View Full Version : Parents And Intersex 101
This evening, I discussed intersex issues with my father for about an hour. The conversation did represent something of a breakthrough in my family. He asked me about how the search for my infant medical records was going. I said that the hospital were I was born was not able to locate any medical records for either myself or my mother.
We continued to talk. I mentioned that I have personal issues with the vaginal scars that I have. He did not want to admit to any vaginal surgery, although we did discuss the fact that, according to my father, I apparently had surgery for undescended testicles very early in my life. I think that, in his own way that my dad is trying to open up. He implored me by asking what I would have done if I was in his shoes, and the doctors said that I had a child with severe hip displasia, a club foot, and was generally a mess, even if he did not specifically mention intersex. He asked me what I would do in a situation where everything was "all tangled up" and a child was not able to pee properly? I do no know if this applies to my past, but it was an interesting question. I felt close to him when he expressed the anguish that he felt as a young parent at the age of 24. With my dad, it was important that I not discuss intersex issues as gender issues, and I emphasized that being born with genitals which are not standard does not mean that I am both a man and a woman.
I discussed my past work on the SF HRC intersex task force, and said that I would give him a copy of the report. We discussed the intersex movement and the need for intersex people to find support. He was interested in the fact that I felt that there were many psychological issues that were not dealt with properly by doctors and psychologists when I was growing up. I talked about my past confusions, and revealed for the first time to him that I had spent a year when I was about 30 years old in a weekly local gay support group. I said that I had explored the possibility of my being gay, but I don’t really feel gay. We talked about the intersex task force recommendation that infant genital surgeries should not be performed without the informed consent of the intersex child, unless there was an underlying metabolic health concern. I said that I felt that any surgery that had been done on me for undescended testicles would probably fall within the realm of being medically necessary for possibly preserving future fertility. I said that most intersex conditions are not social emergencies, and told him about CAH, and 5ARD. I told him about infants who have their penis or clitoris removed because they do not conform to social norms. I explained to him what hypospadias is, and he did not reveal any hypospadias in my case, although he did mention that his own physiology differs from standard, in a way that I cannot mention here. We discussed the possiblity of "transitioning", but he thought that it was too late in life for me to make a change. I joked that it is never too late, but that I was not really interested in "transitioning" at this point.
We continued discussing my vaginal scars, and I said that my primary care physician had examined the scars, but did not want to investigate the matter further. He repeated the standard answer in my family, that my vaginal scars are only at best a "rash" from the treatment of my severe hip displasia. I did not repeat that my mother has already told me that I was born with a vaginal cleft, but lacked internal female organs. I asked my dad if there had been any past genetic tests. He was somewhat defensive and did not answer my question. He said that if I was interested in an answer, I should go out and get a genetic test.
Progress is very slow. I keep tying to peel back layers of an onion like situation where there are many physiological and psychological layers. I appreciate that my father took the time to explore these issues further with me.
Peter
Peter, congratulations on the progress your making with your Dad.
I`m sure that being he is speaking a little about it does help make you feel good and heading in the right direction. :grouphug0
Hi Jolinn,
Thanks for the encouragement. I think that I am surrounded by a world that often believes in "limited freedom", if it believes in freedom at all. It may look like truth and freedom, but in reality it is only a continuation of deception and repressive social practices. I like to think that I am making progress, but it might be a giant illusion. The state through the hospital system has done an "expert" job of "normalizing" my body without my permission. In my lifetime, neither the "March of Dimes" charity, nor the hospital where I was born are likely to release my infant medical records. And what would happen in the end, if they said that everything that I know about my body is true? Would that change the previous fifty years of my life? I will probably not find justice for myself, but I hope future generations of intersex people can live with honesty and dignity.
Peter
I will probably not find justice for myself, but I hope future generations of intersex people can live with honesty and dignity.
Isn't that the truth?
I echo Jolinn's congratulations on at least getting the door cracked open some. I know it has been a struggle for you, Peter, and I was happy to read your post this morning. :tongue:
I think knowing or not knowing the truth is such a personal thing and reaching that point is different for each and everyone of us. When I learned the truth about my own body (I was lucky in my med records were a breeze to obtain as long as I sent them $87), I would have been content to simply read them, lay them aside (once I recovered from what I did read---I only got past page two for several months and should have enlisted professional help right then and there), and get on with life.
