Atusa
03-21-06, 02:31 AM
Hello,
I am currently in a serious relationship with a man. This September will be 3 years we have known each other. We are highly compatible and love each other very much. We are seriously considering marriage. He had ambiguous sexual organs at birth and doctors recommended that he be raised as female. He lived as a female for the first twenty or so years of his life. He is now 38. He started receiving hormones at the time that he decided to transition. He has always had a difficult time talking about this subject with me. I imagine there is a lot of embarrassment and shame perhaps associated with it and he has also told me that he is angry with his Mother for not revealing this news to him earlier. Apparently, she revealed this to him when he was 12 after he had expressed to her that he was having conflicting feelings about his sexual orientation. He says that he was born with partial female parts...he has never explained exactly what he was born with. Last year, he underwent surgery and now he has a penis and testicles. He is too embarrassed to show me photos of himself as a child and youth. He is also too embarrassed to honestly talk to me about what his life was really like during that time of his life. Before his surgery, he never let me see him without his hands covering himself, so I don't what he looked like before the surgery. He apparently saw a therapist a few times before he transitioned to make sure he knew what he was doing and that he was of sound mind. He said that the psychiatrist told him that he was very well-adjusted and trusted that he knew this was the best decision. I feel like every time I approach the subject he cringes and wishes I would not bring it up. His hesitation to be totally honest with me is somewhat upsetting to me. I still have questions and have a need to know all about him since he is the one I'll be spending the rest of my life with. Not knowing exactly what he was born with leaves me wondering things like was he born with a vagina and if not, why would doctors feel that it was best that he be raised female? I also question my own sexual orientation wondering if I am bisexual. This is all so new and foreign to me and I don't know how to deal with it. I believe that someone's past greatly influences their future relationships and I'm left wondering whether I should be anticipating some pitfalls that come with the territory of living with someone with this kind of condition and history. What should I be aware of, should I be wary or concerned? Should we both seek therapy for this before entering marriage?
Atusa
I am currently in a serious relationship with a man. This September will be 3 years we have known each other. We are highly compatible and love each other very much. We are seriously considering marriage. He had ambiguous sexual organs at birth and doctors recommended that he be raised as female. He lived as a female for the first twenty or so years of his life. He is now 38. He started receiving hormones at the time that he decided to transition. He has always had a difficult time talking about this subject with me. I imagine there is a lot of embarrassment and shame perhaps associated with it and he has also told me that he is angry with his Mother for not revealing this news to him earlier. Apparently, she revealed this to him when he was 12 after he had expressed to her that he was having conflicting feelings about his sexual orientation. He says that he was born with partial female parts...he has never explained exactly what he was born with. Last year, he underwent surgery and now he has a penis and testicles. He is too embarrassed to show me photos of himself as a child and youth. He is also too embarrassed to honestly talk to me about what his life was really like during that time of his life. Before his surgery, he never let me see him without his hands covering himself, so I don't what he looked like before the surgery. He apparently saw a therapist a few times before he transitioned to make sure he knew what he was doing and that he was of sound mind. He said that the psychiatrist told him that he was very well-adjusted and trusted that he knew this was the best decision. I feel like every time I approach the subject he cringes and wishes I would not bring it up. His hesitation to be totally honest with me is somewhat upsetting to me. I still have questions and have a need to know all about him since he is the one I'll be spending the rest of my life with. Not knowing exactly what he was born with leaves me wondering things like was he born with a vagina and if not, why would doctors feel that it was best that he be raised female? I also question my own sexual orientation wondering if I am bisexual. This is all so new and foreign to me and I don't know how to deal with it. I believe that someone's past greatly influences their future relationships and I'm left wondering whether I should be anticipating some pitfalls that come with the territory of living with someone with this kind of condition and history. What should I be aware of, should I be wary or concerned? Should we both seek therapy for this before entering marriage?
Atusa