I have a question about chemical balances. [Archive] - Intersex Community Forums

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melonaide

07-23-05, 12:12 AM

I'll ask this question here since alot of people here seem to be very informed about health issues. I'm not sure exactly what this would pertain to....I suppose any doctor would prescribe anti-depressants and I have taken them but I never found results compared to what they were cracked up to be...and there's always a down side to them in my opinion. What's even more disturbing to me is that no tests are done by "mental" doctors.....just questions about how one feels.

In short...I feel terrible...absolutely terrible. I feel like I have a ton on my back and I am so stiff my bones feel like they are crunching together. Keep in mind I weigh less than 90 pounds and I have almost no fat. I eat and I have muscle for my size but I have a very course appearance. I don't always feel this way. Sometimes my skin feels softer and I feel better and more relaxed. People sometimes ask me if I get PMS....well.....that's confusing because usually PMS occurs before the period and it stops at variable times before it. I usually feel pretty good before...untill the cramps come and I have to take something and even when I've knocked the pain off...my legs still feel weak and then all my joints start popping from stiffness. So anyway, Aunt Flo came for a visit yesterday and its usually slow starting but today it's fully established itself and I feel like I've fallen off a building. There is pain all the way up to my neck from stiffness and I feel completely drained. I get nausiated when I stand up and I feel like I'm going to pass out. On top of this....apart from already feeling like my mind is going at times, I don't really care to concentrate on anything but whats in my head and it usually winds me up very very upset. Just angry. I have to turn it off because the thoughts in my head make my brain feel like its going to collapse on itself....so I just sit there....and sit there....and sit there.
Eventually it wears off. Tomorrow might be easier but I'm all out of excuses for days like today.

I can rationalize with myself about alot of philosophical/psychological stuff, but this is painfull. Physically painfull.

I don't like doctors and I know exactly what they'll do....give me paxil or zoloft or welbutrin....and it never solves days like today. I can't be a different person because of a pill and that's what they always want to do....change the person I am and then I'll be happy and everything will be fine and the sun will always shine on me and I can always be the lovable huggable sweet young lady they think I should be.

Right.

Ten bucks says I could take some black cohosh I have or some of my belladonna sleep aid and it would ease up but I don't want the upset stomach black cohosh gives me and furthermore....I'd like to get a grip on this BEFORE it happens so that I can be more in control of my days. Sometimes I get to where I can't sleep and just all kinds of mixed up weird stuff that I have little control over. Anyone ever heard of such? Sometimes I am so angry and feel like I have all this bottled up negative energy that I just want to take out on ignorant people....I guess it stays bottle up because it seems alot of times ignorance is in total control of the world but the rest of the time I just want to curl up and die.
I can't stand the way I feel and I can't DO anything because everything just sucks. Nothing is worth doing...or something is always in the way and I just don't feel like pushing on it anymore.
Ask anyone I know if something is wrong with me but somehow its always my fault or my imagination. See, everytime I start thinking it starts coming out. I'm so full of disgust I can't stand being awake.
I have to live with people thinking I can just snap my fingers and make it stop. Maybe if I was a little bit bigger I'd be more worthy of respect but you can forget that.
Anyway.....I have to fix it. I have to be in control.

Betsy

07-23-05, 01:26 AM

Melonaide,

I know some of the more medically astute folks will reply, but in the meantime you may want to try some SAM-e for the depression. You can buy it in health food stores. One thing to consider however is that it is not recommended if you are bi-polar as the high from it can cause an even worse swing/crash.

It takes only a couple days for it to kick in but is without the side effects of the chem antidepressants. When I first started taking it, it did cause some wild dreams and gas, but once my body got used to it, it was better.

On the soreness, it sounds alot like a potassium deficiency. Try eating some bananas. I also recently started taking vitamin B-12 on the advice of the doctor who saw me when I got ill last month and have noticed that many of my own aches and pains that seem similar to yours have gone away since then. Maybe it's a similar type of anemia?

Best of luck and I hope you feel better soon.

Betsy

MelissP

07-23-05, 10:55 AM

Hey Melonaide :-)

We need a Mel 2 Mel chat here :-)

I didn't know exactly what the ingrediants of a Belladonna sleep
aid were, so I looked it up and there seems to be 12 standard herbals
involved.

Belladonna (of course) - poisonous
Wolf's Bane - circulator suppressant, used in witch's flying oinment, poisonous
Arsenic - poisonous
Avena Sativa - sexual suppressant if you're female
Camphora - for fevers
Quinine - increases oxytocin levels (causes contractions/cramps etc)
Coffee beans - good if your into caffeine
Cypripedium - muscle relaxant, w/ some negative gynecological effects
Henbane - similar to Wolf's bane
Passiflora - inhibits cortisol production (danger, danger)
Anemone - circulatory suppressant, causes gastroenteritis, dangerous
Valerian - sedative w/ high withdrawal problems, not good for liver

- And Black Cohash, while it may be harmless for desperate transsexuals
isn't good for anyone w/ a female system. It too increases oxytocin, for
one thing. I tried it once, once upon a time, and it hurt me. I once also
talked to the SO of a trans, who tried it and it hurt her too. I think there's
a pattern there.

