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i'm new here and would like to say hello. I've been reading this forum for some time now, and I am touched by the courage and support I see here. I am not intersexed, and only recently became interested in it because I believe one of my friends is IS.
I just want to say that I admire many of the posters here in how they have learned to accept and love themselves. I see many good and kind people here.......Mark.
I want to thank you for your kind words, Mark... I think that any group as misunderstood, ridiculed, and ostrocised as we are, should welcome supporting and comforting words such as yours... trust, on the other hand, may prove more difficult to obtain... so please understand and forgive us for being slow in responding... PJ
thanks PJ, I was wondering if I was noticing that people were slow to respond. I guess I can understand that. I have read on this site, however, that all people are welcome, and that it could be helpful for non-IS people to become more aware of this issue as a way to bring it more into the open and then, less stigmaticized.
I guess it's important to realize in the end, that not only IS people or people directly effected by IS,need to be aware of it and talk about it.
I've been hesitant to mention , but I think it may be helpful here, that I'm a licensed social worker. I've hesitated because I'm not here as a professional. I'm here as a person who has become aware of the immense hurtles IS people have had to deal with (and their immense courage). I have also been astounded by the degree of insensitivity ( in general) of the medical community.
So, that's my story ( and I'm stickin' to it...lol).
Hi and welcome!
I as IS person want to tell you that inspite of all pschological bla-bla-bla being IS is not so bad. At least the IS people I know have found some way of life that satisfies them. OK, anyway we need some moral support sometimes.And it may be goos to speak with your friend together with a bottle of wine. Sometimes it is really helpful.
Good luck for you!
:D
Good for You!! Good luck to you as well. I'd also like to compliment you on your English. It's alot better than my Latvian!
Mark.
Hi!
I understand that my english isn`t good but what about Latvian?Do you know the language, and if it it so -how you managed to know Latvian?
No, I don't know Latvian at all (!). I was just joking and at the same time complimenting that you are bi-lingual. I respect that you or anyone takes the time to learn English. I think we here should take the time to learn other languages. I keep telling myself that I'm gonna re-learn my Spanish ( we have alot of Hispanic Immigrants these days), but I've yet to make a serious attempt at it.
Hi again!
i had one friend and his name is Mark, so in one moment I supposed that you are that person. That is why was the question about Latvian :p If you want to learn Latvian or russian- I can help you. Anyway-good luck in everything you do- especial;ly in learning spanish- I know that it is really difficul to learn new language, at least for me
OK
Hi again. There are alot of Marks in the US (!). I guess Latvian is similar to Russian? I think all languages are important, and I really admire the people who speak several. How are things in Latvia? I always wonder about the stability of government, culture, etc. since the fall of the Soviet Union.
Hi Mark. Welcome to bodies. Good and kind,. is a good way to decribe all of us. Smart and educated is another. Misunderstood could be another. I often wonder how many people who are not intersexed have been reading our posts, and see that ,yes, we are people who walked some tough roads. Feel free to share what you think about the travels in life, of your intersexed friend, Do they know about this site?
Sometimes I try and compare myself, my problems to problems of regular people like you Mark. Many people have to go through all kinds of transition to become the person they will utimitly become. WE all are humans, with Remarkable value who do share so many of the same struggles that support for all for us intersexed, or normal, or gay or rich or poor should be a norm. So feel free to share some of your life Mark. As you read our Posts if your exsperance with life seems to back up something your reading or what we are tring to saying, let us know:)
otherwise, thanks for the nice postings
Thank you Jules. I really appreciate your post. It helps me feel accepted here. while I havent walked in your shoes, I think few of us go thru life unscathed by a significant problem or life changing event. I would count myself in that group also.
About my friend: she is a very close friend and dear to me.
She has not outright shared with me her IS condition, and I would never ask her. I feel strongly that it is up to her if she want ed to/trusted me enough, etc. She has several times made comments that made me curious and than I figured it out. i admire her so much knowing what I do. She is strong and I think pretty happy. I guess it would be natural for her to wonder what I would think if she told me. My feelings for her wouldnt change a bit. It really helped me to try to understand IS alot more when I had a face/friend I could attach it to. It wasnt just an article I read, but someone I really enjoy talking to, and care about. She accepted me when I was going thru some really hard times and that only increased my fondness for her.
