Having trouble coming out

[Giner]

I have recently started to pursue a life of lesbianism. I have hid the fact that I am attracted to other women most of my life. I know that it was a fear of not being accepted. I already was dealing with CAH and keeping it secret. I was not given any counseling for CAH. I definitely did not understand my attraction to women. I am now understanding that attraction and have found a wonderful woman. I am wondering if anyone can tell me how they handled their coming out? How long did you wait to tell your family and friends. Did they accept you better knowing how CAH has an affect on your sexual orientatio? If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Giner

[Glenn]

I'm ill qualified to answer, but I suspect their reaction to your coming out will have very little to do with CAH.

From my friends' experience, it's best to just do it, don't "apologize" or blame it on anything, and deal with reactions as needed. Of course, I hang out with a pretty liberal crowd, too.

Glenn

[Betsy]

Giner,

I've been 'out' in various stages since I was in college. Workwise, I've been out pretty much my entire career-life. Thankfully, I had chosen a career in broadcast news, and being out has never affected me in career advancement. And believe it or not, despite the conservative side of America belly-aching that the news media is liberal, I can assure you that isn't the case. Most journalists I worked with over the years were far from liberal, and probably vote republican. However, being journalists they have an ethical responsibility to approach everything without prejudice so I guess that made my coming out in that arena easy. Before I started Bodies, I had a really successful career in the news business and know if I ever went back, it wouldn't be a problem despite now being out as both a lesbian and intersex.

My friends over the years have always known. Last summer I attended my 20th HS reunion and still hung with the same people there that I did in high school. Of course, telling them about my new career with Bodies raised a few eyebrows but didn't lead to being shunned. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

My family...my siblings knew for years before I actually confirmed it with my mother. It was not a big deal as hearing the words from my mouth just confirmed what they had already known and suspected. It hasn't changed our relationship at all. However, I have a sister who is very religious (on the extremist end) and that causes some problems with her. However, her homophobia is really her problem and not mine. On the intersex issue, my family is incredibly supportive of the work I am doing.

If I do encounter homophobia (and to be honest, I rarely do) I tend to simply ignore it. I know I can't change their mind about how they feel and so ignore them, because confronting them simply takes too much energy and is usually futile anyways.

I hope that helps you in your journey...

And I agree with Glenn: don't feel the need to apologize for who you are.

Betsy

[Sunshine1]

Dear Giner:

I have CAH and I'm heterosexual. It does seem that many people I've contacted w/ CAH are either lesbians or bi-sexuals. Who knows right? I've read some articles where it's like a 50/50 shot that someone with CAH might be a heterosexual or lesbian/bi-sexual.

I saw that you are from OHIO farm country and it's my guess that it's very conservative. This might sound stupid but maybe you could test the waters with some members of your family and ask them what they think about Rosie O'Donnell or Ellen Degeneres(sp) and then you could go from there.

Good Luck,

Aimee

[Giner]

I appreciate everyone trying to help me with this. Aimee was right about me being from a farming community. I can't say that my family in particular is conservative, but the community can be. My Dad has a real hang up with homosexuals. I have heard him on numerous occasions. If anyone was going to have a hard time accepting me. It would be my Dad. I am the firstborn child (daddy's girl). I can see him trying to blame himself for my sexual orientation. I don't want him to internalize it. I know that I will eventually have to tell my family. My siblings I believe will handle the info well.
I have the happiest I have ever been now that I have been honest with myself. I have found someone that has made me happy with myself. My doctor just today told me that she has never seen me so happy and upbeat. She was the first person to tell me that my choice of sexual orientation was no problem. She is very accepting of my choice. She told me today that it does not matter what every one thinks, what matters is that I am happy. She is a great boost for my ego. I hope that I can continue to be as happy as I am now when I do decide to confide in my family.
Thanks again to all of you.

Happy,
Giner:)

[Betsy]

Hey Giner,

You may want to get in touch with PFLAG, and even get some information from them before you make the step to talking with your parents. A bonus in contacting them is that they are great supporters of everything IS, and especially Bodies. We spoke at their national conference in Columbus last fall, so I am sure that the folks from your area will be there to help if needed. Here's a link to the Ohio chapters:
http://www.pflag.org/cgi-bin/find/find.cgi?state=OH

But be careful...we may end up getting you to their meeting to do a workshop about intersex! ;)

Betsy

[Giner]

Betsy,
Thanks for the web address. Pomeroy, Ohio is in my back door.
I will think seriously about contacting them. I did buy the video Growing Up Gay and Lesbian. I think it will be a great video for my family and friends to watch when I do tell them. What do you think?
Yes, I had better watch myself. You are liable to sign me up.

Thanks again,
Betsy;)

[TracyL]

Giner, If you'd like to talk sometime.. Feel free to email me..

TracyL

[uriela]

Hi! I guess "coming out" takes many different forms. I was thinking that the first time I did it (No, that COULDN'T have been the FIRST time), was when I was home from the seminary and about to go into the army and had decided that I was Catholic. My family was protestant, so of course I was doomed to go to hell! I walked six miles for a meeting with a priest in another town. On the way back someone recognized me and gave me a ride.

After that I was given the car to make the periodic visits to the priest! My mother once gave me a book from a lutheran who was involved in dialogue with catholics. I did not expect a turn-around like that at all!

When I came out to my family as trans, my father initially warned me that I was going to hell, as did one of my sisters. He assumed that meant I was gay--even though I suspect I am really het--but he became more accepting when I told him I was better off "out". That didn't prevent him from trying to stuff me back into the closet! My brother said it was my choice, period. My other sister expressed her sadness but we have had a strange bond of friendship for a long time, so all that has melted away.

When I called up one of my aunts and told her, her response was, "You were in town and you didn't stop in to see me? Why not?" I had just popped in on her son on the way home from a meeting one night and he and I and his son went out on the porch to catch up, since we hadn't talked for so long. Things are better between his family and me since I came out, because I feel more free to be me.

It was more important for me to come out as the woman I am to escape that closet of secrecy than it was for them to know it. I don't want to be ashamed of what I am and it is more important for me to be able to live with myself.

P.S. I am a member of PFLAG in a Republican county of Illinois in the fast disappearing farmland. We have a lot of common issues. I am certain that IS people have a lot to offer and you will probably be surprised at the acceptance. Of course, I can't speak for EVERY group!

;)

Zhanai

[Amy (Aimee)]

I tried to tell mum and dad type people I found it very hard although I told School and they had difficulty telling them as I had learnt from history at school the near words and got excluded from P.E. (Physical Education) mostly but other teacher(s) made me go swimming and had rubella injection at school.