I don't know how they can sell stuff like this.
I know some people get very annoyed when I call myself "Dr Mel", even
if I am doing it jokingly. But seriously, I did a whole hour of research for
your problems; it sounds like maybe you've messed yourself up with this
stuff.

Meditation. Relax w/o chemicals. The word is OEM :-)
it's good to hear from you :wave1:

melonaide

07-23-05, 04:45 PM

Thanks Betsy...I'll keep that in mind.

Melissa...
I bought the sleep aid a couple of months back and I rarely take it. I have taken it in about a month. This sleep aid is belladonna suspended in alcohol at a fractional percentage.

Black cohosh...
I don't know exactly what you mean by desperate transexuals taking it...other than the fact that it binds to estrogen....some say....so it seems to me that it could be benificial to the female system in some cases....such as menopause or removal of the ovaries....for those who don't want to take HRT....seeing as how its an herb. I know of someone who takes it occassionally for muscle tension...and he is far from being transexual. He's just a fan of herbs and he won't even drink a diet soda.
To add to this....I bought the black cohosh months ago as well and over the course of months I have taken maybe a half a dozen pills on days like yesterday to ease tension and it does help....I just don't like having the shits the next day....which is a common side effect.

Considering that I am 30 years old and still have excruciating cramps as well as all my other symptoms and have been for 16 years....I kinda doubt that it has anything to do with the herbs. To me....it's just the way life has been having a period, but I really don't think it's normal now that I'm 30. Another thing to mention is common problems that seem to run in both sides of my family with cysts, tumors, breast cancer....there's a list....and when I was 15 I had to go to the emergency room for a twisted ovary....thinking it was appendicitis. I have been to a gynacologist in.....over a decade....and I won't be going to one anytime soon because I'm broke. Yes...at one point I had a job but the pigheads that I worked for who expect me to work like a man won't even give the me respect of an adult so they go to hell. I quit. Certain things...I just don't hear....I know better. That's why I sit around thinking about smacking people with hammers all day....because they don't get it. Their skulls are just too thick and when they see me they see this cute little thing that should be so sweet but they have no problems taking my work for granted....work that I willingly give because that's the person I am...not this little sweet thing their blinded eyes cause them to see. Unfortunately, I'm not in the posistion to make them sit down and shut their ignorant pie holes regardless of how many times I can prove them wrong, because I will alway be what is seen and not what I am and what I am is hard to contain. This is why I don't like most people and I try to avoid them at all costs because putting your head through a wall is not a good feeling....and for the record....the time THAT happened....I was taking amitryptaline....a tranquiler. Wasn't really doing it's job, was it?
No....it wasn't.

Despite my history of mental "ups and downs" and trying to keep myself from blowing someones or my own head clean off....I do think there is a 'physical' problem here, but it would cost way more than what I have to find out exactly what it was. I have considered many things...one being adrenaline....not neccessarily and defficiency or over abundance but something off kilter, off timing and out of whack. I go from one extreme of having to much energy to having none at all and this has been going on ever since I can remember....way before my period. I began having anxiety attacks at nine. Now people look at me and they don't see someone who may have some kind actual physical problem.....they see a silly niave girl who can't possibly know what she's doing about anything and is going to get herself hurt being around "bad stuff" and "bad people" and needs to be "guided".
Yeah....WHEN I GET IN A CAR AND DRIVE OFF A FREAKING BRIDGE GOING OVER A HUNDRED MILES AN HOUR.

Anyway....
Black Cohosh giving me loose bowel movements.....well....that's what extra toilet paper is for.....but the problems that I have had....well...ALWAYS....A few little herbal pills being the problem? I seriously doubt it.

The fifths of liquer I have drunk by myself giving me some kind of permanant damage.....PERHAPS....blach cohosh?

Ok...I'm going stop laughing here in a minute.

I'm really not trying be rude....but this is why I don't go to doctors.

The last doctor I went to was a respirator doctor through work because I was breathing paint fumes.....industrial paint. Think about it...industrial Imron contains polymers and epoxies that 'stick' to stuff,,,,for durability. The more durability...you can bet has more 'sticky stuff'.......So I'm like, breathing the crap because we are using a disposition coft vessel for a paint booth. 7'x7'x18'....not big....not even as big as a one car garage. So I'm the only painter...full time job. Supplied air respirator that says its only to be used in 19.5 percent oxygen environments or more and in invironment contain less that tem times the persimissable exposure limit of the paint....Which is a very very very small amount. So how can you paint? Well.....mechanical ventilation is the answer to supply the booth with constant fresh air and move the fumes out. We had a square foot sized hole and a metal fan for ventilation and a respiraor with cotton filters is your protection.

