This is the acceptance thread that was split off from the introductory one

[Ashley]

First of all, at times we all feel like we have no friends, but yet we have allot of them , but we tend not to call the friends just someone we know. In reallity most people don't have one true friend weather being so called NORM or IS , atleast according to statistical studys. It is very normal for us to feel like it is our fault when we lose a friend but reality is, if it were a true friend you wouldn't have lost them. true friends except you no matter what you are, but we as friends also need to keep in mind, that as hard as they try, they won't ever understand what it is like for us and therefore we should not revolve our relationship around being IS or anything else for that matter. If all we tend to talk about is our problems, it's understandable that even a true friend might get tired of hearing us wine about it, no different then we ourselves get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. True True friends are far and few between ,but if your fourtunate to find one, being IS or Trans or anything else simply won't matter to them. Ashley

[juliemarie]

After the corrective surgeries I did lose friends and family over just the issue of who I am and was no longer...in fact they did not hesitate to tell me so. My brother in law threatened to kill me over it. My co-workers reviled me to my face. The person I was married to for nine years made matters worse and got upset every time I tried to make new friends.

It still hurts that I have no family to speak of (not for want of trying...but I no longer know where they are). I have made new friends that truly care about me no matter who I used to be.

I still have a tendency to think that there is something wrong with me when a friend walks away.

[RGMCjim]

My original post on this thread was very upbeat and positive. I feel I need to clarify what I said. Coming out as intersexed in the GLBTI community has been nothing but positive for me. I even discovered that people at my community center and the transgender group (some of whom I'd known for years) not only had a thorough knowlege of intersex and our issues but had a place at the table set for us, just waiting for one of us to show up. I have no trouble finding sex partners (Tim and I have been together 9 years and our relationship is monogamy of the heart, but we are not sexually exclusive - we play) and I stress this because I think it is vitally important. It's all very fine and good to be "accepted" at arms length by polite people. It's another thing to be hugged, touched, kissed and welcomed as one of a group of intimate friends. Are we a guest in the family of humanity, or can we find a home? I can answer that question!

That's the GLBTI community. That is NOT MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE STRAIGHT COMMUNITY. I have NEVER, not ever, never had a postive experience with straight people - it has only been lessening or worsening degrees of awful. Even my own mother told me throughout childhood that I'd been given to her to make her life miserable and that having me had set her apart from all other women. After watching Billy Graham on TV at the age of 14 I ran into her room to tell her that God loved me just as I am. Her reply was, "Great, then go to God. There is no place on Earth for people like you." I could go on with horror stories for days. I'm sure all of us could.

All GLBTI people are gender variant in some degree and have to confront their own gender issues - we're forced to. The result is that we're all in a better place of understanding what gender is all about. People who are just coming out often still have a lot of self-hatred and gender phobia but people who are further along their journey welcome us and see parts of themselves in us.

Straight people are emotionally straight-jacketed by gender roles, gender expectations, rigid codes of acceptable behavior and personality traits, and a social system that makes them mutally dependant. By this I mean, women express emotions for men, men are strongly assertive for women, men take out the garbage and mow the lawn, women cook and run the house. Women are the nurturers and if they're not they're looked down on. Men are the providers and if they're not they're ridiculed. They may "help" each other, but who is in charge of what remains. Without each other they are half a person and if you look through the valentine's cards you'll see what I mean. We scare the living daylights out of them not because of what we are, but because our very exsistance shatters their carefully constructed glass houses of what men and
women "should" be. It is a whole lot harder (but not impossible!) to find straight people who can connect to us.

I think we have a great commission - a calling, if you will. As we (all gender variant people including but not limited to the intersexed) become more visible we will help all people question the repressive "shoulds" that limit human expression. We have a lot to offer BECAUSE of what we are and have been through, not in spite of it.

Jim

[claraJane]

Wow Jim!

Gee, I didn't realize that I was "emotionally straight-jacketed by gender roles, gender expectations, rigid codes of acceptable behavior and personality traits, and a social system that makes them mutally dependant" just because I happen to be straight.

I'm happy to hear that that GLB people "are <b>all</b> in a better place of understanding what gender is all about." My body didn't seem to know what sex to be and I didn't like the gender they gave me. But, gee, you know, maybe I should be gay and then I'd understand better. :D

Jim, I've had no trouble "coming out". The people I know aren't afraid of me or what I may represent. Why should I be such a threat to you?

Jane

[Betsy]

I've never had a problem (knowingly at least) in the straight community. The kids I work with a couple of days a week at my freelance job all know and think it's great. We have many hetero donors, and supporters. I think it really depends on the person...