It was only discovering all the lies that impacted my life and that those lies were still prevalent today was I propelled to do something.
You need to do what you need to do with it all and I needed to do this I realised back then.
Last week, I did a presentation out on Long Island at a one day conference from health and service providers. During it, one guy mentioned being given hormone treatments (he was told it was testosterone) right around puberty and also had undescended testes approaching puberty. He had never heard the word intersex before so you can imagine where the conversation afterwards went. He asked about finding out the truth and eventually, I asked him what he would do with it if he found out. It was an interesting question because here was someone who never felt he had been lied to, was quite happy with his lot in life, and that was only a memory from his childhood that had no impact on his life today beyond simple curiousity. IN all honesty, as much as I petition for openness, truth, and integrity, sometimes those events from childhood don't matter much in the big scheme of things.
He was a classic example of why I feel all the political moves also need to be considered on the overall impact. If this guy is XXY or something else, do we really want to force him to identify as anything other than who he is?
I doubt he will actually attempt a search beyond asking his parents, because he didn't feel particularly damaged by it and at the end of the day, what would it prove?
Betsy
Hi Betsy,
Thanks for your note. It was a step forward to talk with my father about the importance of intersex issues being recognized as such. To tell the truth, my dad hates the word "intersex", and I wish we had something better to take its place. When I calmly carried the conversation forward by focusing on genitals that are not "normal" he seemed to understand the issues more. It was an important conversation, because although my dad did not offer much new information, he did seem willing to open up a dialog. I think that on some level he is impressed with the work of intersex activists, and was impressed that there actually is a movement that is large enough to form an intersex task force, along with BLO and ISNA. He was really interested in the intersex movement as a social movement. At some basic level, I feel that he is fairly aware of the emotional difficulties that I have had in my life, even if we have difficulties discussing them. In a few days, I will give him a copy of the SF HRC intersex report. It will be interesting to discuss it with him at some future date.
I am slowly working up the courage to seek out an intersex friendly doctor, to discuss my situation. I have a deep fear of doctors, and can only read in awe the posts of other members seeking out medical help with their intersex conditions. I am sure that there must be supportive doctors in the SF Bay Area, and I will probably discuss this issue with you privately in the near future.
I think that parents should be prepared to discuss intersex issues with their children. I was constantly teased and taunted in elementary school, because my brother had spread the word about me. My parents still express surprise that I did not trust them enough to report serious incidents of bullying at school. But how could I trust them, when I knew that deception and dishonestly often undermined our relationship. The story about the guy you met at a recent conference was interesting. I sometimes think about people like that, that may be confortable with their lot in life, but then I remember that doctors, like Dr. Larry Baskin, have not been able to produce the happy hordes of intersex patients that they say are out there as a silent majority. In fact, after months of stalling the SF HRC, Dr. Baskin did not produce a single happy customer as he had promised the Commission. There is a big ethical question about happiness based upon withholding medical information from a patient. I think that we should work for a world where conditions like cancer and intersex conditions do have have such a negative valuation placed upon them.
Peter
I think that parents should be prepared to discuss intersex issues with their children. I was constantly teased and taunted in elementary school, because my brother had spread the word about me. My parents still express surprise that I did not trust them enough to report serious incidents of bullying at school. But how could I trust them, when I knew that deception and dishonestly formed the root of our relationship. The story about the guy you met at a recent conference was interesting. I sometimes think about people like that, that may be confortable with their lot in life, but then I remember that doctors, like Dr. Larry Baskin, have not been able to produce the happy hordes of intersex patients that they say are out there as a silent majority. In fact, after months of stalling the SF HRC, Dr. Baskin did not produce a single happy customer as he had promise the Commission.