Supervisor says if you use your respirator you don't need ventilation.
Apparently he never even read the package of the respirator.
The doctor...paid by the company.....tells me that Imron is good paint....(like he's ever even seen Imron and known what it was) He's speaking for the company. He tells me that the pack and a half of cigarettes I smoke every week (capri lights) are doing much more damage then the paint ever could. Remember....he's never seen the booth, never seen the workload....so how in the hell could HE know? He's not qualified to make this claim.
That fact remains that if you can smell paint....which I'm the only one who was in there because none of those other sorry ass people would be caught dead painting.....and you starting feeling tightness in the chest and the fumes are coming through the suit and staining your clothes....guess what? You need better ventilation.....duh. Look at proffessional paint booths online if you ever get a chance.

I'll stop rambling about work and stupid incompetant people that I always find myself at the mercy of because it's pointless...I can't win. They are in control and people simply do not know how to listen.

In retrospect....maybe I should excersize some listening methods and consider that a few capsules of black cohosh is going to be the death of me because I have "messed myself up"

LOL!

Sorry...I just can't do it.

WHY IN THE HELL IS IT ALWAYS MY FAULT!?

CAN YOU TELL ME THAT?!

CAN I DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!

melonaide

07-23-05, 04:59 PM

I don't even know why I try.

Forget it....I'm out.

MelissP

07-23-05, 06:03 PM

I don't even know why I try.

Forget it....I'm out.

I'm sorry for whatever offense I've caused.
Everything I say turns to lead. I don't know why I
keep trying. When my best intentions are insulting.
Good luck, I wish you health and wellness.
And wish myself too.
If wishes were horses

melonaide

07-23-05, 10:03 PM

I'm sorry for whatever offense I've caused.
Everything I say turns to lead. I don't know why I
keep trying. When my best intentions are insulting.
Good luck, I wish you health and wellness.
And wish myself too.
If wishes were horses

I don't know what to say. I just don't.
I look at things I do and say and I know exactly how I come off and I could stop myself from saying anything at all. I could....and sometimes I do, and then sometimes I force myself to do it anyway completely beside myself for knowing the outcome but something makes do it anyway...looking for some kind of balance to all the things that make me mad. It's all just a bunch of secondary drama that I can loath myself over because I don't want things to be so complicated even though everyone thinks I do. I don't. I'm not a hyperchondriac and I don't crave a sick role and I want more than anything for it to not get in my way and I don't try to let it on purpose. Unfortunately that's exactly the opposite of what most everyone I know thinks...and I'm just mad. I just want the knowledge to turn things in my favor so that I don't have to be a burden to myself or anyone else and when I feel like it gets turned back to me for trying to make myself feel better I fly off the handle because snapping my fingers does nothing. I try to be smart and I try to do things well and regardless of what I can do, I'm always inept.....and yeah, I wear it like a crucifix at times but you see, I got this thing in the back of my head that tells me I'm being patronized because I really don't think people care that much and I never know when it's going to happen next. Maybe that's to some, a messed up veiwpoint but it gets bigger everyday and I feel like I will not be comfortable untill I can fully accept it and seperate my exsistance from everyone who has the potential to do it. I really think I'd rather be treated with indifference than continue to try to play some role that just doesn't fit in anywhere anyway. I'd be better off with no emotions at all so don't waste your time being sorry because I take out my anger in inappropriate ways. There are no appropriate ways but that doesn't change anything. I've made it perfectly clear to many people that I don't condone the use of alot of drugs because I think they are over prescribed and I think they are often subscribed to people who they won't help without much research into their lives. Medical science speaks against self medication and it's understandable but it's impossible for a doctor to know how a patient feels, but the patient *does*....so I've always had a tendancy to make my own decisions about things of this nature and I've done alot of reading about belladonna and I fully know that it is poisonous.....so are alot of other things in different doses. I can't say it's going to stop me from looking for a stronger dose than the very diluted stuff I bought, not to ingest, but to put in peanut oil and use as message oil....but that's just me. I guess that would appaull some people but think about this.....My dog was on prednisone....a medication that people on this site take. She had heartworm treatments and I waited too long to get her tested and now she has an enlarged heart. After the treatment she was coughing blood and now she's better but she still has trouble breathing. The predisone eases the inflamation but everyone knows that prednisone is not without it's side effects, but if my dog didn't have it...she would have coughed herself to death. She still coughs occasionally and my first reaction was to take her back to the vet and I still might need to if it gets any worse but I'm trying to wean her off the prednisone because it has a tendancy to cause dementia and dogs and it can deteriorate the systems of anyone who takes it. I don't think there would be any point of me telling the people on this site who take it that because I imagine they know and if I thought they didn't, then yes...I would tell them it could have side effects....especially if they obtained it illegally because they may have not done any research on this prescribed drug and perhaps this could be compared to you telling me that belladonna is poisonous and that I might have messed myself up with black cohosh.....So that makes me an asshole.
Ok...I'm an asshole....I admitt it......BUT......I do know a little bit about black cohosh and belladonna...which I was also suprised to find out they sold because it's a poison, but they do because it is said to have a use in medicine and trust me when I say this is weak stuff. It would take bottles of it to reach the point of hallucination and the base substances would probably just make you sick to your stomach. I've been in the hospital and been given much worse that went against my system and I had doctors that have argued with me over this. Doctors are human too and everybody makes mistakes and perhaps I could be a little bit more explainatory when saying that I know abit about things I take but I don't get the feeling that I'm going to be heard. I guess I feel like sometimes people already have their minds made up and their just not going to hear it so in turn I don't hear anything either.

