I need some answers

[elly]

I'm going to be as brief as possible although it will be difficult to do so.

I know there are probably a lot of people scratching their heads as I am since seeing the 20/20 report in Intersexuality and maybe I am simply grasping at straws but after seeing that report I wonder if I was born intersexual and surgically altered.

I am 33 years old, married with 2 children. However I have never been able to have an orgasm during sex. I can bring myself to climax but it is a long "technical" process that never brings any real satisfaction.

My labia is enlarged and I always noticed that it was much bigger then other women. I have a very boyish figure. Small breasts, hips and not much waist. I am more "tomboy" then "pretty girl" and have always been like that. BTW...I like who I am I am happy with my body, personality and charecteristics...and my husband is too. I don't feel finding out the truth (if there is one) will alter my life...it would simply give me some answers.

I consider myself bisexual as I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I just happened to fall in love with a wonderful man who is being very supportive of me finding out the truth.

I'm not ready to ask my parents yet (if they had me surgically altered) but I am wondering if a doctor would be able to tell me if it looks like I was surgically altered (mutilated). If I need to ask my parents I will but I don't want to hurt them. I'm certain that whatever (if anything) they did it was because a doctor guided them into that choice. Of course if a doctor says that there is a chance I had an operation then I would go to my parents...I just don't want to upset them unnecessarily.

I'm probably just grasping at straws...trying to find a concrete answer to my lifelong questions about my sexuality..but I could use your help. Am I grasping? Is there a chance? Where do I go from here? Any help, advise or wisdom would be great.

Thanks Elly

[Betsy]

Hi Elly,

A gynecologist should be able to answer your questions. Usually, they will not not broach the subject unless you ask them about it.

Alternately, you can track down your medical records from when you were a child. This is sometimes easier said than done, but I would start with the hospital where you were born, the OB/GYN if you know the name, and your pediatric doctor.

Good Luck!

Betsy

[LynnT]

Just to let you know that only about 30% of women can actually have an orgasm DURING intercourse. That's why foreplay is so important to us. Most women need outside stimulation in order to climax. ;)

[elly]

Betsy- Thanks for the info. I made an appointment with a good Gyn and will ask all of the questions I can think of. Hopefully I will get some answers.

Lynn-Yup, I know. However no matter how much, what kind, from male or female....no person has ever been able to bring me to climax (or even close) either in foreplay, intercourse...or whatever :-) *sigh* I'm tired of feeling like I'm "screwed up" and missing out.... I hope I can get some answers at the doctor's office. Wish me luck.

Elly

[Unregistered]

Elly,
You sound very much like me, or at least the "me" I used to be.

Although I had always known I had been surgically altered, there was so much shame and secrecy surrounding it that I never knew what was done or why. There was a "Dont Ask, Don't Tell" policy about my body. I learned that very well, never discussing my body or its uniqueness. Not even with my lovers did I talk about myself. Forget about broaching it with a parent or gyn... I was just too embarrassed.

As I rounded the corner into my 40's, it became important to me to get answers. As settled as I was, I felt unsettled, like there were missing pieces that no matter how hard I tried (or tried to push them away) I simply couldn't put together. My parents had only vague memories. After all, for them all issues about my body were settled long ago. The truth is that there is so much shame and secrecy hoisted on parents, they often don't really know or understand what's being done. My parents, as involved as they were in my treatment, didn't know/understand much of what had been done to me... or why.

It's great that you've made the appointment, and hopefully you'll get some answers that will help you feel more settled with your body and your soul.
Good Luck!

[Victoria]

Dear Elly,

Just wondering how things went at the OBGYN's?? Did you find what you were looking for? I read your post awhile ago and was wondering for some time how things were with you and what, if any, information you received from your doctor's visit.

Just to let you know, your story sounds similiar to mine. It really is a process of self-discovery. For me, it continues to get easier over time, however, there is always more to learn!!

Best of luck with everything and please write to let me know how you are.


Take care.

Victoria