Hi,I don't know where to start?? Am i at the right place ??

[steve/lisa]

Hi,yrs ago I was karotyped a 46xx/46xy chimerism,I found this out after 2ed teste was removed for seminoma, the DR's said i was b+ blood,then said I was o+ blood ?? then after further testing they said I had a base blood type of B+ and a back line of O+ and after bone marrow testing(that really hurts by the way)my marrow is O+,after the cancer surgery i was told i had a vagina behind my penis,they did alot of tests ultra sound,mri,cat scans,etc,they told me i had a female reproductive system,I freaked this was when i was 25 yrs old i was raised a male no one told me anything in all that time.I went to mother(father had died by then)Asked her whats going on why was'nt i told of this,she was reluctant to speak of my problem,But after I ecplained what I've been thru(we almost never spoke to each other all of my life,father raised me.)She broke down and told me about my birth,she tried to as best as she could,mother told me that father raised me to be a tough man,yes he did i know this i wanted to know what the 4 surgery's were between 10yrs and 13 yrs old where and where are the records,I attained an attorney and got all the birth records and the surgery records.along with my adult medical records from 8 different DR's that did the 18 or so mutalations on my testes and groin from the 10yrs old stage to the 25yrs old i was at the time of the cancer surgery.Then all the other testing the scans the dye injections to show things up better,I just freaked out OMG I'm a what,I could not bear it so I started to inject more and more tostesterone for another 10yrs to ,(In my mind to hold this thing back)keep the ovary from developing,matureing.but the tostesterone has torn up my liver about 4 yrs ago I had to use less and less of it until about 2yrs ago I stopped using it. well now i have growing breasts ,a period(cryptomenorrhea)and that just tears it,well that the DR said explains the bowel problems,And the back up in my system.The huge mood swings,the almost like coma state i go into during the flow DR wants to open the passage way up or he says it will only get worse.He says i could loose my kidneys(how is that possiable????)I pee all the time but my prostate is so small there's no blockage to prevent the urine from comming out,I just pee alot.???? and the bowel problems up to now the seen big changes but could not explain it,the test some times are normal other times(when i have these problems)go thru the roof.This really sucks?. I now and have known for 15 yrs why i have felt the way i did as i grew up gotta be tough for father(or get my butt whooped) And wanting to be a little softer,I always kinda walked like a girl,and was hard but i walked and grutted like a man,small feet for my ht,smaller shoulders ,thin ,very high waisted,slender legs,no adams apple just a slender neck little body hair,For me finding this out at 25 was and is the worse thing to happen to me,to have 2 sexual structures,at least for a time female and male parts (reperductive parts) Was hard then to top it all off i was very confussed at first went to my priest and explained what i just found out about myself told him HOPING to get some kinda guidance,after awhile he got very quit,Then he spoke to me and said well son god in certain circumstances forgives some for commiting suicide and i beleave this would be one of those times if you should choose this,I was totaly shocked, I said a few choice words to the nice(idiot) priest and left never to return to any church again.then I confided in a few close friends for advise,Well that did not work out as planed,I was again totaly shocked and I lost all but 2 of my friends they had the nerve to call me a FREAK,my wife at the time could not bear to be married to me any longer either she left and filed for divorce O.K. that sucked big time,worked my jobs for a while met a gal got married,she was a snoop and found some of my records,and ever since she has made fun of me to everyone that would listen to my story or the part she knew about lost more friends,her ex husband got all his buddies for yrs laughing at me loosing jobs,having to move alot,loosing more jobs because he was on a mission to follow me around and tell everyone of my secret!!!! so I loose again I have learned one thing so far never tell ANYONE what I am. You would think as I was born this way that it would not matter aahh no one will care!! Shoot I was so WRONG to think that and so stupied,In my life i never cared what or why or what color or anything about another human being we are all one RIGHT,WRONG the stigmata attached to what they call intersexed now (nice term) was anything but nice,I was transformed overnite into the FREAK a she-he or a girl,so the heck what I've hidden this for way to long I am what I am,and if they don't like it then they can jump off a bridge.but it still tears at me like a cancer the words spoken and not spoken the looks and the glances almost like they are trying to look up a skirt or some thing??? the hey why do you have breasts look,why do you walk funny look the lonelyness is scarey,the hurtful things people say just shocks me then i get hurt then i don't trust people anymore,I mean how can I trust every time I do they end up hurting me badly words are like knifes they cut deep,I have enough scares in me from the good christains,the self proclaimed gods of the people,they have been the worst of them all.But of late I find myself scard of alot of things mostly the unknown,like what will I be,how to cope, should i have the surgery or should i pass on,Because of my personal belief in my god i cannot commit suicide as this is not exceptable.but the flush of hormones at that time and after is well at best different, My doctor thinks after a lot of mental tests, thinks I'm brain wired as a female ',oh well i could have told him that, I just think different than most. Well I've writen another book again,gotta get off the computer now I'll be back to tell more of my nitemares and dreams soon so have a nice day now everyone(I hope i don't get laughed at again not in here please) Will talk very soon again I'll see how this goes,can't stand anymore hurt. see ya soon steve/lisa.