What am I trying to say here?

I know belladonna is a poison, but can you tell what it may do to me?

If you can't, I can.
It can mess up my central nervous system.
In large doses it causes denetia and paralysis and can be quite fatal. In small doses it acts as a stimulant to the nerves and helps with congestion, constiction and certain fevers and eases certain digestive disturbances. Belladonna doesn't give me side effects like black cohosh but I bought it for silmilar reasons.....however, I don't take it very often because A) it's a weak dose and I don't like the way it taste and I don't want to risk taking to much and I certainly don't want to get dependant on something that has such an effect on the nervous system...I'm not retarded, but if worse comes to worse....I WILL take it. I'll take everything I have if I get tired enough of feeling this way I still won't be dead.
I've done alot of thinking about belladonna.

As for black cohosh....I didn't take straight black cohosh but I took something that has black cohosh in it...along with some other things like ginsing and dong quai and saw palmetto. Starngely enough it's for bust enhancement and yes it works, but it wears off after you stop taking it so I don't take that unless I need to fill up a dress so it will fit in the front. Yes, it works...and the ingrediants are often used for other things as well. I took it for the black cohosh because I have never gotten sick from that mixture. It doesn't contain as much and it's in a compressed powder form....in contrast to the liquid capsules of black cohosh that make me sick.

All in all, I think my use of herbs is piddly but that guy is right....diet coke will kill you. Is there anything that WON'T kill you? Stuff doctors give you can kill you and people can self medicate themselves to death, but maybe you just don't know how much flack I get over piddly shit. Lets say I'm in a gas station and I pick up a packet of high energy pills for shits and giggles. It wouldn't suprise me at all for anyone I may be in the store with to stand there with the impression that I thinking this is some kind of wonder drug that going to save me from my imaginary demise and start lecturing me about how I don't know what's in it and think I'm using it as a placebo for the crack habit I'm trying to wean myself off of because I'm skinny and what I really need is rehab and counseling to get my life straight because I've started a high energy pill habit. (No...I don't smoke crack)

How do things get so obscured?

I've been telling people for years that I think something is wrong and whatever it is has a way of being really hard to figure out. Oh...it must be in my head. Yeah...I DO think it's in my head.....PHYSICALLY. My rythems get out of whack at the blink of an eye and I have to fight with it untill I'm spiralled into complete frustration and exhaustion.

What do most people think I need?

Absolutely nothing....it's in my head, remember?

If I could just stop being stupid all my problems would disappear.

I know better.
After 30 years of being me...I know better.....and I'm in better shape than alot of people but something is not right. Alot of people think this means I want them to coddle me and say oh....poor Melanie and pat me on the head and give me a band aid and it will get all better and then some people think I'm screwing around with dangerous herbs because of the placebo effect they give me. I get it alot.

Ok...So I'm rip roaring, pissed off, out of my mind, bat crap insane over this because I still feel like shit and can't can't keep my rythems straight and it's ruining my life. Irrational I know, but bear with me.

If I want to make someone mad or enter a heated debate with them....the first thing I'll do is tell them their doing something wrong and I'll talk to them like they are very niave and it works every time...so yeah....I get on gaurd for stuff like that because I know people don't like me and they could be starting something...trying to get to my weakest nerves. I can't exactly say that you are doing this because I can't read your mind and I don't know who you are but when I don't know how to react....I simply don't know how to react and honestly....I'm mad about 'stuff'....just 'stuff'. I just feel very angry and very deffensive. Does it have anything to do with you? I'd have to say no, technically, it doesn't. You have shown me what I think might be kindness and although it makes me very suspicious, it's worthy of appreciation. It could very easily be said that I just don't know how to take people, but in all honesty....I really think that everyone hates me and each other for that matter and thinks that I'm stupid.

Anyway....
I can say that that the suggestion of potassium that betsy mentioned makes sense. This is the type of thing I was looking for because when I feel bad I can't think straight and I was just looking for some information to put body system in order. Most females get water retention before their period. I don't, but I do think I lose water after it starts. I think that sounds like it makes sense. I don't know exactly what happens in the system through these stages but I think thats right. I would look it up but I don't feel like it and I've made myself tired trying to explain myself in this post....so I will do it later. I certainly didn't feel like it yesterday.
but if I lose water then I lose potassium, right? So, perhaps it would be benificial to drink lots of water and have a salty snack and a bananna with with my pain medication. Of course I should probably do more than this....like maybe take vitamins because I usually do have a touch of anemia....and I do take vitamins sometimes and sometimes I forget but I don't forget to take something when my cramps start.....so that could easily become a habit.
I should meditate when I have headaches and I should excersize when I feel good and my skin feels soft and I'm not dehydrated, because I often am a tad dehydrated.

