Here again

[Andre]

Hello everyone,

Some may remember that the last times I posted here, I was wondering if I was Intersexed or not.

Well, I haven't changed much other than I have come to accept that I am and that I have lived my life basically that way, just the notion of being Intersexed never really crossed my mind until I first heard of it in XXYtalk.

Having it being shoved down my throat, I literally backed away from it as I do with everything that is pushed towards me. After a time of deliberating and talking to various people, I have come to the conclusion that, yeah, I was always Intersexed. It took some time to come out with that and I now feel comfortable that way.

Just letting you know what is happening and that I am still alive.

Andre

[peaceandparty]

hello andre!
thats great to hear!

i am sure i was one of the people that "shoved it in your face"

but

it was for a greater cause!

finally now you can open up barriers that internally are blocked when we deny something in ourselves the freedom to be expressed

to say you are intersexed,as an xxy"male" is not to start buying flowers,and putting on pink
and as much as my road has been bumpy with struggling to bring us all together in admitting that we(xxys) have to be intersex
-i can say it is and was all worth it if you,andre can now say that with the pride that i feel you have through your post here

thats absolutely fabulous...welcome back to blo!
and may our roads one day meet because i believe in harmony among intersexers
but i also believe that can take some time sometimes

be well
peace

[Andre]

Yeah, it's been a thoughtful road, it's not over yet, I don't think it'll ever be over.

Yes, you were the one that did the dirty deed but that is okay. It still got me thinking once I was away from the greater influence and by myself to think about things.

No, I know it's not about pink and such, it's about how I relate to myself and others around me. Nothing has really changed, I am still the same person I always was, I am just accepting a bit more of myself.

Feels good, I tell you.

Good luck with your new site, Gavan.

Andre

[peaceandparty]

well it wasnt excatly a dirty deed

it was the truth afterall indeed

anyway thx for the luck
and thx for the reply

i hope we can talk on here about more intersex/xxy issues

ciao

peace

[Andre]

Dirty deed is an expression and not meant to cause insult, Gavan.

:wink_smil

[peaceandparty]

Hello everyone,

Some may remember that the last times I posted here, I was wondering if I was Intersexed or not.

Well, I haven't changed much other than I have come to accept that I am and that I have lived my life basically that way, just the notion of being Intersexed never really crossed my mind until I first heard of it in XXYtalk.

Having it being shoved down my throat, I literally backed away from it as I do with everything that is pushed towards me. After a time of deliberating and talking to various people, I have come to the conclusion that, yeah, I was always Intersexed. It took some time to come out with that and I now feel comfortable that way.

Just letting you know what is happening and that I am still alive.

Andre

this is your lifestyle......and a trait of many human beings
i am more open than many

i think choice of words and extra care for trying to communicate a nitty gritty point ist in ordnung!

as for your dirty deed of using the word dirty deed
and then explaining to me,a wordsmith,what dirty deed does not imply
well it may or may not show the difference in anger and disappointment between the two of us

you see-i am not sour over anything between us
ok-maybe only the non carefully chosen words that you used to mar my bio on xxytalk
but in essence we are both responsible for what we individually write
and my writings are filled with care for others and i am more of a christian than many christians because of my love thy neighbour feel,and also forgive and forget stance

many people including yourself are convinced that because i wrote that i am sensitive/hyper sensitive and because others noted that i sometimes take things personally....that that happens all the time
its some times
and its not to be used as a weapon-knowing such things.....
its to be used as a tissue...so that you can clean the bow strings for the violin that you will need to use to play a happy piece for gavan coleman
because peaceandparty is gavan coleman
and i am a happy peace...but some times i am left in pieces
because people sometimes dont know when to tread lightly
my mood right now is : happy go lucky......dont want to try and prove myself...because i am just me.well-its my birthday too!nearly forgot......!but i suppose disappointed in the way in which you "seem" to enjoy playing mind games........correct me if me and my girlfriend are wrong!


i am happy for your progress andre
and i hope we can progress here at blo
and talk about some hard facts and some other things too ---all of course relating to xxy or intersex issues


peace

[peaceandparty]

Synonyms:
abuse
, backhanded compliment*,
brickbat*,
dirty deed*,(do you not want to say another word?)
dump
, indignity,
injury
, left-handed compliment*
, offense,
outrage,
provocation,-(there sometimes can be a "truth" that wants to be ignored)
put-down*
, slap*
, slight,
slur,
vexation,
wrong


Antonyms: appeasement, compliment, flattery, pleasantry

if thats the expression...then can you please put into context as to how my outward expression and delivery was- of us xxys having to be intersex

[Andre]

Take it as I said it, Gavan. It's an expression I use all the time and it means nothing to me other than with a swirl of humour in it. Let's not start a war with words, shall we ? This is not why we are here for.

