Anger

[prince....ss?]

I have noticed the driving factor in a lot of posts here at BLO, are driven by anger. Everyone is angry about something. I am interested in your anger in relation to your specific situation whether it be IS, TS, Gay, Lesbian, Circumcised or not type of anger.
I am not interested in the anger at your dog for pooping in the house stuff, or political party crap. Keep it to the subject line.

1) I would like to know what you are so angry about.
2) Do like being angry all the time?
3) How do you deal with your anger?
4) Does your anger help you achieve your personal goals?
5) What benefit does your anger give you?
6) What are the determents of your anger?

Not only am I interested in this anger but I hope that by exploring this condition within ourselves perhaps we can share our experiences, gain strength and insights form others.

My personal perspective on anger is that it serves me no purpose in regards to my IS condition. What is done is done and I can not change that. The only person affected by my anger is my self and I choose not to be angry. I do not need anger to be my driving force. I prefer to let my love and compassion dictate my actions. In all reality no one cares that you are angry so you only make your self miserable by harboring it all. If you are angry than no one wants to be near you, then you can be angry that you have no friends. If something tries to make me angry I change it if I can and accept it for what it is if I can’t.

That is my abbreviated perception of my anger

[Meadow]

Thank you, princess....ss, for opening this thread to all persons who, by no fault of their own, find themselves in minorities that are distinguished from others because their issues involve sexuality, a subject that is often discussed in unjustified sensational and dramatic terms. And while, like you, I may not find myself "angry", I do find myself filled with frustration and sadness.

I have never formally introduced myself here at BLO even though I have been a guest for about 8 months. I have elected instead to lurk in the shadows, commenting only on issues where I felt qualified to voice an opinion. I came, and have remained here, because I found the majority of persons are in search of TRVTH. Their pasts have been tragically filled with secrecy and lies. Persons deserve the truth, and nothing less.

I am not IS, rather, I am trans. However, you will not find me posting on trans sites. The climate there would most likely be quite hostile towards me and I would be quicky hung, quartered, pilloried, and then stoned. (Not necessarily in that order!) That is because, like the cool climate in this country, I feel that the clocks are being turned back to a time where one feels the need to lie to their therapist and rewrite their own histories in order to be allowed to transition. And the small handful of persons who dare seek the truth with regard to the etiology of MtF transsexualism, such as Blanchard, Bailey, and Lawrence, have been stoned by many in the trans community because the truth that they have found is not necessarily "pretty". I'm sorry, but sometimes the truth is NOT pretty, and can be a tough pill to swallow.

Therefore, and I suppose that it DOES anger me, that even within the trans community, a place that I should feel comfortable, I do not feel welcome. Thus, I have found a relatively safe harbour with you guys!

And so, prince....ss, to answer your questions:
I do not enjoy being angry, however,
I use this anger to give me strength to stand up for truth and principle.
This anger does not let me buckle to popular opinion.
Anger without positive purpose or action becomes a cancer.

Respectfully, Meadow

[Peter]

Hi Meadow. Thanks for your personal introduction. Your posts have always seemed very thoughtful to me. This is not the first time that I have heard that some trans people feel more comfortable with this Bodies forum than with some other sites. It's a topic that interests me.

On the issue of anger, I am angry that I am treated as a second class citizen in the United States. Just the other day, I again contacted the Medical Records office of the hospital where I was born. After an extensive computer search of their records, the archivist said that I could not have possibly been born at that hospital, as they could find no records for me or my mother. I got angry and said that my birth certificate has their street address on it. I did not explode, but inside I was really burning up. I believe that my medical records have been sealed. I am not angry all the time, but sure dislike my having to extensively search for scraps of information about my past. I deal with my anger through playing a musical instrument. That is not the only reason that I play an instrument, but it sure helps put things in perspective. I used to be a hermit, spending my evenings after work playing computer games. Now, I don't have to play a computer game. I can put on my flame-proof asbestos underwear, and boldly venture forth into the Bodies forum ;-)

