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This is a special place put here by special request. The grandmother of a child wanting her to meet other children asked that we provide a place to meet others in their area. Please use this space to make new friendships on behalf of your children. Meeting others with bodies like ours is key to our well-being. It is when we look in the eyes of another, whether as parents or as the child that we know for sure that we are not alone in our trials and tribulation.
What a wonderful opportunity we have been given to communicate with each other! As the grandmother of a 3 1/2 yr old intersexed child that our entire family loves to distraction I want her to know other kids like herself. Even at this young age I believe my granddaughter is already feeling different from the other kids at her pre school. I feel confident that she and all our children will be much happier if they know other kids like themselves. My daughter has tried and tried to get doctors, nurses, etc to either give us the names & phone numbers of other intersexed kids parents or give our names & numbers to them with absoloutely no success. I just pray with all my heart that this opportunity we have won't be ignored. I know how scary it can be to talk openly with someone you don't know but isn't it worth the risk if we can all somehow join together to help our precious children. In addition don't you think it would be wonderful if we could all have someone to talk to about the unique issues our families have?
Unregistered
05-13-02, 08:51 AM
Getting these children together is one of the most nurturing things you can do for your grandchild. Even at a young age, she'll know someone just like her. She won't ever know the isolation many of us struggled with throughout our lives.
Good luck in your quest!
Thank you for your good wishes! My daughter and I have been trying to find children for Emma to meet & play with since she was born. We share your feelings that it would be a great experience and confidence booster if IS kids knew each other as very young children. I long for this opportunity to see if she is more responsive to an intersexed kid than she is to other kids. She is a loner and we don't know if that's because she feel different or if that is just her personality. Her birth mom is also very slow to warm up to people so we know this could just be her. This is one of the problems with parenting an IS kid, or maybe it isn't & we just don't know any better. It seems that you have to second guess everything. Is this just her personality or is it because she is intersexed? This is a question that we ask ourselves over & over. Are we giving in to her too much hoping to build self confidence and a feeling of empowerment or are we creating a spoiled brat? Frankly, if we err we prefer to have a self confident brat than an obedient child that has no feeling of self worth or control of her life. Hopefully we can SOMEHOW reach a happy medium and any advice anyone has will be appreciated.
I wanted to take a minute to check out the boards and to join the parenting part. I am Debbie. 40 yr old single mom of Kelli--an 8 yr old intersex child. Kelli has had 4 surgeries on her genitals since birth and was raised for 11 weeks as "kyle"-male. If there are other parents who wish to contact me, please feel free. I have a goal to help other parents as well as intersexed indidviduals. My Kelli is going through a really rough period right now. Being supportive to others will be great. And learning from others will be great too!
So very happy to have a parent join this early!! This gives me a very positive feeling that we may be successful in forming a mutual support group. Our Emma has only had one surgery and we do not plan on doing anymore until she is old enough to decide for herself. I know that most of the help sites totally condemn pretty much any surgery so I was hoping for a place where we could all find support without condemnation no matter if we did or did not have surgery. Regardless, I suspect we will all face many of the same problems. Debbie, feel free to email me directly if you would prefer as I know this is new and a little scary for all of us. I do not have your email address so can't contact you directly. If we hang in there we can build a STRONG group for us and our children. By the way, we live in Florida.
I know that I'm "out of bounds" since my adopted son is not IS, but I just wanted to take a minute to thank you parents for coming here.
Growng up was always hard not having parents who were educated about what it means to be IS, and what to do for me. That's why it makes me so happy to see you guys reaching out to be educated for your children, and also to find out from other IS individuals what to expect.
So be encouraged that you will have support from IS people to answer your most intimate of questions as to try to help you better understand what is to come for your beautiful children. And thanks again for reaching out for the sake of your child. :)
God bless,
CR
You most certainly are not out of bounds by posting to we parents of IS children. We welcome any comment and are always here for anyone. Thanks for taking your time to say those very encouraging words.
Thanks Debbie!
CR...it is our hope that we--the adults--will be able to share our experiences growing up with the parents now facing what our parents, birth or adopted, did with us. The power of community is pretty strong, and even stronger when it crosses generational lines. Please share your expertise and knowledge wherever you see fit on these boards, and elsewhere.
Best,
Betsy
Betsy I couldn't agree more with you! I strongly feel that we as IS adults have a wonderful chance to help encourage and support the development of IS kids, and hopefully give them a better opportunity growing up then what most IS people seem to have been through. The power of community is strong, and I think that the society we are living in now is more condusive to successfully accepting and attaching to IS kids. Although the general public is still pretty ignorant, I think that most people are more willing to understand. I have high hopes for these kids. :)
CR
Hey there everyone,
Sorry I've been gone so long but have had some terrible mouth surgery and have just not felt like posting much anywhere. I must say I am VERY HAPPY to see the activity in my absence. I have three things I would like to comment on.
