hi everyone - newbie here!

[Venus]

I have been lurching around these boards for a while - after falling for someone who was born Intersex - I came online looking for information and found this great forum! I have learned so much from here and have been able to gain better understanding of my ex and what he maybe going through, which has made our relationship very challenging; though, I have stayed there and let him know I'm around if he ever needs me.

I have read many posts and would like to stick around here - cos it seems there are some fantastic people who post on this forum.

Best,

[Kailana]

:wave1: Hi there Venus. It is really nice to see you post. I think many of us at times get really down in the dumps when it comes to relationships. Sort of like will my significant other understand and accept me? Is he/she gonna freak out and call me wierd. Or go around telling things to other people.

Things like that are kinda a big concern, many of us havent had the best responses. Mine are sort of mixed. I have had both good and bad reactions to informing the people i care about, about me. Some understand and are very supportive like you, then there have been a very few who well freaked out.

I appreciate your support. Oh and maybe sometime you could have your boyfriend send a hello too. This is a very welcoming place, so come on back and say hello, the both of you.

Thanks for the post and support.

[Venus]

This particular post has been deleted, because it contained inappropriate references to a third-party. As a moderator, I was asked by Venus to delete this thread. We rarely delete posts, but because of the inappropriate material about a third-party, I have agreed to the request to delete this post by Venus. I have left the other posts in this thread intact, and hope that they can provide a basis for on-going discussion. I hope that Venus and everyone else can continue to find this forum a supportive place.

Peter

[Kailana]

I see there have been a few ups and a few downs, not sure what to say exactly. It may be that you have the oppurtunity to build a wonderfull relationship. You probably just need to talk with your boyfriend, and let him know you love him.

Each of us, just like everone else in the world, has our faults. Sometimes it takes a little time to work things out. Being IS, has some drawbacks, some of us havent had the best reactions when telling a signifigant other, I have had both good and bad reactions, i think the bad reactions have had a harsher impact on my psyche, and made dating alot harder, in fact, making to the point where i didnt want to date at all. But, i have had a wonderfull relationship where my anatomy wasn't an issue. I think for some of us, the bad responses, are devastating and can influence a potentially good relationship later down the road. It's called Fear, fear can really mess with your head if your not carefull.

I think i am sounding a little to know it allish. I am actually terrible when it comes to relationships. All i can really say is keep trying, and give a little space if it is needed, and a hug when it looks like its needed even more.

Best wishes

[Glenn]

Hi Venus!

Kudos for coming here to learn and see what's going on. Your open-mindedness is really refreshing.
I can relate to some of your observations about your exboyfriend. I've always had hobbies and interests which were wildly unconventional by male standards - midwifery, ballet, and sewing to name a few, so many people (including my soon-to-be-ex-wife) simply assume I'm gay. Which would be a nice tidy story, if it were true. But some of us are a little more complex than that. :thinking2

[Dianne]

But some of us are a little more complex than that.

Ah, Glenn's specialty - UNDERSTATEMENT ! :biggrin:

Welcome Venus! It is good to see someone looking for understanding. Most of us have seen WAY too much of the other side of humanity and most folks just get kind of strange when they find out sex isn't necessarily "binary".

Hope you enjoy your visits and find them informative.

[Venus]

Thank you Kailana, Glenn and Dianne. Thanks for the responses! I never thought he was gay - maybe in touch with his feminine side; but not gay - Something told me it was something, but not homosexuality - it was not something I did dwell on either - but you know when you meet someone for the 1st time you build an impression.

From reading the net; this forum and others. I have learned so many different aspects about how KS affects a person physically. Like I now know why he feels the cold a lot more than anyone I have met who is still relatively young; like tonight, when I saw him; he curled up near the radiator - cos he felt so cold! When even my father who feels the cold in winter - has not switched the radiators since winter finished.

We are both friends now. I wish we could be more- but I respect the fact he just wants to remain friends. You can't drag a horse to water, can you?

Glenn - I'm sorry to hear about the ending of your marriage - I hope you can move on and face life with plenty of optimism in taking on a new start.

[Glenn]

Thanks Venus. My wife and I knew the split was coming for a while, I was just the one to say Uncle and start the process. We'll both be better off, which is good to know.

[peaceandparty]

Hi Venus!

