this is eggzactly how I look :happy68:
[QUOTE=Aseras;21350]I got mammed today at checkers.
>>> i get "sir"ed by strangers. as long as i get my change, i don't care. <<<
You sounded woman enough to me the couple times we talked on the phone. My mom has a deeper voice than you do. she get's sired a lot sometimes, especially when shes pissed off and using a deeper voice.
My voice and some of my personality is a sham, I had speech and therapists and other such special care since I was in kindergarten. I'm from northeast tennesee. I have no accent at all in my daily speaking voice. It's been a long time since I have even used my "real" voice, and it is way more feminine I think.
On another note I got mammed 4-5 times all weekend getting drive through, what's up with that? That usually never happens... I've been way stressed about things lately and our relationship is a little strained too. I'm probably just distracted enough not to keep myself in the "proper" range.
fraulein_Maria
11-10-09, 07:06 PM
[QUOTE=Aseras;21374][QUOTE=fraulein_Maria;21353]
You sounded woman enough to me the couple times we talked on the phone. My mom has a deeper voice than you do. she get's sired a lot sometimes, especially when shes pissed off and using a deeper voice.
My voice and some of my personality is a sham,
>>> i'm sorry to hear that. My speaking voice only is a sham. I don't even realize i do it 90% of the time, but it is the price of survival in a world which is not kind to small things. I dare not "relax" my vocal cords unless i am on-stage... and i'm expected to sound "different". <<<<
Kailana
11-13-09, 11:55 PM
now Fraulein_maria you have an awesome vioce and you sing like an angel so quit nocking yourself ok.
witchy_woman
11-19-09, 03:06 PM
*is very glad to always have been one of those perceptive customer service peoples* I have always been very good at being careful with terms like "sir" or "miss" in all my customer service jobs (that is to say all my jobs o.o; ) I cant think of one time i have ever pegged someone's gender in a way that upset them.... I watched a co-worker get a bag of food thrown at them in the drive through once for calling someone the wrong "sir or maam". As a matter of fact i have gotten alot of smiles from being a particularly perceptive cashier and knowing what to call someone based more on how they try to present themselves vs what they appear to be. Of course, "honey" is universal and is a common part of my vocabulary.
I dont know how many times i have had co-workers dog me out for calling a TS or (seemingly to me) IS person that presents female by "The lady in the window" when said person shows masculine characteristics. I hit a co-worker with a stack of cups once for making such a comment in earshot. I got a lot of whooping from the customer. it was fun...
I myself have been mistaken for an eight year old boy on the phone when i was about fourteen. (just reminding that i am a "normal" (hate that word) 19 yr old female) . The lady actually told me she though i was a boy around eight.
My IS bestie and roomate have taken to sharing giggles and snickers when someone mistakes her gender in common places. I think it lightens the weight of such things.
My GF had rhambdomyosarcoma when she was 2 and lost an eye and some of her cheek bone and skull. Due to the radiation and many surgeries she has a very cute high pitched voice. I love making her call in take out ( she hates it ). She's 10 yrs older than me and everyone thinks she is 5 or 6 yrs old. I have had many places call us back asking to speak to a parent. It's a lot of fun. Her voice is so cute. She's been scouted by voice talent places to do voiceover and things. I been trying to get her to do it, she way shy, as much as I am and that's pretty hard to do.
Kailana
11-20-09, 10:18 PM
hmm could be she has a real issue that you might want to try to understand her thoughts and feelings about.
While you may see it as very cute. I don't think she does, and while she could possibly make a profession of doing voice overs, doing so for her may be a real psychological issue doing so, as she does not like it.
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