Update on us

[kayleighsmom]

My daughter Kayleigh was diagnosed with CAIS about a year and a half ago. I have two sisters and an aunt who also have the syndrome.

Pretty much as soon as K-bear could talk she's been saying/acting/socializing as a boy. Confusing since 1. her age (almost 4 now), and 2, there's no androgens in her system; and 3. I got the impression that CAIS patients generally DON'T have gender confusion.

Here are some examples: She'll tell me she's a boy and cries if I try to tell her differently. She refers to herself as my "son" even though I've explained to her she was a "daughter" and the difference between the two. She has asked many times why she doesn't have a penis and when she will grow one. She always plays the "boy" when playing fantasy games with my other daughter. Also, she talks about growing up and getting married to a girl. It became increasingly significant because she seemed to need daily reassurance that she was a girl. The most heartbreaking came the question, "mommy, do you only love girls?" Ugh!

There are some more examples, but basically I'm concerned because I thought I was doing the right thing by reassuring her that she is a girl. Now when the questions come I just say, "mommy and daddy love Kayleigh just the way she is." But that is also a sort of evasive response which doesn't seem to satisfy or quell the questions. She's seemed to start behaving girlie for my benefit and then turns it off if she thinks I'm not looking. Bad bad bad, I know.

I guess my questions are: Is it possible she is having gender identity issues at this age? Do you think I harmed her emotionally (you can be honest, but please be gentle)? And lastly, what can I do now?

Another issue is that her teeth have started to erode already. Wouldn't be significant except for the fact that my husband and I and the other 3 children have excellent teeth and it's her front teeth that are eroding. I would think that if she had cavities due to too many sweets or improper brushing, they would be in the back (besides the fact that neither of those things are the issue). She has the benefit of good genes in the teeth department, but yet already showing signs of trouble. My AIS sister did not have teeth and bone problems until she was diagnosed with osteoperosis (at age 33) and now her teeth are awful, just many many cavities and almost see-through. Do you think this is hormone/bone degenerated related?

I hope I'm being clear on my questions and any comment are appreciated.

Thanks,

Linda

[Peter]

Hi Linda,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Different people have different theories about how children should grow up, but in the end they are just theories which may be unrelated to the real world. Because of stories like yours, an increasing number of people are saying that intersex children should be brought up free from the possible damage that early infant genital surgery can cause, and be allowed to express their own gender identity.

People with CAH, who identity as male, are increasingly becoming visible. In the world in intersex, it is not very helpful, in my view, to use phrases like "Most people with X condition, identify in Y manner." It is a common practice, but ignores the beauty and diversity of individual experience.

I doubt that you have caused great harm to your child. If your child underwent infant genital surgery, then great harm may have been done. You only mention gentle verbal statements, which I don't think will cause lasting harm to your child. It's hard in a world often dominated by pronouns like "she" and "he" to be totally gender neutral. You sound like an open and flexible parent, who seems to be willing to accept the gender identity that your child chooses. Also, I think that some going back and forth, in a child's mind about being a boy or girl, is probably a natural part of growing up, and may be more widespread that generally admitted.

Peter

[miriam]

I have two daughters, one is a very girly girl, the other is a tomboy. Both have XX-chromosomes. Neither one has an intersex condition. What I try to say is that this happens to a lot of children at a certain stage in their life. I think that you have to discuss this with a professional, probably a psychologist, but you have to be aware that not everything in your child's life is related to AIS.

BTW, how sure are you about the diagnosis?

Groeten, Miriam

[Sunshine1]

Hi Linda,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Different people have different theories about how children should grow up, but in the end they are just theories which may be unrelated to the real world. Because of stories like yours, an increasing number of people are saying that intersex children should be brought up free from the possible damage that early infant genital surgery can cause, and be allowed to express their own gender identity.

People with CAH, who identity as male, are increasingly becoming visible. In the world in intersex, it is not very helpful, in my view, to use phrases like "Most people with X condition, identify in Y manner." It is a common practice, but ignores the beauty and diversity of individual experience.

I doubt that you have caused great harm to your child. If your child underwent infant genital surgery, then great harm may have been done. You only mention gentle verbal statements, which I don't think will cause lasting harm to your child. It's hard in a world often dominated by pronouns like "she" and "he" to be totally gender neutral. You sound like an open and flexible parent, who seems to be willing to accept the gender identity that your child chooses. Also, I think that some going back and forth, in a child's mind about being a boy or girl, is probably a natural part of growing up, and may be more widespread that generally admitted.