It is the not talking about things that bothers me the most. I get really agitated when I hear of doctors recommending early surgery because "they won't remember it". It implies it also will never talked about and I know in my heart that 10 years or 15 years afterwards, it is not going to be brought up in relevant ways. Parents buy it hook, line and sinker and never give a thought to what will happen when the line does get snagged--how the heck do you explain to a sexually active adult what was done to their body "in cosmetically their best interest" when they are having problems as an adult and it was never discussed while growing up??????
Most of us are never going to find the courage to discuss it honestly as you learned---our own shame can be overwhelming.
There's no telling when that line will get snagged---just like in real life fishing. Some folks may find it happens early, and some much later.
It's a big risk in my mind---and one that has little thought given to it.
As you know, my mom was facing a cancer diagnose that gave her only a few years and I knew then I needed to bring it up with then or forever lose the chance. I'm so happy I did it.
One regret was having those words on the very tip of my tongue while spending an evening with my godfather (her brother and they were really close). All evening (he was living in Las Vegas and I was out there for some work so we got together for dinner and touristy stuff) I so wanted to ask him what he remembered from when I was born but it was shortly after I had obtained my records and I while I wanted to know the answer to the question, wasn't prepared to deal with the answers and I knew it. I kept thinking all night I would ask another time.
He was diagnosed with metastisizing cancer a few months later and died within a few weeks of that. I think about it often because I just know that if there were secrets still, he would have revealed them. I'm on the verge of tears simply thinking about it and the lost opportunity I had delayed.
My only salvation was that my mom was honest about it once I asked and we talked about it. She too knew however that she was dying.
Even with all those cancers on her side of the family---I'm scared about it and there is no one to ask and any chances to ask more has been lost. Don't lose that opportunity to ask more of your aging and not so aging parents and relatives who may know some keys.
Someone asked on the cah.org board about Baskin today or yesterday. I won't answer it as they think I am nuts--even to the point that for some bizarre reason the only time the word intersex is used with CAH is because of our work here; it's quite bizarre, but I would highly recommend others visit and tell them what a failure he is with evidence: http://www.congenitaladrenalhyperplasia.org/mb/index.php?msg=0439073469&forum=main
Hi Peter
It's great that your relationship with your parents is opening up.
The thing about doctors is that you're going to them for yourself and you can choose to accept or reject their advice or suggestions about treatment. Put yourself in charge. Some things are irreversible, but you know enough not to enter into anything like that without getting a clear understanding of what might be involved. Your own experience and other people's stories have taught you that.
all the best
Morgan
Hi Morgan,
Thanks for your concern. I am always impressed with the "clear eyed" perspective that you bring to intersex issues, and your willingness to consider intersex lives in a broader social and legal context. I can assure you that after everything that I have read on this forum about hormone treatments and surgery, I would be very careful in considering any proposed treatment. And that is the beauty of being an adult and being able to make voluntary medical treatment decisions about matters that are not presently an emergency. I believe that parents should hold off on early medically unnecessary infant genital surgeries that are not performed with the informed consent of the intersex child. Is this going to happen? I think that in the next few years, there is a good chance that the surgical removal of a penis or clitoris as part of visually "normalizing" the appearance of a child will become rare, or maybe stop altogether. I would encourage any parent reading this post, to go to the City of San Francisco Human Rights Commission website, and download a copy of the HRC intersex report.
I do not know of any solid evidence that withholding medical information from an intersex child is beneficial. I know that in serious cancer cases, that sometimes doctors don't want to undermine the patient's will to live by giving them all the bad news. It's not a path I would follow, but I appreciate the nature of the issues. With intersex children, being intersex is generally not life threatening, and the life threatening aspects of intersex conditions can be medically treated through medication or surgery. What is at work is homophobia or transphobia where it is feared that a child whose body is different from the "norm" will become gay or transgender. I have not been able to find any truth in these fears. In fact, somewhat to my own personal disappointment, as a non-gay intersex person is that coming out as intersex is not like coming out as gay. If you come out as gay, there is the real possibility of increasing one's well being and happiness as a gay person who is not in the closet. I think that in certain areas, the gay world is more accepting of difference. If one is not gay and you come out as intersex, you can contribute to an important project of public education, but one's social life might very well not improve. Gay intersex people also face complex issues of being both gay and intersex. From personal experience, I have found transgender people to be sympathetic to my situation. Repeatedly, I hear that the denial of an intersex condition, which blankets an intersex child in a cloak of shame and secrecy, is extremely detrimental to the psychological well-being of the child. My advice to doctors and parents is to change current practices in the direction of openness and honestly.
