Intro

[C-R]

Hi all,

I'm CR, 25 y.o. and IS. It's been a long confusing road thus far, but I'm always up for an adventure. Betsy, it looks like a great place you guys have created here, thanks for your diligence. Initially my birth-parents couldn't acept me being IS which led to my adoption, but now my b-parents are an awesome support. They are trying so hard to learn all they can at a pace that is just right for them. I've been able to really educate them, which feels great to be open about everything with them finally.

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and say hi to everyone.

God bless,
CR

[Betsy]

Hi C-R,

Thankyou for the kind words about the forum. :p I hope you learn and educate alike others here about your experiences.

Betsy

[Victoria]

Hi, CR

I read this board daily and it is so cool to meet other intersexed individuals. It seems as if a lot of people are joining this board and it is great. Not too long ago I felt so alone and now I realize there are others like me.

I am also 25 years old. I live in California, which is great b/c I find people are pretty open-minded about things. I just started coming out as intersexed to people; first my girlfriend and then my best friend. Everyone has been really cool and understanding so far. I'm glad to hear that your birth parents are more understanding and helpful to you now.

Anyway, I wanted to say "hi" back and tell you that I agree that being intersexed is not the easiest thing but it does help meeting others.

Take care and please do write sometime.

Victoria

[C-R]

Hi Victoria,

I know what you mean about feeling so alone, like we are one of a kind, and that is why I think it's important for us to come together like this, for common support.

I feel that when we come together like this, we can build eachother up, and also help prepare to educate others about being IS. It's most likely that an IS child will be born to parents ignorant about IS issues. I applaud all the parents(and grandparents :D) on this board for wanting to get all the information that they can to help their kids.

I agree that people in CA seem to be more accepting than other parts of the states. I'm from the UK, and there are some places over there that are very accepting also. But now I'm living in CA also. Are you in Northern or So. Cal?

I look forward to getting to know you all.

God bless,
CR

[Victoria]

CR,

I am in northern CA, what about you?? I'm sure there are some places south where people are cool but I'm happy that I'm here. Do you know of any support groups or things of that nature in CA for intersexed folks? There are probably some that are for LGBT which are inclusive of IS but I am wondering if you knew of anything that caters more to mainly IS?

I would be really interested in meeting people (someone!) that I could talk to face to face. I have found this board to be a source of support for me but meeting someone who is IS would be so great. I'm sure we'd have lots to talk about--not just about IS but life in general:)

Well, I wish you well and I hope you will continue to write.

P.S. What kind of work do you do??

Victoria

[C-R]

I wish there was a support group somewhere in CA that I knew about, but there isn't. I have tried every avenue possible that I can think of to find one, but everything I come up with are LGBT type meetings. I feel the same way, I'd love to have an IS group, with IS people. I'm not interested in going to a LGBT function since I'm not homosexual, bi, or TS. I feel that we as IS people are a seperate community, I understand that some peope fit into both communities, but we have different issues and need to be able to somehow get together. It's so funny, but I feel this connexion with other IS people. There is this little boy that I've watched grow up (he's 17 now) and he's IS, and it just brightens my day to be around him, even though no one else knows that he's IS.

Anyway, I agree with you, that it'd be so nice to be able to have some of us get together face to face and just talk.

Bye for now,
CR

Oh yeah, I'm in Southern CA.

[Unregistered]

Since there are many different birth defects that are IS, I was wondering what you were born with. Is it AIS?

KELLY

[Phillip]

Hi CR,

I happen to run into your profile, and understand that you're in So. California.

I'm in Missouri, but came here from Los Angeles. I'm an IS 49 yrs old, and seriously miss the West coast.

Would like to stay in touch with you.

[C-R]

Kelly,

No, I am not AIS. I just identify as IS. I was never given a specific category of IS to fall into. There is so much about IS conditions that doctors still don't know about. If I HAD to be placed into a category, I'd be termed hermaphrodite.

