Suicide

[Sunshine1]

Was wondering how many people with CAH ...OK FOR THIS POLL people that actually grew up with CAH SWCAH, SVCAH, LOCAH have thought about ending it all and have a plan? Ok crap missed the poll part by 5 seconds ..whatever and figure anyone that wants out doesn't need a poll anyway.

Thought about suicide after the surgeon directed me to slide down on his finger so he could slide it into the canal he created. Go blue ! tried suicide twice in my late 20's also.

[Priestess]

Was wondering how many people with CAH ...OK FOR THIS POLL people that actually grew up with CAH SWCAH, SVCAH, LOCAH have thought about ending it all and have a plan? Ok crap missed the poll part by 5 seconds ..whatever and figure anyone that wants out doesn't need a poll anyway.

Thought about suicide after the surgeon directed me to slide down on his finger so he could slide it into the canal he created. Go blue ! tried suicide twice in my late 20's also.

Aww Aimee :frown: you have a whole life to live for.
I don't have any standard sort of CAH, so this reply doesn't count for anything. But right now, I wish I had a severe case of salt-wasting CAH, so I could simply stop taking my pills, and close my eyes forever.

[Priestess]

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free

.
.
.

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end

[sparklingdreams]

I've tried it many times,

And think about more often than I could count, and attempted it many times. Once to the point of full liver, kidney, and etc failures. I spent one month in a coma... and even now at this moment I'm very close to trying again. And defitely thinking about it now.

At least your lucky enough to have a vaginal opening, where as mine is now closed. The father had it closed when I was thirteen after he found out I was 'choosing' to have sex with a friend. I'm still tortured by the fact the last person inside me was the father. I can feel him, and hear what he said the last time he raped me.

So I rarely get a moments peace and feel lucky if I go one day without feeling suicidal... and once I feel lucky, sudddenly those many memories come back and I'm back at the bottom. This despite over years of intense therapy... although at least now I know I'm not going to do it. Lately though, I haven't felt so sure about my strength to keep from acting on that.

Mostly because the 'test' I'm supposed to have done and because of my Dystonia's progress, for the first time I have deep fears I'll never be able to afford to fix the things the father had Doctors did to me.

[Priestess]

Katie! :happy68: It's you!
I'd kind of missed your being here

[sparklingdreams]

Thank you very much Priestess I've missed you too,

I'm gonna try to avoid getting into so many of the 'third sex' discussions, but I really love a lot of those here. I've just been really down & out with my Dystonia, and am now bed ridden most of the time. So I haven't been able to get support for a while. I finally got broadband internet and a computer so, now being stuck in bed still gets me to some support. Suppport I need more than ever.

[Priestess]

Me too. The was one set of discussions I wish I'd kept silent about. It seems like it started a lot of alienation between people here, and I lost someone who I thought was a friend. There was nothing I said or could have said that was worth it.

I hope we can help keep you cheered up. I know it sucks being sick in bed most of time.

[sparklingdreams]

I'm trying to stay up,

It's just with as bad as things have gotten I'm deadly afraid I'll have to live with these mutilation my entire live. Which means never have decent sex, no kids, not even being comfortable, or even consentual, in a relationship.

[Priestess]

I'm trying to stay up,

It's just with as bad as things have gotten I'm deadly afraid I'll have to live with these mutilation my entire live. Which means never have decent sex, no kids, not even being comfortable, or even consentual, in a relationship.

aww :cry_smile I've just been reading about dystonia from the link you give. It seems awefully bad. They mentioned treatments like surgery and said there were good results from brain electrodes. (yipes) Is there any chance of them trying to help you?

Well, I'm online a lot if you need me. I've been having a few problems too.

[sparklingdreams]

DBS is still very experimental,

I'm working on trying to get a Baclofen pump surgery done. Which has been done much longer as is the next step. If it doesn't than brain surgery would be the final option which isn't very well researched. But we may eventually go for it. You can instant message me whenever you want... when I'm online. Really any time. I'd love to chat with you more. My handles are listed in my profile. I'm sorry you're going through so much too. I'm sure we can help each other through what were going through together.

[Priestess]

I'll be hoping for you Katie, that something works. I can tell you should have lots of good things ahead of you, eventually.

It looks like I've made up with my relatives, they say it was just a misunderstanding. Except I don't have much left in me. It hurts so bad and I feel so cold. Might as well be living thousands of years ago in pre-history, for all that modern medicine is willing.

I tried to instant message you, but my computer sucks. It didn't like any of the IM links. But anyways, peace

[sparklingdreams]

I know the feeling of medically being treated like we lived in the dark ages,

In fact I just posted something about my current medical and combined legal issues that even one month ago would have seemed like nothing more than a horrible nightmare. And yet again my life seems to be living out some evil trial I couldn't prepare for.

I'm glad, at least on some level, you've made up with your family. Hopefully things will continue to improve for you.

My Yahoo! & AIM instant messengers' nickname is dystoniadreams. On MSN it online-AT-dystonia-dreams.org (replace -AT- with @<hidden>) if you want to chat.

[Sunshine1]

I wanted to post that people have been there and thought about it and never do it or they just do it.

A way out but then you never get to see if you could change the next day.

[sparklingdreams]

... thought about it and never do it or they just do it...

A lot of people try,

And try very hard, but life is a pain in the ass and holds on tight. Psychologists call it a call for help, but that has more to do with the fact that life is strong and meant to survive, and that any easy, or workable, way of ending things is controlled.

Even though that's true it doesn't make the prevalence and deep pain of those feeling any more serious. I've tried more than ten times, the closest to one that worked just put me in a month long comma, and weeks of rehab. That was an attempt to escape abuse... which was never addressed by anyone.

I wonder how much higher the suicide, and attempted, rate among intersex people than it is with the normal population. I know it's higher and I think the SFHRC report on infant genital mutilations has some information on it.