Peter

Hi Peter,

" People with CAH, who identity as male, are increasingly becoming visable. In the world of intersex...." I think you are talking about women with CAH that even after their adrenal gland is medically treated for the lack of cortisol that they feel male gendered. But from the way written at least to me it looks like CAH is only female and some ID as women and other women with CAH - then ID as men. The medical condition of Congentical Adrenal Hyperperplasia affects male babies (male chromosomes, male sex organs) nothing to do with intersex - they father children and females (female chromosomes, female sex organs) in an equal number. Always been a small but not insignificant amount of females with CAH that do even after medical treatment for the lack of cortisol do feel male gendered and there has been studies done because the people that matter ( not me) were curious if for the girl babies born with higher virilization if we would automatically Id as male and that was found not to be true. Much to there surprise they found that the degree of virilization of female babies wasn't a factor in if after treatment for the adrenal gland they felt they should be male. Male babies on the other hand always ID as male ...actually super male with the excessive androgens not being capped do to lack of cortisol. One mother told me that it is believed that male badies that were thought to of died from SIDS in the past actually may of had CAH.
It males that have CAH that really haven't been followed - CAH is a condition that has come a long way but lacks in education that it does touch male and female babies equally and we died from adrenal crisises. But the part that virilized baby girls and not so virilized girls perfer the male gender? the medical peeps been watchin someone born like me forever hence the suggestion of gender nutraul names (the docs suggested to call me Chris) and I'm lucky in my case that they did wait until five to see what gender I favored before they sliced me open for that big uterus they needed. Yeah like as a five year old I needed that but hey ....jokes on them and me because endos waited to treat the hashi thyroid that causes infetility and the gastro didn't pick up on the celiac sprue ..infertitity again w. gyno cancer finnishing it off ; ) The fixin of the adrenal gland is super thanks fro the cortisone but yep as for gender? like I tell my buds about CAH - as for women born with the condition? we are across the board in how we ID. I'm not really all that concerend about gender and consider myself well rounded. I think most with CAH would also and that is no matter if they hit the fairway more on the female side or male. The small amount of us that are born more virilized to waht the hell is that to looks just male externally have been poked with sticks when it comes to gender forever .... Ohhh my gosh she plays with a fucking truck and ohhh ok the ones that feel male can atually be prader 3 to prader 5 ( virilization degrees) We the smart fucks assumed that it would jsut be the prader fives but alas it isn't. See they used to recommend and some still do that someone born like me would of been better raised male which who the fuck are they to assume that? but others disagreed - been the subject of the fuckers( that count) imagination about gender before I was born from John Money to Milton Diamond. It's because of the excessive androgens in utero that I would wait (a bit )to find which way on the the gender maypole a female baby with CAH goes because even if it is a small % of girls that grow up with CAH that feel ...what the fuck? I feel male then surgery should be put off until then and that is one thing those fuckers at the U of Mich did right and they were curious abotu what gender I the fucking lab rat went to ....I don't think it matter which one to them and they felt it was there job to see which one and then to make it a go along with and this is the most important part - providing the proper function medical treatment for my adrenal gland that lacked cortisol.

I think gender comes easy to Us females (only female chromosomes, female sex organs) with CAH and that based on talking with others that have CAH we are at Home in both, one or the other gender and that only makes sense. But the medical info on males with CAH (male chromosomes, male sex organs) to help manage and support them with CAH is lacking and has nothing to do with intersex which is sad because the condition isn't being seen in the entire picture.

Hi Linda,

I don't know much about CAIS except that people lack androgen. Maybe she is interested in your reaction?

Aimee

[Peter]

I am very sorry. I guess that I need new eyeglasses, for when I originally read Linda's post, I saw CAH rather than CAIS. I hope that my message contained enough information of a positive nature to be of some general help.

Peter

[Dianne]

Oh my gawd Linda! Kayleigh sounds like EXACTLY the mirror image of me when I was a child! I was being raised as a boy but my identity was strongly female right from infancy. The I.S. issues would have been so much easier to deal with if my adopted Mom hadn't been determined to change my self-identity. I am so glad you are asking questions and reenforcing the love - that's what Kayleigh needs most of all! Try to be open and accepting and let her explore her own identity and find her place in the world.

[neko2]

I have to ask the same question as Miriam - Are you sure she has CAIS? Although with the family history, it does seem pretty likely.

The dental problems you describe may be due to something other than CAIS. It could be hormone related, but bone and teeth problems happen with many types of hormone disorders, so it could be a lot of things.

