Dana Gold
11-01-03, 12:55 PM
I have only been on this website 2 days and already have peeled away another "onion layer" of my life, thanks to all of the experiences I've read here. My very first post made reference to a schism between IS and TS..actually it's really a schism within me. I have been a science nerd since childhood, initially because I like science/medicine (employed throughout my life as nurse's aide, and various laboratory (bio-medical and bio-chemical) positions. Throughout my life, especially the last five, I've pondered and sometimes obsessed about the truth of why (science always asks why and analyzes components) I am the way I am in body and spirit. As a child and young adult I was acutely aware of how I was and felt, different yes, but not especially troubling to me but very much so by the "authority" of my environment. I eventuallybecame convinced that I am abnormal in body and mind/behavior. Torment , and especially beatings, the last at 19 yrs of age reenforced that concept. Even the hormone treatments didn't completely masculinize me, still had female shape, slender arms and neck,, dinky dong/test-ickles..only with eventual body and facial hair and some more muscle. The alien (me) had to assimilate into human life or risk more torment, beatings , or maybe even murder. I knew the humans hated me, as I began to hate them, so I assimilated and the next 30 years became a mess, became a hermit, did drugs, tried to hide my body by baggy shirts/pants, try to pee like a man but usually dribbled myself. mysel...got married and that was HELL.
After my divorce 2 years ago, my mind was free enough to once again ponder...using my science knowledge as a base (authority) I began to explore and research. Am I a man? a woman? an "in-between" ? Psychological (DSM-IV) and medical authiorities (Merck Manual and Langer's) say that an "in-between" person cannot have "gender identity disorder" and vice-versa.. except for ambigous genitalia endowed persons who were assigned the wrong sex.
...Klinefelters or similar conditions...NO.
Some intersexed sources (authorities) say that transsexuals who think they are intersexed are "wanna-bes" to justify away their TS status. General society ( ethical authority) just says I am a freak and fa**ot. Some transsexual sources (authority) once remarked to me that maybe I'm not transsexual, but androgenous "wanna-be" because I didn't fit the classic "pattern" in childhood. What the hell?!! So I say..They're all correct because I'm alien!! But NO!
I now know that I AM THE AUTHORITY of my life, I know that I am body variant, gender variant, but a human being, the fuzzy intercross of the primary colors of the spectrum of human life..I am me, Dana Gold, and I know what I am.
After my divorce 2 years ago, my mind was free enough to once again ponder...using my science knowledge as a base (authority) I began to explore and research. Am I a man? a woman? an "in-between" ? Psychological (DSM-IV) and medical authiorities (Merck Manual and Langer's) say that an "in-between" person cannot have "gender identity disorder" and vice-versa.. except for ambigous genitalia endowed persons who were assigned the wrong sex.
...Klinefelters or similar conditions...NO.
Some intersexed sources (authorities) say that transsexuals who think they are intersexed are "wanna-bes" to justify away their TS status. General society ( ethical authority) just says I am a freak and fa**ot. Some transsexual sources (authority) once remarked to me that maybe I'm not transsexual, but androgenous "wanna-be" because I didn't fit the classic "pattern" in childhood. What the hell?!! So I say..They're all correct because I'm alien!! But NO!
I now know that I AM THE AUTHORITY of my life, I know that I am body variant, gender variant, but a human being, the fuzzy intercross of the primary colors of the spectrum of human life..I am me, Dana Gold, and I know what I am.