Ten bucks says this post is too long to submitt and now that I have shown my ass well enough to last me for a while I will go back into hiding in my own little world.

My apoligies for making scene.

Sofie

07-24-05, 12:25 PM

So, perhaps it would be beneficial to drink lots of water and have a salty snack and a bananna with with my pain medication. The salt in most snacks only contains sodium(chloride), health stores sell snacks made with sea-salt. Soup with sea salt is even better imo, it's soothing for the stomach. I always eat soup after taking medicine.
Most females get water retention before their period. I don't, but I do think I lose water after it starts. I have water retention most of the time. It doesn't show, there's not much visible swelling, but it often hurts, especially my knees, ankles, elbows and my neck. It's worst in the morning or when I have to sit quiet for several hours. Sometimes I make tea from birchleaves, vervain, goldenrod (solidago) and some mint to make it taste better, this works well for me.
For the pain in the neck I also use an ice-pack, which makes the swelling go down.
Sofie

melonaide

07-24-05, 06:22 PM

hmm...sea salt...I'll have check into that.

I make a cream of cheese and brocolli soup with milk, chedder, brocolli and corn starch (doesn't contain gluten which does a number on me even though I eat it at times because its in so much stuff) I like salt so I put a little bit of salt in it and this may sound strange but I also put baking soda in it because it's salty and I only use a little actual salt and if I'm not mistaken, baking soda is the alkaline part of the salt and this alkaline is supposed to dissolve certain kinds of crystaline acids that can accumulate but thats a whole other issue. It also claims to ease a sour stomach....so rather than putting twice as much salt I use a little baking soda. I'm not sure if that made any sense but I had found it benificial for acid indigestion and a pain I occassionally get in my foot which may sound crazy and when I looked into it, it made sense but who knows. I'll look into sea salt because that may be even better.

Betsy

07-24-05, 11:06 PM

I only use sea salt when I can--that is, if I am out and don't carry my supply, I'll use whatever table salt they have. Most table salt also has iodine in it and I've become convinced that it's a bad way to get the necessary amounts because iodized salt gives me a horrible headache.

Sofie is correct when she writes about all the benefits of sea salt and it's something I became convinced of long ago. It also is a bit of an obsession of mine and I usually keep several types in my pantry which get used depending on how/what I am using it for. Someone recently brought me some black salt which I need to figure out as it smells like sulfur. I haven't had the time to figure out how to use it though...I'm thinking it might be good in some types of heavy soups where it won't overtake the flavor of it.

My favorites are sticky grey salt from France, and red salt from Hawaii, and most recently, an unlabelled salt I picked up in Philly that is quite peppery.

Betsy

Dana Gold

07-25-05, 01:51 PM

Hi,

I suspect that paint fume exposure and perhaps sub-clinical malnutrition may have added to your present condition…..and then , of course, there’s the human a**hole factor, which I personally know can produce ill “side effects.

You mentioned OSHA standard for respirators; here’s the real deal on that:

http://www.osha.gov/SLTC/respiratoryprotection/index.html

In the link below, under Solvents (all paints have some solvents) it discusses some neurotoxic effects of such to include; fatigue, irritability, and central nervous system depression as just some of symptoms of chronic and acute exposure.

http://www.shape.bc.ca/resources/pdf/IATSE_paintbulletins.pdf

Anyway, a few suggestions below:

A well-balanced multivitamin could be of use, also; especially one that includes all B vitamins…..any one of the B family by itself ismuch less effective than if taken all together. I take extra B-12 (100 micrograms a day) and folic 400 micrograms twice a day) acid in addition to my multi-vitamin. Calcium supplements (generally 1000 milligrams a day) are best taken with magnesium (400 mg) in the same pill and making sure to include at least 400 Int. units of vitamin D. Look into milk thistle (herb for liver protection) if you suspect you have been experiencing toxic effects from paint fumes.
Alpha-lipoic acid is an extra and intracellular anti-oxidant that also has liver protective effects and 100 mg a day may be taken….I take it 100 mg twice a day; making sure to include biotin ( 300 micrgram twice a day) because doses above 100 mg a day of a-lipoic acid depletes biotin stores. If you have nausea, ginger (100 mg twice a day) has been proven to lessen that.

Link with a lot of information of vitamins, minerals, herbs etc.

http://www.anyvitamins.com/vitamin-info.htm

Some time to oneself is also “clinically effective”…..I like to go to the beach early in the morning……watch the sun come up, listen to ocean and sea critter sounds……quiet “therapeutic solitude” I call it.

Anyway I hope the above helps……and I join you in declaring: *&%$#@<hidden>*&%$##!!!!! :aargh: :cry_smile :sick:

Take care,

Dana :pizza:

Peter

07-25-05, 02:23 PM

melonaide

07-27-05, 02:06 AM

Hi Melonaide,

In the past, I wore a dual cartridge respirator eight hours a day for about ten years. I had a friend who was a safety inspector for Chevron, and early on, he gave me the very simple advice that if I can smell the fumes, it is time to change the cartridges. Unfortunately, it was only later that I found out that a passive filtration system was not adequate for the environment I was working in. I should have had a forced air system. My lung capacity has been measured to be below normal, but I am still alive and I have avoided emphysema and the like. Good luck on getting better ventilation installed.

