View Full Version : Choice
After reading all these posts in all the various strings of posts here, one thing seems to stand out in my mind: Choice.
From how it appears to me, the majority of those who were subjected to surgeries as infants seem to be more resentful, whereas those who had it done at an older age seem to be happier with the results. Even if they are not thrilled with how it turned out, they (the ones who had it done later in life) seem to be less angry about it. My theory is the whole choice issue.
Now, I was never put through any surgeries, so I could be way off base here. I look forward to hearing from those among us who have been through it.
Andi
After reading all these posts in all the various strings of posts here, one thing seems to stand out in my mind: Choice.
From how it appears to me, the majority of those who were subjected to surgeries as infants seem to be more resentful, whereas those who had it done at an older age seem to be happier with the results. Even if they are not thrilled with how it turned out, they (the ones who had it done later in life) seem to be less angry about it. My theory is the whole choice issue.
Now, I was never put through any surgeries, so I could be way off base here. I look forward to hearing from those among us who have been through it.
Andi
Great post and poll, Andi. I will be curious to see the results myself. It would be interesting to post a similar ones for parents.
Betsy
Great post and poll, Andi. I will be curious to see the results myself. It would be interesting to post a similar ones for parents.
Betsy
Thanks Betsy, I was a little unsure about it. About a 'parent's poll', I think maybe it would be better if done by someone who sees this from the parents' perspective.
Andi
Thanks Betsy, I was a little unsure about it. About a 'parent's poll', I think maybe it would be better if done by someone who sees this from the parents' perspective.
Andi
like filling out a reply or job application ,
Gender : male __ or female__
How much is your $$$ income per year _____ .
lol ,should be $$$ _____Taxes paid in a year.
There is no choice in life .
Az1
Now if ony we could get most of our members to do the poll we could get a idea as to what precent of our members feel about what happened to them. To all of our members, poster or not, Please Take the poll!!
Also, do you think intersexuals can have a hard time understanding each other, with all the difftent states of intersex and feelings about it, as much as non intersexuals do?
What can we do to bridge the gap if any, so that we as intersexuals are not misunderstanding each other, as we are misunderstood by regular people??:(
great poll ,{i've always liked andis polls}...i can see a little where every one comes from.....beach.....
Thanks Beach, I'm glad you like my poll.
One other thing, was my poll moved? And if so, why?
Andi
It was moved (actually simply copied as it is still in the other thread as well) This particular forum gets a ton more traffic for some reason than the others do and I felt it was important to include in both areas.
Betsy
Oh OK Betsy. I just put it in there because it seemed the proper place for it. As for checking the various sections here, I always just look for where there's been new posting.
Andi
Only 8 people voted their opinions in my poll? :(
To those who haven't voted: Was it because didn't provide a possible answer that fit you properly. I tried to be as complete as possible. Maybe you could just post in this string if there's no answer that fits you.
And a big thanks to you who did vote. :) At least I have that.
Andi
Hey Andi,
I've made this a "sticky thread" for you so it will stay at the top of the forum.
Betsy
jules writes :Also, do you think intersexuals can have a hard time understanding each other, with all the difftent states of intersex and feelings about it, as much as non intersexuals do?
What can we do to bridge the gap if any, so that we as intersexuals are not misunderstanding each other, as we are misunderstood by regular people??
in reply :
Jules I do not think that IS individuals would have a hard time understanding each other.
Personally I would imbrace in the honor of An IS individual.
The tribulations IS has endured would help others with IS seek understanding.
Our goal is to open the mind of the non IS.
Az1
Muhoe
I couldn't pick just one, and felt the options should be multiple choice.
For instance:
I had surgeries as an infant, but also at 8 years old.
Although I understand the lies and omissions, I still resent them and wish I had been given the choice.
Does that make sense?
Janet
Yes Janet. It makes perfect sense to me. Thanks for your input.
Andi
You're more than welcome, Andi.
Just like our lives and our bodies, our feelings and viewpoints are not black or white either. Your aim is true, and so our responses should be as well.
Janet
I checked this string since it said there was a new post in here. I was quite stunned when it said I had made it. Then I check here & thelast post in here is the post I made on the 30th of last month. I hope this is just some sort of server error, since I assure you I was not even online at the time this thing says I made a post.
Andi
I'll try to figure out why when I am truly awake....
Betsy
First off, I am a new subscriber and pleased to be here. Betsy's e-mail updates made it too tempting not to check out the BLO website in detail! I like the poll but have a few questions/comments:
1. I am not sure whether by the term surgeries you are referring only to genital surgeries or whether you intended to include surgeries such as gonadectomy.