Peter
Hi Peter
Well thanks for that - I take your comment as a major compliment from someone I very much respect :) I said in my first post that I'm technically not intersex, and I don't expect this to change, if a strict medical defintion is used. But I've found BLO to be hugely helpful to me personally because it's the only place I've found where there are people who have similar bodies and life experiences. I guess that does make me intersex in a more practical context.
The idea of "normalizing" infant genital surgery just makes me feel sick, and a big part of that is my own experience of surgery. Not genital, but definitely sexual, and definitely not sought. I would guess that you're right in saying that, for a child, homophobia and transphobia are a large part of the rationale for normalisation. The belief that a child won't otherwise be happy may be partly genuine, but it fails to appreciate what a difference can be made by positively affirming uniqueness and difference.
As an adult, I'm not sure that identifying as gay is any more helpful than identifying as a heterosexual man. Experience of discrimination can make a person more accepting of difference, but it doesn't necessarily follow on to a personal, relationship level.
Many heterosexual men believe that gay men are effeminate or otherwise woman-identifed: a stereotype that seems to be disappearing, in Europe at least. Gay men are gay because they're sexually attracted to men, not women. It's a prerequisite for a relationship between gay men that they are both men. It's not because one or both of them is trying to be feminine. Maybe this seems laboured and blatently obvious, but I've read way too many heterosexual men in gynecomastia and hypogonadism support groups who start their message by saying "I'm heterosexual and married but..." as if they believe that their medical condition has made them more "gay".
Morgan
Maybe this seems labored and blatantly obvious, but I've read way too many heterosexual men in gynecomastia and hypogonadism support groups who start their message by saying "I'm heterosexual and married but..." as if they believe that their medical condition has made them more "gay".
Morgan
And those guys are the comparatively "good" ones if you know what I mean. Most men will not be caught dead admitting to any "gay" aspects of their lives. The idea that gay men are effeminate and woman-like is an underpinning of homophobia. In many cultures, gay men are only allowed to "exist" to the extent that they fulfill a stereotype of being effeminate. This stereotype is involved with traditional views that homosexuals form a "third sex". In many ways, the current argument as to whether intersex people form a third sex, is a regressive throwback to arguments about gay men from an earlier time. You do not see the writings of FTMs and drag-kings filling our forum and demanding recognition for a third sex.
In my own intersex life, I was deeply hurt by the assumption, that because I did not fit comfortably in the macho world around me, that I must be gay. Simple tasks, like entering a coffee shop and buying a cup of coffee were often difficult. If you hit fifty years old, and have never been married, the automatic assumption is that you are gay. My actual sexual-orientation becomes irrelevant in the eyes of the larger world. I used to be very defensive, and sometimes felt like screaming at the top of my voice "But I am not gay". It is only in the last couple of years, as I have explored my own personal history, that I have begun to move beyond the defensiveness that I used to feel about gays. I now realize that being gay goes way beyond what society calls "sexual-orientation" into a whole world of love and deep feelings among gay people.
I feel that it is significant that I seem to have my best discussions of intersex issues with gay and intersex people. Is intersex social thought part of a "queer" sensibility? It's an interesting question.
Peter
I used to be very defensive, and sometimes felt like screaming at the top of my voice "But I am not gay".
I suspect that the fear of being thought of as gay is responsible for many homophobic actions. Probably other forms of discrimination, too. I've come across it before, so it's a major reason why I added "perceived" status to the anti-harassment policy at work. I'm still surprised at how easy it was to add "intersex" to the list, too.
Thanks for making sense of a comment that has always irritated me no end. As well as for correcting my blatant spelling error :)
all the best
Morgan
In fact, somewhat to my own personal disappointment, as a non-gay intersex person is that coming out as intersex is not like coming out as gay. If you come out as gay, there is the real possibility of increasing one's well being and happiness as a gay person who is not in the closet.
