Self-Sacrifice

[Priestess]

I think that perhaps it's noble to sacrifice yourself for others, and I haven't done enough honorable things in my life.

There is someone here who I've hurt, indirectly at least. Who deserves to be here but who won't be coming back as long as I'm visibly around. You know who you are.

I can't stay much longer anyways. I'm typing with just my right hand, because I can't control three of the fingers on my left. I can leave, step out of public view now, to let other people have their forum back. Better than hording the stage.

You're all good people, and deserve the best in life. Except for a few sneaky ones, who're probably more misdirected than evil. They know who they are.

grazi, and ciao.

[Peter]

I think that perhaps it's noble to sacrifice yourself for others, and I haven't done enough honorable things in my life.

>>> I am not aware that anyone here has asked you to sacrifice yourself. Like other people here, I suspect you will keep posting as long as you feel a need to. <<<

There is someone here who I've hurt, indirectly at least. Who deserves to be here but who won't be coming back as long as I'm visibly around. You know who you are.

>>> We have had our differences, but you are not the reason that I do not post here as much as I used to. I support the activities of BLO in my own way, but do not feel a need to post my personal story here at this time. I do like reading other peoples' posts. <<<

I can't stay much longer anyways. I'm typing with just my right hand, because I can't control three of the fingers on my left. I can leave, step out of public view now, to let other people have their forum back. Better than hording the stage.

>>> I think that you have horded the stage in some ways. I have a personal rule, that if someone posts over 30 times on an intersex forum and that if by that time they have not made a good case for being intersex, when they claim to be intersex, then I do believe that they are hording the stage for reasons unknown. I am not saying that anyone has to provide a definitive medical diagnosis, but the story has to be convincing in some sense. I do not apply this rule to parents and other allies who come here seeking general information and support. <<<

You're all good people, and deserve the best in life. Except for a few sneaky ones, who're probably more misdirected than evil. They know who they are.

>>> And who is the sneaky one? To me, in the end, this again comes down to someone calling intersex people misdirected and possibly evil. I have heard that message all my life. I know that intersex people often take a bad rap for supposedly being intolerant, but other people sometimes don't see what we see. It's all a matter of power and perspective in my mind, but don't get me started on that complex topic...<<<<

grazi, and ciao.


>>>Peter<<<<

[Priestess]

Last post, I promise myself.

Peter, I've felt guilty over {prince...ss?}.
There were only two people who knew her personal info in order to reveal it to Curtis Hinkle. Me, and you. A perusal of Jelsoft faqs reveal that it's easy for a mod to read any pm's they choose. I can't prove to anyone else that it wasn't me.
I feel guilty because after someone tried to shut down my internet access, I assumed it was her. Which I shouldn't have. It could have been anyone who knew what my email address was, and had a problem with me.

Feel what you like about whether I'm IS enough to 'deserve' being here, medical tests still show the facts of an endocrine system that is either female or else gone completely haywire. Either way would give me the 'right' to stay.
It's hard to swallow, for doctors who have no experience with non-standard bodies. So of course, I get an endo who urged me to "stop doing it to myself' before I suffered permanent harm (or worse). So much easier to blame the patient than it is to think outside of the box.

Here, not here, it doesn't matter. The gender I choose to live by, it doesn't matter either. That's all dust in the wind. The only solid reality being that my physical health conditions remain until they are solved, or they take my life. Their tests have found their answers, whether they would have accepted those answers, or as it happened they didn't.

And this is such a great place to 'deserve' to be. A very few people posting and trying to show some humanity to others. Where are the other active members when they haven't very occasionally showed up to expound on gender theory and politics or just to argue? Where are the 800+ ? This place was originally formed with high ideals, where are they now? For anyone who was honestly seeking answers or seeking refuge from (for example) having their entire concept of themselves and their life pulled out from under their feet - for anyone with a need, can it honestly be said that the prevailing anger and negativity and overall lack of humanity- would get this forum extra points as a 'must visit' place?

What's making the present day BLO forums any better than a 1000 other heartless places online, where no one cares, and no one would help even if they could? It may be no worse than all those, but still. To say our mindset here is nothing more than a symptom of the internet's dehumanity I think is just a cop out.

