newbie

[short311fan]

hello, umm..... don't even know what to say, except that i'm a newbie to the site, and i hope that this place can give me some insight into whatever the heck is going on inside my body, still waiting for the doc to come back with a complete diagnosis, but what we do know is that my hormone levels are waaaaaaay out of whack, i will never get my wife pregnant, and my parents hid a whole lot from me growing up apparently. thankfully, there's a site like this one out here, lets me know i'm not alone and that maybe i'm not so weird after all :)

. o O (well, that was harder to write than i thought! lol!) :wink:

:musical_n

[Priestess]

Hello short311fan :sign16:

Yes, those first few posts can be awefully hard to write. But hopefully you'll be able to find out what your diagnosis is and things won't get any harder to talk about once you find out.

Oh, I hope this isn't nosey, but what would you like us to call you?

[short311fan]

:) i'm hoping that by findng this site, it gets easier to talk about, since i'm still in a state of perpetual shock after my last doctor visit..... as far as what to call me..... i could be a smart-allec here, but i will resist, lol, just call me brad :) thanks!

[Priestess]

:) i'm hoping that by findng this site, it gets easier to talk about, since i'm still in a state of perpetual shock after my last doctor visit..... as far as what to call me..... i could be a smart-allec here, but i will resist, lol, just call me brad :) thanks!

Hi Brad,
You can only be shocked once by all of this, and you sound likely to survive the new information. I think also you'll find that many of the people here know an aweful lot about hormone levels, so if you aren't completely satisfied with your doctor's opinion we may be able to give you another perspective.

[Kailana]

Yes Priestess(Melissa) has a good point. Many of us have some terrible experiences with lab reports and Doctors.

With all the years wonder why one things says this or why that says that, well many of us have a database of knowledge about how well unnormal hormone levels can be.

Should you feel up too it. Many of us could help you understand what everythign means. Most doctors kinda seem to brush over whats normal or not normal. or theytell you everything is fine, but whne you actually look and start comparing things. you find out that wel your levels dont fit at all.

If nothing else we can help you understand what is going on. Also offer some questions you should be asking your doctor too.

I remember quite well not knowing what to say/ask when i found out just how abnormal my hormone levels are.
Thanks for stoppping by and please come on back, your more then welcome here.

[short311fan]

wow..... it's so good to find people who know what you're going through..... it's just a little scary..... so used to feeling so alone on all of this, it's nice to finally have a chance to talk to other people..... don't even know what questions to ask! lol! anyways, thanks for the warm welcome! :)

[Priestess]

Well, whenever you feel comfortable with talking about the particulars, I'm sure everyone will be happy to help you think of answers and questions :star: New friends are always welcome

[Andre]

Brad,

I know it can be hard to express something when one is in shock. How does one go about explaining something that you yourself don't understand.

You could start with what the Doctor told you, the tests that were done and the findings. Those are facts, easier to mention.

What can be hard is how you feel about it. Take one at a time, as Priestess mentioned, when you are ready. Perhaps you can also start with a private message to whomever you please, maybe a one on one would be easier.

[short311fan]