I'm glad you have invited me to share my feelings, opinions etc. here. Your post has helped me talk about this, and I guess explain somewhat my feelings and why Im here.
As I have read these posts and read so many articles and visited websites about IS, it has become so clear to me how difficult this must be to deal with at times. Then add to that hurtful attitudes /reactions of some people. Some people can be so cruel sometimes. I can only imagine what that must have been like. It's hard to express this adequately on a post. ( You cant see the subtle nuances of speech, inflection, etc).
( Also let me please stress that these are generalities I'm saying. Not everyone might have experienced this, etc. And I also want to not dwell only on negative here. I'm sure many IS people learn to get to a very good place in their lives in terms of self acceptance, happiness, etc.)
I've noticed her , its hard to describe this, probing to see what impression she makes,and she has asked me questions trying to see my reaction to them and how a male thinks about female things. I know I'm not explaining this too well, . It's almost as if she's doing research. Does that make sense?
Well, she has truly taught me alot. ( I've already tokd her that).
and she's just a great person!
Hay thanks for writing!!
SOme intersexed people do need to share the fact that they are intersexed. Others keep it very quiet but I'm sure wonder how it would be to be a open intersexual. I myself put feelers out as well to see how people react to the idea of genderbending. I generaly don't tell people unless I have know then six months or more even. Iv'e only had a few bad reactions. But even one bad reaction you remember. I would still rather people get to know me first before I tell them. Dating is not to much a problem, Although because I do have scars and I don't want to talk about them sometimes I'm shy about parts of my body, but not ashamed. As far as telling a romantic partner, yea I think that they should know but only after they have fallen in love with me.LOL :p
I'm glad your friend is happy. and that you two have a good friendship. But what makes you realy think she is intersexed?
DO you see both male/female behavoir in her? Does she talk alot about gender or about chromozones? How has knowing her made you feel about us in genral? Or what does it make you think about your own gender? Or how you might feel about gays and transgendered people? If a intersexed person can change ther sex or gender, and not seem to fit in a catogory in regards to ther choices in romantic partners (hetrosexual or gay or bisexuals), then should not everyone have free choice of gender and partners? should the gender revolution not only be about gays and intersexuals? but regular people too? ;)
Wow! alot of questions! I'll try to answer a few the best I can.
About my friend: a number of things she told me are relevant to AIS, she cant have children and I think not having to use deoderant is a big indicator. There are also little innocent things she said that all fit into place. Perhaps she's seeing if she can trust me. I've known her for 3-4 yrs( we were just saying how cool it was that we knew each other that long). She has said "there are problems" but she hasn't elaborated and I didnt ask. I do see indications of some male traits , although she is very feminine too. Many AIS women are very pretty so I've read( she is also).She also has the type of body I've read about many AIS women having . Although I dont think its a great indicator in itself, she is very good in math and is scientifically oriented.
I will just respect her and be her friend. If she ever chooses to tell me , that's her decision.
Maybe I shouldnt even be writing all this here. I worry if she ever saw it, she'd be angry. Of course, I would never reveal anything about her to anyone, but still .... What do you think?
I guess I never really thought about gender bending stuff that much before. But one thing I do realize now, there are many more IS people than people realize. They could be your friend, co-worker, former girlfriend, famous people, etc.
I've read many IS people's storys and I try to empathize what it must be like to feel you have this secret, wondering what this person would think if they knew?
I can understand what you said about even one bad reaction sticking with you. that is why I admire and respect your attitude.You must respect and love yourself at all costs. Those who love you and care will regardless, and others, well , they have the right to anyway they want to react/feel. Although personally, I think everyone should be tactful, gracious, etc.
I imagine it can be quite the surprise, but there is never any need to hurt someones feelings, be rude, etc. I often wonder, why dont people get that??
I think ( like I know!!???) that the best way is to get it to know the person really well. After all, you can tell after a while (usually) what kind of person he/she is. The way I look at it, I would feel really honored if she told me, because this would be a symbol of how much she trusts/respects me.
Well, I'm rambling again. I'll end here. M.
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