Is it possible for a child to have gender identity issues at this age? Yes, it's possible. I'm not going to answer your second question. Instead I'm going to tell a little story.

Some of my earliest memories are being criticized by my mother for reasons I didn't understand. Usually it was over what I was wearing. I don't know how old I was, maybe 5 or so. I was too young to remember clearly, but I do remember that by the time I was in grade school I had learned that there were certain things I couldn't tell my mother. And over time that list of things got longer, and started to include things like if I did something bad, or if I got a bad grade on something at school. And then not wanting to have friends over since I was afraid of what my mother would say. Do you see where this is leading?

It seems Kayleigh has learned one thing that she has to hide from Mom. The real question is how long is that list of things going to get?

[Dianne]

Linda: I thought you might be interested in this. It is something I wrote aimed at younger people (teens) but I think conveys the situation through the eyes of a child.

The Strange Case of Little Jane

There was a little girl, born quite some time ago, who had a most unusual experience. Oh, it did not start out as unusual, to be sure, and it did not end as unusual, but was certainly peculiar for awhile!

Little Jane was not unlike other girls. As a young child she quite enjoyed the same things other little girls enjoyed - tea parties, swinging on the swing, singing to herself as she picked wild flowers, dressing the family cat in doll's clothes and pushing him around the neighbourhood in a baby carriage, rolling down a grassy hill and giggling, or simply giggling with the other girls long after they had all forgotten what they were giggling about. Little Jane was a happy child, full of songs and smiles. To Little Jane, adults were a bit strange though and she couldn't understand why some of them thought she was a little boy - "No silly, I'm a girl!", but adults didn't know much anyway. . . .

When things are good, they don't always stay that way. Sometimes bad things happen.

By the time Little Jane started school it seemed that some of the other girls had gotten dumb to - maybe they listened to some of the dumb adults? - "We don't want to play with you anymore because you are different." they said. Poor Little Jane didn't understand this. She knew she was sort of different "down there" but just thought some girls WERE "different" that way. She didn't understand why "different" was important. She looked at the boys playing in the school yard but they were "yucky", they played so rough and did silly things; no she didn't want anything to do with them so she contented herself with her own solitary play. Things weren't as nice as they once were, but it was ok; Little Jane had faith that everything would work out and that things would get better.

Sometimes when things aren't very good, they get worse.

When little Jane was about 8 years old, it seemed that EVERYBODY was getting dumb! Why did everybody keep thinking she was a boy? Are they all blind? Are they all deaf? Could there be something wrong, REALLY wrong? Little Jane knew the truth but was beginning to wonder . . . . Still she had faith that everything would work out. She knew that she would reach an age where a girl blossoms into a young woman - THEN everything would be ok, THEN everybody would see how silly they had been and stop saying such ugly and hurtful things about her!

Sometime hope is not enough; sometime life holds disappointments.

Little Jane began to see her friends blossom into womanhood and, nearing her 13th year Little Jane reached her own Magic Time. Her stick-like shape began to change, a little, her flat chest began to bulge (a little) into breasts, and her hips actually had some shape, a little and then NOTHING! Everything seemed to stop! As her girlfriends became young women, Little Jane seemed to be stuck! Other girls started talking about "time of the month" - that never happened for Jane and Jane's "difference" didn't go away.

Poor Little Jane was confused and terrified. What was happening??!! She couldn't talk to her Mother - her Mother was one of the dumbest adults and even used to punish Little Jane for being a girl and wanted Jane to pretend to be a boy. Jane knew she needed to see a doctor and find out what was wrong but her Mother wouldn't hear of it! At least some of Little Jane's girlfriends and some of the boys finally seemed to be getting less dumb and seemed to realize that Jane WASN'T a boy - that was a great relief for her!

Sometimes a little "relief" makes things more complicated!

About this time, Little Jane met a certain boy at school and they became great friends. She never told him that she was madly in love with him, but he probably knew. He never told her that he REALLY liked her, but she knew. But it was ever so complicated because so many people were still dumb and thought Little Jane was a boy! It was good for Little Jane to be so much in love, to discover her capacity to love, and it was good to have such a good friend, until it got even more complicated! They were alone together on a quiet evening when he took her in his arms and kissed her passionately on the lips, a long lingering kiss, and Little Jane felt the lightning from the tips of her toes to the top of her head! OH MY! There was suddenly a WHOLE LOT of feelings that Little Jane had never experienced before, never suspected, some in her mind, some in her heart, and a whole lot in her body. Suddenly she understood the power of "this boy/girl thing". It was good, VERY good, but it was also bad, VERY bad . . . there was the matter of "the difference" - it wasn't possible to be fully herself, no matter how much she wanted to, and the moment passed but left poor Jane to deal with a whole bunch of new feelings.

