steve/lisa
08-05-07, 05:23 PM
Hi everyone,I know as of late I'm not writing really good stuff about me or my life,But I do write what I need to do or feel,to be,to see,to hear,the smell,and taste of life's offering's to me,If you wish to comment on my stuff feel free to,But as of lately I just need to write mainly to myself,and let you all know I'm O.K. with who I am,and who I will be soon,or what I may be soon.Life sure puts a lot of walls up for some of us for me anyway,I was sure wrong on my friend from the east,she is a wonderful person,I often forget other people have problems to and may be stressed out to the max with there own stuff,So I ask for forgiveness my friend I am learning tho.As for today I can't seem to get pic's on e-mails I thought I had it figured out but it did'nt work for me.This morning was a wonderful one for me got to talk to my friend on the phone such a soothing voice this one has,It just makes all my problems melt away,I just would like to cuddle up in her lap and smile at her and close my eye's and dream the dreams of peacefulness and bliss,Lately if I get down I think of things she has said to me and most of my dreaded thoughts seem to just fade away.
Some days I wonder why god hates me so much,Then other days I think this must be a test or something(I knew I should of studied harder for it.) But over all I just wonder what it would be like if I were normal?? I mean not an IS,What would I be like then,How would I think of things,of this world then,But I can't imagine what it would be like cause I know nothing of that world.So I just keep going on in my world and try to adapt to the normals as best as I can,I think I may be able to except some people as friends(new ones) Its so alian for me to attempt this really big change, I mean ,I am alot scard of this bold place I'm attempting to step out into,The masses of possable mean people and such but it must be done,I did this befor and will again and better this time,I have more sense now(HA HA HA.) Well lets hope so,But knowing myself as I do I feel a big crash coming,I just hope I have got the courage to stand up to it and deal with it and dump it overboard so I can move on with my life and injoy the sunsets,the waterfalls,the sound of the waves on the beach,The feel of a cool rain shower on a hot day,To find someone to share this with,to hold hands and just take a long walk,to go skinny dipping with and smile and laugh with and be smiled back at,these I beleave is what everyone wants but I never had this kind of happiness and I want it now,I wish this to happen and it will some where in this world,I have not a clue as to where to start but I guess like all jerneys It'll start by putting one foot in front of the other and just going and as always for me I'll know if i got their when I'm their,Please do not think I am sad now just thinking of the things I want and the things I can't have,And my hopes and wishes but most of all my dream,Of who I will be?I love to be in love it gives me something to get up in the morning with and for,I love it when they smile at me and say nice things to me,I am a simple person with simple needs on the outside but inside it's like a roller coaster,But no one can see inside me,So I just keep moving on.Trying not to get caught off balance,As far as being weak I'm a very strong minded one when I want to be,Once I make my mind up as to what to do it's done their's no going back.One can only give in so many times till you just say enough is enough,I think after I get my sailboat(after I visit a couple of friends) I will go to Tahiti for awhile,and then who knows after that the world will be my home, Then I expect,somewhere out their I will find what ever it is that I need to be happy once again.
To laugh out loud,To smile,and cry,to watch the birds and hear the sounds of the world,Is that to much to ask for and just maybe one to share that with.To touch one,to smell one, to caress one,to cuddle and be cuddled and to hold and hug one sweet one is a wonderful thing,and will be again some where,So with that I am tired of thinking of my dream and will continue another day with it as it does keep me going and alive.Love ya all,Lisa.
Some days I wonder why god hates me so much,Then other days I think this must be a test or something(I knew I should of studied harder for it.) But over all I just wonder what it would be like if I were normal?? I mean not an IS,What would I be like then,How would I think of things,of this world then,But I can't imagine what it would be like cause I know nothing of that world.So I just keep going on in my world and try to adapt to the normals as best as I can,I think I may be able to except some people as friends(new ones) Its so alian for me to attempt this really big change, I mean ,I am alot scard of this bold place I'm attempting to step out into,The masses of possable mean people and such but it must be done,I did this befor and will again and better this time,I have more sense now(HA HA HA.) Well lets hope so,But knowing myself as I do I feel a big crash coming,I just hope I have got the courage to stand up to it and deal with it and dump it overboard so I can move on with my life and injoy the sunsets,the waterfalls,the sound of the waves on the beach,The feel of a cool rain shower on a hot day,To find someone to share this with,to hold hands and just take a long walk,to go skinny dipping with and smile and laugh with and be smiled back at,these I beleave is what everyone wants but I never had this kind of happiness and I want it now,I wish this to happen and it will some where in this world,I have not a clue as to where to start but I guess like all jerneys It'll start by putting one foot in front of the other and just going and as always for me I'll know if i got their when I'm their,Please do not think I am sad now just thinking of the things I want and the things I can't have,And my hopes and wishes but most of all my dream,Of who I will be?I love to be in love it gives me something to get up in the morning with and for,I love it when they smile at me and say nice things to me,I am a simple person with simple needs on the outside but inside it's like a roller coaster,But no one can see inside me,So I just keep moving on.Trying not to get caught off balance,As far as being weak I'm a very strong minded one when I want to be,Once I make my mind up as to what to do it's done their's no going back.One can only give in so many times till you just say enough is enough,I think after I get my sailboat(after I visit a couple of friends) I will go to Tahiti for awhile,and then who knows after that the world will be my home, Then I expect,somewhere out their I will find what ever it is that I need to be happy once again.
To laugh out loud,To smile,and cry,to watch the birds and hear the sounds of the world,Is that to much to ask for and just maybe one to share that with.To touch one,to smell one, to caress one,to cuddle and be cuddled and to hold and hug one sweet one is a wonderful thing,and will be again some where,So with that I am tired of thinking of my dream and will continue another day with it as it does keep me going and alive.Love ya all,Lisa.