ok, here goes..... when i was younger, i always had issues with shyness and insecurity, i could never help just feeling that maybe i was "different" (always kinda felt more feminine than masculine, but wrote it off as my older brothers having the masculine side of things covered, lol), though i was always a very intelligent kid, always did well on IQ tests and such, and actually almost got to skip a grade (yep, i'm a geek, lol)..... i didn't look like any of the other boys, i had longer legs and arms, and once i became a teenager, i started develpoing a "chest" and my hips widened somewhat..... also, when i was very young, i wore corrective braces on my calves because i had "abnormally shaped ankles", don't know if that matters or not, but once i became a teenager, other fun things began happening, like when i was 14 and my right knee swelled up one morning out of the blue so it looked like i had a grapefruit tucked uner the skin..... not pleasant..... around this time i also started having occasional bouts of depression, which i saw a therapist for..... well, the bone specialist i saw had some blood tests ran, but all i was told was "eh, you'll be alright, nothing to worry about", while my mom got a nice 30 minute closed-door consultation with the doc..... as far as i knew, it was mild tendonitis (it's never fully gone away, thy still swell now and then along with my ankles, and i've developed one heckuva case of carpal tunnel in my left wrist and hand, as i sit here, it's completely numb), so i wrote that off and moved on..... then i started noticing, the other teens were all starting to shave, they were "maturing" and their voices were deepening, while i seemed to be stuck at roughly age 12 (i still get pulled over for drivers' license checks cuz i look 15 at age 30, lol), no facial hair, almost no body or pubic hair, my voice never changed, nothing..... while this saves me greatly in buying razor blades, it's still mildly disconcerting, to this day i can barely grow a goatee..... i also had a hard time building any sort of muscles in my upper body, and since i wanted to play football like my best friend and older brothers, that was depressing, since in sports you have to have good upper-body strength, though my legs have always been very strong..... but, i wrote all of that off too, thinking maybe i was one of the "late bloomers", and moved on, kinda thinking in the back of my head there was something wrong, but learning easily to ignore it..... this went on until i got married and my wife and i decided to have a child (she already had one from a previous relationship, whom i'm adopting, but we both want more)..... we tried and tried, for 2 years, and nothing, nada, zip..... finally, i went and saw my family practitioner, who, after a sperm count, told me "there's nothing wrong, you're just infertile, sorry, there's nothing more i can do", and at that time, where i lived at, there weren't many alternatives for second opinions (i also had crappy insurance), so, even though i wasn't satisfied with those results, i lived with it..... finally, somewhere i came across an article about testicular cancer, and it mentioned KF and some of the symptoms, and i thought "ok, why does this sound like they're describing me?"..... so i've finally found a doc that's willing to run the proper tests and give me an honest diagnosis, now i'm just getting up the nerve to go in and have the tests ran, i'm scared to death of what they're going to find, and the fallout with all my friends, my family, and especially my wife.....

in short, i suppose i'm just looking for some clarity in all this, some sort of light at the end of what's seeming to be a very long tunnel..... i don't know if i'm just over-reacting to myself, if i'm just nuts, or if my concerns are legitimate..... but there's too many coincidences for my taste..... any thoughts?

[Kailana]

Andre made an excellent suggestion there. Sometimes sending a private message to someone can be easier then making a coment to the whole board.
As for questions to ask, well thats a bit more complicated as you kinda need to have some bases for a question to make sense. Best advice i can really give a tthe moment is to get copies off all the lab reports. As far as Karyotyping goes, Bucceal smear is best way to go, the blood Karyotyping is not vary accurate, it can detect some variations in genetics, but isnt really reliable as it misses alot as well. Even amongst the variations that it has been determined to be able to detect there is a high rate of misdiagnosis for. If you can do as much research as you can like at sights like Emedicine.com for hormone levels. Its a descent place to start. As far as any particularr condition goes well i would need alot more information to go off of. Too i shouldnt be trying to diagnos anything anyways as there are tons of possibilities. Best wishes and last thought, ask questions untill you understand what is being said.

[Andre]

Brad,

I can see why you are in shock. Certainly the prospect of testicular cancer is not a very warming thought. Still, could it be that in having found information of this type of cancer, you saw common conditions ? I am bordering hypocondriac although I am certainly not accusing you of that.

Also, have you gotten tested as Kailana mentioned ?

Most of us who find that they are infertile beg the question "why?". Klinefelter's is definately an option though what concerns me is your tendonitis as such a young age. Another common mis-diagnosis would be Lupus. It is not certain as to where the corrolation lies, but Klinefelter's and Lupus have a realationship in some manner.

All these are speculations and by no means are they accurate especially pertaining to you personally. Start with the tests and see where that goes, then you will know more and be a little more at peace with yourself.

[short311fan]

lupus? this gets better and better..... never heard of lupus being associated with those symptoms, but then again, i've never known anyone with lupus..... can lupus cause infertility? as far as being tested, i'm working on getting a doc appointment as we speak, may be a couple weeks.....

[Andre]

Again, this is highly inaccurate and may not be the case with you. I am not a Doctor or even close to it, I just know some things and relate it as I might mistakingly see it.

Have yourself tested, till then, you haven't got a clue and neither do I.