Still there was no one to talk to, no one to understand, no one to help, and Jane was left to cope as best she could.

Jane and her beau remained very close but were very careful not to get TOO close again for fear of what might happen the next time and Jane got by the best she could with the rest of her life but it was ever so much harder now, now that she knew the extent of her capacity as a woman, what she was capable of and what she was not. There was little else she could do until she reached an age where she could take charge of her own life and make her own decisions. In a few years, her beau, with apologies, said that he really needed to "move on" but they would remain friends, which they did, but that to was awkward as their feelings for each other never waned and Jane had no place to "move on" to.

Finally, in desperation, Jane secretly sought out medical help, a doctor to examine her and tell her why she was "different" than other girls, and she learned about how the human body develops as a fetus, how it becomes male or female, and how sometimes things go wrong and a baby is born that is neither fully male nor fully female. She learned that, in the "old days", doctors thought any baby could be made to be a boy or a girl by the way it was raised and sometimes doctors "corrected" miss-formed little bodies to make them look more male or more female and thought they were doing a good thing. Jane also discovered that her own body was one of those that was "missing parts", things that failed to develop properly (or to develop at all) in those first few critical months of life and that the doctors where she was born had tried to "fix" things but had "fixed" them the wrong way.

At least now she knew, she understood, but it was only a small comfort. Until Jane came of legal age, her mother would prevent any meaningful treatment, treatment that would finally put things right, so Jane waited until she came of age. Waiting was not easy but she waited.

When Jane came of age and had mustered the resources to finally resolve the deformity, she left her childhood home, all her friends, and everything she had ever known. With only a suitcase she set out for a new life.

Life was kind to Jane after that. She blossomed into a vivacious and funny young woman, sympathetic, loving, understanding, and outgoing - the kind of woman everybody loves to have as a friend. She had learned much about understanding and compassion and never forgot how important those things were to her when she was confused and alone.

The story does not end here - it is still being written - but the rest is "happily ever after".

[Sofie]

Another issue is that her teeth have started to erode already.
.... Do you think this is hormone/bone degenerated related?


Hi Kayleighsmom,
I have taken Calcium & Fluoride chewing-tablets since I was 4 and this really helped a lot.

[kayleighsmom]

Hi Linda,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Different people have different theories about how children should grow up, but in the end they are just theories which may be unrelated to the real world. Because of stories like yours, an increasing number of people are saying that intersex children should be brought up free from the possible damage that early infant genital surgery can cause, and be allowed to express their own gender identity.

People with CAH, who identity as male, are increasingly becoming visible. In the world in intersex, it is not very helpful, in my view, to use phrases like "Most people with X condition, identify in Y manner." It is a common practice, but ignores the beauty and diversity of individual experience.

I doubt that you have caused great harm to your child. If your child underwent infant genital surgery, then great harm may have been done. You only mention gentle verbal statements, which I don't think will cause lasting harm to your child. It's hard in a world often dominated by pronouns like "she" and "he" to be totally gender neutral. You sound like an open and flexible parent, who seems to be willing to accept the gender identity that your child chooses. Also, I think that some going back and forth, in a child's mind about being a boy or girl, is probably a natural part of growing up, and may be more widespread that generally admitted.

Peter

Thank you for your insight Peter. You are right that my husband and I are very accepting at what K-bear chooses for herself. We just want her to grow up healthy and happy and whatever gender she chooses for herself will be fully accepted by us and the entire family - including aunts and uncles. It has been known for basically my entire life that I could have a child with CAIS and my mother-in-law actually went to genetic counseling with us so everyone is fully aware of her condition.

I appreciate you reassuring me that I haven't harmed her. Sometimes people project their bad childhood or adult experiences on to others without actually LISTENING or knowing (or wanting to know for that matter) the whole story.

Sincerely,

Linda

[kayleighsmom]

I have two daughters, one is a very girly girl, the other is a tomboy. Both have XX-chromosomes. Neither one has an intersex condition. What I try to say is that this happens to a lot of children at a certain stage in their life. I think that you have to discuss this with a professional, probably a psychologist, but you have to be aware that not everything in your child's life is related to AIS.

BTW, how sure are you about the diagnosis?