First....
Debbie, in your first post you said you would be happy for us to contact you however I don't know how to do that other than on this list. We live in Florida, where do you live. If you would like to, I believe you can contact me directly from this list as I am registered. I love all the input from all of you but I do think the kids need to get to know someone near their age as early as possible. Kids just don't seem to get the same vibes with adults as they do with other kids even if they are not IS so I'm thinking it must be twice as important for them to know other kids like themselves ASAP so they don't feel they are the only people in the world born like they are.
Second.......
CR You are absoloutely a great asset to this forum! I know from another list we are both members of that you give some great alternative ways to look at problems along with wonderful ways to solve them. Thanks so much for being here!
Third (but not least)...
Betsy, THANK YOU so much for offering us this place to meet, talk and hopefully be able to help each other!
Look forward to hearing from you all soon.
Anita,
I am glad to hear that you are feeling better, despite awful mouth surgery. What part of Florida are you in?
I'm going down there for a family visit in a couple of weeks.
Betsy
Hey I'm glad to see that you're feeling well enough to post again. Just don't take things too fast, give your body time to rest.
I love you,
CR:D :D
Yep, right in the city of the home of the "Florida Fighting Gators"! It would be so great to meet you and have you meet Vicki & Emma! I will be gone from the 22 to the 29 of June but if that is when you are coming down you could still meet with Vicki & maybe with me on your way back. HOW COOL THAT WOULD BE! We're kinda on the way to everywhere.
Anita
Thank you very much for your concern, HOWEVER.....I have taken it slow and easy LONG ENOUGH! Today I have felt just fine so I'm going back to life as usual. Bruises and all. Hey, how do you get the little smileys on your post.
I love you too,
Mema
How to do the smiley's that is. I still don't know how you get them to go where you want them. I'm going to try to put one at the end of this one and see if I can do it. Sorry for the experiment on you guys.
Mema,
In order to get those smilies in the body of your message, you can click on the smilie that you want that is on the LEFT of the message box. IF you click on the smilies on the TOP, it will show up in your subject box when you post.
Hope this helps :p
CR
Hi all...its been soooo long since i have signed on. Having major major troubles with kelli . Been going on for a while and not getting much better. Please keep us in your thoughts.....positive thoughts. I hope to become a more intircate part of the bodieslikeours boards and group. I just have been concentrating on kell and out of touch with everyone else. Its sup[portive for me to read and communicate with others on here.. Its great to give as well as recevie :-)
Hope all is well with everyone.
Anita----I think we may have talked before.
but we can get in touch if you'd like. 1-609-xx3-xxx4
<edited out phone number...Debbie, this board is open for the entire internet community to read and you may not want your phone number out there for anyone to call. Anita, others: if you would like to reach Debbie, write Deb for the number or you can write to me and I'll give it to you. Betsy>
feel free.
Debbie
It is good to hear from you again! I am so sorry for your daughter's problems. Are they health or emotional problems? Our Emma will be 4 in Sept and has just done an about face on the things she likes best. Up until about 2 or 3 weeks ago she loved trains, trucks, cars, etc. with very little interest in anything feminine. Now all of a sudden she likes the girly things...especially dressing up in fancy clothes with the sparkly high heels, jewlry, crown etc. Hasn't touched her trains in weeks! Did Kelli do this type thing? How is she feeling emotionally at 8 yrs and have you explained her condition to her? We are at a quandry as to when and how to discuss this with Emma. :confused:
We have not spoken that I recall but either Vicki (my daughter & Emma's mom) or I one will definitely call you if it's ok. I join the lists and pass info on to Vicki as she is like you..just too busy living and being mom that she really doesn't have the time to follow up on the lists.
Hi Deb and Anita,
Deb, because this board is open for the entire internet community to read, I xx'd out some digits in your phone number so you don't get all sorts of people calling it.
Anita, if you need to reach Debbie, write me for the number and I'll send it along to you.
I hope you understand, but I want the Bodies community to be a safe one for all involved.
Betsy
Thank you so much for your dilligence Betsy, you are absoloutely right. Fortunately I immediately went to our site when I was notified Debbi had responded so already have the number.
I would be very pleased to hear from anyone on the list in reference to my earlier post.
Thanks Betsy!! What was I thinking? LOL...if I had started getting 100 calls I may have realized I posted my number for everyone to see...hehe..oopsy....thanks for saving my phone. :-)
Anita I look forward to talking with you.
