joneyhits
01-19-10, 09:58 PM
Hi All:
I have known about this forum for some time, but was to lazy to join it for whatever reason. I am glad it is here, since I felt alone for years.
I have ran the entire spectrum of self-denial. Although I was raised as female by my now deceased mother until I was 7, then forced into a more male role by my father, I have always felt as if I were female.
I knew I was physically differnt from other females and males, but tried to live to the expectations of my father. At 12 I started to grow breast, but when I was taken to the doctor, it was stated that that was where little boys stored their sperm. It wasn't until biology 101 did I learn this was false.
I managed to join the military, get married and actually fathered a child. My daughter will turn 18 next month. I went though hell in the military and with my marriage. See more on my web site joneyharper.net. I won't bore you here.
When I got out, I thought I must be a cross dresser, until I met one. I thought I was a transsexual. I was also diagnosed with GID. Still, close, but not quite. Still, I was at a loss.
I started having medical issues which doctors thought I, as a male, should not have. Eventually leading to test, which to my shock, I was diagnosed as Intersex. They told me I was an XX/XY or 46XX/46XY or Chimerism. This freaked me out. One, because being labeled a transsexual, I felt I had control, only to find out I did not. Looking back though, it filled in all the blanks.
I found out I was my family's dark secret. They refused to talk about it. I couldn't get a copy of my birth records. Supposidly a normal birth, but spent 5 days in the ICU. Also, I am very different, physically and mentally, from my brothers and my father. I felt betrayed by my parents and family. I felt betrayed by the military who had to know, since I started having problems while in the military. They sealed my medical records from me.
I now live one day at a time. Still legally recignized as male, but look more female. I plan to correct this when the tie is right. Right now, just trying to survive. I plan to have things corrected. I am having, what I can only describe, as hormone spiking, especially on the estrogen side. I actually show up pregnant sometimes.
I have found solice in working with various gender variants. I know I am not alone, even though I sometimes feel like it. I speak at the University of Arkansas several times a year in the Human Diversity classes. I am amazed at how many don't know what Intersex is, even other gender variants.
I have been told by some that I am not Intersex. I have been called a true hemophrodite. I don't know for sure and don't really care. I just know that Intersex is the closest thing to what I am. "True" is what? Not sure and it does not get me a free cup of coffee anywhere.
I am looking forward to learning more about others in this group and myself as I travel on this road called life.
Joney
I have known about this forum for some time, but was to lazy to join it for whatever reason. I am glad it is here, since I felt alone for years.
I have ran the entire spectrum of self-denial. Although I was raised as female by my now deceased mother until I was 7, then forced into a more male role by my father, I have always felt as if I were female.
I knew I was physically differnt from other females and males, but tried to live to the expectations of my father. At 12 I started to grow breast, but when I was taken to the doctor, it was stated that that was where little boys stored their sperm. It wasn't until biology 101 did I learn this was false.
I managed to join the military, get married and actually fathered a child. My daughter will turn 18 next month. I went though hell in the military and with my marriage. See more on my web site joneyharper.net. I won't bore you here.
When I got out, I thought I must be a cross dresser, until I met one. I thought I was a transsexual. I was also diagnosed with GID. Still, close, but not quite. Still, I was at a loss.
I started having medical issues which doctors thought I, as a male, should not have. Eventually leading to test, which to my shock, I was diagnosed as Intersex. They told me I was an XX/XY or 46XX/46XY or Chimerism. This freaked me out. One, because being labeled a transsexual, I felt I had control, only to find out I did not. Looking back though, it filled in all the blanks.
I found out I was my family's dark secret. They refused to talk about it. I couldn't get a copy of my birth records. Supposidly a normal birth, but spent 5 days in the ICU. Also, I am very different, physically and mentally, from my brothers and my father. I felt betrayed by my parents and family. I felt betrayed by the military who had to know, since I started having problems while in the military. They sealed my medical records from me.
I now live one day at a time. Still legally recignized as male, but look more female. I plan to correct this when the tie is right. Right now, just trying to survive. I plan to have things corrected. I am having, what I can only describe, as hormone spiking, especially on the estrogen side. I actually show up pregnant sometimes.
I have found solice in working with various gender variants. I know I am not alone, even though I sometimes feel like it. I speak at the University of Arkansas several times a year in the Human Diversity classes. I am amazed at how many don't know what Intersex is, even other gender variants.
I have been told by some that I am not Intersex. I have been called a true hemophrodite. I don't know for sure and don't really care. I just know that Intersex is the closest thing to what I am. "True" is what? Not sure and it does not get me a free cup of coffee anywhere.
I am looking forward to learning more about others in this group and myself as I travel on this road called life.
Joney