steve/lisa
12-22-09, 04:46 PM
Sorry Melissab,for posting one of my posts on yours I really thought i was on a new post for myself,again I'm sorry...And i don't know how to move it around here to change that...
anyway as i said in last post Aseras,I did move and i like the area i moved to it's so green here and i have 2 friends here but other than that it's not set in concrete,I hate to repeat myself but maybe i will just take my sailboat and go,you also said my story has helped others like me and you all,well alot was left out as it was'nt a life's story or ment to be,Gerald just needed story's for or chapter's for his book,in the end of it i spoke of my love that i lost her real name was Karen,I loved her with my whole heart,she was my world to me we had a few years of total happiness and bliss,she took her own life on Xmas day at 1:00am so the report said,she left me a 37 page letter explaining why,and telling me how much she loved me and how she felt she lost me,see after mexico i shut down had and had many attempts and doing the same thing but as things go i never seem to do things right.
well 2 years ago i folded the letter up and put it in a safe place,not reading it as i did for all those years that i did read it,untill last night,thought i was strong enough to read it,as i felt i had to,to finaly put her to rest in my mind,but it was as if the demons and monsters came right out of it and ate me up, a new friend of mine i just met did'nt understand why i was so emotional this morning and i could'nt tell her why i was,all i could do was cry.so i probly lost a new friend to,she probly thinks i'm a nut case,oh well,thats my life for you,i'm just a plain women,alone,a bit confussed,and really lonely and scared,I AM NOT A VERY STRONG ONE,as many say i am.
My real world anymore is so small it would scare the heck out of most people,this summer when i went out west,I visited Kalaina in Walla Walla Wash,she is the sweetest person and real time person i have met in a long time,she gave me hope at that time,but HOPE,is a bad word for me,it's a word that means there may be light at the end of a tunnel to me.
I also visited Gerald Callahan for the forth time since the book was writen and he signed my copy of the book for me,I also got to give lectures to a couple of his classes for him med students no less,and the honors class where the idea for the book began,A great bunch of young people,I have high hopes that they will carry what i said into their field of work,and maybe one of them will change things for us down the road,they all shook my hand hand at the end of the class and some a dozen or so stood out side the class and talked for hours afterwards,they all said what a strong women i was and brave,but if they saw me today i think they would change there minds,today I'm just a large puddle on my floor.
anyway as i said in the last post,or at least i thought it was a post on it's own,i am shutting down for awhile in a couple of days and will be unable to respond to anyones mail for awhile.Lisamay....
anyway as i said in last post Aseras,I did move and i like the area i moved to it's so green here and i have 2 friends here but other than that it's not set in concrete,I hate to repeat myself but maybe i will just take my sailboat and go,you also said my story has helped others like me and you all,well alot was left out as it was'nt a life's story or ment to be,Gerald just needed story's for or chapter's for his book,in the end of it i spoke of my love that i lost her real name was Karen,I loved her with my whole heart,she was my world to me we had a few years of total happiness and bliss,she took her own life on Xmas day at 1:00am so the report said,she left me a 37 page letter explaining why,and telling me how much she loved me and how she felt she lost me,see after mexico i shut down had and had many attempts and doing the same thing but as things go i never seem to do things right.
well 2 years ago i folded the letter up and put it in a safe place,not reading it as i did for all those years that i did read it,untill last night,thought i was strong enough to read it,as i felt i had to,to finaly put her to rest in my mind,but it was as if the demons and monsters came right out of it and ate me up, a new friend of mine i just met did'nt understand why i was so emotional this morning and i could'nt tell her why i was,all i could do was cry.so i probly lost a new friend to,she probly thinks i'm a nut case,oh well,thats my life for you,i'm just a plain women,alone,a bit confussed,and really lonely and scared,I AM NOT A VERY STRONG ONE,as many say i am.
My real world anymore is so small it would scare the heck out of most people,this summer when i went out west,I visited Kalaina in Walla Walla Wash,she is the sweetest person and real time person i have met in a long time,she gave me hope at that time,but HOPE,is a bad word for me,it's a word that means there may be light at the end of a tunnel to me.
I also visited Gerald Callahan for the forth time since the book was writen and he signed my copy of the book for me,I also got to give lectures to a couple of his classes for him med students no less,and the honors class where the idea for the book began,A great bunch of young people,I have high hopes that they will carry what i said into their field of work,and maybe one of them will change things for us down the road,they all shook my hand hand at the end of the class and some a dozen or so stood out side the class and talked for hours afterwards,they all said what a strong women i was and brave,but if they saw me today i think they would change there minds,today I'm just a large puddle on my floor.
anyway as i said in the last post,or at least i thought it was a post on it's own,i am shutting down for awhile in a couple of days and will be unable to respond to anyones mail for awhile.Lisamay....