Would like to intro myself.

[Ashley]

Hi, to all on this forum, I stumble across this forum and could believe that I had never found it before. I am hopeing to find others like myself here in Wisconsin. and any other place. I guess just looking for freindly faces and people that are not hypacritical and judgemental. I have tryed the transgender support groups but they all seem to be to sexually motivated. Understand I am not reffuring to all transexualls. Due to a drug known as progestin, I ahve spent my life simply trying to be normal in the eyes of a backwared society. as goofy as that seems. I recently came out of a relationship and am wondering if I should even bother to try again. Living in a small community seems everyone knows your business. As typical as people are it amazes me how they can take something and just twist it around and add to it just to have something to talk about. it really makes me wonder if those are the same type of people that would joke about a child with polio or c/p. Sorry just needed to vent my frustrations. Feel free to reply, Thanks and God Bless Ashley

[Betsy]

Hi Ashley,

Welcome to Bodies Like Ours. We have a pretty, decent community here. Thanks for joining us...

Betsy

[Ashley]

Hi Betsy, Thanks for your welcome. I must apoligize for venting some of my frustrations out on here. I have read through allot of the threads , and it makes me happy to see that there are others that have joined in. For understanding purposes. I have searched the site to see if there is any threads for simply shareing your story and have only come across the one linked by you. I would like to read about others, I guess if only for help in understanding my own life. As I have grown up it seems that I have always struggled with the fact of not simply being just one or the other, I never really felt that I needed to be a girl or a boy that doesn't seem to matter it just more of being just one. And I have learned that trying to educate people is very hard, and as much as they say it doesn't matter to them there actions afterwared allways say differently. If anyone has some thoughts or would like to share excperiances I would be happy to listen. and I know, I can't spell or type very well ( laughing at myself) God Bless Ashley

[Betsy]

Ashley said: I must apoligize for venting some of my frustrations out on here.

Ashley, this is a good place for getting frustrations out. That's why it is here. Don't worry about offending...the only people who are likely to get offended are those we probably don't like knowing anyways.

On the stories section, it is so hard to share sometimes. I haven't even written my own for this site. When I speak publicly, I even find myself steering questions away from myself and into the bigger issues. I used to share it in great detail and really found myself getting affected by classic PTSD symptons; I would end up crashing really bad afterwards, and it wasn't healthy.

One of these days, I am going to post it for everyone to read; in the meantime, you can find the very thing I ever wrote for public consumption on the CAH websites out there (try www.cahourstories.net) I wrote it shortly after I made the connection of my own body's "oddities" and the lies I was subjected to growing up. It was really like one giant "lightbulb" turning on in my head and it truly changed my life. It was in an odd time of my life and had lots of time to figure things out.

I do think that sharing your story is ultimately quite healthy, but sometimes it takes a long time to overcome the shame and secrecy we were subjected to--as children, as teens, as young adults, and as mature adults.

Overcoming that and instilling a sense of community is really one of the most noble goals of Bodies.

I'm happy you are here to share it with us, and that everyone we hear from (here and off-board) is here to share the own stories, at their own pace and comfort level.

Betsy

[Az1]

Welcome to bodies like ours
Hope you find your happiness.

Az1

Muhoe

[Janet]

The reason people have so much trouble with us is that they can't really pin us down:D
We rock their world by not fitting into neat little categories, and it makes them question what else they think they know for sure... but don't!
Keep stopping in. Someone from WI is bound to come along sooner or later.

[Ashley]

I like your logic and it makes sence also, in the real world people hate things that aren't simply black or white.

[Janet]

Society's mirror doesn't work so kindly for us. So be sure to hold up your own and recognize all of the wonderful things you see.

[beach]

hi ash and welcome ...beach

[Andi]

"Someone from WI is bound to come along sooner or later."

Who says someone from WI hasn't already? ;)

Andi

[RGMCjim]

Ashley,
My intersex was caused by prenatal exposure to progestin too. I spent most of my life thinking I was a malformed male. It's only been fairly recently that I've learned that I'm intersexed. The word was never used, although I did hear "pseudo-hermaphrodite". Instead I was talked about using descriptive terminology that was vague and suggestive and made it sound like I was a freak of nature and not a "real" human. Although I was put through hell at a gender clinic as an early teen I didn't get serious medical evaluation, and my parents gave up on the gender clinic and took me to an endocrinologist who prescribed testosterone so I could grow up. I hid from the medical profession after that and only last year sought my first serious medical workup for intersex. Needless to say I was in for some BIG suprises!

Jim

[Ashley]

I am really happy that I found this web site. It simply amazes me how at times I felt so alone and wondering if there were any others like myself . To find a web site out of pear accident , to only find so many others.Thanks again to all who have replyed. Ashley

[juliemarie]

Hello Ashley,

It has often felt like I have been pounding my head against the wall of society just to live a "Normal" life. Yes, I too have failed to find a support group. It sometimes makes matters worse not to have a mother to talk it all over with (she dies some time ago). It has helped to have a sister but she can't always be there. I felt for a long time that I was the only one going through this. After being asked several times to write about my life and spirituality I finally did. Things have been a bit tough for me lately but hopefully it will not always be like that. My grandmother came from a small town in Iowa. She used to tell me all the time what life there was like. As she said, once you tell one person something the whole town knows...

