Central PA Girl

[babyalicep]

Hi, my name is Alice. I live in Central PA, the State College area to be exact. I have never goten a doctor to say i am intersexed, but i suspect i am. The reason behind this dates before i can rember. My fist clue is my bith certificate. Fist thing is it wasnt isued till 6 weeks after i was born. Second thing is it has never had a gender on it. The only goverment papers that due are Social Security. Next thing is my bod isnt normal for a male. There is a scar behind the scrotom that has always been sennsitive to the touch. my anus is very high compared to normal of any gender. i found out from my mom when i was in school i was a lowner. she said i like hop scotch and jumrope got beetn up alot for it. i cant conferm this becaser i cant remeber before i was 16, i'll explain more below. my mom say after my 11th bithday i would get sick and mean. she say i also bled 3-5 days a month the was back to normal till next month. i never relly thaught about it. when i was 16 i tried to comet suicide. my step mom stoped me. we talked a while & couldnt help me, but she had internet. we serched the web, i reserched for 2 years. i thaught i was a pre op TS. i stared living as a woman when i tuned 18. i even had my own aprtment even though i was still in high school.. this was back in 98. i have always been in therpy since before i can rember. my mom amits they told her i acted and thaught ike a woman. so i thaught i was a TS for the longest time. in 2002 i made a intersexd friend at the local glbt center in tulsa oklahoma. i seamed to conect with her far beter then anyone else. in 2004 i found a endo crynoligyst in tulsa oklahoma. heres the funy thing she thaught i was female to male ts till the exam. i was also in the process of legly changing my name. augest 2005 i met a great man online. i dont recomend to any one what i did. i talked to him 3 days on line. he was a trucker and was in town the 4th day. i went to see him and spent the night. when i look back now i think god i was insane. all he did was hold me all night as i slept. i woke up looking in his eyes. i dont know how to explain it but i just knew. we met several more times that year and moved in together in november. i been with him ever since. back to my story, in 2007 my man and best friend, the intersexd girl had me time my times between bleedings and wries down what i was going trough. found out it hapend every 28-30 days. also my symtons included bloating, cramps, moddyness, as well as the bleeding. my intersexed frind thaught i was intersexed. i stared talking to my dr more and going trough my medical records i could get from her. i hasked her if my hormone levels wher normals. she said i have always need 1 or the other becase dint produce enough of ether. she did test and they always cme back inconclusive nd need more tests. i went threw that till mid 2009 when i moved to state college, pa. erly 2008 my thipst had breakk trough and figured out my memory block and nightmares. turns out my dad abused me sexly along with his frinds till the time i was 16, and my mind blacked out my childhode becase of that. then late 2008 my bestfriend died of cancer, she was always important to me. my fiancee was going threw bad time with workmans comp after geting hurt trucking. in erly 2009 our savings ran out and my 700 disabilty want enought to suport us. we her living in my car for 3 weeks. the avrage timp was uper 80's to lower 90s at night duing the day broke 100 a lot. we tried to mov in with my family but after 2 weeks my brother ticking my fiancee off we had to lever before he did something bad. my fiancee sent us money to move her we left tulsa 11am july 3rd and got her 6 am july 4th. i drove it strait becase we couldent afored a room. now that im in state college, pa i seeam to get beter care. my dr got me a wheelchair becase i kept falling when my knee whent out and crutches woernt working. he sent me to a speclist in town and after hering my case sent me to the main gisner hospital in danvile, pa. 2hour drive but seen him once and he is working hard to help me. i see him agian soon. but i sstill dont know if im intersexed or ts, all i know is im a girl. when i sall specilst in danvile, pa they examend and probed me for 2 hours. they said couldent find a uterus but ther was no reson i was bleeding like i have ben all my life. they know its true becase i was in my period then. so they conaacted my dr in tulsa to get all my tesst results so they dont repeat any thing and will find out more in my second time there. wether im ts or intersexd all i know is i need a sugery to repair my gentaals to feel normal. they depress me so much i havent bathd in 2 months becase afrade ill grab a knife n do something stupid. i have a thaaipst here and a specilist that works in fertilty as well as my pcp. i know i will have to lose a tune of whigt before i can ever have a sugery. last time i sall specilist i found out im 6 foot and 372 pounds. i used a web baaised Body Mass Index "BMI" calulator and found out i have a BMI of 50.2 i hav tried all the diets since i was 18 just got hevery i gained 15 pounds on whight wachers even. my insurance wont pay for much being goverment insurance. my drs say my only choice is bariatric sugery. my fiancce always refused to talk about it. i decied if i can i will do it with or with out his suport. i may help my abilty to walk my high blood plesher and more. i dont want be a super model i just want get down to a resoble wheight for my helh and to meet the requirements of gental sugery. i dont know if im being selfish or not i just want feel normal in my own mind.

well any ways that the story of this girl from State College, PA. i apoligize for my soelling, i have always been bad at it and typing. im hoping i will be able to reserch and find all the services i need to reach my life goal.

Alice

[JOS]

Well it sounds like you've been through an awful lot!

when is your next visit to the doctor planned... hopefully you will have time to plan a bit and prepare yourself, it can be quite confusing times when you're trying to sort issues out can't it?