Peter, how can you know what it is like to come out of the closet as a gay person if you never did it and never will because you are not gay?
Betsy
Hi Betsy,
You are right that I cannot know firsthand what it is like to come out of the closet as a gay person as I have not done it. What I said was just a fantasy based upon things that I heard people like Harvey Milk say about the importance of gay people coming out of the closet. I have also read some gay novels which talk about coming out at length, and have watched friends come out. I apologize if my remarks seem stupid.
Peter
Peter peter Peter,
I know that at times things look pretty bleak and dismal for you and from what you have posted
not so great a life in growing up. Just maybe what other folks in society think or say to or about
you is a problem that they have in not knowing anything about the issues you face each day. Try to
not lend so much credence to those things, rather give more thought about the good things that
you have been doing to help others. Take a look at how you put yourself on the front line to help
educate others which will in time help to change atitudes of many. Give yourself a good "pat" on the
back, You are a good human being, the world is lucky to have people like you.
Have a fine day and a better tomorrow........... :-)
Agreed :)
I kind of understand what Betsy means as well, though. I should've put a "maybe" in my comment about my own identity (comment #9). I don't want to subvert anyone's identity or definition of intersex when what I _know_ I have is an unfortunate and probably unusual amount of common experience... it's not clear to me, anyway...
Morgan
Hmm. Unfortunate is probably the wrong word. And sorry, Peter, for suddenly taking over your thread...
Betsy, thanks again for your comments. It got me thinking. If I went to a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) or a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) meeting, I would hope that I would get similar high quality feedback. If there are any parents reading this thread, I would like to recommend contacting a PFLAG chapter if you have questions about lesbian and gay issues.
Jolinn, thanks for your kind words. I will give myself a pat on the back, and try to stop being so self-critical for a while.
Morgan, today I was doing some research about hypogonadism and gynacomastia to try to find out more about it. I can envision circumstances were it would be very understandable for you to use the term "unfortunate".
Peter
MelissP
06-22-05, 10:33 PM
You do not see the writings of FTMs and drag-kings filling our forum and demanding recognition for a third sex.
No? But we should :-) Kings ought to write on all facets of life, and more
often :-)
In my own intersex life, I was deeply hurt by the assumption, that because I did not fit comfortably in the macho world around me, that I must be gay.
Simple tasks, like entering a coffee shop and buying a cup of coffee were often difficult. If you hit fifty years old, and have never been married, the automatic assumption is that you are gay. My actual sexual-orientation becomes irrelevant in the eyes of the larger world. I used to be very defensive, and sometimes felt like screaming at the top of my voice "But I am not gay". It is only in the last couple of years, as I have explored my own personal history, that I have begun to move beyond the defensiveness that I used to feel about gays. I now realize that being gay goes way beyond what society calls "sexual-orientation" into a whole world of love and deep feelings among gay people.
How did the people in the coffee shop know whether or not you'd ever
been married?
I feel that it is significant that I seem to have my best discussions of intersex issues with gay and intersex people. Is intersex social thought part of a "queer" sensibility? It's an interesting question.
Peter
Perhaps due to highly interesting and perceptive minds who've already
had to see past the veils of social conformity?
MelissP
06-22-05, 11:00 PM
In fact, somewhat to my own personal disappointment, as a non-gay intersex person is that coming out as intersex is not like coming out as gay. If you come out as gay, there is the real possibility of increasing one's well being and happiness as a gay person who is not in the closet.
Or you could be tied to a fence post and dragged through the desert ...
Point being that there are good and bad ways for things to turn out, all
that's definate is that they as a person maybe needed it enough to make
the risks worthwhile, by their own judgment. I think you said that you
really look up to those who've tried to pursue their medical truths. I'd
guess I've been trying, though I don't see myself as exceptional; it's only
something that's needed. I see potential for improvement. I think you
really have to look at things through the eyes of the ones who're doing.
