Just here to support...

[Christie]

Hi,

I am not intersexed. In fact, I had never given much thought to such a thing. But last night, on some channel (TLC maybe? it was late) I watched a show called Medical Mysteries. The show was very informative, very heart-wrenching, and I turned off the television grateful that I had learned about something which is traditionally kept in the closet.

Secrets... I know all about those. I'm not one to keep secrets at all, but I work hard to bring public awareness and education about another issue. And I can't count the number of people I have talked to, and counselled online, who were terrified to go public with their secret. I'm not afraid to get on television, on radio, or in print. Unfortunately I'm one of the few... In a sense, you're more successful than the group of people I represent, because informative shows ARE being produced. My group is still relegated to the likes of Jerry Springer. Not entirely... In recent months there has been some publicity, and 20/20 has finally expressed an interest. The problem is, nobody will come forward, and I don't meet the "criteria" for the show.

At the end of this message I will answer the question you're likely asking by now. But first, I want to say that I support you, and now that I have some information, I will gladly try to educate others whenever I hear disparaging remarks about intersexed people. I know it's not much, but at the same time, I know that the people on this board recognize the value of every single voice.

I'm not familiar with this board or length limitations, so I am going to continue this in a follow-up thread to avoid the possibility of having my message truncated.

[Christie]

I would never suggest that the group of people I represent can even begin to compare their (our) situation with yours. Your situation is by biology... ours is viewed as a choice. (And no, I'm not referring to sexual orientation.) However, there are some very striking similarities in the social issues that we face.

It's time now... and many of you may think "no big deal"... I am married to my cousin. My first cousin once removed, to be more accurate. However, I work consantly to help first cousins, first cousins once removed, and second cousins learn to accept themselves, and to break the silence.

The issues that are similar, and I'm sure there are more than I'm mentioning, are:

Like your situation, the issue of consanguinity (cousin marriage) is viewed as sinful, as abnormal, as perverse.

Like your situation, ours is fodder for the pornography industry.

Like your situation, there is alot of discrimination and "mystery" which makes us "freaks of nature" in the eyes of society.

Like your situation, Biblical references and support are ignored by most churches.

Like your situation, our families are often ashamed and try to hide the truth.

And in some instances, like your situation, individuals are disowned completely by families, and rejected by friends, or kicked out of churches.

The sad part is, schools teach that our situation is dangerous and demented. Many medical doctors forcibly recommend surgical sterilization on our offspring, or abortions for the parents. Many legal professionals don't even know the laws in their own state regarding cousin marriage, and theologins reject Biblical truth in favor of their own personal bias.

So no, I can't imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes.... But I can empathize, because we face many of the same issues.

I run a website called CUDDLE (Cousins United to Defeat Discriminating Laws through Education.) I have a very real desire now to learn more about you, and be one caring voice on your behalf. I probably will not be back to this board other than to read responses to my message. But if you'd like to drop in and learn about us, you're welcome to do so, at www.cuddleinternational.org.

[Betsy]

Hi Christie,

Thank you for your kind words. Secrets, no matter their basis, are bad thing for anyone to deal with, particularly families. One secret leads to another and another and another and eventually we all end behind a specially constructed facade.

As an activist, I am curious about something. Didn't the AMA come out recently basically giving marriage among cousins an okay, saying there is no indicated increase in birth defects, etc? If so, how did you get it in front of them, and how have you used it to your advantage since then?

Thanks,

Betsy

---Well behaved women rarely make history.

P.S.: If you type a novel, you may get cut off or truncated, but we have the message limit length set quite high so type away.

[christie]

hi betsy,

in april, the journal for genetic counseling published the report on the findings that there was not the increased risk that people typically believe. it wasn't news to me though LOL... before starting the CUDDLE site, i was very involved with www.cousincouples.com, as a managing editor for lack of better term. robin bennett, the president-elect of the NSGC (national society of genetic counseling) had sent us the rough draft of the report two years ago... i had long before started my research into the genetics though, so even then, nothing in the rough draft surprised me. when the report was finally published, it even included a "story" from one of the cousincouples members, who had been convinced years earlier by her doctor that she had to have an abortion because the risk was so great. the poor girl was devastated years later when she found out her doctor had misinformed her.

during my time with cousincouples, and since i started the cuddle site, i made as many appearances on tv, radio and in print as i could. the opportunities were few and far between. they peaked just a little bit when maryland legislators tried to pass a law illegalizing cousin marriage. my husband and i, and two other couples, appeared on the montel williams show. it wasn't the best experience, but it didn't turn out too bad. the audience was receptive to us, probably as a result of being infuriated with one mother who insisted on screaming at her son about incest and the devil. she pretty much stole the show, but it was to our benefit. what i didn't like about the show was montel's staff... the producer of that segment (who is no longer with montel) was quite manipulative and deceptive in her tactics... the irate mother was completely unaware that her sister, (her daughter-in-law's mother) would be on the show. the sisters had never gotten along, and at the last minute they were brought out and seated next to each other.

anyway, radio shows have been quite successful. I tend to stick to doing shows on news-talk stations and skip the typical shock-jock mentality of morning shows. i've also been interviewed for the chicago tribune, and time magazine... and kc, the owner of cousincouples, was interviewed for the n.y. times. those interviews have all been since the genetic report went out. prior to that, foxnews.com ran an article for which kc and i were both interviewed.

most of my time now is spent trying to educate others, and to encourage people who live in states where marriage is not legal to contact their legislators. i've put together a notebook with tons of documented materials which i will be sending to various state legislagors after the elections are completed. the genetic report has been invaluable. having the highest authority in the united states on genetic risks on our side is very helpful. she (robin bennett) is also active, at least in the state of washington, in trying to get the laws changed on the basis of genetic disrimination.

honestly, i wish i had the resources to do more than i'm doing. and the knowledge! i kinda wing it on my own, but i don't really know what i'm doing LOL. it would be nice if i could make cuddle a nonprofit organization. there's a lot of reasons why i haven't, not the least of which i wouldn't even know how to begin. i'm just one person, and most people are too afraid of an open association because they don't want to be targeted by prejudice when people find out.

anyway, thanks for asking... and if you have any tips, feel free to share them!!

[Natasha]

It seems we do have a common issue christie. The myths which legislators, the medical establishment, and our society hold in common, that harm others.

Oddly enough it seems, that often one can trace back the source of many of them, directly to the medical industry.

I totally sympathize christie. I hope for your eventual victory over this ignorance, which affects you and yours adversely. I also promise, that I will do what I can to counteract this misinformation, and try to change a few attitudes.

All the best,

Natasha