It's also important to remember that not all intersex people are gay or lesbian. Sure, a whole lot us are...but there many who are not.

Warmly,

Betsy

[Janet]

I have found incredible support, understanding and outrage from everyone I've ever spoken with in the "straight" world. Less concerned with my sexuality than my right to choose, bodily integrity, and the suffering I've endured by well meaning but clueless professionals.
We do tend to expand their horizons a bit, but only the most closed minded would even dare to deny our truth.

[Rudy]

Hiya Ashley
Just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the board.I havent got to much to say, other then dont worry about venting, hehe its a great place to vent also a great place to learn about other intersexed conditions that make us all unique. Welcome again
Rudy

[RGMCjim]

HI all,
Regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation I don't think many intersexed people have the same gender/sex hangups as the rest of straight society. We don't fit their model by the virtue of our bodies.
It gives me hope to hear that others have had some positive experiences with straight people. Maybe the world has changed a little out there. Lately I've been having a little more contact with them and I just figured that because they were already gay-friendly it wasn't a big jump to sex/gender friendly too. The general public..... well, God knows I'm going to find out. I've been trained to be a member of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley speaker's bureau. One of the seminars I'll eventually teach is on deconstructing gender. If the latest statistics from HRC about actual public opinion of GLBTI people is correct then maybe I'll get some reasons to change my tune!


Jim

[Betsy]

Jim,

I bet you will reach them and find acceptance.

Ironically, you know who we've thus far seem to be having a hard time reaching and making into supporters? Non-intersex lesbians. I can't understand it because by virtue of past surgical treatments, alot of us are despite our particular intersex condition. You know the concept put forth by the well-know surgeon:

"It's easier to dig a hole than it is to build a pole"

But we seem to freak them out. Ironically, gay men tend to be huge supporters.

We have a couple of fundraising events coming soon that are being put together with the assistance of a couple of well-known/famous lesbians in an effort to reach that particular segment of our population.

Another segment of our population that we are starting to see good acceptance (and outrage I may add) is the religious communities. Once they get over the shock of having their preconceived notions of gender and sexuality turned upside down, there is an incredible amount of support.

Betsy

[RGMCjim]

Betsy,

Actually it doesn't surprise me that you have had difficulty gaining support from lesbians as a group. I've heard this reported and described by many other Intersexed people, notably those who are female identified and Lesbian themselves. I think that it is part of an identity forming stage that the Lesbian community started in the 1970s and is just passing out of now. For quite a while anyone who was too "manlike", (including Butch lesbians, transsexual women, and Intersexed women) were feared as a threat of patriarchal oppression. I'm beginning to get a glimmer of understanding of it but I don't pretend to have any real comprehension. I do know that younger lesbians are a completely different story. But they have grown up in a very different world with vastly different gender expectations.

It will be very interesting to see how our coming out will shape the way religions treat us and other gender/sex/orientation variant people.

Jim

[Sunshine1]

Dear Jim:

I've enjoyed all of your posts. All very thoughtful and insightful. I hope that just maybe you've had some bad experiences with a small amount of "straight" people or maybe the ones that you have encountered were just scared to express their true feelings.

I have the Intersexed medical condition of CAH but I am as straight as the day is long. I've often thought it might be easier to to a lesbian but unfortunately I'm only attracted to heterosexual men.

I've never had trouble telling people about the intersex medical condition or "coming out" as you guys put it. I've told co-workers, bosses, girl-friends, boy-friends , and drinking buddies about CAH and the aray of other intersex conditions. I've told them about the CAH because of the health related issues in regard to it. I was talking about the prednisone that I used to take( I'm on hydrocortisone now, it's much better for me) and the co-worker stated,"Oh, you had problems down there." and that was it. She didn't treat me any different. Another person stated, "Wow, you have some deep stuff to deal with for such a young person." One of my drinking buddies stated after I told the group that I was born with genitals that didn't know if they wanted to be male or female that he had a nephew that was born with a gender anomaly and he was his favorite nephew.

