Newbie

[Morgan]

Hi people

I'm not really sure if this is the best place for me, but hey, I haven't found many places for other people with similar bodies like mine, or similar experiences. None active with real people, anyway :/

So, technically I'm not intersex. I have had a karyotype test just to be sure. My endocrinologist thought that I might be 47XXY - I've a history of gynaecomastia and hypogonadism.

I'm also 38 years old, pretty much bald (must be sensitive to testosterone?) with little hair anywhere else.

I'm just out of a 6.5 year relationship with a guy. The state of my body was the main reason why we split. Diagnosis was around 3 years ago when I finally took the hint to see a doctor. In November 2003, I had both an orchidectomy and a mastectomy. The orchidectomy was to remove the remains of my testes. This was unpleasant for me but really alarming to my then partner - it seemed to call into question his own sexual orientation.

But what really screwed me up, strangely, was the mastectomy. This was done for my partner's benefit and to try and 'fit in'. Bad idea, I know - with hindsight it was a case of "damned if you don't, damned if you do". The scarring is pretty bad, I've lost almost all physical sensation. I'm also still fairly big - which I'm happy about. I didn't want to change who I am as much as the surgeon tried to. I've been in counselling pretty much ever since.

At the moment, I feel pretty much alone and too atypical to do much about dating.

Forgive me if I'm intruding here - I know I don't fit the medical definition of intersex. It seems I've some of the same experience, so I hope that maybe there might be a chance to talk about it.

Finally, I currently live in Ireland. My employer is keen for me to move to Sydney, Australia. If I pass the medical for the visa, I should be on my way in a couple of months :)

Thanks for reading

Morgan

[Peter]

Hi Morgan,

Welcome to Bodies Like Ours. I am not a doctor, and Bodies always holds that a complete medical evaluation of your medical situation is the best course of action. You mentioned that you had a karyotype done, and the result was not XXY, which is associated with Klinefelter's Syndrome. Did the karyotype provide you with any additional information? There are many intersex conditions that are not XXY, and I recommend that you read further on the internet about the wide variety of intersex conditions that exist. Gynaecomastia and hypogonadism can be signs of an intersex condition. Did your endocrinologist explain to you why he or she thought that you are not intersex? You mentioned that you had both an orchidectomy and mastectomy. I find it interesting that you had both surgeries. I am interested in learning more about the emotional and bodily changes that you have experienced in your life.

Peter

[Morgan]

Hi Peter

Thanks for the reply :)

I've seen a number of endocrinologists (perhaps 4, + students, mostly in the same hospital), and a couple of urologists in the last few years, partly because of the surgeries, but also because I moved country last year.

Over that time I've had a huge number of tests done. Everything from a karyotype test to a mammogram to a testicular ultrasound. Not fun.

All I heard about the karyotype test was that the result was normal, 46XY. In a sense, the endo was just checking out a possibility. It seemed a possible explanation to her, anyway. Not that it changes the treatment (testosterone replacement).

I've subscribed to a few other places before now, and I've done a lot of background reading on and off line. There's an excellent Yahoo group, hypogonadism2, although it tends to be best for people new to the condition. I also subscribe to a couple of gyne and orchidectomy-related lists, oh, and I very recently joined a TS 'no-transition' group to see what that was like. It seems more interested in organ transplant fantasies right now...

None of them seem to reflect all of me, if that makes sense... and some of them can be homophobic at times, too. I'm not looking to change genders, but I don't always feel wholly male either. I'm really concerned about the idea of dating again, and what that might mean.

The emotional and bodily changes I've experienced? At the moment, I kind of draw a line before and after surgery.

I was comfortable about myself before the surgeries - it's just other people that increasingly weren't (my partner wasn't the only one - I was pretty obvious).

I'm extremely glad not to have been in the situation of having genital surgeries as a kid. Even as an adult, it seems difficult. Being polite, my interpretation and a surgeon's interpretation of breast reduction surgery what I wanted were very different. The outcome was extremely difficult for me to deal with and, 3 months later, the surgeon did a major revision, at no cost to me.

Morgan