For Kelly

[Phillip]

Dear Kelly,

I found your mail. Thank you.

You're asking WHY didn't doctors just leave you alone, and a decision was made on your behalf.

In my opinion, there are two mentalities about this. There are doctors that believe it's in your best interest for social and psychological reasons, and therefore encourage parents to choose surgery. I also think that a doctor's beliefs factor into these encouragements, regardless of how ethical that is.

Then there's the folks with the wait and see attitude. Let the child get older, see how they act and think, and then decide what to do with them.

I believe the choices are not choices at all. However, if I had to pick the lesser of the two evils, I'd have to go with the wait and see. I believe that our bodies are our own, and no one has a right to change, reconstruct, or alter us to what THEY want without our consent. And at least with wait and see, we have some understanding of what we want and can then choose.

So what is your gender and lifestyle? I'm IS without surgery, and have managed a live a fairly normal life for 49 years.

Would like to talk to you more, hopefully we can become friends.

Thanks for writing,
Phil

[Kelly (Aimee)]

Dear Phil:

I'm hetrosexual female that 95% of the time leads toward the feminine side. I was born with simple virilizing CAH. I was severly virilized as a baby with a fused labia and a enlarged clitoris that I voided out of. I had the clitorectomy and vaginoplasty when I was FIVE.

I remember it and I knew what I was born with wasn't like the other girls and wasn't quite right but yet it didn't bother me. Psychological records at the time stated I could of waited a few years. The surgery that they did to me has put my life into shambles. Sure you can be sucessful and good to others and that is how life is supposed to be. None of that means anything because the surgery ruined every single sexual relationship that I've had in the last 12 years. Do no harm ? My ass ... the surgeon was nothing but a butcher. Oh ...needed to add a state of the art butcher that used the best medical technology available for that era.

Even then I knew and formed my gender from what was in my head and not between my legs. Just a girl that didn't pee in the same place as others even though I only have the female chromosones and organs that they did.

Though I am on the femine side sometimes I would get the feeling that I was a centaur (sp ?) half man / half horse which I would relate to half man half woman feeling. I've felt this way along time before I heard the word intersexed. It's just a feeling, it might have something to do with the excess androgens.

I was just curious about others peoples conditions of intersexed. I wanted to know if they went to Endocrinologists or if they were short and put on weight from there medications but I see that talking about the exact medical conditions that are under the "intersexed" umbrella has upset some people and is frowned upon by Betsy. So, I won't post any more. I wear CAH kinda like a metal from a war. I wasn't trying to type cast anyone. We all live on the same island just different part of it. Maybe that's wrong to say too. I'm sorry if I classified things. I'm a left brain person, it's
my nature.

I give up

Kelly aka Aimee

[Phillip]

I read your message to me , Victoria and the others, and I think you may have gotten the wrong idea.

None of us are taking what you're asking personally. This is what this website is for, and if you choose to quit writing, that's your right, however,for what's it worth, there are a lot of us that consider you a friend to talk to. Including me, Kelly.

I know you've got some issues with your surgery, and it's angered you. But stop talking, and it'll eat you up. I gave up once, and it damned near killed me.

And Betsy. I have had the privledge to speak with her by phone recently over some other matters, and in the course of our conversation, have found her to be quite an incredible person. She doesn't frown on anything we write on her website, and encourages us to "let it out". She was just voicing her opinion no differently than we do, and even indicated to me that she would like to see this website get really busy.

So please consider this. Give us the chance to talk and help where we can.

Thank You,
Phil

[Victoria]

Dear Aimee,

You have every right to be cautious, assertive, inquisitive, and all of those other wonderful qualities that you are. I wish you would have said your name is Aimee from the start. If you are who I think you are, the Aimee that posted on the CAH message board and elsewhere, I have a great amount of respect for you. (If you are not the woman who has posted on several other message boards you are still wonderful!)

I got your message and I have to apologize to you about being sensitive about the whole IS diagnosis thing. Aimee, I guess we are similiar in some ways; I too am very assertive and will not hesitate to speak my mind. This has often gotten me into trouble in the past, but it is me and how I live my life.

Why stop writing? If it is because you think you may have offended people, I'm not sure you have. I want to learn from you and others on this board. If we have differences of opinion, that is fine with me. It may not always be pretty, but then life isn't always pretty.

Anyway, you should really register to become a member here. We won't bite:) I have wanted to send you private messages in the past but haven't been able to do so.

Once again, please don't stop coming here. I'd like to hear from you again. If you have any questions to ask me, or want to send me a private message, please do so.

Take care Aimee.

Victoria

[Victoria]

Dear Aimee,

Hi, it's Victoria again. I wanted to let you know that I can relate to your the feeling that you had of being half woman, half man. From a early age, I felt that way too! Also, I am 5' 1'' (with shoes on)! Even though I have never been on meds for any medical reasons (although maybe I should have been) I'm still short. I also have short parents--but most people in my family are not as short as I am.

You wanna know something interesting? All people (Is and not) are all a combination of female and male. I see it as a spectrum; the lines are not as clear as one might think. Even though most people have only one set of internal sex organs and chromosomes, there is still some overlapp that can't be explained by only those things alone. Like for e.g, have you ever thought about why some people look and act more traditionally feminine or masculine? Like why do some guys (for e.g) look more like the typical "rough and tumble" manly man and others appear in appearance and behavior to be more soft spoken and gentle?? What is that? Assuming that there is no IS going on, there has to be something else that is responsible for female and maleness, if you will. I work around a lot of young kids and you can see this sort of gender typical and atypical behavior from an early age. It seems more inborn than taught; although we do teach kids from a young age what is and is not appropriate for their gender.

Anyway, I have always been interested in gender and such and just wanted to share with you.

Victoria

[Betsy]

Hi Aimee,

I am listening to a song on my computer, doing a bit of work and feeling kind of blue that I upset you. I didn''t mean to.

But anyways, I'm sitting here and listening to this song called "When I Was A Boy" sung by an artist named Dar Williams. It's a song that I found great strength in many months ago. I am thinking you might like it, but I could be wrong.

Have you ever heard it?

If not, can I send it to you?

Betsy