Philip,

Welcome to the group! Glad to have you here. Man, that must have been harsh moving from LA to Missouri, what a switch. I hope that we are all able to get to know each other and support each other here on the board. It really is important for IS people to have a common place to come together and share experiences.

God bless,
CR

[kelly]

I know someone that is a hermaphrodite and he was born with a mixture of female and male sex organs. He is a true hermaphrodite which is the "big daddy" of Intersexed birth defects.

I have CAH and I fall into the intersexed term because my genital area couldn't be clearly defined as male or female when I was born. The doctors called it pseudo hermaproditism. Pseudo =false Besides that I'm just a hetrosexual female, some women would be considered more feminine than me but there are many women that are less feminine than me and they don't have any birth defects

It's interesting that you identify with Intersexed and see your self as a hermaprodite but I take from your post that the doctors have found no medical reason for it ?

Yet you said in a post that your birth parents could not accept you as intersexed which lead to your adoption. I was given up for adoption also because my birth parents couldn't emotionally handle the birth defect. I aquired the papers that stated the reasons for my adoption

No one ever sliced up your genitals in surgery because they found your atypical genitals distasteful to them ? You were never paraded in front of doctors and had groups of interns do gang genital exams on you because you had genitals that were not what they considered the norm. You NEVER HAD an internal genital exam done on you as a ten year old ?

I hope I'm not being to forward but how do you identify with being intersexed ?



Kelly

[C-R]

Kelly,

Yes I experienced the same things that you talked about with the doctors all wanting to sneek a peak to see what they called, "a medical freak show we only hear about in medical school and never get to see in person." I am IS because everything about me is a combination of male and female, my genitals, my organs, my secondary sex characteristics, my hormones, my thought pattern, my interests...everything. Yes of course I have a medical reason to be IS, but my doctors are not educated enough to know everything about me and fit me nicely into a particular 'box', but as I said, my body is a hermaphrodite.

I was able to dodge surgery as a child which I am thankful for. But I have gone through SEVERAL procedures and examinations that feel very degrating.

It seems that people put so much importance on genitals, and what someone has or doesn't have...it shouldn't be that way, there is more to us then our genitals!

Yes it is possible for that person you know to be a "true hermaphrodite", but what is more important is that this person is IS.

It seems that we were adopted for very similar reasons. Do you have contact with your b-parents now?

CR

[Victoria]

Dear Kelly,

I hope you don't think that this is too forward but I was reluctant to answer your original post, asking what diagnosis I had, precisely for the kind of "cross examination" that you gave CR. Why do you feel that people have to "prove" their intersexuality? Why do you think that people have to have a medical diagnosis or identify with that diagnosis to be IS?? Did you know that some folks go their entire lives not realizing that what they are have is, in fact, an intersexed condition? Some people get diagnosed at birth, some in childhood, some as adults, and some never at all!!!!

It also seems as if you think that people who have not expereinced your "war stories" are not really IS (or not as intersexed as you!!) Don't assume that folks who have not walked in your exact shoes have suffered less at the hands of the medical establishment or the world in general.

This board, as I understand it, is meant to bring people who ID as IS together. I am sure we have a lot in common even though our experiences may differ. If you want to talk with others who have undergone genital surgery, I am sure there are some people on this board who have also had it done. Although I never had the surgery, I am very supportive of those who've had it. And although I could never understand the pain of that expereince, I understand living with the pain of having ambiguous genitalia.

Sorry again if this message is a little forward. I do not mean to insult anybody. However, I had a few things to say.

Victoria

[Kelly]

Dear CR:

Nope. no contact with my birth-parents. Even though I know their weird last name and they would be east to find. It pisses me off sometimes here I was born with a birth defect that came from their genes and yet they just cut me loose. Nothing like standing up for your own, Right? How about you ? Are you looking for them ? If you have a dry sense of humor like me, you might enjoy the web page Bastard Nation. Be warned it's only for someone with a weird sense of humor. I laughed my ass off but my step-father who was also adopted didn't find anything funny about it.