I keep saying this to everyone but... take your own notes and don't rely on the doctors notes
that way you can remember all the technical terms and test results etc. when you get home or in years to come.
It makes it so much easier for you to figure out the right questions to ask before you're under the stressful face-to-face bit.

hope this helps and welcome to BLO

Jos

p.s. if you are worried about your spelling etc. there is usually a spell checker if you look in your tool bars (e.g. on the google toolbar)... one of the more tech-types here should be able to help you :wink_smil

[babyalicep]

i see them Jan 14th in Danvile PA at Geisinger Hospital

[Ryles]

Welcome! It does sound like you've been through a lot. I hope the doctors will be able to help.

I'm sorry if this is intrusive- but do you know how they managed to leave a gender off your birth certificate? I didn't realize that was possible in any state.

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=Ryles;22271]Welcome! It does sound like you've been through a lot. I hope the doctors will be able to help.

I'm sorry if this is intrusive- but do you know how they managed to leave a gender off your birth certificate? I didn't realize that was possible in any state.

>>> its not only possible, but likely when an IS child is born. Its only been in modern times that karyotyping was cheap enough to be done when the gender of a child is in doubt.

[babyalicep]

i dont know how or why but always been that way thats why im confused

[fraulein_Maria]

[QUOTE=babyalicep;22279]i dont know how or why but always been that way thats why im confused

>>> ok, lets back up a bit. Before the human genome project came along (pre-1985) and revolutionized (and made much cheaper) karytyping and other genetic testing, they had other ways of determining gender (besideds simply looking in a diaper) but it took several tests and the easiest and cheapest ones were not the most accurate.

you do not (and they did not) do ACTH stim tests on infants to dx CAH.... too dangerous. other tests are less conclusive.

they did not do "androgen sensitivity tests" for PAIS, they did not exist then.

what they did do was preliminary manual exams.....

Got testis? then its probably not CAH.... but we will do other tests to be sure. and the old tests took time. in the mean time, what do you write down? what do you tell the parents?

the answer often did not happen for weeks, occassionally months at a time. But once they were "sure" they operated.... and THEN they adjusted the records accordingly. thankfully.... they didn't "back date" or many of us would not have that vital first clue.

[babyalicep]

well i was born way back in 1979 so could be why. what gives dr the right to play god anyways it showd be given time.. ther wwill be signs of what the child soposed to be. give the child a nutral name like terry or somthing. it just upsets me how many lifes aare runied becase drs want play god. herd some case wher they dont even tell the parents

[notodd]

Unfortunately, it is more likely the old thing called ignorance. Plus of course, they have so many other things to do and work some incredibly long hours, that they forget. It's a big issue with us, but not necessarily to the doctors. I'm not sticking up for them, but it's something to consider.

[babyalicep]

just seams like a good way to mes up a persopns life wether they chose to be boy or girl

Alice

[Aseras]

Drs make snap decisions on what they thnk is the "right" choice. They don't usually have to live with the results especially with infants who cannot defend themselves or their clueless and gullible parents who believe whatever they are told.

Rgeardless of your real diagnosis or what wad done ur sounds like you know that you want. Be careful digging up the past. It can consume you and spread doubt to every part of your life.

[Kailana]

just to clarify or correct some of the imformation previous mentioned by others.

PKU's were often used by mid 60's as I was born in 1970 and in an extremely small town, i at least know that a PKU was ordered that is in my records I just dont have the results.

not sure how old Alice is, but in the history of intersex diagnosis made easy there were stages where it wasnt chromosomes that provided a sex but a gonadal examination. So I really would of suspected that at some point if you didnt appear as a boy at birth they would of looked using a laparoscopy and scope internally to see if ovaries were present. that means physically cutting sticking in a scope to eyeball whats inside and that was common enough.

now on birth cirtificates eventually you will have a gender marker, but prior to that on most records if you are intersex they that means the doctors would usually right

Baby Johnson, name used randomly , or Infant Johnson when a child gender was in question but eventually at some point a gender would be chosen and assigned and eventually a birth cirtificate made out and that is the biggest clue on whether or not your intersex. So look for that kind of information in records.

Though i late 6 week later birth cirtificate is a damn good sign that they had no idea whether you were a boy or a girl. I really would of expected a birth cirtificate to eventually say a gender eventually once one was chosen by doctors or parents.

[babyalicep]

wekk jan 14th geting alot closer. maby the dr can give me a anser finly. i have had my bith certificate replaced twice. once to get a drivers license and another time to give me a proper name. but none that i ever had any kind of gender on it my mom dad, county and my name. i was born Augest 7th 1979 in marion county indiana. im 30 now and all i relly want is a anser and explnation of why so hoping dr can help me.

[The Female Eunuch]

Fraulein Maria wrote: ok, lets back up a bit. Before the human genome project came along (pre-1985) and revolutionized (and made much cheaper) karytyping and other genetic testing, they had other ways of determining gender (besideds simply looking in a diaper) but it took several tests and the easiest and cheapest ones were not the most accurate.

