On Being in Love

[Maura]

I lay awake in the early morning darkness haunted by those beautiful adoring eyes looking longingly at my face, the loving smile, sweet warm lips, soft warm flesh and heavenly scent. An angelic presence nestled sweetly in my arms. The little unresponsive thing between my thighs sometimes hiding sometimes present like the head of a turtle, even with flatlined libido I have entered heaven at a spiritual plane, where the emotional intensity of true love superceeds all understanding. Unfortunately I am consigned to a life devoid of this adoring angel. She came to me like an injured bird, filled with disappointment and sorrows. With loving patience I nurtured her until the appropriate time to release her to experience the fullness of life. My desire is that she know the love and happiness of a whole and complete man.
As I lay there in the darkness, warm tears run down my cheeks and wet my pillow. My heart is cleft in two and yet oddly enough continues to beat. My love for her is eternal. :heart:

[prince....ss?]

Maura, what wonderful but sad words. I understand how the flat lined libido gives the feeling of love a dimension that others may never understand. This in itself leaves your heart wide open and vulnerable. So with the deeper feeling of love you are more susceptible to the hurt that comes along.

I must say that your poetic image of letting the now healed bird free was very sad, for you and her. I just hope her reason for her leaving was for something other than the libido related issues. You sound like you have a lot to offer and more love than any one person could receive. Love will find you again.

Prince….ss?

[Maura]

Dear Prince...
Thank you for your understanding and thoughtful comments. I wrote this about my dearest CAIS girlfriend, we've been very close. I felt that it was very unfair of me to keep her in bondage to my heart and slight her of her potential for a 24/7 relationship with a normal man. I wrote this as I know that there are many who can surely relate from their own personal experience and to ensure everyone here that they are not alone in matters of the heart.

[zenditz]

but Maura,

May I ask did she express a need to be with, as you put it, a "real man", or was this your feeling... Although it doesn't make your pain any less I'm sure :broken_he... I'm just like really super confused about who broke up with who?

Don't feel bad about just saying MYOB ;),
Katie

[Maura]

I decided for her own good to rachet this down to just being good friends. I'm unable to make a 24/7 comittment to her as she would prefer and I'm sure that she would enjoy more than I can offer sexually. It was my decision for her sake, I want her to experience the potential for wholeness and fulfillment in her life. there have been tears.

[zenditz]

I'm sure she loves you all the more for it,

I know what you mean about a 24/7 relationship... I'm in one now, the first one of my life, and it's the most beautiful feeling I've yet to experience. I could no doubt settle for anything less, or with anyone else, ever again.

Congrats on having the courage, and self awareness to know what you can give... and helping her find what she needs and wants, even if it hurts.

Bye,
Katie

[Maura]

All women deserve a chance for a meaningful relationship. It's often much more difficult for women with birth related problems to experience the unconditional love of another in this cruel world, I'm happy for you Katie! Thank you for your kind and thoughtful sentiments. I know she will always love me dearly and I'm content with that and knowing that she'll be happy.

[Androgeny]

I just lost a 10 year relationship. during my grad school semester. I a a true hermaphrodite unsergically altered.my name is Candy.

Candy

[mohnblume]

I'm making a big question mark behind that expression "a real man". Does this mean, that we intersexuals ar not real? Does it mean, that we are second class people? That we cannot have real sex? In another forum I heard a similar expression from a transvestite, who mentioned, that he is unfortunately not as real as the transsexuals. I think, and I insist, that at the end we all are real humans. We might be unique, compared to the mass, but we are REAL

[Maura]

Candy,
Welcome to our big family, I'm sure that you'll find that you are not alone. Sorry about the loss of you're sweetheart. If you wish perhaps you might want to discuss it here, if not in an open forum and you'd like to have someone to discuss it with, please feel free to PM me anytime as I am known to be compassionate and understanding......Maura

[Maura]

Mohnblume Quote: "I'm making a big question mark behind that expression "a real man". Does this mean, that we intersexuals ar not real?"

Mohnblume,
I'm unable to enjoy sex as a male, she wants male penetration during intimacy. That is the context in which I was referring and did in no way mean to step on anyone's toes here. My references are only toward myself. I didn't wish to go into all this and had hoped that you all could read between the lines and understand.

[zenditz]

I saw the truth :pat: ,

Something I've had to deal with as well. I'm not sure how big your clitoris is, mines about three time's larger than most other girls, which isn't huge, but I've ran into the... 'lets just try it' problem a few time... and well I'm just like totally, let's just not... and that usually ends with 'let's just break up'... on my part of course... because if they want me in that way, it begins to change how they see me. No toes stepped on here, I understood, and felt deeply for what you were saying.

Take care,
Katie

[Androgeny]

that is how I feel every morning since 4 months ago...

[Androgeny]

Mine is just about the same or maybe a bit bigger who to say...I hear ya sista.