We all have to start somewhere...

[BruiserB]

Hi y'all,

...so I'll attempt a feable attempt at saying, "hello".

I really don't know how to begin. I've read a lot of the stories in this forum, and I must admit, I don't totally identify. I am not "obviously" intersexed, but there is no doubt something going on within me. I appear to be male, and I do function quite "normally" as a male.

I have a wonderful daughter (Shanda is her name) and have been married to her mother (Patsy-she likes Pat) for over 25 years now. Our daughter, also is married (to Paul), and they have 2 daughters (Sydney and Hayley).

I found this website as I was attempting to answer some questions about myself. I was always told that the many scars in my genital area was from an infant hernia. Upon confirming this with my mother recently, that is probably the case. Yet, she says the doctor didn't know I had a "double hernia" until they began the surgery, and there were additional complications due to my own resistance at the time (3 years old). Apparently I tore lose the stitches a time or two. Anyway, with scars that all don't seem to match with what I would imagine to be an "inguial hernia", I still have doubts as to what really happened to me. At this time, however, I don't have any real evidence to differ from what my mother has told me, and really don't wish to doubt her word, either.

I have had dealings with my own femininity for about as long as I can remember. Even now, I am dealing with gynecomastia as my little bosums seems to be increasing in size, and becoming more and more tender.

My wife, also, is not the usual female. She was born premature at about 2 months early. She was born with some "unusual" genetalia (not at all unsual to me, however!!!). I won't say too much about her, but that we are pretty good match. She understands me, and I understand her. After having our 1 child, she had to have a hysterectomy due to some unstoppable bleeding. Even this medical procedure makes me wonder if there was not a better answer. At the time, it seemed to make sense, but was there perhaps another way other than this procedure???

Well, hope to get to know some new friends. Am hoping to have finally found a place where I can talk openly and find some answers to those lurking questions in my mind. Believe me, I have things bottled up and really don't know how to deal with many of the emotions I face. Bear with me, I'm sure I'll say a lot of things wrong. This is not easy for me.

I also truly hope I can help someone in some way. I don't know how, but I hope, I truly will.

BruiserB

(my brother use to call me "Bruiser Brodie" after the wrestler that was a bit famous in the 60's)

:p

[Jules]

Bruseir??? sounds like your going to jump out of the computer and beat me up!! This is a support group that welcomes all. People can go through all kinds of changes with there bodies and gender at any age. Here you find people who were forced to deal with comfortable situations because of diffrent bodies and diffrent minds. Yet we all learn something more valuable about ourselves through the understanding of others. I"m sure you can't really relate to being IS or TS or TG but you just might find something else about yourself that helps you through your path by reading about our stories.
Anyway welcome, take the time to read our posts and of course,feel free to offer your point of view if you feel it applys;)

[Billie Q.]

Hi Bruiser, and welcome. I admire you not wanting to question your mother's explanations for your scars and surgery -- at such a young age! At the same time, you honor your own feelings by exploring these questions you have. Very smart.

By the way, I used to watch lots of wrestling in the 70's on a Friday night (pre-Turner network, Ted Turner's channel 17 ran it endlessly). Did Bruiser fight in the 70's?

Us Southern folk were kinda partial to Rick Flair.:cool: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Arena/9893/bday19.htm

[BruiserB]

Jules,

Thanks for the welcome!

Jules, believe me, jumping out of the computer and beating someone up is the farthest and last thing on my mind! I only "jumped" and beat someone up once, and still regret that to this very day! I was a bit "alchoholized", at the time, but still was no excuse. I think about how I hurt someone, even in self defence, and it still tears me up. Temper is such an unwise solution to anything!

Anyway, "bruiser" is just an old nickname, because my real name is Bruce.

I like what you said about being "forced". Not that I like it, so much, but is that not what usually presses any of us to action? Regardless of the issue, we are faced with something that does not fit neatly into our lives. Therefore, we move to deal with the issue in an informative way and get some resolve so we can be at peace with ourselves.

Gender issues are big deals and as I get older and see my body changing, I too am forced. Forced to look into things and investigate. Forced to put away my stereotypes, as well. It's like someone puts at the bottom of their messages (sorry I don't remember who), "all is not as it seems".

To me, the truth is the main issue, and that means I will not always get what I want. All that I believe is not necessarily true, yet I believe I am a rational creature that is responsible for finding truth.

What is going on with me, personally? In my body and mind? I hope to find truth, and deal with it accordingly.

Billie,

I appreciate your kind words, and comments about how I have been proceeding. Talking to my mom was about the toughest thing I have done since I quit smoking about 11 years ago. BTW, I came away from cigarettes with a motto, "I'll never quit again". :) But, talking with mom had to be done, because I'm not always sure she will tell me everything. I have some reasons for believing this. I think there are going to be some other things that will need to be investigated, and they will be hard, as well.

<sigh>

Bruiser Brodie was in the 60's, and I'm not sure about anything after that.

Bruce

[Jules]

Your Welcome Bruce. It makes me feel really good to see people taking a interest in BLO The lives of the IS and how it relates to them. I've done a lot of growing up sence I first posted two years a ago. I'm still growing and learning. I hope for the same learning curve with you.