The only thing that everyone that I told ever really asked was if I was feeling OK or They would say that I looked pale ( which is a great help because sometimes I would skip the prednisone which in turn made me pale then that would turn into a vomitting adrenal crisis) One co-worker would say, "Now, did you take your med?" It was cool that she was concerned and when she asked, I usually hadn't taken it. In many jobs someone couldn't tell everything that I did but at this job and another one I had it just was OK to do. As for the drinking buddies, their main response was a chorus of "it's OK for you to drink, right ?" The men that I sleep with, I've never found one that didn't understand how my external genital area came to be that way, it's not like I "come out to them" either because the surgery that was done "back in the day " is a give away that something is up. I tell them everything how the doctors mistook me for a boy at birth then they thought I was a hermaphrodite then they realized I was a baby with CAH and just female chromosomes, well formed uterus and overies underneath all that external virilization. They used the term pseudo-hermaphrodite because of the extreme virilization. I like that word and the way it rolls off my tongue lol as for the word intersex well when I explain my birth defect that what I say, "My external genital area looked inbetween the sexes, it's not a far stretch from the medical definition of intersex. You can call me a purple jelly bean next lol. People see me as a person and not intersex person. Girl friends tell me," Aimee, you're just like me." They don't see me exclued from their group. We go shopping, color our hair, diss about men, and enjoy the nightlife. As for men, I tend to pick strong men that are not looking to settle down yet. I'm sorry but I seek out assertive men because I like that in someone, it's an attractive quality for me. Darn right, he's going to take out the garbadge, I'm not going to chip my nail polish or get a run in my stocking. I'm petite and that garbage is heavy. Of course if he is sick, I'll take the garbage out. As for keeping house well again I like to do that. He can do some but I want to do most of it. He can take the car for an oil change and do the lawn. I like the division of stuff like that. Not very intersex of me, lol.

Although, the archaic surgery has thrown some loops in my relationships. The same guys keep coming back, so it isn't that bad to them. I also pick a certain type of person. Men with more depth (when they want to lol) and I think when they get older a serious realtionship will come. Someone told men that men shouldn't marry until they reach their 30's anyway.

You mentioned Intersex women are "manlike". I have more miniskirts and heels in my closet then jeans and t-shirts these days. I never miss that Victoria Secret sale and as a rule I must spray their perfume on every time I go to the mall. I actually enjoy when men open a door for me. Sure, when I was a little younger I was a good "tomboy" and I do believe that the gender role of women has widened in the last 30 years but that goes for all women regardless of a medical condition. I also think "gender roles" are related to how your parents rasied you. I'm adopted and I would say that my sister that doesn't have CAH or any other medical condition can do many more "male related" things than me. Yes, I do fit in at times like one of the guys but really that is only to a point. I remember as a teenager, I collected baseball cards. Any researcher looking at CAH would go" Oh my gosh ! she collects baseball cards, that's a boys activity" and they would leave it at that because it looks good for their research but they would never ask the reason why I collected the baseball cards and that is that even at a young age I thought Baseball players were cute. Assume nothing.

Must also add that the only real negative reactions and experiences about CAH have come from the medical community.

Aimee

[RGMCjim]

Aimee,
For some people being intersexed only means they have genitals that are ambiguous, or genes that aren't XX or XY. A difference that makes no difference is no difference. A difference that doesn't make much difference is easy to excuse, overlook, or compensate for.

I know a man who is XXY (Klinefelters). He only discovered it because it was one of the things to rule out in a physical problem he was having. He looks like any ordinary male, has 2 biological children, is married and heterosexual and fits right in with the gender expectations of heterosexual men. Being intersexed has not had much impact on his life, if ANY. I know many other XXY people who don't fit into male or female, femminine or masculine, and have no strong sense of female or male identity. Some have phalloclits with hypospadias, that look and function more like clits than penises. As they age their bodies gradually femminize and taking hormones doesn't help. They feel like women, identify more with women than men, often pass as women and sometimes transition. For them XXY is ENTIRELY about not fitting into male/female or femminine/masculine traits, functions, sensabilities or identities.

I have a very dear friend with CAH. Most of his life he did not know it was CAH he had. He knew he was a hermaphrodite, suspected he'd had surgery to correct hypospadias of a very small penis as an infant but has never been told the truth about himself. He has no testicles and took testosterone for several years but had problems with it and quit. As a boy he was teased and harrassed like other sissy boys and when they grew up to be gay he thought he must be a gay male too. He is often percieved as gay, not for his sexual orientation but for the gender traits that go hand in hand with it. He's actually confused about his orientation. Presently he's married to a woman. He is very hairy, has a baritone voice, but has a totally female figure and breasts. He feels like a man, his identity is "man" but there are things about him that are so female that he often understands/identifies with women more than men. He can't to relate to women or men as a man but can't relate as a woman either. He experimented with living as a girl in his teens. His final peace came in realizing that for him, being intersexed meant he is both male and female and neither at the same time. Likewise, he has attributes of both male and female behavior, personalities, perspectives etc. and neither at the same time. His story is HUGELY different from yours and yet the source of intersex for both of you is the same.

