steve/lisa
07-24-07, 05:19 PM
Life was easy with eye's closed,Does'nt matter much about anything,Let me take you down;Nothing is real:Yet I know when it's a dream,Here comes the sun and I say it's alright=Little lisa Darling feels like years, Have fear little lisa darling;Your comming into view,It's alright,If you walk deaf and blind,No one will bother you then.Lonelyness is really your companion little lisa.
I always lived as best as I could,I seemed to always have a plan to what I was going to do in the next yr or so,I now find that I'm unable to or unwilling to make such a plan for myself,I often wonder what will become of me as of late A little scard or alot scard of the world, I find that letting go of my past is a must for the future of my soul,Letting go of the bad but trying to keep the good stuff,The laughs,good times,the thoughts of what might be or what might not be,What is me,As the estrogen that for a few yrs has increased in me it has been changing the way I think of things,The way I feel of life itself.A calming effect on me but at times a very confussing effect on my mind,I seem to at some points of time know what i want and then I seem not to know at all. The crying times is at best hard for me to understand I in my distant past never cried at all about things,Except when father died,Was about it now it's so different so alian of a thing sometimes I just can't seem to stop doing this(crying) Then it all seems to just end and then i wonder what the heck i was crying about.I do realize I'm under a great deal of stress right now and will be for awhile and am trying to come to grips with my stress and in time will manage it till it's gone as I always have befor but befor I had A few friends to call or talk to or go over to visit and vent it off but now i don't have anywhere it seems but here to do that at.So please be patient with me as i will be speaking of these things i feel for a little while longer,I just have no where else to go.
I am O.K. today no worries about anything I might want to do or think of that does'nt mean I'll do anything,I just wonder at times most of the time of late what or where I will be going I do want to know others like me very badly but I seem not to attract any to me,Just a friend or lover or a what??? I don't know,I seem to need a person with a great deal of patience I think as of late I seem to be really scattered in my thoughts,I think at times i want this thing then I think i want that thing.I know for sure I feel I need a place and a person I can really feel safe at to try again to be happy,to laugh,and smile,and feel good about me and them,A place i can be safe from it all,All the quistions and ridacule and mean people,And when I find such a place only lisa will be their and no one will know any different of me. I am scard to death of things at this time,Of things to come,And of my health issues to come in the future,I can control them with the meds and such but sooner or later I must deal with them for ever and thats not a problem but i must beable to be some where to recover from what needs to be done to fix them. A safe place for I will not beable to protect myself,I really hate being vulnable and dependent on anyone for that period of time.I have always been so very independent and I will have to adjust to not being that way for a small time,and I often times leap befor looking and I must stop that practice at once befor i get emotionly involved with some one befor I'm ready for it.I must dump all this stress and clear my mind of this mess I'm in now befor i can move on with my wants and desirers I hope i find a patient person who really wants a relationship and not just a short good time,A flop or a fling,As I am wanting to find some one who really likes me just for what I am inside and that includes all the different parts in their too.A place just to descover me lisa and evolve into what ever it is thats trying to come out.I always beleaved in a saying I have and tried to just have faith it goes like this,
Happy are those that dream dreams of thing to come,But are willing to pay the price to make them come true...
I always dreamed dreams and always paid the price with a smile and they always came about for me,Except this one I'm getting out of now I wanted it to happen so bad i beleave i made the price to high,paid it and failed for the first time in my life i failed to make it happen.
But anyways i think maybe thats the reason this time I'm so depressed about it in part,And so fearful of things to come for me,Thats why I am thinking of buying a sailboat and just going to sea and visit the places i went a long time ago,In the south pacific their religon call us(you all and me) A mahu,the blessed ones,We are blessed because we can live life as both male and female or either one they don't care anything about it,no ridacule no name calling and no freaks,they treat you just like everyone else.