Kudos for coming here to learn and see what's going on. Your open-mindedness is really refreshing.
I can relate to some of your observations about your exboyfriend. I've always had hobbies and interests which were wildly unconventional by male standards - midwifery, ballet, and sewing to name a few, so many people (including my soon-to-be-ex-wife) simply assume I'm gay. Which would be a nice tidy story, if it were true. But some of us are a little more complex than that. :thinking2


many many people have thought that i was gay
i felt and feel sometimes that because of my extra feminineness
that men could think i am gay
because of the tight fitting colourful clothes i wear
my touchy body language
and my deep stares that normally only women give when they are flirting
i am not and have never really had a feeling to be with a man
or an xxyman
but glenn i can completely understand you...even if we are not the same exactly
but it is hard to explain when you dont fit into tight little boxes

sorry to the person who posted this thread....its not a direct reply to you rather to glenn
but i thank you all for showing true support and care for each of us in our own positions

[Glenn]

thanks, peaceandparty!
Apparently the world is so complex that people have to make tidy little boxes, like you say, and if you do This or That you must belong Here. Kind of the Tinky Winky mentality.
Why is it asking so much for someone to take a minute to feel my pulse, look into my eyes, and briefly try to see the person I am?
Anyone remember 'grok'ing from Stranger in a Strange Land?

[peaceandparty]

exactly!!!
" feel my pulse ,look into my eyes"

excellent wording and totally get it

yes!!!!!hmmmmmm

:dunno: :)

[steve/lisa]

venus dear,It sounds like you still don't understand him,does he really look at men in the way you think he does or is it just maybe he relates to them,Or maybe he does'nt want you to think he's playing around on you so he just talks to them (women) in passing,??As a true herm with my own personal problems in relationships I have found out that women can be harse to cruel once they find out what we are inside,I can only speak for myself but my soon to be ex wife and her friends have made my life misable at best,See we as a group were born like this,I am not a homosexaul,tv,tg,ts,I have both female and male reproductive tracts inside me(lost testes to seminoma and such)And only have 1 ovary left,and i have periods that don't drain out,and at that time of the month i wish to be left alone,I loved my wife with my whole being,like no other ever befor her,I tried to give her everything i could even my soul,but she gave my soul away,Her sisters,friends,anybody that would listen to her,she belittled me told them I was gay,and much more,when my only sin was to be born like this,AND to be hoplessly in love with her,she was never faithful to me I later found out from her stepbrother,and one sister,and many friends of her's.
But enough of myself,maybe he wants a lover,friend,someone to hold him when he's scard,someone to say to him and show him you mean it,Someone to be with(mine has always just read books in the other room and left me alone all the time.)Have you spent anytime with him just for him not you, just for him,Have you just gone to him in a sexy way looked that way and taken control of him in a sexual way,or just cuddled him and let him know you really want him?? to touch him in a loving way??
I mean really put yourself out for him,if he's sitting on the couch have you just layed down on the same couch and put your head in his lap and said i love you dear?
See venus mine has never done anything like that to me I always get the peck on the cheek and the good nite dear.Always from day one i spent yrs giving her everything i could to make her happy till i found out who makes her happy, it was'nt me of course.but I to freeze even in summer just the other nite it's 85 degrees out and I'm got 5 blankets on my bed(she sleeps in the other room)but thats normal for some of us,maybe instead of cridasizing his belongings and watching him all the time seeing how he talks to or who he talks to and in what manner he does this in(talking) you should just laugh with him hold him smile with him,Cause just maybe he's negative towards women cause they've been really cruel to him always and it kinda sounds like your doing the same thing the rest of them may have done.Or maybe I'm really sensative on this subject cause of the things mine has done to me to give any advice on this subject,I must ask are you looking for answers for yourself or looking for answers why he's the way YOU percieve him to be?Did he always know what he is an I.S. person that is or did he find out later in life as many of us have,maybe he's just scard of what he is or mit be? Maybe he's just looking for answers too.
This is the second wife of mine to want to leave me because of what i am,And if I got the ovary removed then I'd have no feelings left towards sex,in my case it's the only thing left that gives me a sexual drive and it's different than when i had testes,it's i think better than befor and in my case I truly think this scares her alot for some reason.
Maybe the answer to your quistions are already in your mind and their for just do whats in your heart if you love him then really show him you do.
I do apologize for my bluntness in this matter,As i said early on It may be to close of a subject for me to help you in,The answer is inside you I think either except him if you love him or leave it alone for both your sakes.Have a nice day tho, lisa (steve/lisa.)

[peaceandparty]

very good reply and words there

[Venus]

Dear Steve/lisa

Thank you for your reply. I would like to tell you something. I have always treated him as a human being; as a man needs to be treated when the situation is sexual/romantic. I have accepted everything about him - apart from the bad treatment I have received from him.

Furthermore, I have needs too. I am entitled to be respected and cared about. Not to be lead on. Not to be intimate with him and then he treats me like a one night stand and does not contact me for a long time after - there have been times I have gone without seeing him for over a month. Or the fact he sees me and another woman (who he is treating even worse than me and making her go mental- to the extent that she humiliates herself in public).

I could easily think this individual is a horrible person. But I believe there is a lot going on in his head - issues he needs to resolve etc. I could have gone away and never seen him ever again; But, something tells me to stay in touch and see him - call it love; call it not being able to get over him; call it or me what you like.