Our society has very firm expectations about what female/woman and male/man are suposed to have physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. Most people approximate those things, but no one fits it completely. The result is that we have come to think (mistakenly) that what the majority of people are is what we all "should" be and anyone who isn't is abnormal, sick, malformed, immoral, or maladjusted. The more your body, mind, personality, behavior, and identity differ from the expectation the more marginalized you become. When my partner came out as gay to his brother his brother said, "It doesn't bug me that you fall in love with other men and make love to them. Love is good and people have sex to make love. It's necessary for straight relationships, so it must be for gay ones. But..... why do you people have to ACT like you do, why can't you just be like regular guys and girls. That's what I just can't stomach about gay people - they don't act like us." It wasn't the homosexuality, it was the GENDER variance that made him uncomfortable. This is also very true for intersexed people. If you're a woman, live as if you're female and have a body that looks pretty close to it, (note the not-subtle difference in how I worded those two statements!), are percieved by other people as a femminine, heterosexual woman then being intersexed is not going to put you outside of your or their comfort zones. Your balance sheet ads up to woman and CAH and it's effects don't put you in any serious conflict. People whose balance sheets add up somewhere in between the sex/gender binary expectation are the people who are likely to be marginalized, oppressed and even persecuted. It doesn't matter if your balance sheet adds up to effeminate man, transsexual woman, intersexed person etc. Gender and sex non-conformity get similar responses. This is my ENTIRE reason for asserting that anyone who doesn't conform to the sex/gender/orientation binary has a very important and fundamental commonality with all the others who don't and has an important and fundamental disconnection from all those who do conform to it. In my opinion it is in our best interest to acknowlege, celebrate and nurture the commonality we have with all other gender variant people and work together to teach those who exsist within the binary being different isn't a bad thing. Ultimately our challenge has far less to do with justifying our bodies and personalities than it does with teaching people that "different" isn't something that must be elliminated, it's something that is valuable and makes us strong.

Jim

[Sunshine1]

Dear Jim:

I agree with what you have stated but I don't consider CAH an illness but rather a medical condition, it's an enzyme block but I can also see what you stated about the intersex part of it for some people.

I have much empathy for your friend with CAH, he could of been born with a partial enzyme block thus still being able to make enough cortisol not to effect his health to much but also not enough cortisol to suppress the excessive androgens from virilizing his body and giving him the secondary male sex charateristics.

I've seen pictures of people with CAH where subject A was treated with the cortisol that their body lacked and thus they looked feminine or close to it ( I liked how you put that in your post) and subject B wasn't treated with cortisol (I wonder what would happen if that person got in an accident or really sick where they would need the cortisol) and that person for all purposes looked male or close to it except that they only had female chromosomes and internal female organs with external male genitals w/ lacking testes. None of that really matters as long as that person is happy with their body and gender of their choice.(Note: in the pictures, their eyes/ faces weren't blacked out, which was a nice change)

Many people that don't have any conditions that fall under the medical definition of intersex don't fit into conformity and have a little "freak in them too". What I mean by that is, many middle class Americans can't fit into a rigid system of conformity. Financial obligations pervent this. Both people work and things are different just based on that.

I have a story that I've wanted to share for a long time. A one of my jobs it was found out that a co-worker was a female to male transexual. This person was a good pass, heck this person was meant to be a guy. The "straight"population of the work place took it in stride but the group of homosexual men made "this discovery" out to be something that was something to be appalled by. I thought that they would be the first to stick up for the person but this wasn't the case.

Aimee

[Betsy]

I think that this thread shows that we have a long way to go in getting people educated about who we are, and how bad gender politics can be. Ultimately, we all only want acceptance of who we are, in the body we were born in or the body we believe we should be in. Think about...the most base thing...just let me be, leave my body alone, and keep your judgements about who/what I am to yourself. No offense to the the gay and lesbian world, but the battles that gender variant people face and fight are not all that different than the ones they fought a decade or two back. We just need to educate them so that they can make the connection.

Even amongst the young lesbians, there is a whole new wave of 'genderfucks' up and coming, yet unless you were born with a vagina and think taking vitamin T is a good thing, they too will dismiss as not "real lesbians" I have a great story sent to me by a young intersex person who wrote an open letter to the lesbian community about how they dismissed her because of the body she was born in. I will ask her if I can reprint it in our stories section.