Groeten, Miriam

Hi Miriam,

She is definitely CAIS - third generation and has been tested twice. I also have 2 daughters, one being girlie-girlie and the other being a tomboy. I guess that's why I kept with the mindset that I would just assure my "tomboy" - who also happens to be CAIS that she was a girl because I was thinking along those same lines that everything is not related to CAIS and also that the other members of my family who have it do not have gender issues. I just was starting to fear that I was confusing her.

Thanks for the input - it's all very helpful.

Sincerely,

Linda

[kayleighsmom]

Oh my gawd Linda! Kayleigh sounds like EXACTLY the mirror image of me when I was a child! I was being raised as a boy but my identity was strongly female right from infancy. The I.S. issues would have been so much easier to deal with if my adopted Mom hadn't been determined to change my self-identity. I am so glad you are asking questions and reenforcing the love - that's what Kayleigh needs most of all! Try to be open and accepting and let her explore her own identity and find her place in the world.

I'm sorry you have had such a hard time with your mom. That must have been so difficult.

Believe me, I'm very sympathetic to my daughter having grown up with 2 sisters with CAIS who I'm very close to. I've always said I would be a surrogate for them if they ever wanted children although the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet. I grew up watching them struggle with different issues and since we were orphaned, we were all each other had. With that being said, I'm not insensitive at all or would deny her creating her little niche in the world. I just want to help her and not inadvertantly send her the wrong message.

Thanks for your input!

Sincerely,

Linda

[kayleighsmom]

Some of my earliest memories are being criticized by my mother for reasons I didn't understand. Usually it was over what I was wearing. I don't know how old I was, maybe 5 or so. I was too young to remember clearly, but I do remember that by the time I was in grade school I had learned that there were certain things I couldn't tell my mother. And over time that list of things got longer, and started to include things like if I did something bad, or if I got a bad grade on something at school. And then not wanting to have friends over since I was afraid of what my mother would say. Do you see where this is leading?

It seems Kayleigh has learned one thing that she has to hide from Mom. The real question is how long is that list of things going to get?

You know this doesn't really apply to my questions. Just because you had a bad experience with your mother does not mean that I'm critisizing my daughter. That's the farthest thing from the truth. I think you are projecting the problems you had growing up on to this situation and it doesn't even really appear to me that you actually read my post. I'm very open and flexible and all my children talk to me openly - including my almost 14 year old. But if you are still questioning, maybe you should read my other posts dating back to a year and a half ago when we found out. I am and have been very sensitive and sympathetic to all my children and their individual needs.

Keep it to yourself unless you can answer my questions without projecting on to me.

Linda

[kayleighsmom]

[QUOTE=Dianne]Linda: I thought you might be interested in this. It is something I wrote aimed at younger people (teens) but I think conveys the situation through the eyes of a child.

Dianne,

You have a wonderful gift of writing... very touching story. However, maybe you didn't read my post or my other posts concerning my daughter. I don't have a problem accepting who she is and getting her treatment as I've grown up with CAIS my whole life and am no stranger to the problems/issues that need to be dealt with.

Thanks for the input,

Linda

[kayleighsmom]

Hi Kayleighsmom,
I have taken Calcium & Fluoride chewing-tablets since I was 4 and this really helped a lot.


Hi Sofie,

do you have CAIS? I'm just wondering because I didn't know if the hormone problems/bone problems started this young in CAIS patients. I know that my sisters didn't start having those sorts of problems until adulthood.

Thanks for your reply,

Linda

[Dianne]

However, maybe you didn't read my post or my other posts concerning my daughter. I don't have a problem accepting who she is and getting her treatment

Yes, I read your post and know you are being supportive. Posting that story was in no way intended as a criticism of your handling of the situation but as a contrast.

Sorry for any percieved slight! You are doing well.

[kayleighsmom]

Yes, I read your post and know you are being supportive. Posting that story was in no way intended as a criticism of your handling of the situation but as a contrast.

Sorry for any percieved slight! You are doing well.


No no sweetie! I thought your story was mesmerizing and well-written. And I did get that you were talking about you. I know you weren't trying to criticize me at all. Sorry if I came off sensitive... I don't mean to... it's just that these kids are my world and I'm trying to do my best by them. I would never do anything to hurt them.

Can I ask you a question? If your mom, dad, friends could have done something differently to help you better adjust what would it be? I don't know if there is a "right" way to handle things although I do know most of the "wrong" things to do unfortunately from my sister's experiences. Mostly I'm just trying to love her and keep her safe. I want the world to be hers!

Enough babbling from me. Thanks for your insight.