Andre

[Kailana]

i am so very happy for you to have found yourself. It does take time, to understand what one is. At first the initiall shock of finding out, that your well different can be really draining, and takes sometime to figure things out for yourself. As for being IS, well thank you and welcome back to us. Sometimes i think that people particularly parents only see the boy or girl and forget that we are indeed different, in little ways that they really will never understand, at least not without also being a little different themselves. Anyways i am happy you have found some peace, balance, to claim. Knowing your something is after all alot better then not knowing, or continously doubting questioning what oneself actually is.

Now then as to the Dirty Deed debacle, Looks like things are clearing up a little, I tend to think alot like andre about that usage of words as slang, I am sure there are many others that might have a mixed connotation. Actually mean something literally but is used as something else. As it appears peaceandparty is a little more upset with the literal definition of dirtydeed, Andre isn't. So a small missunderstanding can get tangled in words.

relax, we are all here for the same reason.
Hugs to everyone. Kisses too

[Andre]

first the initial shock of finding out, that your well different can be really draining, and takes sometime to figure things out for yourself

It wasn't a shock as well as a slow coming to a realisation that my life was basically lead that way. I hadn't noticed anything different really, just that I have come to accept the label now more. I hadn't known IS existed until I came to the sites that talked about it.

It wasn't like the thought of getting m-m-m-married, it was more like "Okay, so I am Intersexed, what's the big deal ?" A natural thing, really. I have always seen people as such, people. I thought of guys and gals but more of how they saw themselves rather than how I saw them.

Thanks for your kind words and the clarification, Kailana. perhaps I will cut down on the slang, I don't want to be a party to miscommunication.

Andre

[peaceandparty]

Take it as I said it, Gavan. It's an expression I use all the time and it means nothing to me other than with a swirl of humour in it. Let's not start a war with words, shall we ? This is not why we are here for.

Andre


i wouldnt cal anything that we wrote a war

i would call it a heated conversation

and a necessary progression on the road to better understanding one another

and i have all the time in the world for that

peace andre

[Andre]

There is too much of that going around and I don't think it's necessary in understanding one another. Understanding another is done better in the caring and the support of one another. In that comes trust, something in which we all have to work on.

Through our individual experiences, we have come to distrust those of whom speak badly of us, treat us like a number or a condition to the dissected. Trust is broken down piece by piece, it certainly takes a lot to build that up again.

No, I detest heated conversations because at one point, a feeling will be hurt and with us, feelings run deep. Heated conversations do not go forward, they hinder our advancement by concentrating on a minute point.

So really, Gavan, if you really want to get to know me and want me to do that same with you, let's not get hung up on the past and on details.

Andre

[Intersex]

Hello everyone I am glad that I found this site.

Justin:coffee:

[Andre]

Hello Justin,

Nice to see you here. :sign16:

Thanks for dropping in and saying hi. Look forward to your posts.

Andre

[steve/lisa]

Wecolm home,Its nice to beable to speak my mind here on this site,Without this place I sure would be misable I think,I'm not very interesting of a person I guess,I mostly talk to myself here,But it is refreshing to recieve some comments on some of the things i speak of,mostly tho I just talk about my day or some things that took place yrs ago to me some good some not so good and I often wonder whats in store for me in the future,Mostly i just try to live a peaceful life tho.Anyway Welcome to BLO,and have a nice day.steve/lisa.......Lisa.

[Andre]

It's nice to come here and talk about Intersex issues and all the issues that surround it. I feel most comfortable here and in my site.

It's good to have people here that understand and give something of themselves, it does feel like a community.

I was just going over the Hearing in San Francisco and was pleasantly surprised that most of the older members here come from such a time.

Thanks, Betsy, for creating BLO, it does serve a place for all of us who feel very much at ease here more than in our own worlds.