2. It was awfully difficult to select only one choice re: my feelings about surgery. I am disturbed that I was not given a choice re: gonadectomy and also bothered that I was told lies about it. I would have liked to select both of these choices in the poll, but I guess we can only select one.
3. It would be good to hear narrative comments in addition to just the choice selected.
Best,
Sherri
Well, I'm glad to see my poll is getting some new votes. And yes, I know, I know. The limitations of the polls here didn't allow for certain things I would have liked to have in my poll, so I tried the best I could. Also, as I recall it was a bit late when I made the poll but I didn't want to forget about it so I went right ahead & made it and possibly I wasn't as clear in the head as I would've been at an earlier hour.
As for what I was thinking of when I said surgeries, I was referring to any procedures done to "cure" an intersex condition. Appendectomies & such are not in this poll.
I believe I've said it before in some post or other, but I somehow managed to not get any surgeries done. It isn't always easy but from what I've read here & in a few other places, I think it worked out for the best that I didn't get subjected to these procedures.
Despite the low number of responces in my poll, I do think this reinforces my theory, that choice is a major part of how one feels about their body.
Well, I think I've about run myself out of things to say for now.
Andi
I had surgery as an infant and again before 5, then at 12 , 14, 18, and 19.
I didn't have a choice until 18 and I resented it but I just kept hoping for better results. I never felt like I heard the truth. I felt I had to continue. I became depressed and didn't want to sign the consent form but the surgeon became furious and I became afraid and signed. I never went back.
reillaway
06-04-03, 10:08 PM
To tell you the truth if my first surgery as an infant had been successful and there was never a need for a second, I couldn't or wouldn't have known the difference. I didn't even realize that there was anything different about me until I started getting probed by the doctors. When I was seventeen was the first time I realized I had a problem and up until that time, I did quite well as who I was. Now I'm not sure who that person is, but I'm working on it.
Hiya Andi i liker your poll too but was wondering if maybe if you do another that you add one about "Are you happy with the Gender you were assigned?" or "Have ever thought about reassigning?" I was just curious i guess there are all different kindds of questions one could be asked. I guess im just curious about how my questions would fair in a poll. I also hope more people respond to it. i like polls they kinda give an interesting veiw about people. Take care Rudy
Maybe one of these days, if nobody else does it first. Good idea nonetheless.
Andi
Originally posted by Rudy
Hiya Andi i liker your poll too but was wondering if maybe if you do another that you add one about "Are you happy with the Gender you were assigned?" or "Have ever thought about reassigning?" I was just curious i guess there are all different kindds of questions one could be asked. I guess im just curious about how my questions would fair in a poll. I also hope more people respond to it. i like polls they kinda give an interesting veiw about people. Take care Rudy
May I suggest another question for the poll? "I had genital surgery as an infant and only found out "by accident" as an adult"? This must have happened to many of us, and I'm not sure which is more upsetting - to have had elective surgery before you could consent or that your parents never intended to tell you. I must have made up my own reason for the scar.
Ann, yours is not an uncommon story. I only discovered my own complete surgical history by getting my med records--no one ever said a word to me. It was only after that I was able to get some type of historical perspective when I asked my mom. Luckily, she didn't have selective amnesia as so many parents have. But in the same vein, I don't think we can blame our parents because often they weren't told the complete truth (they still aren't). If they were told, they were often told to never tell us about it, lest we end up confused :rolleyes:
Betsy
PS---nice to see you posting again!
Originally posted by Ann
May I suggest another question for the poll? "I had genital surgery as an infant and only found out "by accident" as an adult"? This must have happened to many of us, and I'm not sure which is more upsetting - to have had elective surgery before you could consent or that your parents never intended to tell you. I must have made up my own reason for the scar.
Does anyone know if genital surgery would always leave a definite scar? I've always thought I didn't have surgery because I don't see anything that looks like a scar. I just feel numb in places like I was injured somehow. What birth records I have come across say only "abnormal" genitalia.
Angela
I know more about surgery on boys but I know that some scars can be hidden in creases of skin and one plastic surgeon said it was not uncommon to use the same techniques as tatooing to get the color of the skin to match. Some reconstructive surgery, like incorporating skin grafts always leaves a scar but the scars are much reduced these days compared to when i had surgery as an infant. The skin graft scar can be seen easily and I was told scar reduction was an option and is sometimes performed on children. I wish I knew more to tell you.
David
Originally posted by Angela
Does anyone know if genital surgery would always leave a definite scar.
Angela
It can be done without any visible scars. I can see mine only because I know they are there and the pigmentation is slightly different.
Sofie
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