[Kailana]

hiya Steve/Lisa, I am a bit like you. Another intersexed individual, who has wondered why I was never told. Found out at the good old age of 22, while serving in the military, during MRI Scan for a back injury. And I like many of the others here, know exactly what you are going through. Well, i'll take some of what i just said back. i know alot of what you are going through, I was never to date fortunate enough to marry. So i have no experience there, or going through a divorce. But Anatomically i suppose we are alot alike, although you appear to have a bit more of the female structure internally, my own is still in question, i wasnt fortunate enough to get as much detailed work done to see what is or isnt male or female. At least as far as what Dr.s and Radiologists are saying now is that i am all 100% male. Yet i was diagnosed 45X/46xy, CAH in 93. Currently though, it appears im actually have cushings syndrome rather then CAH( go figure military docs would get that wrong). All of the local doctors i have dealt with wont actually look at the scans they took and gave to me. Which is kind of amazing to me. Radiologists sat everything is male, but i have yet to actually see any male anatomy that looks like mine. I have tons to say, but really not the desire. Anyways, Just wanted to say, I am happy you stopped by, Your actually not too far from me, as i am in Walla Walla WA, so really not all that long of a roadtrip to get to me, or me you.

Lets see, i was happy to read you were able to get your medical records, that is not something i have had any luck at. My records or what little i have received have been edited rather badly. Lots of things i remember are just missing. Which i find really odd.

now then as for the Chimerism, Dermatologist told me my skin shows to be chimeric, looks fairly interesting actually under incandescent light. floresces in a blueish swirls, feathering kinda vary artistic in a intriguing way. I have not had any further testing to see if i am indeed Chimeric. But considering how my scans look its a likely assumption.

i mentioned all that i hope just to let you know, your definately not alone. Lots of us around even though its suppose to be extremely rare. when i was diagnosed, and told about my labs and diagnosis i believe there was only 5 known documented cases 1993. Now adays all the reports mention a little over 30. i tend to think there are in fact alot more of us, but we really arent being documented. Cases like my own. Dr's locally really dont listen to me. They have pretty much ignored all evidence from previous records. And even there own. Its as if they just don't want to actually talk to me.

I read you have had a hard time with people finding out. That is extremely unfortunate. I on the other hand have been treated extremely well within my community. Its family that is the problem. My parents pretty much dont accept me. And they have known forever. the few times they mention anything, it doesnt take long for them to deny later. So right now i have gotten most of my information about surgeries from an aunt and uncle. of my 4 siblings only 1 actually talks to me, the others, well they accept, but dont actually want to be around me. Kind of like "We love you, and always will" But dont actually ever see me anymore, they don't call, they dont come over, we dont have family get togethers, and if there is one, im not invited. If it wasnt for my youngest sister, i would say i actually have no family at all.

ok wellli ramble on alot about me again, sorry about that i do that alot.

Now then about the feeling freakish, i think that is something we all go through. Its not easy feeling normal when others don't understand what we are. Im real sorry you have had such a hard time. I would like to say, that Steve/Lisa, which ever you chose to be, be happy. i would like to say i was raised male as well. I am transitioning female. I just happen to be intersexed. That last phrase may ruffel a few feathers. at least it seems to from time to time. So i hope it doesnt start another heated debate.

anyways, stop by again, your not alone, and well take care.
Best Wishes