Marc
08-13-05, 05:32 PM
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life, or lack of, been in a rut for a long time would like to make some changes. I really don't have the motivation,
it's feels like I've given up, I'm not even making an effort to even try.
I got a response to a previous post that said I shouldn't complain until I've exhausted all possibilities, that person was right, I'm not really making an effort. I saw my pcp a few months back and was telling him about my health problems and how I was frequently ridiculed for just walking down the street.
At the time I thought his response to what I said was a little aggressive but now I understand. He was saying I shouldn't give a f... what people think or say and that I was letting people use me as a punchbag. I guess he was right what he said but it's easy for people to say but haven't experienced.
But he also said he thought I was hiding, to be honest he's right.
Anyway I'm from Europe originally have recently been in contact with my parents whom I've not seen in a number of years. They would like me to come back but I have a lot of anger at them for their lack of help and support and me basically having to go it alone to get answers to my problems, but not all the answers. The real problem is their still uninformed of the problems I have, they just don't get it. I visited there last Christmas, now they live in a town, not a big city where I live now. We were walking through the town center, for them it's an everday thing that they take for granted, they don't think twice about it, it's something they've been doing their whole life. With me it's like I'm on a different level. Sometimes I pick up on things they don't see as in people's stares and smirks, looks of disgust or as on that day people whistling at me. It's like my own private hell that they're not even aware of. It's just the thought of going back and going through all that again. I guess being with or near my family I'd have some kind of support or familarity. But in the past I've seen people shun my parents because of me. I don't think moving back is the answer it's a change of lifestyle I need. To get out of the house and make an effort to interact with people and not think so negative all the time. Try to seek some professional help. That's been a big problem trying to find some support within the medical community. Trying to find a psychologist who is familiar with people with intersex conditions, doctors who could make a diagnosis.
I guess I have this opportunity to go home but I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. Sitting around the house mopping is not good for me either.
I'm just at a point now where I have given up, being alone and isolated is not healthy. Being alone in life is not a pleasant feeling, just to have a friend phone me or knock on my door and invite me out and have some fun. To have a girlfriend, to enjoy life for a change, now that would be something.
I still have a hard time thinking that people won't accept me with these problems I have. But if I don't make an effort, I'll never know. I guess I need
to step up and take charge of my life, it won't be easy but it's got to be better than where I'm at now.
it's feels like I've given up, I'm not even making an effort to even try.
I got a response to a previous post that said I shouldn't complain until I've exhausted all possibilities, that person was right, I'm not really making an effort. I saw my pcp a few months back and was telling him about my health problems and how I was frequently ridiculed for just walking down the street.
At the time I thought his response to what I said was a little aggressive but now I understand. He was saying I shouldn't give a f... what people think or say and that I was letting people use me as a punchbag. I guess he was right what he said but it's easy for people to say but haven't experienced.
But he also said he thought I was hiding, to be honest he's right.
Anyway I'm from Europe originally have recently been in contact with my parents whom I've not seen in a number of years. They would like me to come back but I have a lot of anger at them for their lack of help and support and me basically having to go it alone to get answers to my problems, but not all the answers. The real problem is their still uninformed of the problems I have, they just don't get it. I visited there last Christmas, now they live in a town, not a big city where I live now. We were walking through the town center, for them it's an everday thing that they take for granted, they don't think twice about it, it's something they've been doing their whole life. With me it's like I'm on a different level. Sometimes I pick up on things they don't see as in people's stares and smirks, looks of disgust or as on that day people whistling at me. It's like my own private hell that they're not even aware of. It's just the thought of going back and going through all that again. I guess being with or near my family I'd have some kind of support or familarity. But in the past I've seen people shun my parents because of me. I don't think moving back is the answer it's a change of lifestyle I need. To get out of the house and make an effort to interact with people and not think so negative all the time. Try to seek some professional help. That's been a big problem trying to find some support within the medical community. Trying to find a psychologist who is familiar with people with intersex conditions, doctors who could make a diagnosis.
I guess I have this opportunity to go home but I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. Sitting around the house mopping is not good for me either.
I'm just at a point now where I have given up, being alone and isolated is not healthy. Being alone in life is not a pleasant feeling, just to have a friend phone me or knock on my door and invite me out and have some fun. To have a girlfriend, to enjoy life for a change, now that would be something.
I still have a hard time thinking that people won't accept me with these problems I have. But if I don't make an effort, I'll never know. I guess I need
to step up and take charge of my life, it won't be easy but it's got to be better than where I'm at now.