Andre

[Intersex]

Take it as I said it, Gavan. It's an expression I use all the time and it means nothing to me other than with a swirl of humour in it. Let's not start a war with words, shall we ? This is not why we are here for.

Andre


Do you know that U2 Gavan and yourself Andre, I would love to bring you both back to The Dragon bar is Dublin city, and have a great night on the tiles
I do think that Gavan and Andre would get on like a house on fire, meaning
that the 2 of you would get on great, no bad puns or words intended

Gavan and myself were there before and we both had a fantastic time lol

So come on U2 lets have some peace brothers/sisters/Intersex's

Both your friends, Justin :cartman: :beer: :push: :help: :whipg:

[peaceandparty]

thx justin for that lovely post!

i am hoping!

tho as you say...it takes time to build a good friendship/relationship

:dunno:
dont know what else to do in the last few days but all that i did do
i am happy with the way i worded things
there is a constant feeling from my side that i am the one who tries to always instigate a resolution process between the two of us
and i also feel a lot that he ,
despite what he says of "encouraging people always",
has never really a lot to agree on with me-he constantly says that i am wrong on my opinions....which is highly mad!theme-sizzle-discussion-sizzle-debate-sizzle-opinions or onions(i´m gonna cry)-
trying always with andre and rick and even with orinoco flow
always did....always will try
but i will not bow down to someone who is not able to act like a king or a queen.....there are certain ways of doing things......and i come from a dynamic family
i am well used to highly skilled wordsmiths,i -myself-try my best...always
and have asked for peace
and have obviously had issues with my name being peaceandparty
my name is my aim-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkXreN5V1A8

i was looking for my other video about climbing the ice mountain,but i cant find the link!
next time

[Andre]

Justin;

Thank you for your effort.

When the incumbent made an erroneous statement, I corrected it to the best of my limited knowledge. This was met with a slight acknowledgement by correcting the earlier statement here and on a video. That effort was appreciated, I don't need any kind of acknowledgement, it is not about me, it never was.

However this was marred by a rebuttal and a consequent trashing. Yes, how encouraging is that ? Keeping positive is a chore at time because I have my ups and owns like everyone here and my own tribulations to contend with. Having to see that another is willfully cutting me down at every opportunity, is a challenge. If hurt had run deep before, it is deeper now.

So, my choices are limited, listen to all the strife and garbage in my name or by pass that and continue on a path that I know is right. I choose the latter because I choose to be strong and I choose to ignore the incumbent. He has a choice too and I have no influence on that choice.

There is enough strife in this world to succumb to thoughts of ending it all. I choose life and I choose to share it no matter how anyone else feels that my life is not worth it. That's thier problem, not mine.

I also choose to go forward. Looking at a tumultuous past is futile unless it can be learned from it. I see no learning in this instance, just a revisiting of past hurts on both sides.

So, we come to the here and now. I don't believe BLO was made to air grievances and certainly I will have no part in that. In order to commit to a belief, I will ignore the unnecessary strife that is being met daily.

In the past I had a problem with speech and writing, I concentrated on that for the longest time and I am proud of what I have accomplished. My thoughts and feelings are being read and understood through that accomplishment and I make no excuses for it.

So, the proverbial ball is in the court, do with it want you want, but you know my intenion and I know this will be met with further abuse, no matter what is said.

Andre

[peaceandparty]

knowing and believeing are two different things

for a start if you want to be understood you need to use more baby language
because not everyone speaks that way

i believe that you are not aware of yourself......
i believe that you are a hard ball bully type and online you like to become your better self but in the end you end up basically blaming other people and not taking any responsibility for your own ways of doing things
it seems no matter what that incumbent does it will be a bad thing in your eyes

i also know that your remarks to me on xxytalk were unbelievably bad mannered
and showed your weakness which is to hit hard first so that no-one will come near you!they sparked my defense system and i had to stand up for my adult self.....when i was young i ran quickly away from these things......so i understand where you are coming from......but the behaviour is most unfavourable
and i dont appreciate your sly private and public digs at me
and then acting as if nothing has happened....sorry but i have experienced this before
though i dont experience it for too long because i dont accept too much negative in my life
you have to live it to believe it

let me give a great example in my opinion about your attitude

you came back to blo for what exactly?
you arrived and set up this post:here again!