It's unfortunate that there are so many "...ism's/phobias" in our world...if you don't have a natural penis or a big penis, you can't be man enough; if you have a big clit, you can't be woman enough, god forbid if you female identify and don't have a vagina, or if you male-identify and don't have a penis...

We as a community just can't win sometimes. But, I do think that as we come out, and as we speak out, and as we make ourselves known in all communities, that those phobias and isms will disappear. I do hope that the inertia of other repressed communities will give us the energy we need to get there.

I think it will happen...acceptance of gays and lesbians led to steps in the right direction of acceptance of trans people. In the natural order of things, we have to be next. The beauty of this is that it isn't only in the GLBT community, but in other sectors of our society as well. But we need to come out, suffer the slings and arrows that may come flying at us sometimes, and perservere. Many in this community are doing just that...and it is so exciting to be a part of it.

Betsy

[Betsy]

More...

Along this same line, I want to share what I did last night. Janet and I were invited to the annual HRC NYC dinner and went. it was very fancy...black tie, at the Waldorf-Astoria. I had never been there before, and must say that just being there made me very very special.

Christopher Reeve was the keynote speaker. He gave an incredibly powerful and moving speech. I ended up having to wipe some tears from my eyes towards the end, because it was like he was talking directly to me, and in fact all of us trying to make change happen. Whether your goals of 'change' involve ending IGM (intersex genital mutilation), acceptance of us as real people despite what our bodies look like, or whatever our goals may be for ourselves and our community.

He spoke about the need not to get angry (which I have a problem with sometimes---more so in the past than the current) but to use that angry energy we have in a more constructive way (so much for subversive action against a ped urologist conference ;) ) Take that energy, and use it to tell others change must occur...we are all human beings, whether we are in a wheel chair, or able bodied, whether we are intersex or not, whether we are GLBT, or straight. This world belongs to all of us, and we all must be concerned about injustice whether we are in the community or not. We need to sit down with our adversaries, and calmly tell them that their hate and ignorance causes harm throughout society. And we need to show them why; someone who does damage may not see that damage from the victim's perspective. We need to be the calm vehicle to show them how damaging their actions are on other people who share their world.

It was truly the highlight of our evening...

Betsy

[Wohali]

My experience is that all of my straight friends I have told were totally accepting of my being intersexed. In fact, three of them told me they always felt something was "different" about me or they knew I was "really special" as they termed it. The two bi's I have told were excepting. It is the lesbian community that is horribly prejudice. I told one gal who ceased all future communication with me. Seems most of the lesbians I have ever met were terribly troubled women. I am assuming troubled because of unaccepting family members, difficult childhoods, etc. They seem very insecure in their own gender role. Many seem to be almost transgender because if the truth be know they would much rather have been born a boy. So perhaps that is why they dislike me before I am closer to male than they are?? Just a theory...

Our local GLBT barely accepts the handful of TG & TS in the community. Intersex has never been acknowledged as even existing in the printed documents I have seen put out by the group. Acceptence is one thing, but we still got a long way to being acknowledged as even existing FIRST.

One thing I question is seeing several of you referring to IS that are "gay" or "straight". Has it not occured to you that as intersex ie: being both male & female that we can not be labeled as either gay or straight or else one side of us would be denied?

Angela

[juliemarie]

I was born...ok intersexed...I am told here that is the term...I have always used the term hermaphrodite and am comfortable with it...and was able to chose for myself later in life. This presented its own set of troubles. The initial reaction from the world after I made my final choice was total non-acceptance. My co-workers all reviled me. My friends all left me and my family disowned me. Eventually I made new friends. My mother and I became close again before she died...having a mother daughter relationship was one of the most precious gifts I was ever given. I had no idea, at that point, who I was interested in, if any one, romantically. The reaction from the lesbian community was generally horrible. It was not just a matter of non-acceptance, they went out of there way to attack me (verbally). I met a few bisexual individuals who were interested in sex and little else (not even friendship).

And then I met the woman who became the light of my life for nine years.

I thought we had a wonderful marriage. It felt odd to have the same people who could not accept me, have no trouble accepting a lesbian marriage. In the end, it turns out my new friends were right. I am far to giving a human being...in the end I was only used to get a college education and a leg up on life. When the college was finished and the professional career began I was thrown away with the trash.

[Az1]

It is funny that individuals seek to explain who we are irreguardless of gender. male ,female IS and on and on and on.
Sure abnormalies do exist , but why ponder on what someone is,
seems like a waste of time .
I agree with informing the world on the existence of individuals being Intersexed. This is a good thing and it could open new thinking .