[RGMCjim]

JulieMarie,
Being intersexed/intergendered is not at all difficult. There is nothing pathological, painful, intrinsicly disphoric or unbalanced about exsisting at a point in between the sex/gender binary. Our angst is not the result of what we are. It is the result of what others have told us that means. We have accepted, internalized and come to own that twisted "meaning" and crawling out from under this mountain of shame and fear is our greatest struggle. Once we recognize that because we are created in the image of God just like everyone else we gradually come to accept Grace. First we have to let go of the shame we're clinging to - our hands are already full. We can not do it alone. We can not do it under our own strength. (starting to sound familiar?) The good news is we don't have to. We can embody the spirit of love to each other and help each other out of misery, but first we have to stop hating ourselves, and others like us. This is not an easy task. It's like peeling off layers of paint, just when you think you have uncovered your surface you discover it's just another layer. It takes a long time. Don't give up.
Will "everyone" know the awful, bizarre thing that you are and conclude that you are too different to be included in the family of humanity if you tell even one person, like Grandma dreaded? You're not alone in this fear. Every intersexed, transgendered, transsexual and gay/lesbian person has spent nights in dark terror over that one. But, is it true? Well, according to the Human Rights Campaign (hrc.org - largest glbti lobby in the nation) latest national poll more than 60% of Americans believe that our country needs laws to protect transgender people from discrimination. 77% said that transgender youth should be able to safely attend public schools. My personal experience speaking to groups of people (including 2 colleges in South Carolina) is that when presented with the story of our bodies/lives/loves people do not grab the pitch forks and scream, "Kill the Freak". That is what I THOUGHT would happen based on the way I was treated as a child, but when I actually stood up and came out that isn't what happened at all. There are people out there who will think we are freaks.
But, they are not the majority!

Come on in. The water's fine.

Jim

[Janet]

That was a great post!

Fear is a difficult emotion to shed, especially when that fear has come from years of people instilling that in us. Our sense of self is so warped and tainted, it is hard to come out from underneath.

It is my hope that soon enough the pool will be filled with us all splashing joyously about. Indeed, the water is very fine.
Janet

[Betsy]

I so agree with what Jim wrote...when I first started to speak up, I too would lie awake at night paralyzed with fear. It turned out that fear was unfounded. I've never had rejection because of who I am and the body I was born with. In fact, some people who I expected would freak out drop me little notes here and there telling me how brave I am and how speaking out has elevated all of us to "hero" status in their eyes.

Betsy

[juliemarie]

I used to very upset to even think about being intersexed...a new word for me...let alone talk to it about anyone. The divorce and getting to know my sister somehow let me talk about it. The therapist said that I had never even said "hermaphrodite" in her office before. What I fear most is abandonment, having been abandoned by all my friends and family at one point over this issue. I have gotten the "you are very brave" before as well. That is the LAST thing I feel right now...

[Janet]

for people with bodies like ours. We don't tend to fit in preconceived categories, and people get confused by definitions they don't understand. "Intersex" is particularly a hard word to get your arms around, so perhaps it's not the one for you.

Friends and family haven't abandoned you because of what you are, but we are often so angry and unsure of ourselves they end up being defensive and missing the point. Try again with the people you truly care about when you've settled in a bit. It's hard to get over and through the lies, shame and secrecy. Especially those closest to us are in our direct line of fire as we try to reconcile our feelings.

Firstly though, take care of yourself, and find the life that fits for you. Then, try again with family and friends. If they don't/refuse to 'get it', it will be their loss, but at least you'll be living a life that is YOURS not theirs.

And... you have new friends here who will nurture you and don't even think of abandonment as an option.

Also, if your therapist hasn't checked out our site yet, it might be helpful if they did!

[Az1]

I wanted to say Hi and Welcome to this site.
I am IS by birth and Proud of it . Proud of it , kiss my azz if you do not like it ,
I cannot control " Society" and how they think, I can only control my enviroment.
I cannot change or control what is within me.
I can get a Sex change but why should I .
Born with the label of Down syndrome , attracted by Klienfelters syndrome and having being post op AIS I do not want to play lifes game of trying to be normal. I am one of the lucky ones to be born at the hand of man.
I have blamed and have remorsed over being me. I do not have anyone to talk to about being me . Do you know how hard it is too try to find a Trustworthy friend?. Then to lose this relationship over being yourself.
yes, I have lost another friend over being IS, although it is their fault
Me as a friend would never want anyone not to be true to oneself or judge them for who they are or ever wanted to be.
Maybe if I was AZ 1..... I would have had more friends.
" All have a nice Day" .

Muhoe

[Betsy]

Hi friends,

I split off the rest of this thread into it's own. The part about acceptance by other communities is now under it's own title.

Betsy