Socio-sexual stratification (& despair) in MA.

[MelissP]

I'd changed my name over a year ago, all quite legally and recognized by
both NH state and SSA/IRS authority (which was slow in "approving"). And
I'd never noticed too much else, because I'd been working at the same job
and no real issues came up.

But now that I'm job hunting, I've been turned down by one employer 'cause
my birth certificate wasn't a match to my current name, and that raised
a flag with the backround check. I was determined to not let that happen
again, so I headed down to Boston today (just the traffic was a nightmare).
They'd already told me over the phone that I could have the name portion
amended on my BC. That's all I asked; I was content to let a {blank} sex of
record stay that way.

So I got down there, and they told me that other than misspellings and ppl
officially named "baby", that no name amendements were allowed- unless
you're a trans and you would be changing your sex as well. I said fine, due
to my concurrently qualifying in that area. They then required evidence
in the form of proof-of-surgery. Which I don't have yet, and need a job to
survive on until it's arrived.

I then showed them my birth certificate with no sex indicated, and asked
them to show me the original master copy of my birth record. Which they
produced, and
-- Lo and Behold, My Officially Recorded Birth Sex is An Illegible Scribble.
(why am I not surprised??)

So I said, since I apparently had no sex properly recorded, I asked them to
pick a sex and change it to that. And I showed them the nicer of the two
MRI reports I'd gotten, along with prints of some classic shots. And they
still don't care ...

The only proof (in their minds) of an incorrectly recorded sex is surgery.
Nothing else. God forbid there was a Eugenides/Middlesex type of person
who spontaneously morphed at puberty and wanted to be "male". Or a
case of PIV or CAH that had confused the docs, or any number of other
cases. You can't unless there's surgery, and maybe for some of those cases
there's nothing the person really needs done. The state of Mass doesn't
care one bit, that person is screwed and already not as employable now,
let alone in the dystropian future of Amerika. I'm being treated like an
illegal alien in my own country.

So I took a hellish ride home during the traffic hours, and I'm wondering
What Am I Supposed To Do Now??? For the moment I don't care about my
legal sex, surgery is coming soon enough. But I'm even denied a name more
valid than just my driver's license.

(sorry for ranting, and any suggestions for saving my butt from this mess
would be much appreciated ...)

[Morgan]

Hi Melissa

Between your post and Dana's, suddenly the whole 'third gender' thread seems completely utopian and misplaced. I also think that those of us who don't live in the States don't really appreciate how the place is changing.

Is it usual to show your birth cert to a potential new employer? Do all employers run this kind of identity check? I don't think that I've _ever_ had to provide anything of that nature to any of my employers, and I've changed jobs and worked in a couple of countries - I got a new job last year after a period of painful unemployment and a return to college... only to have the stable parts of my life turn upside down immediately afterwards, but that's a different story.

Maybe you do this tuff anyway but, in terms of strategies to deal with obstructive bureaucracy, my usual approach is to calmly ask for a supervisor if I'm not getting what I want, or what seems like a rational thing to expect. Continuing a discussion with people who don't care less, and probably don't have the authority to do anything outside of rubber stamping a standard procedure, isn't going to help.

Keep a record of the names of who you spoke to, when, and what they said. Asking someone for their name can help keep them helpful, and you can also call them by their name, rather than treat them as a faceless bureaucrat.

Escalate again, if you can, and get written information on what they need: the correct form of wording, and who has to sign it. Maybe one of the people who have already signed a report for you can sign something usable?

Anyway, I feel for you and wish you all the best,

Morgan

[Dana Gold]

Hi Melissa,

I can only offer the following startegy and tactics below. Sounds like war, one may say? Yes, it's really hell when one becomes a virtual "enemy of the state".

My advice would be thus:

Get a LGBT friendly lawyer (if you don't already have one) maybe from Lambda Legal or Duke Univ.

Second: resume your job search within a "friendlier" environment like colleges and universities (I don't know of your skills).

Third: I hope you are drawing unemployment benefits; go for disability as well, if possible.

Fourth: Make contacts within the LGBT community (Univ and Coll have campus centers)......I may not really fit with LGBT; however there are allies of I within that community and that's what you need right now to fight the real "enemy".

Fifth: And this is an "iffy" one; can you contact your parents? Can they help you in some way?