My karyotype was written in my medical notes as XY in 1977. Does this mean that they did a really expensive test? or that they worked it out by a method that isn't conclusive?

the answer often did not happen for weeks, occassionally months at a time. But once they were "sure" they operated.... and THEN they adjusted the records accordingly. thankfully.... they didn't "back date" or many of us would not have that vital first clue.

Here in New Zealand, I'm pretty certain they do backdate gender records on birth certificates, even for transsexuals.

cheers,
Caroline

[babyalicep]

some updated info. i sall my specilist today.

well it took 30 years but i finly know what i am. My dr got all my old tests from my old dr and he sat down and explained the reports. Turns out i am a Transexual. the only ything the dont know is why i bleed out my ass every 20-30 days for 3-5 days at a time. so hes geting me a test wher the shobve a camra up my ass. its called a collan oskpy, probly speled it wrong "LOL". He ored a medication for me to see if it will be coverd by my insurnce. its a t-blocker that i take 1 injection every 3 months and i wont have to take spiro any more. he wants to do this becase i gget depresed n miss doses. hes also woried my fiancee is abusing me. but thats becase something that hapend erlyer in the day and got put in the computers.

when i sall the bariatric department today, my fiancee got in argument to dr about how the sugery isnt for me. dr and others all think i need it, but fiancce dont likes its & dont wants me to do its.

so at some point it got put in to the computer im scared to get the proper care i need becase of him. i only know becase my gender dr for got close my folder on th computer as i got redy for my clinical brest exam. it said that on the computer. my gender dr also talked to me saing i need proper care but he thinks im traped with litle income so cant leave and survive on my own. so my fiancee defntly manged to make a imporesion on the gisner staff.

im looking in to a Bilateral Orchiectomy. the reson is with brest cancer in my family and my whight at 377 pounds. they woried about the estrogen i am on causing clots and breast cancer. with my income id proble save the $17,500 for a Vaginoplasty "Male-To-Female Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS)" in 30 years. the Bilateral Orchiectomy costs $3,500, still alot but it might help save my life.

Alice

[babyalicep]

well this injection my gender dr wants me to use neds special atrztion from my insurance. so dr filed out a form to try n get me off spiro for this injection.


i got a reply from from the paplone center in new hope pa. they wont even do a orchi unless i get under 200 pounds.


problem is my fiancee offers no suport at all in my wheight loss goals. so if i do this im alone in my fight.


this feels bad but now i just want take my fiancees emeral razor sharp 8" Chef Knife and just cut it off. i know id die but aleast id be happy at my death. i hope my speclist finds me a good tharipst.

[M-A]

Alice, I would suggest you go and follow Tom Naughton (http://www.fathead-movie.com/)'s advice on weight loss. Watching his documentary was very enlightening about why 99% of diets fail, why cardio-vascular disease, obesity and diabetes are so common nowadays, and how to regain your health, all in a funny and simple presentation. I was overweight and pre-diabetic last year, now I'm healthy and lean again thanks to this (and a lot more reading I did, too, of course). Another good read IMO is Jimmy Moore (http://livinlavidalowcarb.com/)'s website. I've passed on this info to the rest of my family and several friends, and they all got the same great results so far. The rate of weight loss they reported was 2 to 4 pounds a week, same as mine.

Do you have any blood test results for triglycerides, LDL and HDL ? Did you get tested for insulin resistance ? That would be useful to know.

In any case, you have to understand one thing: it's just a matter of getting the right information, among the surrounding sea of bad science and bad advice. Once you have the correct information you have control over your body weight at last, it makes everything a lot easier. Trust me your goal is attainable, I'd estimate within 4 to 6 months. If you want my help with this I'll gladly offer it.

On a side-note: your doctor is probably mistaken calling you "transexual", I think that word refers to people who are normally gendered but want to transition to the other - and not to people who were born or have grown to be "in between" genders for all kinds of medical but natural reasons. I'm confident other members here can tell you more about this.

[Kailana]

On a side-note: your doctor is probably mistaken calling you "transexual", I think that word refers to people who are normally gendered but want to transition to the other - and not to people who were born or have grown to be "in between" genders for all kinds of medical but natural reasons. I'm confident other members here can tell you more about this.

M-A you are most likely correct with this statement however alot of those so called supportive medical and psychologist ie shrinks who claim to be Intersex supporter's ie like Alice Dreager(I do hope I got her name right, though i should butcher it just for kicks) keep stating that if you change your assigned sex as an adult you are a transsexual. So a whole lot of other idiots assume the same thing, and just cuase I do happen to be a lil vindictive I have chosen to make sure people know I am Trans on my youtube page, just because so many assume I am.

[babyalicep]

dr probed me and couldent find a utrus or overys but they doing a collan scope so dont know. all i know is im so depresed i lost my apitie i havent eaten in 24hours

Alice

[The Female Eunuch]

Hi Alice:

dr probed me and couldent find a utrus or overys but they doing a collan scope so dont know. all i know is im so depresed i lost my apitie i havent eaten in 24hours

on the plus side, if you have no intersex condition it reduces the medical complexity of sex-change surgery and the effect of hormones, so fewer things are likely to go wrong.

cheers,
Caroline