[Kailana]

for a starter im not a doctor or any sort of medical professional either. But i wouldn't worry about the testicular cancer that you have been reading about, in most of the conditions we seem to share its rather rare. As far as from what i just read in your story there, id suggest possibiliies of PAIS even Klinefelters, but there really isnt any way of knowing for certain. Until a Karyotype was done. Again i stress get a bucceal smear karyotype as the blood Karyotype is highly inaccurate for alot of the possible variations that are out there. And by no means are PAIS and klinefelters the only possibilities. there are tons of things that could influence why you developed the way you did.

Best of luck to you, be patient, be curtious, be kind
whatever you are, know that your one of many who just happens to be a little different. Your not alone, and you have friends should you wish to call on them.
Take care

[Priestess]

... i didn't look like any of the other boys, i had longer legs and arms, and once i became a teenager, i started develpoing a "chest" and my hips widened somewhat.....


Longer arms and legs is a sign that you were probably hypogonadic while you were growing up, your long bones not closing due to lack of estrone. Estrone is a by-product of aromatization, either estrogen or testosterone can produce it. Breast development can either mean gynecomastia, which can happen to normal teenage boys, again due to aromatization. But lack of that would tend to imply that the cause was a high level of estrogen in your system.



finally, i went and saw my family practitioner, who, after a sperm count, told me "there's nothing wrong, you're just infertile, sorry, there's nothing more i can do", and at that time, where i lived at, there weren't many alternatives for second opinions (i also had crappy insurance), so, even though i wasn't satisfied with those results, i lived with it..... finally, somewhere i came across an article about testicular cancer, and it mentioned KF and some of the symptoms, and i thought "ok, why does this sound like they're describing me?"..... so i've finally found a doc that's willing to run the proper tests and give me an honest diagnosis, now i'm just getting up the nerve to go in and have the tests ran, i'm scared to death of what they're going to find, and the fallout with all my friends, my family, and especially my wife.....


Your 30 now, and you've had these hormonal anomalies since the time you should have been having puberty. If it's been testicular cancer all this time, you've have died at least 10 years ago. So you shouldn't worry yourself to death over the fear.

Don't be afraid, there are so many other strange and interesting conditions you could have besides cancer. And some of them I think would also leave you in a bit of shock too.

If you've been trying and trying to father a child, without noticing umm functional problems, that narrows down the possibilities a lot. An untreated case of (KS, 47xxy) would fit the situation you've described. Or partial-AIS.
Unfortunately, both of those would mean you'd have a very difficult and expensive time trying to be fertile. A karotype would show the KS. I believe checking for partial-AIS would involve testing whether you currently have a low testosterone level or whether it's acceptable and being ignored by your body.

There are some more unusual conditions you could have, but see what the tests say. The lists of further possibilities depend on your dna and hormone levels.

[Onnineko]

lupus? this gets better and better..... never heard of lupus being associated with those symptoms, but then again, i've never known anyone with lupus..... can lupus cause infertility? as far as being tested, i'm working on getting a doc appointment as we speak, may be a couple weeks.....

I would be dis-inclined to think of lupus .. Certainly wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[short311fan]

whelp, at any rate, have a doctor's appointment next tuesday, seeked out and found the one doctor in town who is willing to get all the tests passed through my insurance, and who's the most blunt, to-the-point doctor who's not going to sugar-coat anything..... here's hoping my sinus infection is gone by then! lol :mrgreen:

[Priestess]

whelp, at any rate, have a doctor's appointment next tuesday, seeked out and found the one doctor in town who is willing to get all the tests passed through my insurance, and who's the most blunt, to-the-point doctor who's not going to sugar-coat anything..... here's hoping my sinus infection is gone by then! lol :mrgreen:

Oh, what tests were you planning on besides a karotype.? You originally said something implying they'd already found abnormal hormone levels.

[Onnineko]

At the very least you need to know:

Testosterone (Total, Free, and %Free)
Estrogen E2 Estradiol (Total, Free)
LH (Lutenizing Hormone)
FSH (Follicular Stimulating Hormone)
SHBG (Sex Hormone Binding Globulin)
A Lipids Panel (Cholesterol)

and then there are some others .. that .. might help.. depending on other results. Like:
Prolactin
Progresterone

But at the very least you want a Blood Karotype and FISH. The Buccal Smear is about as inaccurate as it is possible to get. Let me explain.. the Buccal Smear detects "Barr" bodies in the cells. Not very well, nor very accurately. But it is alot less expensive. If you test positive then the Doctor will submit you to other tests .. which if those prove true as well, then we can say with accuracy that the Buccal Smear was correct. Though we only really know that in hindsight. Barr bodies are only present in females and people Intersex (not quite female?). Everyone XXY has barr bodies. Other conditions have barr bodies .. if they're female to some degree.

