Telling a potential boyfriend.

[Meresa]

Hi all,

Those of you inclined to prayer please keep me in yours this weekend.

I have been corresponding with a gentleman in Baton Rouge. He is on the LSU faculty, and we have many similar interests. He very much wants to meet me, as I do him. We will next weekend if all goes well.

Before agreeing to meet, I have sent him a long email, outlining my condition. I dont normally do this, but I really am interested in him, and don't want this to get in the way down the road.

He will get it this evening when he arrives at home. Please pray that things will work out OK, that he will not be too freaked out, and that he can still accept and be interested in me. (at least we are six hours apart by car so hopefully he wont travel all that way to kill me lol) Thanks!

Hope everyone is doing well and had a happy thanksgiving.

[Janet]

While prayer has never been my strongest suit, I will be hoping that he views what you have shared as an intriguing bump in the road, not a road block.

It's always a tricky thing for us... when to tell, if we should tell or just let life happen. Until fairly recently, I didn't have the words, knowledge or the courage to bring my differences to light until, well, it became obvious. I suppose I always felt that if someone cared for my soul they would also care for my body.

I hope, because he is an educator, he is open to being educated on (possibly) a new topic and that your honesty and bravery are rewarded with further deepening of your friendship.

Good luck! I'm sure the hours have passed very slowly. If you feel like it, let us know how it went.

[Jules]

Hi Meresa. I have done it many ways. I've not told and just waited to see if they saw a difffence. Most of the time the never new a thing. That was fustrating because I wanted to say "See! look how diffrent I am!" But they were clueless

Sometimes the less they know the better. At least when your trying to get to know someone.

I have been up front and told at the start. I have gotten some bad reactions that way. Not at first, but they pulled away very quickly soon after. Its not like your telling someone that you have a broken tooth, this is very deep, and scary subject matter for some people, no matter how much they are attracted to you.

I have also gently broke the news in a little at a time untill they asked me to tell my story a little deeper. I have gotten the best reactions this way. When they start asking they are more open minded. I told my latest partner in this way. It worked out very well.

My advice is not to open up to someone untill they have open up with some personal things about their life first. Unless of course you date is so boring they have no personal stuff to hide.
It is O.k. to keep some things to yourself untill you can realy feel that your date has a deeper interest in you them just sex or dating, or being friends

Why would you tell a new date your medical situation? If sombody who I liked started talking about there medical past and doctors even before I had a chance to find out what I really like about them, sure I would listen, I would be kind, I would be understanding but I would put them on my friend list.

Its not that there is any thing wrong with honesty, but timing is everything. remember you can spent hours on the phone with someone thinking that their great. You can spent a hour with that person in person, and get a much diffrent impression of them..
SO personal imformation should, I think, be told at a later time

I hope that things work the way you want them too. Good luck!!!
Let us know how things work out. One way or another:D

[Dana Gold]

I just read your post today and will pray for you this evening (am at work now) for whatever happens that it will be the best for you and your happiness.....you're brave to do this, you know, and also fortunate to have such an opportunity. Some advice, for what it's worth: please be careful ... even though you feel a connection between the both of you, you can never really tell until the "moment of truth", I say this out of experience and not to dissuade you...a woman should always be careful on the first date or by meetings over the Net, or be prepared for hurt. I apologize if I sound negative, but " a good meal is better enjoyed if it carefully prepared" to use a metaphor. And I think you did right by being up front in this instance (your friend miles away), in the future with casual meetings on a personal(face-to-face) level, well, Jules makes a good point...get to know the person as a human being and let them get to know you as a human being...that will give some indication as to whether to proceed with the relationship based on mutual feelings or to say good-bye, or whatever. Take care. Anything is, indeed, better than nothing, though...enjoy it if everything works out...honest , loving relationships are a rarity and treasure.

[Andi]

I hope it all works out OK for you. I know it's not an easy subject to discuss with someone you're getting involved with & I respect the courage it takes for you to tell him. Please keep us updated on this, OK

Andi

[Betsy]

Hey Meresa,

How did you make out?

It's a tough decision and one that I have struggled with in the past while dating. I've done both...told ahead, and not said a word. I'm not dating now so don't have that on my mind, but will be curious in hearing more about your experience.

Betsy

[Meresa]

Well we talked and he seems to be totally unfazed whatsoever. His attitude is pretty much " well you are a girl now right?" and is not at all put off about who I was forced to be growing up. He still wants to meet and so do I. Possibly this weekend. The biggest difficulty for me will be to restrain myself, especially physically. (he is a real hottie!!) ;)

We have a lot in common in the way of career and personal interests. I am scared to get involved with someone again, but I am going to give it a try. Dont worry he is very respectful of my safety concerns too. I am also able to take care of myself

Thanks for your prayers so far. Hopefully it will continue to go well

[Dana Gold]

Hi Meresa,

I'm glad for you that your-beau-to-be is accepting and all, and it is no longer a big worry for you. However, I'll continue to keep you in my prayers, AND in case HE gets overly zealous (i.e "fresh), you can always slap him with your flipper:D.
Sorry!, just kidding!!:p Take care.

[Meresa]

Well, we still have to finalize our meeting plans, so I'm still not sure he's not just blowing smoke. :confused: I'll know more if and when we meet.

Thanks for your continued support.:)