I'm saying goodbye, because I lack the lifeforce to be on earth. I can only find enough energy to type in short bursts, and rest in between. I came back for a night, because your attitudes offend me, and because 'Androgynous' needed someone to speak to him, someone being me because no one else was rushing to the task. Think I'm a hog? where's all the other support to take my place?

Bye. I'll contact Betsy privately later.

[Priestess]

And you've picked up Maria's method of quoting too, omg :shades_sm

[Peter]

Priestess,

You wrote:

"Peter, I've felt guilty over {prince...ss?}.
There were only two people who knew her personal info in order to reveal it to Curtis Hinkle. Me, and you."

This is totally false. I have no clue to the real identity of the person who posts as prince...ss, and for you to suggest that I revealed this information to Curtis Hinkle is highly irresponsible. If you think that someone revealed the real identity of prince...ss to Curtis, why not just ask Curtis where he got the information from? How do you know that Curtis even knows the real identity of prince...ss? Like much of what you post, it does not add up in the end, and leaves people wondering. I know that you might find this hard to believe, but I wish you well, and hope that you can resolve your medical problems, and find a way to live in less pain. I appreciate that you are concerned about people who have bodies that are often considered by society to not be normal. I do have some anger towards you, but sometimes it is best not to say things that would only be destructive and hurtful in the end.

Peter

[prince....ss?]

Just to start let me say I thought you to be a friend, and I still do. I would never attempt to bring harm to a friend in any way. So now that you know it was not me, well all is well again, no harm done and there is no need for apologies.

Second I don’t care if Curtis has my personal information. I offered to give it myself if requested. I just don’t like it openly posted for the sake of the local snoops that would love to have something to gossip about. I am not hiding, but I’m not waiving any banner either.

Thirdly, BLO as in Betsy and Peter both were prepared to do legal battle to protect what little personal information they have on me. I trust the both of them completely and it is wrong of you to accuse Peter of such things. And you are doing great harm making these accusations; they would ever do such a thing.

I have not been posting lately primarily for two reasons. First, there have not been topics of any substance worth responding to. Second I’m just flat busy. Work has me running wide open and when I get home I don’t have much energy left.

I hope this clears things up.

Prince….ss?

[Priestess]

Thank you Princess,
Now I can leave in peace, and without remorse.

[Kailana]

Hi again
I will miss seeing you post Priestess, you happen to have a much more similar history with your doctors like me. I read alot of same crap acceptance that i have had to deal with for the last 13 years. i wish it hadn't of worked out that way. However, it did. I also have alot of angst toward some in the medical community. Mostly to do with lack of information though. For some it seems that there is just so much info being passed back and forth from one medical profession to another. Once labelled delusional, and well your nearly screwed. It took some extremely cariing and compassionate people, My current general practitioner, and my endo, too accept that yah ok so i happen to be right, well now, what can we do to help you to move forward, rather then stay stuck in a rut.
So theres some serious trust issues with Doctors, that happens some times. While i may rant and rave from time to time. overall i am a much nicer, happier person. Still coping with stress, and a little depression, often when i read other peoples posts. It brings out a lot of rage that i have let bottle up for years. i am working on that tooo. I am very out and open about what i am and what i have experienced, it i believe is a whole lot better then feeling ashamed about my body. So i type alot, rant alot, complain and argue alot too. I suppose some of the members here might from time to time be annoyed with me. Noone to date has pm me and said cut if out, i feel that that is whgy i keep coming here. Acceptance here is astonishingly good. Personal belief " This is what is missing in society", "Doctors don't get that, there training over the last 50-60 years has led them astray, Some have come to acknowledge the harm done on innocent helpless children", Some have not, there are those who still think that early cosmetic surgery is still the best least tramatic solution. Time has shown that its not the Surgery thats so much of the problem, its the shame and secretcy thats the problem.

For Peter, i think that many of your posts are extremely well thought out and very informational. I appreciate your posts alot. I have found them to also be helpfull too.

For Princ..,,ss same thing, i also have found your posts to be inspiring and beneficial to my own well being. so you may not post as often, or just when you have something to say, i think it helps alot of many people. So thank you too.

For everyone else, and for those who havent found the strength yet, know that here there is a place with many people popping in and out off, some who are looking for, some who have found, and some who provide, acceptance, friendship, and a little knowledge, and maybe from time to time even i can provide a little wisdom that may benefit another.

Peace and happiness to all