[short311fan]

as far as previous tests, those were done years ago when i first started getting knee problems, probably when i was 14, but i was told there was "nothing to worry about"..... so we'll see what the new doc says..... nervous!

[Priestess]

as far as previous tests, those were done years ago when i first started getting knee problems, probably when i was 14, but i was told there was "nothing to worry about"..... so we'll see what the new doc says..... nervous!

Why nervous? Whatever this turns out to be, the doc is probably not going to be telling you that you've got some new condition which you haven't always had and lived with. Testicular cancer spreads too rapidly to be a likely candidate.

[short311fan]

yeah, but my thing is prevention..... i've read so much in the past few weeks leading up to now that im a bit freaked out, ya know? lol! i know i don't have testicular cancer, that's a bit on the painful side and kinda obvious, but it's not something i really want either.....

[Dana Gold]

If that form of cancer is of concern to either you or the physician you will be seeing (or have seen), then tumor marker tests such as carcino-embryonic antigen (CEA), alpha-feto protein (AFP), human growth hormone (HGH) human gorioinic gonadotropin (HCG) would be called for...usually after a testicular exam (palpation).......and confirmation (lab test: karytype and ones listed in prior post) of a diagnosis which indicates predisposition to such.

http://www.labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/tumor_markers/glance-3.html

Fear of the unknown is worse than the known...regard the doctor visit as a plus.

Dana

[Priestess]

Well, hopefully you'll be able to handle finding out.

Just to play a what-if game, what if he said it was something mild and relatively common, like kleinfelter's or partial ais ... would you be able to stand knowing?

[short311fan]

i'd rather know than not know, whether i'm medically "normal" (at least i would be in one category! lol!) or if there's something going on that i should know about..... just frustrated at being the only 30 year old "male" i know who can't grow facial hair, sounds like a 12 year old, looks like a 15 year old, is of "average" body weight but has a "chest" (and no, it ain't muscle), and is often mistaken for a girl from behind..... ah well, i'm sounding whiny now, must be my cold, lol

[Priestess]

i'd rather know than not know, whether i'm medically "normal" (at least i would be in one category! lol!) or if there's something going on that i should know about..... just frustrated at being the only 30 year old "male" i know who can't grow facial hair, sounds like a 12 year old, looks like a 15 year old, is of "average" body weight but has a "chest" (and no, it ain't muscle), and is often mistaken for a girl from behind..... ah well, i'm sounding whiny now, must be my cold, lol

Okay then, to offer a slightly different question. What if the doctor tells you that you've always been a female pseudo-hermaphrodite, looking male but essentially with a (abnormal) female biology. Could you stand knowing without this information breaking your sense of self? Would your marriage survive?

[short311fan]

i can't answer as to if my marriage would survive, i would like to think yes as my wife and i have been through a lot more than most couples..... but i'm at a point in my life where i have to know the because..... like in one of my favorite songs, "i'm tired of why's, choking on why's, just need a little because"..... i want to know the reasons that i am the way i am so i can deal with it, whatever it is, so i can maybe have a greater sense of self and a little clarity..... the way i see it, i am who i am, some label doesn't, to me, define who or what i am inside, it doesn't govern my personality, i am who i am warts and all..... just tired of having so many questions and no answers to go with

[Onnineko]

often mistaken for a girl from behind.....


Look at it on the bright side. You could be mistaken for a girl regardless of front or back, and only really different by tone of voice. Yet still forced to be male, by social convention.

There are alot worse places to be.

[Priestess]

Yes, answers are necessary, and the truth is important. Living in a life of illusion isn't so good.

What I meant was, by some reports from members here ... If for example a karotype found you with XX, the gov't would likely change your legal sex to "female", whether you want it or not. And stamp it on your driver's license for everyone to see, making you the girl named Brad. Even if you don't feel yourself as any different, the rest of the world will start acting kind of weird.

And then maybe some homophobic beurocrat would say that you and your wife are lesbians living together under an illegal same-sex marriage.

And then I could imagine the argument you might have with your parents about the secrets they kept from you.

