not my child, but i was wondering

[des10ed2b]

i know of a little boy, he is very sweet, but seems very confused. he is about 12. his mom recently told me that he has a drastically inverted penis. his parents just kind of ignore the situation and hope it will get better on its own. his mom came to me because of my child care experience and wanted to know if there is anything they should do. i didnt really suggest anything, 1)because im not a doctor and its not my place. 2) because it seems like there is more going on then just an inverted penis. he is a very pretty little boy. very long eye lashes and big eyes. his been going through what his parents call a "phase" for while now of wanting to wear a bra. his parents try get him involved with sports like other boys, but he has no interest. he would rather sing and dance. not long ago he asked why a boy cant wear girl swimsuits and dresses. he was also questioning me when i was nursing my daughter why dads cant do that but moms can. im always nice about it. he has also developed a lot of anger issues. he doesnt get along with other kids at school and it makes me very sad, because he really is a very sweet kid. could an inverted penis be signs of an intersex condition? i dont want to suggest surgery if he decides later in life that he would be happier as a female, but, at the same time, with him having so many anger issues, im scared of what teasing he may go through in locker rooms since he is quickly reaching the locker room age. thoughts?

[queerunity]

not an expert by any means but i think surgery should be avoided till the child is older and has a better sense of their identity. i would say go with the flow and if the child wants to wear dresses let zim, let the child do what is comfortable for zim and take it from there.

[Kailana]

you know any advice you offer could be used against you later, so just make things simple, and tell your friend, that she is asking the wrong person. Your friend needs to talk to her child, she also needs to listen to what he has to say. Now she did come to you though, mostly i would guess because she doesnt know what to do. If I were you, I would probably ask her to visit this forum, so she could learn from other intersexed people what they have had to experience. She may come to find a better understanding about why her son is not interested in the normal things boys do. And may also learn to accept her child for how he sees himself. Perhaps the other thing you might want to tell her is that you do know of many intersexed people, who have chosen their own way, against what doctor's and parents have forced onto them, they(meaning us) are a great deal happier, when we take matters into our own hands, and chose how to live or dress, or socialise. I don't know if I would want to suggest anything else at this point. Maybe just talk your friend, and let her know that many of us, do not agree with what doctors think is in our best interest. It could be she allready knows her son well enough to understand that he is allready struggling hard with being male and not feeling male.

good luck

[des10ed2b]

i just dont know if what he has IS actually an intersex condition. i didnt know if an inverted penis is one of those tell tale signs or not. you really cant find much information on actual intersex conditions unless you know exactly what to look for. i think his family has pretty much just decided to ignore the situation. they are catholic, so the thought of him being gay or transgendered or anything is appalling. i didnt really advise them anything. i told them to ask their doctor, because the doc would have a better idea then me. my worry is though that the doc will be one that just "fixes" everything with a surgery.

[Kailana]

And make things simple with a statement about how alot of the people you do know who have had genital reconstruction or reassignment, have some serious issues with what both parents and doctors thought were in our best interests, and turned out too not be in our interests at all, and sometimes, a wrong surgical assignment, for people who will never accept what has been done to them. Your friend may understand enough, that at least, her child's genital issue's, are her child's genital issue's, and she shouldn't allow any surgeon to do anything unless her child wishes it.

Now as too your question about the locker-room isssues goes, here at least I do have tons of information about. Kids are cruel, anything, and I mean anything can be used to ridicule another person, but a persons anatomy, isn't something that should ever be made fun of. Kids just don't know any better. Teasing is a very cruel part of growing up for anyone, but to have to endure and worry about what people will say, about the physical attributes can be devastating. I know, well i suppose many of us know what that is like. But any parents needs to know that any surgery a parent or doctor may approve of, may not be in the interest of the child. We are the testament, to just how wrong forced surgical assignments, reconstruction, can conflict with what we think should of been done.

I hope that helps