Peter

Yeah...I was using a supplied air hood as opposed to the face mask because there is no eye protection and high concentrations of fumes can easily effect your eyes and goggles make the half mask respirator not fit. I know there are full mask respirators but that's not what they supplied. My boss told me that as long as your masks fits right (thinking I'm stupid enough to not know if the thing fits because my face is small) then you don't need ventilation. Duh.
Paint has checmicals that deplete the air of oxygen and it clearly states that it is not intended for use in an environment where the oxygen is being depleted because, exactly, its just stupid cotton like filters seperating you from the danger....so I had an air supplied hood.....a disposable one that I had to throw away every week or because of the overspray that accumulated on it would start flaking off. See my point here? There is enough overspray in this small booth to accumulate on the hood to where it dries and flakes off. Thats alot of overspray....not direct spray.....overspray, mist, fumes. The walls of this booth get so caked up with overspray it starts growing bumps on the walls like stalactites and the walls that were once smooth feel rougher than concrete and we had to sand this crap off with a rotary sander and repaint ever-so often because it's filthy.
Now, true...I had a supplied air hood and we checked the pressure and everything but if you've ever seen one like I had....it's made out of the same stuff the paint suit is made out of...and I had a problem with overspray settling down towards the floor and becaoming thick enough to penetrate the suit and stain my jeans. Thats how bad the fumes were in that booth. You couldn't see through them sometimes during priming which etches and it's not good to get it on your skin and it was real bad about getting through the suit because it was so thin. The hood had a fabric collar around the neck and the rest was made of plastic and even though it was supplying air it says right on the package that it is not intended for use in environments below 19.5 percent oxygen....which seems low, but air is not that full of oxygen in the first place. The respirator was made to follow the same type of guidelines as the catridge respirator concerning hazardous environments but tailoring to unique environments and when you look at the product msds and it tells you that you shouldn't subject yourself to more than 10X the pel while using the recommended respirator, that should indicate to the average person that that respiraor, any respirator, can only to so much and does not create a completely isolated invironment with elements of harm.....which is exactly why the msds and osha requires a certain level of ventilation for certain applications and this is certainly one. There is a certain amount of air that should be moved constantly and the so called intake opposite from the fan was a hole a little over a square foot. The fumes were accumulating right where I was standing because that's all the room there was in this thing. You could have stood outside on a windy day and sprayed paint with no respirator and been safer....but then there is the EPA....which is why they took an old container from one of there programs meant for being hauled by semi and boarded up the back and put a door on the other end. They are so cheap they wouldn't buy enough light to see by and so we took some of it off and put up lexan to let in daylight. If you were not painting that much it would have been ok, but if you had any idea how much crap I had to paint and haul inside while wet, piece after piece, so that I could paint more crap for people who just didn't get it and now when I take a deep breath I get to hear crackling sounds. I hate them people. They're stupid. They don't listen and they can kiss my narrow behind. After I quit they had to start outsourcing everying to one painter and two powder coaters who have people working for them and I bet notta one of them has workmans comp. The painter is operating out of his garage....which fortunately has more room than a 7x7x18 foot coft trailer. I hope he's a smart fellow because it will sneak up on you. You can't feel it untill it has started effecting you and I still don't feel right....and I had a doctor for the company tell me it was good paint. Like he would know. He was basically just trying to feed me some bullcrap to hush me up. He never saw the paint booth, never watched anyone paint, had no idea what goes on, but assumes the stupid little girl can't know what she's talking about in contrast to a prestigious company run by a bunch of einsteins. My boss started doing the fit tests. When he did them, he didn't even do it right....the guy just told him what to do last time he came and the idiot just forgot....didn't write anything down. Brilliant people. Doesn't it make you feel all good inside knowing people like this are in charge everywhere? They are more worried about 'looking' like they are doing everything right and keeping their little papers signed and in order then actually protecting people. To appease the EPA and get permission to put the booth there near other businesses, they basically created a somewhat fume-tight and very dangerous situation for the person who has to be inside the stupid thing. One time the stupid safety lady had safety clean come out and look around to see how she could dispose of certain things without having to be considered a "big generator"....so when she started having me put the filters in this stupid little can and I ran out of room in two weeks...she told me to leave them laying on the paint booth floor.....right where I'm trying to work, but anywhere else on the premises they must be properly contained and labeled, but she tells me to do this and I get to the point where I can't even change my filters.....but as long as she has her little log sheets in order everything ok....stupid !*@<hidden>&!....If I ever see her again and she says one word to me I'm going to cuss her up one side and down the other and if she gets in my face like she likes to try to do and get all up against you when she's talking to you I'm going to spit right in hers! I've have never met someone with such a repulsive personality as this lazy, incompetant person.