I wasn't suggesting that you shouldn't find out, I'm just hoping that you're ready for the answers you might get.

i can't answer as to if my marriage would survive, i would like to think yes as my wife and i have been through a lot more than most couples..... but i'm at a point in my life where i have to know the because..... like in one of my favorite songs, "i'm tired of why's, choking on why's, just need a little because"..... i want to know the reasons that i am the way i am so i can deal with it, whatever it is, so i can maybe have a greater sense of self and a little clarity..... the way i see it, i am who i am, some label doesn't, to me, define who or what i am inside, it doesn't govern my personality, i am who i am warts and all..... just tired of having so many questions and no answers to go with

[short311fan]

neko: they do sometimes if i don't keep the sorry excuse for chin-fuzz, lol, gets a bit awkward.....

priestess: yeah, i know, and that bothers me a lot, knowing that the government can do that..... it's so wrong, it absolutely tears me up to even think it..... but, i'm hoping for the best here, which is that i'm concerned over a whole lot of nothing, that i'm completely wasting my time, and that there's nothing going on..... as far as my parents go, i'm probably not even going to really bring it up, they're both older (mid-60's) and not in the greatest of health themselves, and i don't want to stress them out or hold anything over their heads..... as far as the government actually changing my legal gender, like i said, it tears me up to know that it can happen, but at the same time, if that's what i am, i have to accept that and deal with that..... easier said than done, for sure, but nonetheless, if that's what i am, then that's what i am, and i'm ready for that..... as far as living under an illegal same-sex marriage, it kills me that there isn't some provision in the laws on that so if someone comes up with an intersex "condition" after being married that it would stand as is due to them not knowing prior..... either way, thankfully i have good insurance that would still cover my wife, lol

[Kailana]

hello there Shortfan a few posts back you mentioned you had alot of tests done when you were 14 and were told everything was normal, have you been able to get access to those records. i know from experience that it is often hard to get those. But if your lucky it may solve alot of your problems now wondering about the what ifs. It coudl be that you allready have the answers you are looking for in your old records. Just that your parents and doctors back then told you what they told you so as not to cause any trauma. Thats pretty normal standards in case of people with intersexed conditions. I dont know if you have tried looking at your old records. But there is a possibility that answers are in there.
Oh, also wanted to say that as far as the marriage goes should you be found intersexed or what not, usually gender assigned as a child tends to stick, and you need a whole lot of work to get that changed. I am not familiar with the post Priestess mentioned earlier about the person having being forced to change there gender by the government. I wonder what state that was in or if there are still links to that article?
anyways best wishes

[Priestess]

That was Jim Costich, he's mentioned a few details of what's been happening with him. I believe he lives in NY.

[short311fan]

here's hoping michigan isn't as bad as new york..... as far as those old records, i wouldn't even know where to begin looking..... gonna wait and see what this doc has to say, had to push back my appointment a couple of days, but that's ok..... in the meantime, just gonna keep on going like usual :)

[Onnineko]

Usually the place to start is the Hospital or Clinic where you were "studied" or "adjusted" or whatever. Just call them up and ask how you get copies of your records. They have a department for that usually.

[RGMCjim]

I was born with ambiguous genitals, they put female on my birth certificate but that didn't seem right and I was raised as a boy - very happily. I didn't start puberty and had medical problems from being hypo-gonadal as well as emotional problems feeling like everyone else was growing up but me. My mother wanted me seen in a gender clinic. My father wanted to take me to an endocrinologist his doctor suggested. My mother won and my life turned into hell. Finally pulled away from the gender clinic by my father I got to the endocrinologist who put me on testosterone replacement and finally I grew up!

I was left with fear of the medical establishment and never did get a complete workup for intersex until I was 44yrs. old. My karyotype showed that I am XX, have a tiny uterus and ovaries that don't work, and a sealed over vagina that was opened for me for sex and health care. Talk about a shock!! I think it took me a full year to digest the information. It turns out I have CAH in addition to progestin induced virilization.

It changed everything. It changed nothing. I'm the same man I always was, I just know my body for the first time in my life. I'm gay and have a lot of friends who I showed all this off to and everyone thought it was cool. My partner, as you can see is very happy with me.

