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-   -   AIS Males & Dating (http://www.bodieslikeours.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2620)

WWW 02-12-09 05:49 PM

AIS Males & Dating
 
Do any C/P AIS males have any dating tips? (Or others, male/female/trans identified-- I only specified in the thread title because I'm PAIS & male)...

I'm straight identified, but I've never had a partner. I figure I should get started on it before I get too old, but it's a little bit anxiety provoking.

Peggy 02-13-09 04:02 AM

AIS males - support and dating
 
Hi all,

WWW asked,

Quote:

[I wonder]...why there's no groups for AIS males out there. Is it because there are statistically fewer of us? Because more of us are "in the closet"?
Those reasons are pretty much it. Most with AIS have the higher grade forms (80-90% have CAIS, most of the rest are grade 5) and grow up female. The support groups for AIS were formed by AIS women with the needs of women in mind, and dealing with the small number of male-identified persons who came in contact with these groups later was only an afterthought. I was involved myself in the formation of the US group and always wanted there to be something available for AIS guys. The reasons why this did not happen are historical and I'd be glad to tell you all the details.

Currently there is a loose group of male-identified AIS persons in the US who know each other and I'd be glad to help you get in contact with them. (PM me.) I'm not sure why this has not coalesced into something more visible and formal but perhaps you yourself could help make this happen. I'd be glad to help. As you speculate, it is probably because of anxieties about being "public" with AIS (although membership in support groups is confidential) and probably also internalized, culturally derived, anxiety and stigma about masculinity.

I understand the problems of being an AIS guy because I grew up male myself but changed to living female in early adulthood. (See my introductory message to this forum.) I also had a cousin with high-grade-PAIS who started life as a girl but was changed to living male at age two and lived male thereafter (with great difficulty). You asked below about "C/P AIS males" but as it happens, those with CAIS invariably grow up female and live female.

Quote:

Do any C/P AIS males have any dating tips? (Or others, male/female/trans identified-- I only specified in the thread title because I'm PAIS & male)... ...I'm straight identified, but I've never had a partner...it's a little bit anxiety provoking.
Like anything else, you just have to go out and do it. Get involved in hobbies and activities that interest you, then if you get to know a pretty girl with similar interests, ask her whether she'd like to play tiddlywinks or whatever your hobby activity is. I'm guessing that the anxiety-provoking part is how to disclose your condition when things get to the point of intimacy. The answer is, it can be done, others have done it successfully and you can too. Rehearsing the words you will use in advance can help.

Friendly greetings to all,

Peggy

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"When art critics get together they talk about Form and Structure and Meaning. When artists get together they talk about where you can buy cheap turpentine." - Pablo Picasso


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