Peter

[MelissP]

On the issue of anger, I am angry that I am treated as a second class citizen in the United States. Just the other day, I again contacted the Medical Records office of the hospital where I was born. After an extensive computer search of their records, the archivist said that I could not have possibly been born at that hospital, as they could find no records for me or my mother. I got angry and said that my birth certificate has their street address on it. I did not explode, but inside I was really burning up. I believe that my medical records have been sealed. I am not angry all the time, but sure dislike my having to extensively search for scraps of information about my past. I deal with my anger through playing a musical instrument. That is not the only reason that I play an instrument, but it sure helps put things in perspective. I used to be a hermit, spending my evenings after work playing computer games. Now, I don't have to play a computer game. I can put on my flame-proof asbestos underwear, and boldly venture forth into the Bodies forum ;-)

Peter

Hi Peter,

I've also found computer games to be a bit joyless. I can remember days
gone past, when small bands of friends would gather to play D&D, and it
least provided basic human companionship while the adventures played
onwards. What sort of music and instrument are you into?

I went checking on my medical records of birth, and the hospital told me
that they'd only been required by law to keep them for 30 years. They
said there was a minor chance that my records were put on microfiche,
but that their microfiche archives were non-indexed and that the search
could take many moons; if they are ever found. The doctor who delivered
me, a Joseph Factor Md, apparently died in '98. So I must reconstruct the
past from the present.

[nimo6211]

I guess my anger stems from the fact that I have had to live a facade for the better part of my teenage and even adult life. I missed so many opportunities because I was so busy trying to conform to the "norm" of the society I was brought up in. Most of the anger is a consequence of the regrets I feel such as "if only this..if only that etc". My anger stems from the fact that I would like to turn the clock back but I cannot. I guess the saying rings true "no news is good news" or in my case maybe "not knowing the truth is better than knowing"...then again.......it helps in the release of the bottled up anger and assists in the healing process. Hope that makes sense.

Acceptance has and continues to be a slow but successful process simply because I am not so ignorant now than I was 20 years ago.

The good thing though about this anger is it is not directed at anyone in particular but something I have been able to rein in except when I am wallowing in self-pity or feel lonely (which has been happening a lot lately) that is when I go into the bathroom and scream my guts out, pull my hair and bawl my eyes out. Amamzingly, with all that energy, I only feel empty inside afterwards.

Then, I count my blessings and think of all the other great things that have happened to me and how better off I am than some people and I feel better. Weird huh! :-)

[nimo6211]

Yes Meadow, I too enjoy reading your posts. Your picture actually matches your postings to a "t". Those animals are lucky to have you as their doctor.

[melonaide]

I'm angry because nearly every experience I have had being close to anyone has lead me to the conclusion that most people are thoughtless, inconsiderate, abusive hypocrits who think they have all the answers. I feel like I'm treated like some unwanted stray dog....not because I bite, just because.

Do I like being this way. no. As a matter of fact I do put forth an effort to come up with solutions to problems but things never go my way and I try to be positive but someone always comes along trying to beat me down.

I deal with it by telling myself it's temporary, but it doesn't seem to be. I tell myself that things will change, but they never do.

My anger helps me achieve nothing. It is practically incapacitating.
No one should confuse my true anger and disgust with oh...lets say... listening to the heaviest album I own which motivates me. That's not my anger. My true anger eats me alive because people are not going to be satisfied with me untill they are attending my funeral.
The detriments of my anger is that people don't understand, they can't see and it contributes to their belief to be the way they are without one glance at themselves. Even when I try to be so good. They still find fault and punish me in their own ways. It causes me self harm. It makes me make myself sick and make mistakes and it is ultimately extremely depressing to the point where I just give up.

The way I see it....you shouldn't judge angry people untill you get a glimps at why they are angry because maybe if you were them, you'd be angry too. People do too much in the way of control and not near enough introspection. I know that if I were alot of angry people I've known, I'd be angry like them.