The idea of being gay could seem a little scary when you're a HS frosh
who's developed a crush on one of the guys. And from their POV at the
time, maybe there's not a lot of potential benefit to being out, maybe
it would take some valuble life's experiences before they see.
Morgan, today I was doing some research about hypogonadism and gynacomastia to try to find out more about it. I can envision circumstances were it would be very understandable for you to use the term "unfortunate".
Peter
True... but the implication that an intersex condition is necessarily unfortunate is not what I intended. What I was trying to convey was an involuntariness, if that's a word. What brought me here was the (non-technical) definition used by my counsellor to describe my state (perception, again). And his use of the term 'intersex' came from the damage that unwanted surgical normalization has done to me, and a state of, er, 'in-betweenness', rather than the fact of a couple of related medical conditions...
And what keeps me coming back is the discussion and the people...
Morgan
Or you could be tied to a fence post and dragged through the desert ...
Point being that there are good and bad ways for things to turn out, all
that's definate is that they as a person maybe needed it enough to make
the risks worthwhile, by their own judgment. I think you said that you
really look up to those who've tried to pursue their medical truths. I'd
guess I've been trying, though I don't see myself as exceptional; it's only
something that's needed. I see potential for improvement. I think you
really have to look at things through the eyes of the ones who're doing.
The idea of being gay could seem a little scary when you're a HS frosh
who's developed a crush on one of the guys. And from their POV at the
time, maybe there's not a lot of potential benefit to being out, maybe
it would take some valuble life's experiences before they see.
Hi MillissP
Thanks for your honesty. I have been feeling somewhat guilty for what I wrote, because after I wrote it, I realized I was only looking at one side of the picture, and ignoring the everyday oppression of gay people that often makes being out difficult in so many ways. I have to admit that my comments were motivated by some personal feelings which I should have expressed more clearly. I saw the new intersex movie "Both" at the Frameline film festival in San Francisco this evening with the ISNA gang. In the film, the actress Jackie Parker, playing the role of Rebeca describes a certain bi-sexual unhappiness that I could definitely relate to. I might describe myself as bi-sexual, but that would be dishonest, because I don't have any real sexuality at all. I have been thinking lately that the only time that I ever came close to having a real sexual feeling, I pulled a leg muscle. Life is pathetic.
Sorry for the confusion about going into coffee shops. I looked back at the post, and realize the writing is very bad. People do not need to look for a wedding ring to feel uncomfortable around me. The other day, a friend of mine, who I have known for thirty years, said that she was concerned for my safety. And this is in plain street cloths. Believe me; I wear the most boring cloths.
Peter
Dana Gold
06-23-05, 06:41 PM
I think that our being perceived by others as being gay, a joke, or "perverse" comes from the lifelong self-stigma of living in an unclear, amorphous truth about our lives and not being comfortable with one's own body and mind. This inner "chip-on-the shoulder" and "monkey-on-the back" transmits the energy (vibes) of that self-negativity and shame-based self-assessment to others in one's environment....perhaps drawing forth a kind of energy (vibes) reaction to it. This has been the phenomena with me, and has caused me to be defensive and avoiding of social situations wherein I am apprehensive of being ridiculed or worse.....even where the potentiality of it may not exist. The fear being a form of vibes-advertisment. I guess we can add fear to the already "shame and secrecy" phrase; at least for me. And that may be the case about Peter's entering the coffee-shop scenario.
The young man whom Betsy mentioned as being possibly 47XXY and not having felt that he was lied to indicates an early life of minimal or no psychological and/or physical trauma/abuse. His gender was clear and uncompromised and had no formative years "issues" from a biographical perspective. It is no psychological mystery that abuse/maltreatment during childhood has great negative impact in the later years; while nurturing love in an open family contributes to positive self-esteem and adult happiness. That negativity is something that some of us may continue to carry as a burden and apprehension, even after finding out about our medical past and coming to terms with our anatomic sex (genitals/body) characteristics, gender and/or sexuality.
If one cannot find out about one's specific medical childhood history (both from records and parents) and if "coming out" as gay or trans re-awakens the inner fear, shame and guilt (even if initially a relief and freedom) , then that re-enforces the inner negativity that we've carried lifelong about ourselves and the world we live in....a vicious circle.
