Nice to meet you all

[Phillip]

I am a first time user, and registered. I am hermaphrodite, 49 years old, and it would make my day to say hello to someone.
Took me a long time to find this site, and people like myself.

[Victoria]

Hi Phillip,

Glad you found this board. I now check it everyday and I joined about a month ago. It's so nice to connect with others like myself. I liked what you said in one of your posts about looking within yourself to find the answers. There is all this medical jargon out there that attempts to define us: What are (emphasis on are) you? Are you CAH or AIS or...? It's like by asking those q's people try to put a label on us and be like okay now I know what you're dealing with. Not to say that there are not things that we have to deal with involving actual medical concerns. But in coming to terms with oneself as IS, it goes way beyond a medical diagnosis-although that is where most people start.

I wish that there were no labels but unfortunately we live in a world where people need to classify everything. If you hear some anger in this message it is b/c I am filled with lots. And I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing or I wouldn't be here today.

When people ask me "what I am" when I come out as intersexed, I tell them that I am not completely female or male (the way society defines conventionally). However, I see gender as a performance and some folks are just better at it (or not) according again to conventional standards.

When you come down to it it is really about finding comfort within oneself that is important. Fuck society and live life the way you feel most comfortable and in whatever way you find happiness. That's my personal opinion anyway.

Thanks for writing. Hope to hear from you soon.

Take care Phillip,

Victoria

[Az1]

hi phillip,
i am muhoe to my friends and i am Az1 , here @<hidden> bodies like ours.
i chose to be here because other sites were only interested in the negativity of being different .
i am a very positive individual and frown on our
unknowledgeable society.
i guess it is either that they do not know
or they are afraid. ( Giggling ) and I thought i was a scarity cat .
to be able to understand ones own insight and try to express it thru helping others helps all of us seeking to be Az1.
Have a nice day

Muhoe

[Unregistered]

In what ways are you different? Are you a hermaphrodite or do you have PAIS or AIS or CAH?

KELLY

[Phillip]

Hello Kelly,

In response to your question, I am hermaphrodite. When we talk about "different", what we meant, is general conversation in regard to the fact that we all share one thing in common. We are not generally accepted in society based on our sexuality and beliefs in ourselves. We are "different "because we're not "normal" in most people's eyes.

Thank you for asking. If you would like to contact me again, feel free to do so.
Phil

[Unregistered]

Asking which type of intersex for me is like asking someone
what borough they are from in NEW YORK CITY. I have CAH
I'm Female and hetrosexual and I only have female chromosones and organs. Do I share some attitudes and views that men do?
Sure, but then so does my sister that doesn't have CAH.

Because of the virilization that was caused by the CAH. I was born with a genital area that was ambiguous looking. It nether looked male or female hence the medical definition of "intersexed". Not all people with CAH are born with "intersexed" looking genitals. It depends on the level of virilization that happened to them. Since my level of
virilization was so severe, I was called a pseudo hermaphrodite.
Pseudo means false.

I would have some different "war" stories to tell of dealing with the medical profession then someone with the other intersexed conditions. I also imagine that some of our stories would be the same. For example, I don't know if someone that is a hermaphrodite or someone with AIS would have to take any type of medications ?

To correct my medical problem, I only take cortisone because my body lacked the ability to make it and thats how the androgens were allowed to run unsurpressed in my body which cause my genitals to look atypical. I prefer the word variant.

So what about the surgeries ? Does anyone have a comment on what was done to them?

I have no idea what someone means when they say they are coming out as a " INTERSEXED" person. I'm curious about that one. : ) There are many people that have CAH that are married and have children and the other 43% are lesbians.( Betsy, I'm almost positive that I got the 43% from one of your posts).

I've always told people about the medical condition and the resulting birth defect ( Birth defect to this society, varient to me....not a social or medical emergency).

I might have a wider range than what the social norm does about how a female acts and looks but when it all comes down to it, I'm just a basically average female that was born with this birth defect. Even a beautiful vase has flaws. Some women are more feminine than me but also there are many other women that are LESS feminine than me and they were not born with CAH.

Best Wishes to ALL

[Phillip]

Got your mail. Thanks for replying.

Yes, hermaphrodites have to take medication. Depending on the age of the person when it's discovered, meds can be fairly intense for awhile. This is usually hormone therapy to assist in designating a sex.

I really liked what you said about "even a beautiful vase has flaws". You got that right.

I imagine you do have some war stories like the rest of us. Wouldn't it be nice if the medical community could simply treat us like they do for tonsils instead of plague?

Hope to hear from you again,
Phil

[Victoria]

Dear Kelly,

There are those people who identify as intersexed (or intersexuals) and may also use the term hermaphrodite to define themselves. There are others who do not identify themselves in this way. Both groups of people may or may not have a "birth defect" or "variant" like CAH, LOCAH, AIS, PAIS, CAIS, Turner's, Klienfelters, Mosaicism, etc. etc. and probably others more rare that people have never heard of.