I also have my own issues too - thus when I'm very observant - I read situations and gather information. Because people are not always straight forward; also I seek more clarity etc. I'm interested in psychology and I use it in order to protect myself from anymore complications in life that I really do not need.

___________________

Admin -

thank you so much for following my request.

[peaceandparty]

hi venus

you say this person is ks-like me

who knows...it could be me you are talking about!...lol

because there is a lot of untalked about problems still...relating to ks

such as the feeling or lack of feeling for giving someone unnecessary crap
its almost like you dont really care but you also know that someone is going to get hurt but you sort of weigh it up with the thought of"well hey they are not going to be as messed up as me anyway......so let them see how it feels to be me"

these are my amazing thoughts after being hormonally imbalanced for 8 months now
after being on sustanon 100 for the last 13 or so years

i am happy that you care
i think i know you from xxytalk....is that possible
because someone had a similar story about someone who fits your "mans "description
anyway
i am here for you

you can see me as a veteran of emotions regarding the "mentally disturbed"
and "socially unacceptable behaviours" with regard to xxys

anyway
i will hope you respond

peace be with you

p.s
i can understand you falling in love with our kind
because we have a certain touch

but we as a species are sometim,es so unaware or unconscious of our belittling actions

and may i say also publically that i have had many an arguement with xxys on this issue
its funny because with the argument and them denying the behaviour in their way/their fashion...it actually proved my point in the end anyway....hah

anyway
ciao

[Venus]

Hi peace and party

I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I also find your thoughts comforting and I appreciate that very much.

I cannot really understand the behavioural aspect. Is this a symptom of ks? or is it defensive behaviour - that helps the person to protect themselves; or even to make themselves feel better? My ex has the habit of coming out with things; that other people just would not even say. For example, he will refer to someone's weight problem in their face. He can also make a joke of a situation;which comes out as plain offensive. When I have challenged him - he flat out denies that he means what he said or had meant it in a horrible or a mocking way. I sorta relate this to the final bit in your post.

Yes, I'm the same Venus on XXYTALK - I also join that forum.

[peaceandparty]

hi venus!

well i would say that humour is obviously a great way to get the attention or heat off of your(ones)self

i think there are too many untalked about things regarding xxys

most xxys give off the impression that they are fairly normal and that they can function fine in "normal"life
though i have noticed a distinct lack of compassion amongst some of the "high flyers"

i am not exactly that ,of which i described xxys being in my post above

may i try to be clear and say that i was like that
as in i was an xxy that would say anything to anybody without any tact
and that i had sever issues with dealing with social interaction
and that my behaviour WAS appalling

i talk about this as i reminiss(no idea how to spell that)about my past
because anyone who knew me back then and now......is amazed how much progress i have made
and as a youtuber remarked-they said something like---"you seem perfectly "normal"

the thing is.....i have had to accept certain things about myself and i have had to accept also that i sometimes need to change bad habits

also i need to accept that not everyone is going to get me

but the best thing about this is
that i have been through so much and i seem to be coming out the other side with complete compassion for others and a total feeling for---giving myself to the world so that this world becomes a truly remarkable better place

venus.....the crap is......is that my memory is pretty bad
and also i dont dinstictly remember you from xxytalk
because i have not been on there in 8 months
---not my choice-----
i was banned....
and my IP address is banned from there and as far as i can work out
also from gendersinx
so ....i feel rejected by the "elite"
but thats why i am not in business business
i am in the entertaining business......but being banned and having no one care about me being banned for eternity is something i wish not to entertain for long
the last time i was at xxytalk was when there was a hack attempt
probably something they blame me for
well i hope to one day bring someoen from there to court if the abuse continues

because as any can imagine.......its important to have access to support
and this is the internet age
globalisation is slowly taking place
and segregation of individuals is not being managed by a referree

i hope to become that referee one day soon
and look out for the people that really need assistance
because those people are succeptible to mental health problems and things like suicide....just like my friend,my "angry" friend-jeff

sorry venus!
but your post led me up this tangent path

but i needed to let it out anyway

i wish we could talk on xxytalk
but sadly........hippies like me...free thinkers like me......seem to be no longer invited
or are they just making an example out of me......and think that i can take it!

which i cant by the way....i think its way too personal

have you heard the songs in the voice recorder---mostly me!

i have got no credit for them....and no credit for starting the idea of klinefelter awareness day...which is now a week in march16-22

just abuse

and ultimately i find it sick

so if anyone feels like consoling me...that would be nice because for the last 7 months i have been off testosterone and off xxytalk"the international support forums"---my arse!

my tone if you could hear it was calm until the last few lines of the post

i am trying my best which is not what i can say for the other xxy forum starters......which i find to be not good enough in this day in age!

as i say...i am a supporter and explorer for better possibilities