My only liberation from this "perpetual rut" has been to acknowledge that my past is dead and gone; and that I should "look forward to the future"; a sort of psychological "birdie" (middle finger)....and to not let my emotions get the best of me.....and that's the real issue, the emotions, feelings, and thoughts....all strung together up to the present; how does a person deal with that? Would finding out my childhood medical records answer what I know in my heart?.....probably not, although for some it would. "giving a da*n" is sometimes a curse....I think I don't care any more about my childhood; as I don't care anymore for and about my American "family"....they live their life...I live mine; they kept a secret; so do I now keep one from them: being trans and knowing about why I have been "queer-bodied"..I'm selfish now, it's my life....and if people would not and will not let me be; then I will leave them be. After all; things go 2 ways in this world; and I care first about myself, my job, and my place of residence and the supportive people who "care for me" are integral with that selfishness....I am selfish about them, they are my friends....and I deserve their company and care....
A mind is a terrible thing to waste; start to live life, Peter, and the same for others who feel "lesser" than others.....that's what I'm going to do. To hell with the world; I "flip the birdie" at it....pat myself on the back and hug my friends....and go have some fun, after all these miserable years.....and there's still plenty of time to do work, both for oneself and others, if one wishes to do so......it is a necessary part of human happiness to be able to enjoy something.....even a little bit is better than zero.
Dana
Hi Dana,
Thanks for your thoughts. I do sometimes feel demoralized and I don't think it is just me. When I first came to Bodies Like Ours about a year and a half ago, there was a sense of optimism in the air. "Time" magazine was doing a major story on intersex, and people associated with Bodies were featured in the story. The United States was making progress on the issue of gay marriage, and it seemed possible that marriage equality might be close at hand.
Now, we are living in the middle of a backlash. Increasingly, I see anti-intersex and transphobic themes on television "comedies". The United States has re-elected a president who is firmly allied with the most reactionary social forces in the county. The Religious Right sees the end of the scientific teaching of evolution as a real possibility. Abortion rights are under attack. State governments are rushing to define marriage in a way that bans gay marriages in the future. Powerful social forces want to enforce reactionary "gender" politics in every aspect of social life.
Intersex people continue to have wonderful allies, such as the San Francisco Human Rights Commission, which recently issued an intersex report that declared the rights of intersex people to be human rights. As best as we can, we try to make progress. I believe that the tide will turn, and that social progress will be possible for intersex children growing up in the future.
Peter
Dana Gold
06-23-05, 08:57 PM
You are right, Peter, it is very difficult (in light of what you just said and what Melissa just posted) to be and remain positive and even happy in this "milk turned sour" country.
I expressed the same in my replies to the thread:
http://www.bodieslikeours.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1367&page=3
http://www.bodieslikeours.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1367&page=4
I know the legal crap laws designed to "protect and serve" are really about "protecting" them from us, and serving their own warped agenda. But, I say to hell with it because I'm not ruining my psychological health anymore because of anger, frustration, and regret stemming from the past and present shit I've endured from the same ilk that are and have been mistreating Melissa due to medieval laws and thinking. I was threatened with auto insurance policy cancellation because ChoicePoint "reported" me as a "risk factor", due to name and gender discrepancies (past and present). I will have to face Real ID requirements, where I will not be able to keep female as a gender, as in my driver's license.; or maybe not even qualify for one because I have no viable birth cert.; if I do...I will be "outed" everywhere if such an ID card is required for every single transaction or ID proof. The neighborhood kids call me "man-lady"; almost every day I experience some sort of look/stare; comment (a snide or joking "sir") in "my community" wherein I "transitioned" reminding me of the childhood neighborhood where I was considered a freak-boy and phsyically/sexually/psychiologically abused. And you personally know how I feel about this world/planet.
I need (as many others here) some "relief"; I can't get it from the majority of "them"; so I have to fend for myself.....f**k 'em!! :angry_smi I am going to enjoy my life; despite it all....."they" will not get that satisfaction of "enjoying" my misery....the Schwein!
:sarcastic
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