It's kind of like a perspective. A lot of times (but not always) when someone id's as IS or herm. I think in terms of politics. When someone uses CAH, or AIS, or a medical diagnosis to identify, I think in terms of something medical. It's all dependent on how you want to see yourself and how you want others to see you. This is not really a black and white issue, although it may seem that way in my writing. According to who you are talking to you may chose to identify differently (IS or not, or IS or CAH, or BOTH). This is the same thing with sexual orientation. For someone that is LGBT, they may define as such on some occassions but not on others. It can get complicated.

One of the older medical definitions of hermaphrodite was someone that has both ovarian and testicular tissue. This definition came out back in the "age of gonads" although the medical profession may still hold this as the gold standard today.
However, many people use the word hermaphrodite to describe themselves even if they d/n have both ovarian and testicular tissue. It's kinda like the gay community using the word "dyke" in an empowering way rather than in a pejorative sense.

To answer your question about medications, not all IS people take them, it really depends on the diagnosis (if there is one) and then there is variability within them. To answer your other question, when someone comes out as intersexed, they tell others. It's kinda like coming out as gay or lesbian. Some people go a really long time without telling anyone that they are IS, so when they "come out" it can be a very empowering thing.

I can see how this may be a novel concept to some individuals who've known about their CAH or whatever diagnosis for their whole lives. Maybe folks are just more open in these cases and people learn to see their condition as nothing to be ashamed of and similiar to say something like diabetes. This is not the case with someone who does not have a clear diagnosis from birth, who has had ambiguous genitalia from birth and never received an honest explanation, who has secondary sex characteristics that are somewhere between female and male, etc. etc. Is this starting to become more clear to you? If a person is born without a definite medical condition and goes through life not knowing one's true sexual identity, and then finds out later in life that they are LOCAH (for e.g.) but have a mild case of it so that it was never detected, you can only imagine how nice it would be to finally get some clarification and answers.

Take care,

Victoria

[Az1]

I have dwelled on this earth for just a little while and do not want to cause an injustice on any one.

( Different ) To posses an indifference of apperance and self acceptance.

I am a recieptient of Klienfelters syndrome , a form of Down syndrome. I have never met anyone in life who posses the same as I .
I have met others on the internet that have Klienfelters syndrome .
Most I have met are very real , nice and truthful individuals.
I have read what has been printed about Klienfelters Syndrome and believe me there is not enough information on this subject to understand the true meaning.
Klienfelters is a gender dysfunction that posses choromosones of XXy.
I know in my heart I will never be loved for what I am , at times I get very depressed .
I have drunk myself stupor trying to rationalize my situation .
Only to find out that I can not make the pain of being different go away.
Maybe 1 day I will be AZ1.

Muhoe

[Victoria]

Dear AZ1,

I really like your name. I was reading thru one of your posts and finally got the "as one" part. Sometimes it takes me a little while....LOL.

Anyway, your last post really saddened me:( When you said that you know in your heart that you could never be loved for what you are, I felt like I was going to cry. I don't even know you and I like you already so how could it be that you could never be loved??? I can empathize with you though. There was a time when I felt unlovable and that if anyone found out that I was IS they would never want to be with me. I thot I was some "freak of nature" or s/t. A lot of times this fear kept me from being honest and open with people b/c I feared if they found out, they would leave me anyway.

I'm finding out now, that a lot of times it is my own fears and insecurities that keep me from trusting others. This is not to say that people can be mean and that their ignorance can be very hurtful.

Another thing you said in your last message that really struck me was that you know you'll always be different. Well, maybe so, but when did the word different start taking on a negative meaning? Even on this board, we are all different. I have realized that even more lately. We have "different" diagnoses, and even when they are the same, there are symptoms and experiences that set us apart. But it doesn't really matter b/c somehow we all found this board and can identify with one another on so many levels. So, here we are AZ1 :)

Hope to hear from you soon,

Victoria

[C-R]

It's been my experience through other support groups that I've been on that what form of IS we all have be diagnosed with(if any) isn't as important as just being Intersexed. I know that some people feel really connected to their diagnosis, but it seems that the majority of people I've been in contact with just want to come together on the common ground of being IS.

Also, when explaining to other people what is going on with me, I usually defer them from using the term "hermaphrodite" for all IS people. Ther term hermaphrodite came from a Greek myth of the god hermaphrodities who was 'the perfect union between a man and woman when the parents came together'. Most people don't understand that 'IS' is talking about an identity, gender, and community, but 'hermaphrodite' is actually refering to a specific form of IS.

CR

[kELLY]

Dear Phil,

I just made a comment to my co worker about my CAH/genital differences that was similar to your plague comment. I definitely feel the same way.

I was five when they performed a clitorectomy on me and for the life of me I can't figure out how they thought this was the better deal. I try to understand but I just can't buy it. I was comfortable with the way I was, why couldn't they be? My sex life is in shambles because of those butchers. Do no harm? yeah right !


The funny thing is that I accuired records that showed through psychological testing that I was fine. The psych dept.stated that I could of waited a few more years.