I know what you mean about those examinations. The affect of them still bothers me, in my nightmares or on visits to the Endo which usually end in hysterics. Another queston, do you have to put up with the less than stellar personalities from Endocrinologists or can you go to a regular doctor ? Peace

KELLY


Dear Victoria:

I'm sorry if my writing style bothered you. I also talk like this too...yikes. Occupational hazzard, I guess. I am a very direct person and it is my nature and part of my job to ask very direct questions. The postings seemed to be very vague and fuzzy so I ask questions to know where the players are coming from.

Honey, please don't assume anything about me. I'm walking this earth with a clitorectomy because society can't live with a girl being born with what I have. I'm still a female with only female chromosones and organs just had genitals that no one knew what the heck they were! (lol).

If someone that has no medical reason for intersexed but seems to identify with it. That's cool, makes sense to me. I mean geeeez, we live in a society that is so rigid with how we think males or females should look and act like, it's silly.

I was born so virilized that it was thought that I was a under developed boy or they weren't really sure until until they performed a through examination and found only female organs and chromosones. Who I am I to say who is intersexed or not ? I thought this message board was for people with atypical genitals.


At the place where I stop for lunch there is this women who I definitely would consider intersexed just based on her outside appearance and demeanor but I dout she has any of the intersexed conditions based on the fact that they as a whole are slightly rare. In my skirt and heels and lipstick one might still see the "tomboy" but the would also see a feminine side also.

Peace to all,

KELLY

[Kelly]

Dear CR:

Nope. no contact with my birth-parents. Even though I know their weird last name and they would be east to find. It pisses me off sometimes here I was born with a birth defect that came from their genes and yet they just cut me loose. Nothing like standing up for your own, Right? How about you ? Are you looking for them ? If you have a dry sense of humor like me, you might enjoy the web page Bastard Nation. Be warned it's only for someone with a weird sense of humor. I laughed my ass off but my step-father who was also adopted didn't find anything funny about it.

I know what you mean about those examinations. The affect of them still bothers me, in my nightmares or on visits to the Endo which usually end in hysterics. Another queston, do you have to put up with the less than stellar personalities from Endocrinologists or can you go to a regular doctor ? Peace

KELLY


Dear Victoria:

I'm sorry if my writing style bothered you. I also talk like this too...yikes. Occupational hazzard, I guess. I am a very direct person and it is my nature and part of my job to ask very direct questions. The postings seemed to be very vague and fuzzy so I ask questions to know where the players are coming from.

Honey, please don't assume anything about me. I'm walking this earth with a clitorectomy because society can't live with a girl being born with what I have. I'm still a female with only female chromosones and organs just had genitals that no one knew what the heck they were! (lol).

If someone that has no medical reason for intersexed but seems to identify with it. That's cool, makes sense to me. I mean geeeez, we live in a society that is so rigid with how we think males or females should look and act like, it's silly.

I was born so virilized that it was thought that I was a under developed boy or they weren't really sure until until they performed a through examination and found only female organs and chromosones. Who I am I to say who is intersexed or not ? I thought this message board was for people with atypical genitals.


At the place where I stop for lunch there is this women who I definitely would consider intersexed just based on her outside appearance and demeanor but I dout she has any of the intersexed conditions based on the fact that they as a whole are slightly rare. In my skirt and heels and lipstick one might still see the "tomboy" but the would also see a feminine side.

Peace to all,

KELLY

[KELLY]

Did anyone read my post to CR an Victoria ? It's next to this post

[C-R]

Yeah, I do have contact with my b-parents. I never lost contact actually, I grew up between both sets of parents(birth and adoptive.) I am very close to my birth-parents now. It did hurt our relationship some to know that they couldn't accept me because of my being IS, and it still hurts when they say things that to make me know that they still don't accept it.

Of course those appointments aren't going to be any fun, I can empathise with you there. Yeah I have an endocrinologist also, and his personality is also lacking for whatever reason. haha He's the one that said to me, refering to IS conditions, "these are the medical freaks that we learned about in medical school and always want to see." Nice huh?

Just another fun part about being IS. :p

CR