Intersex Peer Support::Bodies Like Ours

Julia, the mom of a little girl with Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia retells the emotional rollercoaster she went through when her daughter was born.

A Mother's Story

The Story of one girl born with atypical genitalia and her family

When my daughter was born I didn't even ask if she was a boy or girl because we had had an ultrasound that said she was a girl. So I just assumed she was a girl and didn't ask the DR. My Dad came in with a cell phone and we called my sister in and said her newest niece was born! The nurse said that the pediatrician wanted to exam our baby outside the room. That struck me as odd because in the birthing class they said the baby would never leave the room unless there was something wrong, but I didn't think there was anything wrong. I asked my husband to go with our baby to be examined. They were gone a LONG time. My husband came back early and I kept wondering where my baby was.

The nurse brought her back. Then she showed me how to have my baby latch on. About 5 minutes later about 6 doctors and nurses walked in. One woman had a box of Kleenex in her hand. (I get rapid heart rate and breathing as I recall this.) The ped introduced himself and began by saying, "There's something wrong." I thought we needed to move out of the birthing room for the lady in labor next door. As he began to explain that he wasn't sure if she was a boy or girl and that it was most likely caused by CAH and the salt wasting aspect, hormone missing, extra male hormones etc... Neither my husband nor I heard any of it! I got extremely hot and clammy and heard a loud ringing/buzzing/waaaaaaa sound in my ears.

The pediatrician asked if we wanted to see what he was talking about so we unlatched her and unbundled her blankets to take a look. I remember thinking she looked like a girl with a little bud at the top of her labia and no opening. All the while the nurse was shoving Kleenex in my face and I wasn't even crying. That made me so angry. I remember asking my husband once they left, "What was he saying about salt?"

I had no idea that hormones could cause ambiguous genitalia. We cried and I said what a hard life she would have as I didn't know she was a she and has a vagina, ovaries, uterus!

That evening my dad, step mom and our friends (a couple) happened to show up at the same time. They were oohing and ahhhing. I couldn't take not telling them when they said how perfect she was and how she looked so much like a girl. I said, "There's something wrong with her." I couldn't say that the doctors didn't know if she was a boy or girl. I couldn't really face that and I just KNEW she was a girl. I have had several strong feelings in my past and trusted that.

When I was pregnant with her I KNEW she was a girl, who liked to do outdoorsy things: a Tomboy, like myself! That made me happy. I also KNEW something wasn't quite right although I never voiced it out loud as that would double jinx us! But one day I saw an elderly couple with their full grown mentally handicapped child and I definitely knew that wasn't the problem.