Lastly; You are young; resolve to not give up.....I'm 55 yrs old and have been through the "shit" of mistreatment (kicked out; denied apartment rental etc) ....med. people (denied treatment; rejected; "left laying" in ER) etc, etc.......If I can make it ; so can you....I'm not being patronizing....I mean it; f**k them!! Find a way thru the above channels.......something's got to result from it.

Oh...one more thing......the stress of all of this means lack of sleep, ruined appetite etc; buy some chamomile tea; drink it at nighttime...it has a mild anti-anxiety effect. Try meditating to calm the inner self; making a connection with the essence of you...your best friend right now, so to speak......I'll send you my prayers as well to win someway, somehow.

Take care


Dana

[MelissP]

Is it usual to show your birth cert to a potential new employer? Do all employers run this kind of identity check? I don't think that I've _ever_ had to provide anything of that nature to any of my employers, and I've changed jobs and worked in a couple of countries - I got a new job last year after a period of painful unemployment and a return to college... only to have the stable parts of my life turn upside down immediately afterwards, but that's a different story.


Hi Morgan,
I'm not sure, but I think it must be getting more common. The job in
question was just a part-time photo tech at a local drugstore. I suppose
they must think an employee more likely to steal their oxycontin, rather
than the usual armed breaking and entering by strangers.

I do think the US is really changed in recent years. Will we have our Night
of Broken Glass? or perhaps it's already happening?

And thankyou, I am feeling pretty low right now.

[MelissP]

Hi Melissa,

I can only offer the following startegy and tactics below. Sounds like war, one may say? Yes, it's really hell when one becomes a virtual "enemy of the state".

My advice would be thus:

Get a LGBT friendly lawyer (if you don't already have one) maybe from Lambda Legal or Duke Univ.


I'm checking into that now. A friend of a friend at the SRLP, another
friend of another friend at GLAD.


Second: resume your job search within a "friendlier" environment like colleges and universities (I don't know of your skills).

Third: I hope you are drawing unemployment benefits; go for disability as well, if possible.


I have 2 or 3 within a reasonable drive from here. I'll be checking on
them next. My formal job experience was operating postal eq in a mail
room. I do have fair amount of tech skill, HW and SW. The unemployment
ppl decided I was "unskilled labor" because it doesn't fit into their neatly
predefined catagories, wanted to lump me in with migrant farm workers
and ditch-diggers. Willingness aside, I'm not strong and healthy enough for
that. I'm not disabled, though. I do have some self-respect.


Fourth: Make contacts within the LGBT community (Univ and Coll have campus centers)......I may not really fit with LGBT; however there are allies of I within that community and that's what you need right now to fight the real "enemy".


i seem to do alright within glb. The t seem to be allergic to me. I don't
know why.


Fifth: And this is an "iffy" one; can you contact your parents? Can they help you in some way?


My mother is willing to put up with me for a short while. I sense a lot of
possible conflicts with that though. My father died 12 years ago. One of
the things he said on his deathbed was "you aren't my son". I didn't realize
the implications of that. I thought he was just symbolically disowning me.
He was definately not a nice person, at least not with me.


Lastly; You are young; resolve to not give up.....I'm 55 yrs old and have been through the "shit" of mistreatment (kicked out; denied apartment rental etc) ....med. people (denied treatment; rejected; "left laying" in ER) etc, etc.......If I can make it ; so can you....I'm not being patronizing....I mean it; f**k them!! Find a way thru the above channels.......something's got to result from it.


Those sound like good sentiments :-)


Oh...one more thing......the stress of all of this means lack of sleep, ruined appetite etc; buy some chamomile tea; drink it at nighttime...it has a mild anti-anxiety effect. Try meditating to calm the inner self; making a connection with the essence of you...your best friend right now, so to speak......I'll send you my prayers as well to win someway, somehow.

Take care
Dana

I have noticed that about the sleep and appetite. Maybe it's not so bad
about the appetite. I have some weight I should lose for attractiveness'
sake. When I was 13, I was my full height, weighed 85kg, and I looked like
a skeleton. These days, I'm a bit heavier at 110kg, even though I don't
look fat or heavy (due to my height). I think somewhere in there is a
happy medium.

I'll try a bit more on the calmness and meditation though. Stress leaves
me with aweful looking black-eyes :-)

Thanks Dana,