Kells problems are pretty much all emotional. Although they have her on meds for suffering from depression. kell has been having suicidal tendencies for a couple of months now. She has sooo many issues in her young 8 yrs of life. Not just gender identity issues but alot of others as well. I have her seeing a phsychiatrist as well as a therapist. She is getting some anger management and as I mentioned is on meds for depression as well as adderall for her adhd. Kelli needs alot of positive vibes sent her way. I have recently started therapy for myself so that I can keep things in focus so I can help and not hinder the situation.
kelli has always played with turcks ,cars, trains, tools,building things etc. She insists she is MAx... a boy. She has never gone toward the 'girlie' things...well so far she hasn't. I have told her probably 70% of her story. I have not told her that she was raised as male for the first 11 weeks of life yet though. I will. She will know the total truth. she took most of the information better than expected. I was hoping it would give her some calming or comforting effects now knowing why she feels like she does. I havent seen many positive results yet . Thanks for being interested and feel free to correspond or call about your little one ok? thanks betsy..thanks anita!
Debbie
Unregistered
09-06-02, 10:06 PM
My daughter is now 12 years old I haven't done anything.. I have been waiting for her to tell me but my time I feel has ran out..Now what do I do.?
If Kelli's mom reads this please call me I am visiting from Japan I am in NY City 718-xxx-xxxx I will leave back to Japan on the 25 of Sept 2002. Sorry I lost your email address. I changed jobs my new email is cafeprieto@<hidden> or
perezj@<hidden>
Edited out phone number... Deb, please email for the number. Betsy
I am worry since I have not done anything, other then the normalization at birth now my baby is 12. I am worry I am putting her at risk by not getting her the hormones she may need... What do I do and who should I agree with..Confused in Japan
Hi Cafe, I sent you an email but thought I would post here also just in case you were not able to get your email while in NY. I spoke with Cheryl about your situation and she said that
it's important for a person who has no gonads (either born without ovaries or testes, or removed in surgery) to do something to maintain bone density. She said there's no emergency about it, however & that they recommend that hormones (estrogen, testosterone) not be given unless the
*patient* (not the parents or doctors) understands what effects the hormone will have, and wishes to experience those effects
(feminization for estrogen, masculinization for testosterone). She said they know of too many cases where parents and doctors decided to give a 10 or 12 year old child estrogen (or testosterone), and the person already knew they were not the gender they had been raised as. She also said there are new meds to protect against bone loss for people that prefer not to take estrogen or testosterone. Cheryl lived in Japan for 6 years & speaks Japanese & said she would be happy to help you if you contact her at ISNA. She also said your daughter, at age 12, is old enough so that you and the doctors must explain the
options, benefits, and risks to her, and assist her to make her own decisions about her own body, including hormones. She also said that there's absolutely no rush with a 12 year old girl. Personally I feel that everything she said makes a great deal of sense and that we will definitely do as she suggests.
Anita
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:D
hi Jose!
I believe that you and I used to correspond if I am not mistaken. I had tried to get in touch with you but had no luck. I am sooooo glad you are back in touch. I know that you have worried for years about your daughter. I emailed you and hopefully will get your number from Betsy and have a chance to call you. I know the turmoil that goes on inside a parent. I have recently told my Kelli everything about her birth-about having been raised male for first 11 weeks of life and am now dealing with her trying to make a decision of who she wants to live her life as. She goes back and forth really. But I believe the final outcome will be male. I could be wrong but Kelli has been saying shes Max for quite some time now. I just know I will be suportive with whatever decison she has made. Tell me something? Has your wife ( x-wife?) ever changed her feelings about telling your daughter.? I know you said that she doesnt speak much english and that you felt you should tell and she didnt want to deal with that. correct me if I am wrong. I just hope that she comes around to the fact that Nikko needs to know. It is her right to know...and her choice to live with whatever gender identity she feels best with. She may very well be happy with the female gender assignment but feel so much relief when you explain why it is she may feel masculine and not all feminine--if you know what I mean?;)
I look forward to talking to you once again. I hope we can keep the email correspondance going as well as hoping you come back to post here often. This group can really help with sound--experienced advice. I will cut this short now. I wish you the very best and hope that we can help you through your needing time.
Debbie
I was so happy to have spoke with you on the phone. I am hoping we can get together while you are still in NY. I can tell how concerned you are about your child. If nothing else, I can certainly lend a sympathetic listening ear. I feel though, I can offer statistical information as well as experienced views from myself and so many others I have talked with. You mentioned Cheryl maybe talking with your Xwife . I will be sure to get that message to Cheryl. Anitas has done so already from what her post said. I will be checking my calendar on Monday and will give you a call about perhaps meeting someplace before you go back. If you find you will be in NY on the 22nd...please try to dorp a post/email or a call so I can maybe go earlier that day and meet with you before the house party fundraiser I am to attend at 5 p.m.
I look forward to being in contact with you again .
:)
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