You may learn new things about your body that really surprise or shock you. But you're still you, you just know more about yourself now. Your wife loves you because you're you and she'll love you more now that she knows more about you. This is, after all, your story. When all the crazy discoveries are over you'll still be you. I know there were times I felt like I was loosing my grip on who I was because my body seemed like it had kept secrets from me and was a stranger. But that really does pass.

2007 looks to be a big year for you!!

Jim Costich

[Priestess]

Jim, that explains almost everything. I'm left with only two questions. How was it that you were surprised when you found out? If your birth certficate said female, and that would be copied onto your driver's license and other id, how did you not know? And how come you didn't have legal identity problems all along?

[RGMCjim]

I didn't need a birth certificate to get a social security card, a drivers licence, a marriage licence or to adopt. I'm 49 years old and back then you only needed a birth certificate if you wanted a passport. My parents tried several times when I was young, and so have I to get my birth certificate changed but so far I've gotten no where.
When I was born I had ambiguous genitals. In 1957 the only way to figure out what I had inside was exploratory surgery and this was before anesthesia was good enough to use on babies, even if my parents would have submitted to it (they wouldn't). My parents told me that they put "female" on my birth certificate because I didn't have testicles, but that's not something I was told about until I was in High School. They were told I might actually be male but things might become more clear as I grew. In toddlerhood I looked like a boy, people called me a boy, and I called myself a boy. My parents figured it was a better match. The pediatrician told them it was important for everyone to be happy. My parents weren't looking at my genitals to tell them if I was a girl or boy because they looked "in between" and my Doctor had told them it wasn't an accurate way to tell on me. They were looking for other signs and those all pointed toward boy. I grew up very happily as the oldest brother of 3 brothers and countless neighborhood boys who all played at our house because my father made us the coolest jungle gym out of scavenged boiler pipe using his welding set. I was told my penis and testicles didn't "finish" growing so I looked different from other boys and couldn't have children when I grew up.
I had no reason to think I might have female organs inside. I didn't have a female puberty, and my vagina was closed over so not I or any of my sexual partners ever knew it was there. It's not like having those things inside me had any impact on my life as a man. Discovering my vagina didn't make me feel like a woman, just like a man with a vagina.
The craziness that many other intersexed people have been victim to didn't happen to me and I'm a whole lot better off than many because it didn't.

Jim

[rahul200791]

hello! i am from india and my symptoms are same as yours i want to talk to you share my views plz contact me

[RGMCjim]

Rahul,

Which one of us did you want to contact you?

Jim

[short311fan]

whelp, finally went into the lab today to start tests, they took the hormone tests and i have to give a, erm, *cough*sample*cough*cough*, doing that in the morning, finally gonna get the ball rolling on all this, been procrastinating for two weeks on that, wife is finally gently kicking me in the rear so i'll get it done..... just nervous, it's like, i have to know, but at the same time, i'm scared of what i'm gonna find out, it's like opening Pandora's box..... also found out i have tendonitis in my left wrist, which would explain the numbness and pain i get if i play guitar or drive for too long, so i got a nice brace for that that i've been putting up with for two weeks..... fun and interesting times afead, i suspect :)

[Priestess]

Good luck. Let us know what they say. Hopefully you won't get doublespeak.

[short311fan]

had to postpone the lab trip due to weather, we got buried here in michigan, Buffalo's got nothing on us! lol! so, moved to tomorrow morning, just glad it'll be over soon.....

[short311fan]

called the doc today to get my lab results, they mailed the details to me, but on the phone they were able to tell me that both the hormone test and the "sample" came back "highly abnormal"..... almost said "umm, duh!" to the nurse, but held my tongue, lol..... so, back to the doc next friday for round 2of testing, whatever that's gonna end up being..... on one hand, i'm elated, because i'm finally getting to the bottom of what's up with me, but on the other hand, i'm now scared to death, as if i just opened Pandora's box or something..... ah well, i'm getting answers, and that's what's important, right?

:wave1:

[Dianne]

I'm now scared to death, as if i just opened Pandora's box or something..... ah well, i'm getting answers, and that's what's important, right?

I just went back and re-read the entire thread (to refresh my memory) and I will say this about "answers" - they don't always make things easier.