Thanks,

Kelly

[Kelly]

Hi Az1,

I can relate about the drinking part. I used to frequently drink to pass out because of the CAH but when I woke up it was still there. Have you ever considered going to talk with someone to help with your feelings about Klienfelters syndrome? I went to a University mental health clinic. They knew nothing about the CAH but they were able to give me ways of dealing with the depression /anger that I have about CAH. It's just a thought, it's made a big difference in my life.

Just by you posting about your life takes a lot of courage and what's not to like about that ? We were all put on earth for a reason and GOD don't make no junk. Please be GOOD TO YOURSELF!

KELLY

[KELLY]

The post in front of the last one is for both of you.

kelly

[Az1]

I deed , sterotype it , what you want .

Hi All

It is up to me to try to understand who and what I am .
Sterotyping does not exist in my world,
for I know all humans are equall . Irreguardless of gender.
Once humans get over the male and female gender block ,
the world opens in ways that you would never expect.
I have talked to others about me and IS . Seems like individuals do not understand and or do not want to understand.
Life is too short to explain to them why I am what I am ,
lol , sam i am .

I have been to sites where the individuals at these sites wanted verification about me. That is why I had mention Ks.
I did not want too, honest . I just want to be ,
Az 1

Muhoe

[Betsy]

I think focusing on our differences vs our similarities is not necessarily a good thing. I see our community as one just now finding our similarities, and in fact, whenever I meet another IS person, find that our connection is on that, and not our differences. Does it really matter what condition you were born with? Or, does the strength come from finding and corresponding with others who may different only in body but still feel the same feelings and recognize the same issues we all deal with. I see the "same diagnosis" connection as a productive one when comparing regimens and related medical/metabolic effects. But our histories...the damage done using a scalpal, the isolation, the lies we were told are just as important and maybe what we should really pay attention to.

[C-R]

Well said Betsy! I totally agree that we need to focus on our similarities and come together on that level instead of focusing on what form of IS condition we have. We have a wonderful opportunity to come together and be a supportive community, let's jump on this opportunity.

Hugs to all,
CR

[Unregistered]

For me it's like all the people from the same university asking each other what their major is. Maybe you should put up what you can't say and can say on this board. By doing this you will all focus on What you want to focus on. Therefore the unsuspecting person with an intersexed medical condition will be able to understand the specific idealogy this message board wishes to project.



Kelly AKA Aimee

[Unregistered]

I bring up CAH because for so long I NEVER MENTIONED IT TO ANYONE. Now I wear CAH like a medal that I won from a well fought war. Also, it seems like you all want to hide your medcal conditions into the inclusive term of intersexed. I can't hide anything. I'm sorry if I offended everyone by telling them about CAH, the clitorectomy and vaginoplasty

[Betsy]

Hi Aimee,

Everything is open for discussion here. I just saw alot of questions about labels and some being uncomfortable about answering the questions you were putting forth. I'm sorry if my comments put you or anyone else in an uncomfortable position.

Betsy

[C-R]

Please feel free to talk about your surgeries and CAH as much as you desire. We are here to be supportive. To some of us, we don't feel the need to discuss the specifics of our IS condition as much as others might. I for one has had many years to discuss what my IS condition means, and now I am past the stage in my IS journey of needing to talk about my specific body parts all the time, I am now in the stage of focusing on the IS as a whole. We are all in different stages or areas, and we all have different needs. What is most important for a group is that we see each other as friends and all similar. If you would like to talk about being CAH, PLEASE do! We would love to support you in that. But also understand that others will not want to discuss some of those details about their IS condition.

Hugs to you,
CR

[Victoria]

Muhoe (AZ1),

You make me laugh --"Sam I Am" LOL! I just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading your posts. You're right, sometimes the world does not understand and it takes to much energy to explain. That's why we choose our audiences (very carefully). But you don't have to explain here. I understand.

That's cool about your friend writing the paper on Intersex. I hope she got a good grade :) Yes, I'm going to be a psychologist. I was just reading this article on Cheryl Chase (ISNA founder and activist) and the author was talking about the need for more therapists to be informed about IS concerns. I figure who better to do the job than someone who is IS themselves. I really, really want to help families, and more specifically, IS kids themselves to develop a strong sense of self from an early age. I see this as my calling.

Hey, I just had this thought and I often use visual metaphors to describe how I feel, but have you ever felt trapped. Like literally stuck sometimes? I feel this way at times and the best way I can describe it is like being in a cylindrical container (one that is very high) and attempting to get out.

I know this is a little bizarre but I wanted to share.

Take care my friend,

Victoria

[Victoria]

OOps (I did it again!) No really, it seems as if I have posted a message to AZ1 on the wrong thread. Sorry everyone. Maybe you could think of it as the "comic release" section.

Take care everyone.

Victoria

[Victoria]

Hi Everyone,

Okay. I know what happened. I was responding to part one of this thread (last message left by AZ1). I didn't realize that my message would appear in part two. Gotsha!

Cheers,

Victoria

[Jules]

I thought it might be nice to look back at some of the post that got BLO started