I can't even talk about this without getting mad.
Last year a woman who had been soldering for years had to go on leave because she had lung fibrosis. She seemed ok when she left. She'd get upset and mad alot and coughed alot and had problems but she was talking to people and working and everything. They hospitalized her. A couple of months later she died....and still they did not even put a 3 inch mini fan on their solderers to blow the smoke away from their face....never even considered that soldering could have anything to do with her lung fibrosis.

That's some thick skulls people!
The lights are on but nobody's home.

Fortunately I worked there less than a year and although I DO believe it contributed to me feeling like crap I do have other things I need to figure out.....some I have figured out, but some I still don't have the answers to. To Dana about having time to oneself.....yeah, that can be good and it seems now it's all I want or get. That hasn't helped my financial situation and certainly doesn't make me feel special when the only people I know who ever ask about me are just "concerned" but I'm getting real used to it. I think I like it more and more every day. The more I sit here and do nothing not ever talking to anyone the more it ocurrs to me that it doesn't matter anyway and the more I don't care. Stupid people who will only cause problems are not important and will only try to stand in your way and do crap that's going to cause you harm. The important thing is having a roof over your head and being able to obtain food to put in your mouth and fortunately I have that thanks to people who have learned to live with me and are not working against me and if I ever do acquire something stable of my own so that I don't have to be a burden, I certainly won't make the mistake of giving too much of anything of myself to people who don't deserve it.

As for solvents.....yeah, her's a funny story. The person who used to paint before me but got sick of it and started doing something else as soon as I was dubbed "the painter"......was talking to me about toluene....one of the solvents that we were constanly using that has the knack for penetrating the skin and I was telling her that I was having trouble concentrating.
She said.....Well toluene wouldn't effect your thinking, it effects the central nervous system and makes you shake.

First of all...since when was shaking the only symptom of the central nervous system and since when did another organ besides the brain become the control centrer for the central nervous system.

I thought that was funny.
I actually feel sorry for her because she recently found out that she has a benign brain tumor.....which can also be caused by certain ingrediants in the paint and she has alot of other health problems as well, like kidney stones. As for a solvent like toluene...just about any toxic substances that gets in your blood stream can effect the kidneys because that's the main way the body gets rid of it...so the kidneys get the brunt of alot of crap....unless of course it decides to store in your liver, making it the target organ. There is quite a list of ingrediants that make up the paint we used and I promise you 95% of them were toxic substances and each little toxic substance has its effects. I think in my case the first exposure would be on the skin, in the lungs and if I got large amounts of toluene from the laquer thinner on my hands....which I did because it eats through the gloves, and it gets into the blood stream I would experience the short term concentration problems....and I did.....those three things at different phases of my employment corresponding with making mistakes like not having the right gloves or being asked to do so many paint pieces that I was breathing fumes which allow microscopic particles to begin to build up over time in your lungs because the lungs can't get rid of it very efficientally. The paint is made to last....outdoor industrial paint. Nobody ever wants any of that crap in their lungs....trust me. You can't feel it in the begining. It just gradually makes your chest tighter and tighter untill it becomes too much and is irreversible. I realized it because I smoke and I can easily feel any shortness of breath or tightness and congestion. I also have anxiety that sometimes causes me to get very excited at times and when that happened and my lung capacity has changed, I can feel a difference. What I really need to do is some cardiovascular excercise but I don't even feel totally comfortable going out in my back yard and it has a privacy fence around it. That's what years of being under observation will do to you. Things need to change around here and I can't make them change but that's another story. I'm already turning this into a journal entry as it is. Most people think I'm crazy but there's some complicated stuff going on and sometimes people go about things in a way they they shouldn't, in hindsight. I have just realized another thing from the past that falls into place with all this stuff....concerning people I knew long ago......who stangely decided to up and move.....and now I recall many things that people said, casual things, things you would never know meant anything at all.....untill it falls into place and tells a story.

Sorry.....I'm rambling.....I've just got things on my mind and am just trying to explain away some quirks that may appear to a stranger to have no origin.

On a lighter note :-|
Salt gives me a headache too if I eat too much. I couldn't imagine a salt that doesn't do that as bad and peppery salt sounds very intriguing.

MelissP

07-27-05, 04:19 PM

Hi Melanie,
If you'd mentioned all the toxic industrial chemicals you've been exposed
to, I suppose I wouldn't have bothered saying anything about the belladonna
remedy. Hope you feel better eventually. Maybe in time your system might
clear itself out a little bit.

Sunshine1

07-27-05, 05:25 PM

melonaide,

what type of career would you like to have?

aimee

melonaide

07-27-05, 10:16 PM

melonaide

07-27-05, 10:27 PM

melonaide,

what type of career would you like to have?

aimee

Well, alot of things interest me but I'm not real good at meshing in many situations.