I was put up for adoption as a boy and my adopted parents tried to raise me as a boy - bad idea! - didn't work - LOTS of conflict. I spent the first 40 years of my life thinking I was a MtF transsexual with some "hormone issues" (never had "male puberty", modest female development) but being from a small rural town (country quack doctor) and poor, the "problem" was never investigated. To make a long story short, when I was 40, I met my birth mother and, with what I learned, pieces started falling into place and a lot of the weird stuff from my childhood and adolescence started to make sense. (I wont go into details - long story)

I can not describe how incredibly ANGRY I was! Even 17 years later I get so angry I start to shake! (It is a good thing I never met Dr. John Money when he was alive - I might be doing "25 to life" for Murder 2!) I was/am angry about being lied to by people I trusted, about having things hidden from me "for my own good" while I was tearing myself up inside trying to figure out 'whats wrong with me?', for my medical problems being ignored so I wouldn't find out the truth. In some ways, I think I was better off thinking I was a MtF. (The only "good" thing is that at least NOW I am being treated to prevent further bone density loss from life-long low hormone levels.)

Are "answers" the most important? I don't think so. What is most important is your medical health and emotional happiness. I wouldn't say "Ignorance is bliss" but I would say that answers can really throw a monkey wrench into things.

Keep us posted on how things go. We care and we are always here to talk.

(I wish this forum was around years ago when I was trying to come to terms with everything!)

[short311fan]

that's the main reason i'm trying to get those answers, is to help prevent any possible health problems that might arise. as far as being angry, and answers causing more emotional pain, ya know, when i first started looking into "what's wrong with me" over two and a half hears ago, yeah, i was hurt that potentially my parents may have hid all this from me for my entire life and that this all may have been somewhat avoidable. but at the same time, i'm over it, not ecause they did what's best for me or whatever, because they didn't, but because it's in the past and those are things i can't change, those events can't be altered, and the scars left from all those emotional wounds will fade someday. as far as that idiotic dr. money, i gotta agree, someone should have.... nah, i won't say it! lol!

are a lot of the weird things from my own childhood beginning to make sense? sure. is it re-opening old wounds? absolutely. but at the same time, a lot of those old wounds were never closed, because they were never really resolved, because i never really had the "why" or the "because" that hopefully some of what i'm learning now can fulfill.

don't get me wrong, i agree completely that sometimes answers can cause more pain than good, but at the same time, i gotta know who, or what, i am.....

i'm here for you's guys too, ya got that? huh? huh? do ya? lol! rock on.....

[short311fan]

whelp, got the results of test #1, here goes....

volume = 2.3ml (normal = 2ml - 5ml)
count = 1.2million (normal = 75 - 150)
motility = 7% (normal = 80% - 100%)
abnormal = 88% (normal = <10%)

so, in essence, out of a whopping 1.2 million swimmers, a whopping 33.6k are healthy..... doc reeeeeally didn't wanna give me the results, he just kept saying "yeah, it was a little low and abnormal" until i insisted on hearing numbers, at which point he said "yeah, there probably is a problem, if you want i can have a T4 level done..... while we're at it, we may as well just do a CBC..... i should also do a thyroid and lipids panel just for good measure..... ya know, we should also do an SHBG...." lol..... the whole time, he's looking at my wife (she went with, i told her everything, she's actually being really supportive) and stammering, because he doesn't know how much she knows and he's trying not to freak her out, lol..... was kinda comical..... so today, i went and got the blood tests, and the doc agreed that if these are abnormal, he would send me to an endo for a karyotype, just to confirm what exactly is going on..... he couldn't believe that i haven't shaved in a month and have no hair on my cheeks, lol..... things are getting interesting, stay tuned :mrgreen:

[Enigma]

Hi!.
This is the first time I write something in this forum and I am still a bit lost. The steps to follow to register, write a post, etc. are a bit complex for me but I hope it´ll change in time.
Firstly, I want to apologise for my grammar mistakes but English is not my mother tongue.
I would like to have the chance to meet open-minded understanding people to share our points of view. It seems the right place for that.
Intersex is a relatively new issue in my life and, although I´ve been reading a lot of articles related to medical aspects, I miss a more personal perspective, a day by day experience.
I´ve noticed many of you may identify with one gender easily but, what happens to those who have a completely ambiguos anatomy and physical appereance?, because, even though they try to fit the expected roles and behaviour of the chosen gender, they are likely to be watched as really weird beings in many moments. I know someone in this situation and I am aware of the difficulties s/he has to cope with in his/her daily life. I don´t refer to this people with a "he" or "she" openly because, in spite of presenting "himself" as a man when situations require it, doesn´t truly feel one way closer than the other one. I´d like to hear similar people´s opinions if possible and I´d be really grateful with any sort of aportation anyway.
Thanks and lots of love.