Anyway I'm think I'm just rambling on now and need to go outside and work on the plumming on my well house so as to finnish that project up.So again I thank god theirs a place I can just write my thoughts down and try to let them go,To be free of them is my goal now, So thank you all for being so patient of me.Have a nice day and may all your dreams come true for you.Bye Bye for now be back tomorrow I think,Lisa
I always lived as best as I could,I seemed to always have a plan to what I was going to do in the next yr or so,I now find that I'm unable to or unwilling to make such a plan for myself,I often wonder what will become of me as of late A little scard or alot scard of the world, I find that letting go of my past is a must for the future of my soul,Letting go of the bad but trying to keep the good stuff,The laughs,good times,the thoughts of what might be or what might not be,What is me,As the estrogen that for a few yrs has increased in me it has been changing the way I think of things,The way I feel of life itself.A calming effect on me but at times a very confussing effect on my mind,I seem to at some points of time know what i want and then I seem not to know at all. The crying times is at best hard for me to understand I in my distant past never cried at all about things,Except when father died,Was about it now it's so different so alian of a thing sometimes I just can't seem to stop doing this(crying) Then it all seems to just end and then i wonder what the heck i was crying about.I do realize I'm under a great deal of stress right now and will be for awhile and am trying to come to grips with my stress and in time will manage it till it's gone as I always have befor but befor I had A few friends to call or talk to or go over to visit and vent it off but now i don't have anywhere it seems but here to do that at.So please be patient with me as i will be speaking of these things i feel for a little while longer,I just have no where else to go.
I am O.K. today no worries about anything I might want to do or think of that does'nt mean I'll do anything,I just wonder at times most of the time of late what or where I will be going I do want to know others like me very badly but I seem not to attract any to me,Just a friend or lover or a what??? I don't know,I seem to need a person with a great deal of patience I think as of late I seem to be really scattered in my thoughts,I think at times i want this thing then I think i want that thing.I know for sure I feel I need a place and a person I can really feel safe at to try again to be happy,to laugh,and smile,and feel good about me and them,A place i can be safe from it all,All the quistions and ridacule and mean people,And when I find such a place only lisa will be their and no one will know any different of me. I am scard to death of things at this time,Of things to come,And of my health issues to come in the future,I can control them with the meds and such but sooner or later I must deal with them for ever and thats not a problem but i must beable to be some where to recover from what needs to be done to fix them. A safe place for I will not beable to protect myself,I really hate being vulnable and dependent on anyone for that period of time.I have always been so very independent and I will have to adjust to not being that way for a small time,and I often times leap befor looking and I must stop that practice at once befor i get emotionly involved with some one befor I'm ready for it.I must dump all this stress and clear my mind of this mess I'm in now befor i can move on with my wants and desirers I hope i find a patient person who really wants a relationship and not just a short good time,A flop or a fling,As I am wanting to find some one who really likes me just for what I am inside and that includes all the different parts in their too.A place just to descover me lisa and evolve into what ever it is thats trying to come out.I always beleaved in a saying I have and tried to just have faith it goes like this,
Happy are those that dream dreams of thing to come,But are willing to pay the price to make them come true...
I always dreamed dreams and always paid the price with a smile and they always came about for me,Except this one I'm getting out of now I wanted it to happen so bad i beleave i made the price to high,paid it and failed for the first time in my life i failed to make it happen.
But anyways i think maybe thats the reason this time I'm so depressed about it in part,And so fearful of things to come for me,Thats why I am thinking of buying a sailboat and just going to sea and visit the places i went a long time ago,In the south pacific their religon call us(you all and me) A mahu,the blessed ones,We are blessed because we can live life as both male and female or either one they don't care anything about it,no ridacule no name calling and no freaks,they treat you just like everyone else.
Anyway I'm think I'm just rambling on now and need to go outside and work on the plumming on my well house so as to finnish that project up.So again I thank god theirs a place I can just write my thoughts down and try to let them go,To be free of them is my goal now, So thank you all for being so patient of me.Have a nice day and may all your dreams come true for you.Bye Bye for now be back tomorrow I think,Lisa