had you have noticed my 3 or so posts in the xxy section
a normal reserved relaxed and composed person would have took a deep breath and said that they will reply because of the bigger picture

--you didnt reply to any of my messages
--then you insinuated in one post (which i will find if i must clarify and prove my point)to 2 other members that i was not worth speaking to!

your opinions of me andre,i have taken them always on board but the more i listen the more overloaded i feel with feeling its necessary to do what you are seemingly trying to always do with me----which is to ignore

but i never ignored even bozzo or orinoco
i dont ignore anyone...in fact even my "enemies" where i have lived...i still remain civila nd polite with them

since never having a skype moment with you
but constantly receiving bad negative stuff from you
and your high almighty words trying to convince others or somehow prove you are right over me
i feel there is no choice but to again reveal the background and bring to light what is going on in the shadows...because quite frankly i feel bullied and abused....and i know many tactics of many types....and if anyone is trying to make me look bad...you cant do it!....because sometimes i am bad and sometimes i am good


but my heart and soul are in this together
and being banned from your recommendations and a rare few
from xxytalk or god forbid here at blo
i cannot be treated like you feel you can

so if you cant be fair...get outta my hair
because i intend on washing my nits

lastly
throughout my feelings on this and my words now on this
i feel there are endless possibilities to becoming closer in spirit
but it takes two to tango
and i am on the dancefloor waiting

[Andre]

Is this where you want to go or am I not reading you clearly ?

Andre

[peaceandparty]

no...you are not reading it correctly

i want to sort it out....i want to dive in the deep end with you...like i always wanted to do

i want to dance with you but you need to learn my dancing moves
and equally i need to learn your dancing moves

you are not reading it right because i do not want a truce
i want to get it cleared up
and that only happens by sorting through things-not just forgiving and forgetting

i would like more responses from you,more frequently than ever before
and i would like less one liners unless they are followed by a large post in the later days!
i would like you to pretend we are both 6 year olds
and neither of us is more or less intelligent
i would like a few referees on this subject helping us progress
and trying to see it as objectfully as possible

another member here thought and thinks that i am anti-globalisation
so you see and we read lots of things
perception comes in
judgement comes in

humans are like this
but i stopped being nasty a long time ago
but i have noticed since being hormonally imbalanced for this time of 8 months that i can be more naturally aggressive and nasty
but that does not mean always
i am not just aware of myself but i a also very well aware of how others perceive me and judge me
and that is something that not everyone points out

peace on the way!
but lets give it time

and a lot of heated debate

[Andre]

That is my main goal. You need closure and I need to tell you that I need to move forward. I am not interested in a heated debate, that is more your forte, my blood pressure goes up and I am like that for days. My family gets the brunt of it, do you understand that ? This is why I was in anger management in the first place.

So, can we compromise ?

I suggest we get an intermediary preferably from this site. I also suggest you can ask me whatever question you wish, let's say 3 at a time, and I will ask you 3 as well. If I can answer them I will, if I can't I will give you a reason.

Is this acceptable to you ? Also, a stipulation, any angered words outside of this realm and the deal is off.

Can we agree to that ? If not propose your rules and we can compromise.

Andre

[peaceandparty]

that sounds good.......let me think about the idea!

but basically its a huge leap for xxykind if we can go through this sticky mess

good....progress....and a very well written post!

talk to you soon!

[Intersex]

Gavan I respect you and over time I am learning to respect myself frist befor
I can truly help anyone eles.

Please see life from 360d we all not perfect, but there is always time for release and understanding of yourself frist.

I am not telling I am asking you to slow down to a stand still, and let the
love light in.

I am trying to also, it ant easy, a song comes to mind! lol

But lets just let the past go as we all are in the here and now, always learning
each and every day my friend.

I know nothing only begining to understand my true self.

Peace. bro/sis. Justin:island: :grouphug0

[Intersex]

Justin;

Thank you for your effort.

When the incumbent made an erroneous statement, I corrected it to the best of my limited knowledge. This was met with a slight acknowledgement by correcting the earlier statement here and on a video. That effort was appreciated, I don't need any kind of acknowledgement, it is not about me, it never was.

However this was marred by a rebuttal and a consequent trashing. Yes, how encouraging is that ? Keeping positive is a chore at time because I have my ups and owns like everyone here and my own tribulations to contend with. Having to see that another is willfully cutting me down at every opportunity, is a challenge. If hurt had run deep before, it is deeper now.