[Enigma]

Hi!.
This is the first time I write something in this forum and I am still a bit lost. The steps to follow to register, write a post, etc. are a bit complex for me but I hope it´ll change in time.
Firstly, I want to apologise for my grammar mistakes but English is not my mother tongue.
I would like to have the chance to meet open-minded understanding people to share our points of view. It seems the right place for that.
Intersex is a relatively new issue in my life and, although I´ve been reading a lot of articles related to medical aspects, I miss a more personal perspective, a day by day experience.
I´ve noticed many of you may identify with one gender easily but, what happens to those who have a completely ambiguos anatomy and physical appereance?, because, even though they try to fit the expected roles and behaviour of the chosen gender, they are likely to be watched as really weird beings in many moments. I know someone in this situation and I am aware of the difficulties s/he has to cope with in his/her daily life. I don´t refer to this people with a "he" or "she" openly because, in spite of presenting "himself" as a man when situations require it, doesn´t truly feel one way closer than the other one. I´d like to hear similar people´s opinions if possible and I´d be really grateful with any sort of aportation anyway.
Thanks and lots of love.

[Kailana]

thanks for the update on the sperm count.

I was wondering, even though your count is low, is there a possibility of invitro fertilization. I was told at 15 1/2 that i would never father children, and told again at 18, 20 that i was sterile. Invitro back then was unheard of, or fairly new. Not that it matters to me anymore as i am transsitioning woman. But if there are at least some mobile sperm, is it possible that they could be found and used to impregnate your wife? Have you talked with your doctor about that. Or with your wife, regardless of what condition you may have. I do see some hope here as children, having children was mentioned in your earlier posts.

Would a consultation, refferal to a fertilization clinic be beneficial for you and your wife. I know and understand that you are still finding/searching for answers. I little information on me, I was told that i had extremely high progesterone levels at 22 years of age, During allot of tests, similar to the ones you are having done now. While it wasnt a perfect explanation, it is a contributing factor at least for me, to why i am sterile.

Mostly for Enigma and friend
I am actually 45X/46xy and while my testes dont work, my ovaries/ovotestes do. While Genetically i am almost male, some extra anatomy developed. Female essentially internally, From a mental state i have a female identity, self awareness i guess. My Gender identity is of a woman, and i am transitioning that way. I have a male body, whether that is from testes that might of worked better as a teen, or whether its from CAH, 1 abnormally overproductivve adrenal gland, Right adrenal was removed as an infant. or that i do have a Y chromosone, i am unsure which is responsible for the mostly male Body.
All the Lab tests, MRI's, Ultrasounds, they all are mixed as i am fairly mixed person at least from a anatomical and a genetic perspective. I still consider myself normal. I guess you could say i am a normal intersexed person, not quite male, not quite female. From a transsexual perspective, most people would consider me a male to female transsexual Woman. I on the other hand consider myself as a intersexed transsexual woman. Is there a difference, not really, at least from my perspective, this is just how i have come to my own acceptance of who and what i am. It does not mean that anyone else who is also intersexed, should be considered as a transsexual, or as an intersexed person. The self awareness of what one person is to themselves, is truthfully what is important. While at times i have varied opinions or even an argumentative logic when it comes to some topics such as gender, or what ever else might be discussed. I really just want to say is that, each person has the right, to identify as he or she, or they feel most comfortable. While there may be some rather ignorant people out there spouting hate towards groups of society, LGBT, groups. There are also a great many truely caring and understanding people too.

For Enigma and friend of:
Understanding is probably all that is really needed. If your friend wishes to chat with someone much like him/her. send a private message to me. Well i'll send one to you as it is usually easier. Have your friend view Bodieslikeours. There are a great many caring people here who understand what its like being confused, wondering what they are. Alot of us share so many parts of our histories, similar stories, that we do have a fair bit of knowledge and can provide a good deal of support. Please post again.

Thanks again Brad for sharing.
Take care