I ponder why there is a need to try to figure out who we are rather I feel a need to where IS should be .

Az1
Muhoe

[Betsy]

Angela wrote: One thing I question is seeing several of you referring to IS that are "gay" or "straight". Has it not occured to you that as intersex ie: being both male & female that we can not be labeled as either gay or straight or else one side of us would be denied?

I think in some cases, that definition may be appropriate. However, alot of us do identify in the binary or present ourselves as being in the binary and so the gay/lesbian labels are more of a perception. But, I also think that if you present in the binary, and have a partner who is in that same binary, it is insulting to that partner for us to try and gain privilage by saying we are not gay or lesbian; where does your partner then fit in?

My $.02...

Betsy

[Sunshine1]

" What is an intersex condition?

Simply put, intersexuality is a set of medical conditions that features"congenital anomaly of the reproductive and sexual system." That is, a person with an intersex condition is born with sex chromosomes, external genitalia, or an internal reproductive reproductive system that is not considered standard for either male or female." INTERSEX SOCIETY OF NORTH AMERICA


What I like about intersex conditions is that there is such a spectrum of people and experiences connected with them. I'm considered "straight" because I'm only attracted to people that are the opposite of my female gender. I'm intersexed due to CAH. This is the reason my body didn't make enough cortisol to suppress androgens in my body thus the androgens gave me external genitals that weren't "standard".

Someone else with CAH might be a lesbian or Bisexual, it's all just a spectrum or a scale. It's cool. Some people might feel feminine and the older I get the more feminine I feel. Then others might feel feminine but a little more to the guyish side. Then still some others might not feel like either gender yet there is more, some even though they have female chromosomes might feel like a guy.

There are people that I know don't have any intersex condition but yet someone might wonder what gender they belong to.


Intersex Princess Aimee

[Wohali]

Originally posted by Betsy


But, I also think that if you present in the binary, and have a partner who is in that same binary, it is insulting to that partner for us to try and gain privilage by saying we are not gay or lesbian; where does your partner then fit in?

My $.02...

Betsy


Betsy,

It is my understanding that partners of intersexed are called SOFFAs. I don't see denying gay or straight labeling as gaining privilege. I see it as lying to use either label. At least for me, when I say I am lesbian or female I feel like I am lying. Actually I don't find myself having to state my gender or sexuality except on the Internet. People I associate with assume certain things like I am a normal female or if I go to a womyn's meeting they assume I am lesbian. My previous girlfriends would complain I didn't "act like a lesbian" (whatever that means I'm not sure).

Angela

[Wohali]

Originally posted by Sunshine1
" What is an intersex condition?

I'm considered "straight" because I'm only attracted to people that are the opposite of my female gender. I'm intersexed due to CAH. Intersex Princess Aimee


Aimee,

You really are a Princess. I understand something like 55% of 46XX with CAH are attracted to females. Though that leaves 45% that lead a straight life, I have to say you are the first one I have heard from that isn't attracted to females (and most of the IS I know have CAH). I'm curious since you identify as straight how do you feel about gays & lesbians? Do you have GLBT friends? Do you feel any connection in any way or do you have solely hetero friends?

Angela

[Sunshine1]

Dear Angela:

They are friends first and their sexual orientation only adds to the people that they are. Yes, to answer your question the people that I " hang with" on any given day or weekend are heteros, lesbians, gays, and bi-sexuals. Where I live you can sit and listen to a hetero cop talk to a gay couple about marriage,kids, the best place to buy a house, and also where to shop. The connect thing, yes there is a connection. Must add that I've been around gay men my whole life. One of my parents is in the hospitality industry and many of the servers were gay. My parents would host work parties and all the employees would come. I can remember as a ten year old thinking what nice friendly people they were. Great personalities, the fact that they were together was ok to me.

Aimee

[Sunshine1]

I thought the term "SOFFAs " was used in reference to F to M transexuals not intersexuals. I worked with a female to male transexual an he didn't have a intersex medical condition. Although, I do see how some of us with intersex conditions could also be come transexuals and some of that is done by the medical community itself before that person has a say in the matter

Aimee

[Betsy]

It is my understanding that partners of intersexed are called SOFFAs.

I'm not keen on labels. I think that if I ever called my past GF's soffas, they would have issues with it. Personally, I would like to see a world where we don't have labels to describe ourselves and our partners, other that just that...our partners.

Betsy