When do you share with everyone?

[renee723]

Hello, i don't know if anybody knows me, i'm not quite so new to the boards anymore.. but i'll explain myself anyways for those who don't. I'm 16 (as of yesterday:D ) and i've got MRKH. I want to tell some of my firends, but my parents are advising me not to tell anyone, not even my best friend, who's been my best friend since kindergarten. i know that most people can't deal with it, that are my age, but i really would like to tell amy (my best friend)
i just dont' want my parents to be upset with me. thanks for listening :)

- <3 always -

[Kaads]

Hi! My mother also wated me not to teel anybody about who I am really, she suggested that it will be better. OK I tried to hide and so on. But one day I hade real depression and told everything to my friend.She replied that I am cool guy no matter what I have in panties:p , so if you have really good friend I suppose you can tell. But in other case your secrets can become known to everybody around as it happend to me when I told my story to another girl I believed as friend. Of course be careful when open yourself to somebody, but if you have somebody to speak with life becomes much easier.
:D

[connie]

Hi,
My name is Connie and I have CAH - I don't quite know what MRKH is (please explain) but when I tried to share at your age it was very difficult for another 16 year old to truly understand but then again I am going back 40 years ago when I did it so hopefully the younger generation today is more understanding now than then - I wish you luck - be very careful who you share with
Connie

[renee723]

Thanks for your posts Kaads and connie. I've already tried to tell a little bit, but i still feel like even my closest friends look at me like i'm a freak. I did tell my boyfriend tonight. My parents told me i could. he was devastated. not by the fact that we can't have sex, but by the fact taht i can't have kids. I guess that's a good thing. He already knew that i couldn't/wouldn't have sex. He's a good guy... I think that at first he was taken back, but he's alright with it.. i mean he felt sorry for me for a couple minutes, but then he was very supportive about everything which is great. i'm surprised that he reacted so well. I thought that he would have broken up w/ me at the spot. so i guess you could say that tonight was a really good night :)


- <3 always -

[Victoria]

Hey Renee,

Could you tell me what MRKH is? According to Glen's pamphlet, (thanks, Glen!) it is also known as Vaginal Agenesis which entails a missing, disconnected, or incomplete vagina. If that is the case (assuming you have female reproductive organs) why couldn't you have children through donor insemination (and a cessarian) or via a surrogate? I know these are, perhaps, not as conventional as some other methods, but if I have the correct understanding of MRKH (I apologize if I don't) you could still have children, right?

As a lesbian, I have often thought about some "alternative" methods of becoming a mother someday. In addition because of being IS, I have had of think about the possibility of not being able to have a child. So I guess I wanted to share with you some of the thoughts I've had over the years on how I could become a mother. I've also thought about adoption as a great option for myself.

I wonder if other people on this board have also struggled with this issue (having children) before? And if so, what has your process been like?

Take care Renee & I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Victoria

[renee723]

Connie-
You are mostly correct. MRKH, the way i understand it ( i was only diagnosed about..... 4 weeks ago, so i'm still learning new stuff about it) is that it's when your born basically one of your chromosomes don't develope, i believe it's the 46th one, and then you do not develope a vagina as well as a uterus. Some people have a partial uterus, but in my case, i have none. But i still have ovaries. so, i could have kids through a serogate mother, but it's still a huge loss for me, as i am sure it is for others. Also, others with MRKH can suffer from hearing disabilities, kindey problems, and back troubles. and i don't have any of those, so i guess you could say i got the better end of my "problem" but it still sucks pretty bad. anyways, i've gotta go! thanks!

- <3 always -

[connie]

Renee
Thanks for sharing
Connie

[susan44]

Renee,

so glad to hear it went ok with you boyfriend! That must be a relief. Have you said anything to amy yet?

I think you do need to choose who you tell with some care. And not everyone needs to know. Some people won't deal with it well (cause it does make you question what is means to be female) and you don't need them babbling. If HS is anything like i remember, its not a fun place to be different.

I've only told my very closest friends and only in the last few years, before then i didn't tell anyone. Sharing it definately makes it easier, its so important to know you aren't the only one.

I think you've handled the news really well and have more emotional maturity than your folks give you credit for (although they are only trying to protect you from getting hurt). Im sure you'll find a way to satisfy your desire to mother, no need to rush in that department.

Good luck,

susan

[Unregistered]

First, just wanted to say what a wise attitude you have. It will stand you in good stead througout life.

Then, one comment you made interested me- that you cannot have sex. Making love is much broader than just the act of penetration, and can be very nice. But more than that, if you do have a desire for penetration other than oral, and if your partner is into it, there is always anal sex. There are quite a number of women who really prefer it that way even though they have another option! And there is certainly no shortage of men who like it that way either!!!

As time goes by, people figure things out, and I suspect you will also. Whether you stay with your present boyfriend or not, I bet you will have a nice life because I think, judging by your posting, that you will make it that way.


I do concur about being very careful about telling people. Sex still makes a lot of people nervous, and they lapse into dumb humor to try to cover it up. And those who do not like you for whatever reason are likely to use any physical characteristic to make fun of. I have a lazy eye, and in school it was the brunt of jokes. As time has gone on, and my peers grew up, they were the ones embarrassed by what they did...

Robert

[dalelynnsims]

from: http://www.kindredspiritlakeside.homestead.com/Definitions.html

Mayer-Rokitansky-Kustur-Hauser syndrome: (www.mrkh.org) Failure of development of vagina, cervix, uterus and fallopian tubes in genetic females. Cause not known. James Benson may have had this syndrome, although his male gender identity is atypical. ALso known as Mullerian Agenesis, Vaginal Agenesis, Congenital Absence of Vagina


Vaginal agenesis: Failure of formation of vagina, for a variety of reasons, including MRKH syndrome.
For more on Vaginal agenesis see:
http://www.isna.org/library/foley-morley.html