Sincerely,

Linda

[Dianne]

If your mom, dad, friends could have done something differently to help you better adjust what would it be?

Mom was the problem. She wasn't too bright and I think the doctors said "Raise it as a boy and everything will be fine." (that's what they thought in those days) so she never backed off an inch; actually she became even more strict as I got older. Her mother (who lived with us) would say "For god's sake, leave the kid alone!" but that would just inflame tempers. All Mom had to do was back off and let me find my own way but she never did. She even ignored the physical changes at puberty - as if ignoring them would make then go away! I haven't seen her in decades and have no interest in seeing her.

Dad was a gem! His attitude was "Do what you need to do, whatever makes you happy."

My friends were pretty good. Oh, I took a lot of teasing and some abuse for being a "feminine boy" in early school but by my teens it was obvious to all my friends that I "fit" with the girls and not with the boys. Children and young teens seem to have less trouble with "difference" than adults do.

[Sofie]

Hi Sofie,

do you have CAIS? I'm just wondering because I didn't know if the hormone problems/bone problems started this young in CAIS patients...
No, I don't have CAIS (it had something to do with the pituitary gland, I think). Any time I stopped taking calcium, my teeth became carious. And it got worse as soon as I started to grow in height, and I started growing very early.

[Kailana]

Have Kayleighs Doctors reccommended a bone density tests? Sometimes the teeth can be a good indicator of Bone developement problems. I have nephews with very soft teeth, some have been pulled they only take iron supplements, witch is also something that i took as well, i am not CAIS, so i dont know how things can very with CAIS, in my extended family:cousins and aunts uncles, there are many conditions from CAH, epilepsi, hashimoto's disease, and turners syndrome. i have recently found out that several of my cousins are also seeing endo's, they are also quite open aout what cconditions they have. It is also very comforting to see that your family is very open to how you raise Kaileigh. My family is mixed with there feelings, there seems to be a little guilt, and a little shame. yet there is still plenty of love. Wishy washy at times. I would offer the advice that you seem to allready be offering to Kaleigh. Just be there, let her decide whether she is a girl or a boy, My knowledge of CAIS is somewhat limited. From what Doctors say is advisable " raise as a girl due to the lack of the abilty to process testosterone, its a better outcome in the end", to my own beleif of , raise as a girl, only because it is easier latter in life to decide if she chooses to be a man, Society seems to accept that gender change easier even is she would make a poor male by phenotype(look like a man). In this case, he acknowledges himself to be a man. What that body says he is really doesnt matter. As it is, She may be happy as a woman, is she percieves herself to be a woman. Just wait and see. And let her decide how she wants to live, who she wants to love. When she askes a question, answer to the best of your ability so that she can understand that she is a very special person, shes unique, and she can be whatever she wants to be. i also beleive that all children question who they are, or what they want to do later in life, you did ask weather she is having a gender identity problem. Maybe she is, or maybe shes just being a kid, Ask her, shes the one who knows. Thank you for you post. i did find it very inciteful. I also hope my words dont offend or, i hope that may help, i have found that i personally just want my family to accept me, love me, and be there for me when i need them.
Thanks for reading.
Kailana S. Alaniz

[jenny]

Kayleigh seems lucky to have a supportive family. I have CAIS. I wasn't diagnosed til i was 15 years old. Looking at my life, I am often tempted to think everything is related to my CAIS...I have often been a tomboy who would rather play with boys...but I have also always loved to play dress up in very girly clothes. Where I am going with this, is that I'm not sure how much of my behavior is related to CAIS and how much is not. I know many girls who do not have CAIS who share many characteristics that I have. I am just thinking that as much as we know about the body and intersex conditions, there is so much more that we don't know. If you love her, and make a concious choice not to inhibit her self expression and developement, which it sounds like you are doing, then you are on the right track no matter what. I wish you and Kayleigh and your family the best.

[neko2]

Linda - I really wasn't trying to be insulting. It was just a story about what can happen when people try to avoid certain subjects and not talk about them. I'm glad that you talk openly with your children.

I've heard stories of variable gender expression among people with AIS. I know that on some plastic surgery forums there are stories of people asking for hair transplants into the beard area because they otherwise have no facial hair. Most of these cases are probably due to some form of androgen insensitivity. I don't know how common such cases are, but it happens. I think it's a little early to discuss such things in relation to a four-year-old.

More calcium is probably good, as long as it is within reason. Excessive amounts of calcium can lead to kidney stones and other problems, so doing something silly like taking many times the recommended amount isn't going to help.