So, my choices are limited, listen to all the strife and garbage in my name or by pass that and continue on a path that I know is right. I choose the latter because I choose to be strong and I choose to ignore the incumbent. He has a choice too and I have no influence on that choice.

There is enough strife in this world to succumb to thoughts of ending it all. I choose life and I choose to share it no matter how anyone else feels that my life is not worth it. That's thier problem, not mine.

I also choose to go forward. Looking at a tumultuous past is futile unless it can be learned from it. I see no learning in this instance, just a revisiting of past hurts on both sides.

So, we come to the here and now. I don't believe BLO was made to air grievances and certainly I will have no part in that. In order to commit to a belief, I will ignore the unnecessary strife that is being met daily.

In the past I had a problem with speech and writing, I concentrated on that for the longest time and I am proud of what I have accomplished. My thoughts and feelings are being read and understood through that accomplishment and I make no excuses for it.

So, the proverbial ball is in the court, do with it want you want, but you know my intenion and I know this will be met with further abuse, no matter what is said.

Andre

I respet you also my friend. But I cant be in the middel anymore, you two,
have more in common that you both can see right now.

But we are all on the life road as one. LETS all strat to just accecpt & start accecpting we are on the road all of us to understanding of the understanding.

Peace and always love, my friends. Justin:grouphug0

[Andre]

Justin, I wasn't thinking of you. You are too close to us. I would suggest that it be a moderator here.

This is ofcourse only if the moderators of BLO aggree to this.

Andre

[peaceandparty]

and this isnt the first time i have instigated something like this

plus i cant see why we cant just keep talking here

keeping everything in the open

we dont need to pressure anyone to do this
we can just expect that people in general will bother to help because we would do itfor them
or at least i will do it for them in the future

too many times
certain members dont get on with eachother....and the unsiad rule there is to ignore
its happening a lot in the transsexual world
where someone pulls someone under water for long enough for them to be irritated
and no-one sees this happening
and the near drowned then has to go and explain the events to an unsuspecting public

i think the biggest problem you had with me from day one was:

that i was absolutely,undeniably TELLING people on xxytalk that we are intersex....regardless how you see yourself---the medical world,the xxyworld and the other intersexers in the world must start seeing us as intersex because ...we are!
and that is some seriously high controversial sheeeeet
yet one thing is.......is that i am entiztled to my opinion...and also i hope to concretely make that fact one day...if it hasnt been written in stone already

correct me if i am wrong at any point!

my first 3 questions:

1/ what mood are you in now-right now-if we were to meet on the street now,what would you do upon seeing me on the street 50 meteres away from you and i hadnt seen you yet...where would you go?how would you feel?would it be a positive or negative "coincidence" or not?

thats 3 in one to get the ball rolling!

[Intersex]

If I seen you on the street, Go over to you and say, hey! You can buy the coffee today. Or a bottle of wine. Or a the pints are on you! lol

You worrie to much.

Justin :2in1: :happy45:

[Andre]

Peace;

undeniably TELLING people on xxytalk that we are intersex....regardless how you see yourself

Yes, it would have been better to give the information and let everyone make up their own minds. I was quite perturbed about it but got over it. Perhaps that would be a point for the next time.

BTW, thanks for your last post, it was pleasant, not what I expected.

1/ what mood are you in now-right now-if we were to meet on the street now,what would you do upon seeing me on the street 50 meters away from you and i hadn't seen you yet...where would you go?how would you feel?would it be a positive or negative "coincidence" or not?

I am in a good mood, I try to keep myself there at all times. When I am feeling our of sorts, I lay off posting anything due to past experience. If I met you on the street no matter what distance, I would hesitate in confronting you but will probably run back and introduce myself. I would wait for your reaction and play it from there. If it was defensive or confrontational, I would continue on my path. If it was anything but that, I would invite you for a beer and again see where it goes from there. For the reasons stated, I couldn't tell you if that would be negative or positive.

My three:

What are your hobbies besides music and video ? How do you actually feel without any testosterone in your system ? Have you noticed any change in mood swings ?

Take you time, peace, I like the tone of this.

Andre

[Intersex]

The Testosterone is keeping on a level. I just feel more alive.

Thank god, for sience. Justin :2in1: