View Full Version : Parents/ families of Intersexed Children
If you are parent, family or friend of an intersex child please respond to this plea for us all to get our children together so they may know they are not the only people in the world that are intersexed. My granddaughter is 4 and the light in my life so I want her to be happy and well adjusted. I firmly believe that ALL intersex children have the need and the right to meet other children like themselves. Why couldn't we all get together and have some kind of conference where we bring the kids and they can play and get to know each other while the adults figure out a way to continue this contact. I will be happy to work with anyone who has some interest in making this happen. We owe it to our kids!
I look forward to hearing from LOTS of people.
Anita
Hi Anita,
First I want to say I think you are a wonderful to show such concern for the wellbeing of your granddaughter. I know it would have made a world of difference in my life if as a child my parents would have been honest with me and accepting of me instead of viewing me as a freak. As an adult I have only met one IS person and I treasure my friendship with her. When we arranged to meet up, neither of us knew what the other looked like. When our eyes met we both knew instantly who the other was. It was magical, we seem to be able to read each other's energy when others don't.
I have often thought it would be neat as an adult IS to be available to meet with parents of young IS. When they are facing tough decisions presented by doctors they could get some input from someone who has been there. I am afraid to confront my doctor with this as the whole IS thing is still so closeted. As a doctor she secretly treats IS and it might cause her problems I am afraid.
I don't personally know about any IS children to refer you too. Though I wonder that one of my cousin's sons might be IS. He has facial features both masculine and feminine. Heck he has almost same face as me! And he has big breasts for a boy. Anyway if any parents or docs want to talk with me I am open to the possibility.
Take care!
Angela
Thanks so much for your post. I agree that it would be very helpful if new parents had someone to talk with besides the doctors. I truly do not know what we would have done if it had not been for Cheryl Chase and ISNA! We didn't even know there was such a thing as intersex so we started out to educate ourselves. This was 4 years ago and Cheryl put us in touch with many different people to talk with as we were trying to decide wheather or not to have *any* surgery done. We listened to everyone, including the doctor and a psychologist experienced in helping IS children then made the decision to have *some* surgery but not a complete remaking of her genitals. So far we haven't regretted it but we do know that the time may come when we wish we had not. We are at a quandry as to how to tell her that she is different. We talk about it in front of her so she will not feel like she needs to be ashamed but at this age who knows what she does and does not understand. Obviously when she starts asking we will answer all the questions. The thing that scares us is that she won't ask. She keeps unpleasant things to herself and doesn't want to talk about them. We are working VERY HARD to get her to understand that it is ok to get mad, to feel hurt, to feel sad, etc. We tell her it's important to share her bad feelings also because sometimes when someone says or does something that hurts our feelings they didn't really mean for it to do that so when we tell them how we feel they can fix it and not do that thing again. I was very happy the other day when she DID share that she was mad at her mommy and daddy for fighting. I then explained to her it was ok to be mad at them for fighting and told her that wasn't the right way to solve problems but we all did it sometimes when we got mad. I then said to her, "You know when you and Dani (her friend) have a fight?" she said "yes" & I then asked her if she still liked Dani after the fight was over and she said, "yes" again. This gave me the opportunity to tell her it would be ok with her mommy & daddy to that they were just mad at that particular time and that everything would be ok. I then told her she needed to tell her mom & dad how she felt about it and the next time they started to fight to tell them not to do that. She did so too! I felt this was a HUGE breakthrough!
Hiya Anita! Sorry so long in getting to your post again. You know for a fact I am horrible at this....
I often forget to scroll down to tell you the truth to the parenting section.Cant get used to the fact that it is here for us. sorry.
I do not post alot anyway..very lmited time here raising kell alone.
Anyway, Glad to hear from you too Angela.
I am a single mom raising an intersex child. I am also open and honest as Anita is with her grandchild. Kelli knows her WHOLE story now at the age of 9. I told her just this past summer. She had become suicidal and disfunctional in so many things. She preactically asked why she felt so desparate and insited I knew. My only choice was to telll her the whole story whcih i felt she was too young for at age 8. BUT turns out it was the best thing I ever did. She still has many emotional issues and she also has some specila needs (adhd and suffers from depression-maybe bipolar they are saying)....but once she knew the whole truth it made a big difference. She then could validate the feeelings of why she felt different(as she puts it).
I agree with Anita and yourself as well that having others to talk too is sooo very important. She is looking forward to meeting another intersex child. It just gives them a sense of belonging.
I speak publically about kells story and of my feelings as the parent of an intersex child. I have made 2 videos with ISNA and as Anita is--am sooo very grateful for having met Cheryl Chase.
I am so glad that you both are here and that we can all communicate with each other. I alsways state so often
Communication IS the key!
I thank you both for sharing and hope I didnt ramble too long.
I look forward to sharing with you all again soon.
Anita,, resend your personal email to me? thanks hun...
(elefun@<hidden>) I can be reached by anyone at this email by the way.
browniescout
03-05-03, 05:42 PM
Hi Everyone,
I just found this site for parents and it already has been a blessing for me. I too started out with Cheryl Chase and don't know what I would do without her. My child is eleven years old and has never asked questions about her genitalia or her sex assignment. We are struggling with whether or not to tell her or wait until she asks questions. We are supportive of whatever she chooses in life and don't want her to think we were hiding this from her.
Brownie
My daughter and I have tried so hard to get kids together so they know they aren't alone. My graddaughter had one surgery when she was 61/2 mos old and so far she seems ok. She is the coolest kid I've ever seen and *definitely* NOT a girl and NOT a boy. She is this fantastic mix of the two that makes her so unique. My daughter has already told her she had some surgery on her bottom when she was a baby and that's why she has a yearly check up with her doctor to make sure everything has healed properly. The other day she explained to her that she was a little bit girl and a little bit boy and that was just fine that she didn't have to choose. She looked at her mom and said, "So it's ok if I pretend to be a boy and it's ok if I pretend to be a girl?"
My daughter told her yes it was because God made her special and that was exactly how she was. She told her that not many people were lucky enough to be born special. My daughter said she really believed she *got it*. Brownie, my daughter and I belong to a Christian Intersex list on Yahoo and the people there are very good about helping family members solve these problems. That's why we joined so I could have first hand advise from adult interses people. If you or anyone else would like to join just go to Yahoo and go to Christian Intersex and join. It is very private so you can ask very personal questions and get answers from people that truly care. We have people from 25 to 71 yrs old on the list.
browniescout
03-06-03, 11:27 AM
Anita,
What a great idea to get everyone together. We live in the Atlanta area and am glad to help. I also wondered if our children could be pen pals with each other. Anything we can do so we don't feel so isolated.
browniescout
03-06-03, 11:34 AM
Anita,
Thanks for your reply. My daughter has cloacal extrophy. She has male hormones and a small penal tag but is being raised as a female. We had no part in this decision as she is our foster child and came home at 18 months.
Jasmine is not a girl and not a boy. she is that wonderful mix you talked about.
She is eleven years old and we have always answered her questions openly and honestly. She knows she is different but hasn't asked for the details. Each day I feel more ready to answer those questions and finding this web sight is so encouraging.
Brownie
mumblesusc
03-19-03, 05:54 PM
I totally agree. I would do anything I could to make this happen as well..it is a wonderful idea. We need to set up this support for our children. I have a 3 year old little girl who I was blessed to have come into my life. She has wisdom within that beautiful body and soul of her's that is well beyond my years. I would do anything to help.
Thanks,
Michelle
Since we all think this is a good idea, let's do it. Can we decide on a fairly central location and all meet? I live in Gainesville, Fl, Brownie lives in Georgia and Michelle lives in Virginia, Debbie lives in New Jersey . This should be doable!! Let's plan to meet sometimes this summer. Let me hear everyone's thoughts on when and where. We would have a 3 yr old, a 4 yr old, a 8 yr old and a 11 yr old. How cool would that be!!!
Hey Anita,
do keep everyone updated here too because many parents read but don't post. I think it is great what you all are planning! It's truly what we hoped for when we started Bodies. Great work!
Betsy
We will definitely keep you posted. I am eagerly awaiting replys from the others so we can get our plans together.
mumblesusc
03-20-03, 06:20 AM
I would definitely be game...I think it would be a wonderful experience. Keep me posted. I have the summers off, travel is always welcome. Thanks, Michelle
androjeanne
03-20-03, 10:35 PM
Hi my name is Jeanne. I just sent Anita an email but I thought I would post this for the rest of the group.
I joined the group some time ago but I really have not been very active. I belong to another support group called aispeople2 and find it difficult just keeping up with that one.
I am 44, am PAIS, live in Tennessee and just recently returned from China with my 3 year old intersexed son. I would love to talk to any of the parents or your children about any issues that they or you would like to discuss. My private email address is TRjeanne@<hidden>. Feel free to email me and I'll get back to you.
My son, Alex, is xy xo mosiac. Is is a fantastic kid and I can't wait until he meets more intersexed children. I have decided that I will not have any surgeries done or any other medical interventions unless it is a medical emergency or he decides he would like something done. He is perfect in every way. He is a healthy wonderful intersexed child. He can be and become any one he wishes to be. I only found out the truth about my AIS 4 years ago. I lived all of my life with lies, shame and isolation. That is a crime and it will not happen to my child and it should not happen to yours.
I look forward to our future.
Jeanne
Jean Helms
03-26-03, 12:02 PM
Hello, everyone. I'm Jean Helms, Gulf Region director of PFLAG and the mother of a 21-year-old woman with MRKH.
Emily had genital surgery at 16, before I had any good information about her options and the alternatives, and I want to help keep that from happening to anyone else. It may be that, given more options, she still would have chosen vaginoplasty, but I wish she had had those options. I wish I had known enough to give them to her, instead of going straight from diagnosis to surgical consultation to surgery.
Emily and I will be in Orlando with Betsy and Janet this weekend, talking to PFLAG groups about intersex. Wish us luck, and write to me if you're so inclined.
Jean
I just wanted to take a minute and welcome everyone that I have not met before and to say that I am glad that our parent forum is coming to life. As Betsy mentioned, this is what was intended for this group.
For those of you who don't know me, I have a 9 yr old intersex child. She was re-assigned female at the age of 11 weeks. She has had 4 surgeires (ages 11 weeks to 4 yrs) which now I am sure I would NOT have approved had I been fully educated about intersex and the options there are.
I am a board member for both bodieslikeours and ISNA(intersex society), I am a member of PFLAG, GLSEN and have participated in the making of 2 educational videos about interex.
I have had the goal of having my Kelli meet other intersex children for quite some time and look so forward to us all getting together this summer. I can pretty much take off from work with some notice for a few days as I have vacation time coming to me. Please, lets throw around tenative locations, dates etc and make this happen.
My Kelli was thrilled when she found out that she was 'not the only one' (in her words) and that there were adults to talk too. I can imagine her joy at seeing and meeting other intersex kids too.
Anyone can feel free to email me anytime. My email address is deb@<hidden>
Hi everyone, I'm Vicki, Anita's daughter and Emma's Mom. Mother and I are sooooo excited about getting the kids together this summer. We've been trying to come up with some place that's somewhat centrally located for the meeting and came up with Charleston, SC, but then we were wondering if you guys might want to come to Florida. Please respond and let us know so we can try to find affordable hotel rooms, etc. I'm very good on Expedia and the other online discount travel sites and the earlier you book the better rates you can get.
Also about the dates. Mother and I were looking at either the last week of June or the second week of August. How do those sound to the rest of you and which one is better?
Let's get our kids together, no matter what it takes!!
:D
I think I probably speak for most adult intersexed that we didn't have any role models growing up. Maybe life would have been a wee bit easier if I'd known I wasn't the only hermaphrodite in the world. I don't know any intersexed kids, but would like to be a role model for any out there. I think its good for everybody, for both IS individuals and their families, to know other IS. I'm going to be in the east Tenn & western NC area in April if anyone would like to meet up. That is any families as well as any other adult IS reading this.
Angela
I think it's a wonderful idea for you to be a mentor for IS kids. I don't know about anyone else but April is not good for Vicki or me. So far we have had no responses as to what dates would be best. Please let us hear from you all as to dates and places for us all to meet. I will send each of you an email with my email and Vicki's so you can email us directly.
Jean Helms
04-03-03, 05:09 PM
April and June are both bad for me ... I've got a PFLAG conference in D.C. the end of April, and my first granddaughter is due in June ... my intersex daughter will be helping her sister (who is a lesbian and single) raise the baby, which is as wonderful as it is heartbreaking to me.
August might work, if it's good for everyone else. But I agree, we do have to get our kids together. Emily just got to meet Betsy and Janet last week, and I've never seen her smile like that. She'd never gotten to meet other intersex people before, and I never had, either. I still haven't met any parents of IS people.
Let's move some mountains!
Jean
Ok Everyone, here is what I discovered by doing Mapquest searches. For those of you where I didn't have a city I choose a larger city in your state. We also need to take in mind if people are going to fly or drive. If many are going to fly Atlanta would probably be the best place because you can usually get cheaper fares there. The ones that drive could pick you up at the airport and we could share vehicles while you are there, I have a mini van (not fancy) that seats 7. Here are potential places followed by suggested dates.
DEPARTURE CITY ATLANTA CHARLOTTE CHARLESTON SAVANNAH
Daphne, Ala. 327 575 635 535
Fairfax, Va 648 409 529 580
Decatur, Ga 7 241 320 249
Gainesville,Fl 335 506 307
I'll redo the chart as I see the other one is clear as mud.
DEPARTURE-------ATLANTA CHARLOTTE CHARLESTON SAVANNAH
Daphne, Al -------- 327--------575-----------635-------------535
Fairfax, Va----------648--------409-----------529-------------580
Decatur, Ga------------7--------241-----------320-------------249
Gainesville,Fl-------335--------506----------- 307-------------261
Nashville, Tn--------248--------424-----------551-------------500
Trenton, NJ----------833--------594-----------713-------------763
Phoenix,Az---------1847------2111----------2181-----------2075
Vicki already has plans to go to Texas the end of May and I already have plans for a week at the beach the first week of June. Vicki & I and our whole family are going July 19th. I really need a little time at work in between trips...just a few days to catch up on things. If we do the Friday to Monday or Tuesday thing, I believe I would be ok for the following weekend starting dates:
June 13,20,27....July 4,11,25...August1,8,15,22,29 I believe school may start back very soon after this. You all have my email address and I think we need to share phone numbers also if we are to plan this. We can then post the dates and place from the board so if others want to join us.
All you truly want to do this PLEASE respond ASAP so we can start planning and making reservations for some place where the kids can play together, swim etc and where the adult IS and parents can also talk and discuss common goals for these terrific kids.
I'm SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!!!!
Anita
Could you please tell me what MRKH is? I hate to be so ignorant but unfortunately this is an acronym I don't remember seeing before. Do you think your daughter would want to come and meet with us too. It would be so cool if she would even though the others are younger. I have a wonderful 25 yr old friend that identifies mainly as male but recognizes his female side also. He is way out in California but I'm going to try to get him to meet also.
Anita
mumblesusc
04-06-03, 01:24 PM
Any date will work for me...I am so excited about this! I live very close to Washington DC, so anyone that wants to meet in that area when there is a conference just email me....feel free to use my personal email mumblesusc@<hidden>. Maggie (my daughter with CAH) is only 3 and very shy, but her 4 year old brother more than makes up for it.
We will make this happen...thanks Anita for taking the drivers seat!!
Take care all,
Michelle
That sounds fine to me if it does the others. When I entered it in the address book I got a message that it wasn't a viable email address so thought I better try it to make sure it was ok. Jeanne's son is 3 and will be 4 in Sept and Emma is 4 and will be 5 in Sept. Emma is like your daughter as she is very shy until she gets to know people. Once she does get to know you she is little Miss Take Charge! She is VERY tiny....still is not to 30 lbs.
Anita
PS
Here is mileage from the different areas to Washington DC:
Daphne,Al 981
Fairfax, Va 18
Decatur, Ga 647
Gainesville,Fl 833
Mooresburg,Tn457
Trenton, NJ 180
Phoenix, Az 2341
mumblesusc
04-06-03, 03:29 PM
That's weird...my work email is also fine.. mdandrews@<hidden>. Maggie is tiny too!! She looks about 2. She has always been in the less than 0 percent category. She is starting to grow but they are going to test her for dwarfism on her ext visit. I believe it is still a medication issue...but we'll see! She is just beautiful though..light of my eye.
I do hope to meet you all soon! If any of you are coming to the Washington DC area, I would be happy to give a tour of the town or recommend places to stay. If you email me on my personal account we can swap phone numbers. So glad to hear form parents! Take care,
Michelle
Hi,
Anita - I got lost by the terminology too, so I wrote and posted a summary of IS types last Summer. It's at:
http://users.snip.net/~gbooker/is.zip
And Debbie - I'm not trying to be antisocial to my nearby neighbor, but my wife has been really iffy about my IS friends, so I'm just protecting you from her. Sorry!
Glenn
WOW, was that helpful!!! Thank you so much! You know, I ALWAYS knew Emma was very, very rare because she is so smart, sweet, loving, talented, ingenious and pretty but until I saw this list of all the different IS conditions I didn't realize that she *truly* is rare to everyone else also. Only 1 in 150,000! We always knew we had an incredible little one and feel so blessed that we have her. What a joy and a hoot she is to have in my life to love!
No problem Glenn. I understand how mates can be.
As far as traveling for kelli and I....I am approx 2 1/2 hrs away from Washington DC.. That distance,,even 3 hours would be ok for us to drive. Kell would probably enjoy it with her dear ole ma'.
I am not available the 1st weekend in June. I am heading to California to see Cheryl Chase and her partner Robin.
I am pretty open in the month of May for a long weekend so let me know. Also July and August are faily free. A few weekend days here and their I have plans. But I could always try to work them differently.
Is Washington DC the suggested middle meeting ground??
Hi Debbie,
We have not yet decided on a place but Vicki & I would prefer somewhere away from DC with all the stuff going on in the world.
Personally I think I would prefer Charoltte, NC because it's not a tourist town so we would stand a better chance of getting reservations but really any of these places or any other suggestions would be fine with me. How does everyone feel about August 15th???
Debbie, I don't know where in NJ you are so I used Trenton to get the mileage below.
DEPARTURE-------ATLANTA CHARLOTTE CHARLESTON SAVANNAH
Daphne, Al -------- 327--------575-----------635-------------535
Fairfax, Va----------648--------409-----------529-------------580
Decatur, Ga------------7--------241-----------320-------------249
Gainesville,Fl-------335--------506----------- 307-------------261
Mooresburg, Tn----273--------238-----------366----------- 412 Trenton, NJ----------833--------594-----------713-------------763
Phoenix,Az---------1847------2111----------2181-----------2075
PLEASE let's all get this together. Michelle & Jeanne have already sent me their email addresses and phone numbers and I really need the same from everyone else that wants to meet with us by the end of April so we can get reservations.
I can't tell you how excited I am about this.
Anita
Gosh I'm disappointed! I just knew EVERYONE would eagerly embrace this meeting of the children but I've only heard from two people. There WILL be a meeting this summer. There may only be three children there but we are determined to make this happen. Please don't leave your kids out of this great opportunity to know other children like themselves. I sent my email address to each one of you so if you want to join us email me so we can set a place & time convienent to all.
Anita
I am so disappointed that we have not come to a decision as to a time and place to meet with the kids. All you have to do is listen to ALL the adult intersex people to realize that it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT for our children to know they are NOT ALONE. PLEASE, PLEASE let's don't let this opportunity for our kids to get to know each other slip away from us. Vicki & I don not care WHERE or WHEN. We have suggested several alternatives along with the miles from each town and so far no one has commented on any of them so I must assume none of these were acceptable. Name a place and a time and we WILL there with Emma, Vicki, Charles, my hubby & me. Anytime except the week of July 19th or June 7th.
Cheers,
Anita
Anita,
It's great you're taking such initiative and trying to organize parents to get their kids together so they can grow up knowing each other. We are waiting to bring our IS daughter home (going through international adoption) and will definitely be interested in participating in such get-togethers in the future. Knowing this community exists played a big part in our feeling that we will have the resources to parent her in a supportive way and help her to not feel isolated. We are definitely counting on asking for lots of advice and connecting electronically and in person with many of you and your kids, once she is home. (Send positive thoughts that we will be able to bring her home soon!)
Thanks for being here and active and persistent! You are an impressive grandmother role model!
Meg
Hi ...my name is Debbie. I one of the founding board members for Bodies Like Ours. I am a 41 yr old single mom of a 9 year old intersexed child - Kelli. I gave birth to her 5 weeks premature and was told she was male for the first 11 weeks of her life. Longggg story. But I am raising her open and honest and giving her the right to making choices only she should make.
I wanted to first welcome you and second applaud you. What a great thing for you to be willing to adopt a child in need. Also the fact that you are willing to adopt a child who is intersexed who will have some extra things in life to deal with in life.
It isn't an easy road to raise any child. Just know that Intersexed kids are special and may need a little more TLC BUT they have an incredible curiosity for life and I believe are given something extra.
If ever you need to talk or ask questions please feel free..
and again...welcome welcome welcome.
Hi Debbie,
Thanks for welcoming us! We are SO excited about becoming parents....the next 4-6 months of waiting for things to be finalized will be busy ones for us...so much to learn and prepare for. Hopefully being this busy will help the time go quicker.
So here is a question we have...Lots of people (family and friends) are asking us about her...where is she from? Is she healthy? so far we are just telling them that we are adopting a little girl who is currently living in an orphanage...how should we be open about her being an IS child...? We don't want her to grow up feeling like we (and she) are keeping a big secret...and on the other hand, it is her story, her life, her body... What worked for you when Kelli was young? And a question for Kelli, what do you think works the best?
Thanks. We hope to stay in touch! Meg
Hi Meg!
I wish I had solid answers as to what works and what doesn't. Just know that honesty has always been the best policy for me. I went way out on a limb by speaking openly and honestly about Kelli in my home town, at work, and to the public. ( I have participated in the making of 2 video's with the Intersex Societyand participated in many articles and speaking engagements - educating other is the key.)
I just feel that if some of us (speaking for myself only) don't take the chance to speak out and speak up...nothing will ever change for intersex individuals. I feel as you mentioned that I don't want Kelli to feel the isolation and loneliness so often intersex people feel because of "kept secrets".
Do I know telling these people is always concretely right? Not necessarily. Some people are so judgemental and want to tell you whats best for your child and it can be tough sometimes BUT do I know telling Kelli the truth about herself was right? Most definitely! she had more of a 'sense of self' after I told her her story. She always felt there was something different about herself and when I explained about being an intersexed individual she kindof put the pieces together. She is only 9 and has alotttt of questions. she asks me why I go speak to people and why I want to tell them about our story. I explain it in simple terms. ''Because we want people to understand and be more accepting of others. People that may not "look" or 'feel' the same as most others. AND most importantly to help others like you (kelli)". she seemed very pleased with that and has said that someday she wants to go talk to people too.
Back to your question of how to tell others? DO you tell others? Do you try to keep privacy for your little one?
That really is a personal thing. A personal choice. I think as I mentioned that open honesty is best. But that may not be true for everyone. Go with your gut...theres no rush. Get to know your little one and just let others know that you are ready to endure anything this little child may go through. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying she is an intersexed child. But be ready for different reactions if you choose to tell. I suggest you get yourself as much info as you can and educate yourselves first. Feel free to Rely on those of us going through it and who have gone through it. Just remember, when you look in your baby's eyes, you will know what love truly means. It means sacrifice, heartache, joy you've never experienced and its like the old saying --
"having a child is like wearing your heart on your sleeve"....
Give yourselves time with her and her with you. I wish I had flat out answers you could follow like a directions guide but I don't. Would love to write one some day but not sure that will ever happen. Each individual in this world is different so how could there be directions :-)
I don't know that I 've helped you at all Meg but know my thoughts are with you. Know that all of the intersexed individuals I have spoke to over time say they wished for openess and honesty from their parents. Kelli is pleased with the honesty so far. She reacted to it much better than I ever imagined.
As far as telling others, it truly is a personal choice.
Hi Debbie,
Thanks for your kind, thoughftul and wise words! I feel very reassured that we should just follow our guts, and listen to her... and we will figure it out. I myself was raised in a family that kept a lot of secrets, and emerged with a real core desire to be a "truth teller"...So I think it will come to me (and to us).
Thanks again. You have helped us a lot!
See you on the list! ;) Meg
The first thing I have to say is that it is the most delightful, rewarding thing in the world for our family. To see this gorgeous, bright, loving little 4 1/2 yr old with her long blonde curls bouncing all over pull her rifle out and say, "Awrite pardner put yore hands up this is the sherrif!" or in a gorgeous pink party dress and cowboy boots & hat pushing her baby in the stroller, or to call her house & have her answer the phone, "Howdy pardner this Capn Hook!" is such a joy I can't EVEN BEGIN to explain the depths of our love. We think she is the "Cat's Meow" and so does she. As her grandpa says, "She so spoiled the garbage man won't pick her up!" She is NOT a brat but very, very loved and catered to. Everyone in our family and most of our church know she is IS and Discover Magazine did a very long story when she was about a year old. Vicki has had TV shows try to get her to come on their shows but she will NOT do this as she feels it's up to Emma if she wants to do that when she is an adult. Vicki & I both feel it is better for Emma to be comfortable with who she is for her very own self in her own environment & strangers have no need to know about her sexuality. Early on we were aware that she was truly neither male or female but a glorious mixture of the two.
I have to tell you about Emma getting the first idea as to who she is. She had to go for her LAST check up with her doctor, he says she is perfectly fine and nothing else surgical is needed but she should go ahead and talk to the endo now. Oh, by the way, Emma really liked him and now says she wants a boy doctor for her regular doctor. Vicki is going to do this also as there is an excellent ped doctor here, he was Jordan's doctor and Emma saw
him once when she was a baby and he is just as sweet as he was with Jordan. Anyway, back on track, Vicki was getting her emotionally ready for the exam and she asked her if she remembered when Mommy told her that God had made her special, Emma said yes & Vicki told her in child language that when she was born she was part boy and part girl and the doctor did some surgery on her bottom to make her look more like a girl and he needed to check her bottom to make sure she was ok down there. Vicki said that Emma was quiet for a few minutes thinking it over then she said, "So it's otay (OK) if I
pretend to be a girl sometimes and it's otay if I pretend to be a boy? Vicki then told her YES it is ok and you are not pretending because God made you part girl AND part boy so THAT'S what you are. God made you very special. Vicki said that it was obvious to her that this cleared up a lot of questions in Emma's mind and this new knowledge PLEASED her. All she said was,"Oh, otay!" in a very PLEASED way. Now when Emma and I are playing sometime she says to me I'm a boy and you're the girl & other times she's the mommy and I'm the daddy. She will NOT be the cowgirl.....ONLY the cowBOY, I ALWAYS have to be the cowgirl! She keeps me playing often for 4 or 5 hours. She is TOO much fun.
Wears this 66 yr old OUT! In such a very nice way. Best exercise in the world, love and physical activity. What a blast!
Anita
PS It appears we were the only ones that truly wanted to get the kids together as NO ONE has suggested any of the places or times suggested so I guess it won't happen, HUH? It's still not too late for us to do it in August if you all would just say where. Or, would you like us to decide on a time and place and see what you all think??????
Not that anyone has contacted me besides Anita with any interest, but I am going to have to bow out of this meeting with the kids. I really do think IS kids need to know there are adult IS out there. But I can't lie to a child and I would have to if they asked me about IS issues that we face. The whole concept of surgery on IS children is so perverse and disturbing. I feel so sorry for Emma and the many thousands of other IS children, particularly those with CAH, that are mutilated by doctors then forced to undergo repeated genital exams until they are 18 and can finally stand up for themselves & say NO! I feel so sorry for these beautiful children. It's sad to see since the time I was born things haven't gotten any easier for those born intersexed.
Anita,
It sounds like you and Vicki are doing the right thing with Emma, keeping the doors of communicatoin open and explaining things to her on a level that she can understand. It's encouraging to me to know that Emma is starting so young to be exposed to who she is, as this kind of information was kept from many of us when we were growing up.
Also, I am still game for meeting this summer. I think it's so important for IS kids to meet IS adults and kids so that they will have common friends like them and also see that they can become respectable adults in the future. I only have limited time available this summer since I am going home on holiday to the UK to visit my family. But I am available between 12 July and 1 August. You know that I'll do whatever I can to try to be there, but I can't promise anything as of yet since we dont have a place or date. Please keep me updated on any developements and anything that I can do to help.
God bless,
CR
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