I have recently bought a whole bunch of tools and I'm starting a hobbie....it involves abit of silversmithing....brazing, not casting yet.....I basically don't know what I'm doing yet but I'm very interested in it....to the point where I have embarked on a solo voyage of investing in materials which I know very little about. *slaps self*

It has grown into a small monster and I'm getting very anxious to get the rest of my equipment.....which I'll probably winding up having to sell to buy dog food as soon as I realize I can't do anything with it.

Foolish...I know, but the urge became overwhelming and I want to learn it so bad I can hardly stand myself right now.

melonaide

07-27-05, 10:34 PM

I'm sure everyone I know is probably thinking...."why doesn't she just walk down to the gas station and apply for a job?"
I don't think I'd get hired at the momment anywhere anyway. I got that magic feeling about it.
I guess I just got to the point where everything seems like a waste of time so I decided to try to do something which interests me. I'll pay for it later.

Maybe once I can occupy myself abit I can relax and approach things better and get hired somewhere simple and not yet full time and still continue my hobby, but now I have pretty much tried to go in head first.

Sunshine1

07-28-05, 06:53 AM

MelissP

07-28-05, 10:14 AM

Jolinn

07-28-05, 12:03 PM

melonaide

07-28-05, 01:41 PM

melonaide

maybe a job focus for something that is along the lines of your hobby? for example working at a store that sells the type of product that you would like to make?

do what you like and like what you do type of thing.

I like to ride horses and when a job in the park system came up to be a trail guide it was a good match.

best wishes,

aimee

no car....and plus, most jewelry stores either get their stuff shipped in or they make it themselves....and usually they are pretty good and there's just a few of them. Trust me....I've thought about this.

I liked painting....I just didn't like dealing with other people. They don't listen. They only want to hear themselves.

melonaide

07-28-05, 01:54 PM

Hi Melonaide,
I don't know if you've seen this web page before
http://www.emedicine.com/NEURO/topic378.htm

Some of the symptoms it describes are identical to yours.
It also has a section mentioning care and treatment options,
including a few things you could buy at any descent health
food store.

(I don't know if a "hugs" would be welcome in this situation)

Interesting article......I used to get tics in my eyes and lips that would last days while I was painting, but fortunately I'm not painting for them anymore. The most alarming sysmptom is crackling in the lungs and shortness of breath. That's really kinda serious, and in the past three weeks I had an asthma attack which is scary as hell.....but unlike things that are a direct result of my composition...I feel that time will improve them. When I had the asthmas attack I really felt like I needed to go to the emergancy room because I felt like I was going to die and my heart would stop because I felt I wasn't getting any air....but I didn't because it stopped after making myself stay calm and change my breathing because I think it's from a pretty identifiable source. There's always room for doubt but it's pretty obvious what caused it.

melonaide

07-28-05, 02:22 PM

melonaide,
Being as how you seem to be unsure as to what you want to do or where you might fit in, give some thought to doing some partime volunteer work.
Many different kinds of outfits are always looking for volunteers and you might find something that suits you.

As for silversmithing you might look in the phone book and see what they list for that and contact them and ask where you might go to get some help in learning to do that.

oh...there's schools around here but they cost lots of money.
They also teach painting with pnuematic sprayers like I did, but I never went....I picked it up in a couple of weeks from someone who used to do it....and I was pretty good at it.

The only stuff in walking distance is a grocery store, a chinese resturant, a pizza place, a gas station and churches......and its also really freaking hot outside right now and I'm being a weenie about walking over there because of the sweat and the headaches....it's nasty. It should ease up soon though and what would interest me most is cleaning the churches but thats hard to get because somebody is already doing it and they probably like it because they can do it in their own time while the church is not open. I like pizza too but if I worked there it would be waitressing and I'm not real good with the public. Grocery store....same crap cause I would never get to stock....I'd be behind the register looking all "cute" and stuff.....right. Why? People don't listen. You can tell them you used to load shipping trailers but they hire guys in grocery stores for stocking and the girls get to deal with the weirdos that come in......and there WILL be weirdos.

There always are...people saying weird stuff and trying to make some kind of impression because they think you need something said to you.....and who are they? Strangers.....random strangers who can't spit their business out who can only say weird stuff that I couldn't care less about. They're always there. I don't know where they come from but they come and they're annoying and they're always tripping on me for some reason. I don't feel like dealing with those crazy people right now....that is, If I could even get hired. It's like somebody sends them to make some kind of impression and I don't know who they are but they're stupid and I'm not talking to them. I'll get REALLY rude. I want to work 'alone' I want to be 'alone'. If I can't work alone....It doesn't matter what I do. It makes no difference whatsoever because I can do alot of things. Fitting in to a certain situation involving people is a different story but its something I don't have.
People in churches are usually nice but they HAVE to be....it's church.
There is volunteer stuff in churches but I certainly AM NOT knocking on peoples doors. No way.

My choices are limited so right now I'm waiting on my torch and I'm going to teach myself brazing and when things cool off....meaning everything else going on and not just the weather because that will be a little while....then I will go apply somewhere and probably not get hired anyway but still. My choices are limited.
That's not my biggest problem now anyway. It's a problem but it's not my biggest problem 'right now'.